Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.
For a theme song to accompany this post, please press play and enjoy...
Due to events outside of my control, this week's recap will likely be a little light on the photographs. I will instead paint a picture with words...
8=====D
Ok, not necessarily words, but you get the idea. So last week's Raw, out of the lovely panhandle of Florida, opened with the stately home of Randy "Kissable" Orton, promising us that we would hear from young buck later in the night. Because it made more sense for WWE to send a camera crew to his house rather than Orton simply come to the show.
I mean, wouldn't YOU rather be in Jacksonville?
Shawn Michaels came out and was saying how he's going to beat Undertaker right into the Gulf of Mexico at Wrestlemania. Then, shockingly, a video aired of all of Undertaker's wins at the Super Bowl of wrestling. You know (tm), the kind of video that can make Spike Dudley look like the baddest man on the planet. But this was the Deadman, so that kind of applies.
Why the hate?
So the video aired, and then Undertaker appeared behind HBK to the surprise of EVERYONE!
What was a surprise was that there's going to be an Intercontinental Title match! Champ CM Punk versus JBL. Oh man, ethics versus capitalism! This is such a grudge match.
JBL wins. Whew...we can finