Wednesday, January 14, 2009

W.W.W. featuring an ECW match and the Hogan/Belzer incident

On Wednesdays, we here at LOL, Wresslin' like to really pull out the stops and offer up a double shot of righteously killer content. Why Wednesday? Well, we could impress you with market research, work habit studies, and human psychology tendencies to show you there's a scientific reason the middle of the week is the best time to bring your A-game. However, truth be told, we don't have any of that stuff and settled on Wednesday because that was the only day that didn't have any content scheduled.

So, here you have "Watch Wresslin' Wednesdays." Please feel free to suggest a better title, because we are woefully uncreative when it comes to naming stuff.


Better at naming stuff than us.

The idea of W.W.W. is we each send the other a video that is related to wrestling (a match, promo, interview, guest starring spot, etc.). The only restriction is that it cannot be user-created, so your five minute video of Batista slamming people set to non-descript alt-rock ain't gonna fly here, pal. Neither of us know what kind of video we're going to get that day.

After viewing, we each write a response. This could be anything we choose: a straight commentary, a philosophical enlightenment, or classless ridicule. Just as we don't know what kind of video the other will select, neither do we know what the other will write or how they will write it. What you end up with is a mash-up of styles, which in our book equates to two-blogs-in-one, and we can take the rest of the day off.

Matt's video to Adam- Medium Incident



Adam's response....


Back in the olden days of yore, professional wrestlers would travel the country in territories and live a rather hectic lifestyle. Every night a new town, new bruises, same pain. This may sound like the life of a rock star, but there is a distinct difference between sleeping in a bus while your driver takes you overnight to a medium-large sized auditorium and cramming into a Honda Accord with three other men and heading to the Wilkes-Barre Scranton Civic Center. These men aren't rockstars; they're Carnies.



So it would stand to show then, that if these men are essentially Carnies, then they would sometimes engage in what could be known as a dodge or hustle. We are meant to believe that Tommy Dreamer and "Primetime" Brian Lee have had such a historic rivalry that no ordinary match could settle this blood feud. No, a scaffold match is required for this fight. What pray-tell is a scaffold match? Well as far as I can tell it's last man standing on a scaffold that's suspended over the ring (and for some reason the ring has about million tables set up into it). Of course, there is an inherent problem with this match. It doesn't start on the scaffold. No, Dreamer and Lee fight all around the ECW Arena for at least half this match. Most of it is in the crowd.

About that crowd; all dudes. Seriously, I haven't seen this much of a sausagefest since that time Matt and I attended Oktoberfest....for homosexuals.



Still, the supposed "legendary" ECW crowd was actually rather underwhelming to me. That's not to say they were quiet or disrespectful. I just felt that they were a little apathetic until the end of the match. I'd of expected the crowd to be much more raucous, especially considering how there's maybe 2,000 people there at most in a tight bingo hall. Sound doesn't have a lot of room to travel in there. Granted, there was crowd noise, and it certainly was all legit (unlike a certain other ECW I know), but it was just...entitled.

On the other audio end was Joey Styles calling all the action solo. He did not sound like he was even there. I mean that literally. It sounds like he recorded his commentary well after the match and was watching a VHS tape in some recording studio in the King of Prussia mall. He probably did do that. Still, if he's the carnival barker then I'd expect him to be a little more natural. His "Oh my God"'s felt planned, when by their very nature they can't be. Also, I would be remiss if I did not mention Joey exclaiming "We just fixed that wall!" after Dreamer was slammed into it and it caused a dent. All the commentators on YouTube got a kick out of that.

All and all, this match represents everything about ECW. On the good it was physically intense and involved people who would do insane things just to entertain the fans. The camera got right into the action, so blown spots could not be hidden. Of course, this was also part of the problem. These men are not seriously going to try to injure each other. So this supposed epic match actually ends up looking kind of weak. The fans know it. Joey knows it. I know it. It's a very poor con. I don't even want my money back, because I never gave it to them.

Adam's video to Matt - The Hogan/Belzer incident pop-up video



Matt's response...

Ah, kayfabe.

I'm sure you're probably familiar with the concept of kayfabe, but just so there's no awkward "Uh...yeah, of course...psh, everyone knows about kayfabe" response on your part, I'll explain: kayfabe, more or less, is the practice of preserving the illusion that professional wrestling is real.

These days, we all know about the backstage politics and the comings and goings of wrestlers to the point where we can differentiate what is real and what is part of the story. But kayfabe is still kept during the show itself. For the most part, wrestlers don't break character on camera, and they don't refer to real-life situations in other performers lives.

However, in 1985, things were a little different. Alright, a lot different. Kayfabe wasn't just a vehicle for entertainment; it was a way of life. If you were feuding with a wrestler on the show, you better hope that you two didn't wander into the same pool hall afterwards, because you'd have to fight there. You didn't ride with the guy, even if he's your best friend when the curtains are closed. With the Internet (and wrestling comedy blogs) that brand of kayfabe is much harder to keep.

The ruin of professional wrestling

As our helpful pop-up author explains (I'll get to you later, pal), this is just before the first WrestleMania. It's all about hype, and the last thing the WWF needed was someone pulling back the curtain on the business, and certainly not some smarmy comedian from Connecticut who dropped out of the military.

USA! USA! USA!

It's no secret that I'm not a huge fan of Hulk Hogan. I don't hate the guy, but honestly Hogan, be a man.

That's what I heard, at least

Even though I take issue with the Hogan of today, back then, he WAS the WWF and a great company spokesman. That's something I can respect, and probably why I'm a little sympathetic with Hogan on this one. Richard Belzer, who was more concerned with a yuck or two rather than his physical safety, decides that it is this moment, when the WWF would love nothing more than to preserve their image right before the biggest event in professional wrestling history, to poke a few holes in the illusion and be a prick to two guys whom are each at least twice his size. Mr. T is ready to snap at any moment, even resorting to bending steel rather than wring this guy's pencil neck.

Ok, MAYBE it wasn't steel, but that would be so awesome.

Also, if you were following Hogan's latest reality show Celebrity Championship Wrestling, there's a little Easter egg for you during this moment. Hogan talks about if someone takes a cheap shot on him, he's going to give them back a "receipt." You may have been familiarized to that term while watching CCW, so enjoy your bit of insider lingo!

Now sure, it's a little ridiculous to say that Mr. T and Hulk Hogan were jogging through the subway and beat up a mugger, but come on, just play along here Belzer. I mean, imagine how kick-ass it would be if that were real! But no, Belzer would rather ask Hogan to perform a wrestling move on him.

Again, I have to question Belzer's thinking here: you've just asked Hulk Hogan, a giant as far as he's concerned and committed to keeping up the illusion of professional wrestling, to do a move on you. Sure, maybe they don't try to hurt each other in the ring, but if Hulk wanted to make a point and hurt you, he certainly could.

And he did. Hogan put Belzer in a chinlock and the rest is history. To his credit, Belzer jumps up after passing out and slamming his head on the ground, and throws to commercial while his head is gushing blood. Not bad.

Hogan has since apologized for the incident, and he's admitted that while it only takes about five pounds of pressure to make a man pass out, he applied 55 pounds of pressure. I'm not sure how he accurately gauged that amount, but I guess a master of the human body such as the Hulk would know these types of things.


Now, as for our pop-up video creator...I thought the point of these things were to provide facts about what is happening. This guy prefers to substitute fact for his opinions and sometimes pure conjecture (how in the hell do you know that all the kids in the audience were shocked?) Pretty much the only thing that binds all his "facts" together is terrible grammar:

Sadly to this day wrestlemania's are no longer covered on the Newyork Papers unless its on a small article in the sports column

Hogans doesn't want nobody to know he was a badguy before

Only diffrence between the 2 incidents..Hogan kept his Job.....Dr D was fired


Good grief, man. Have a little pride in your product.

No comments: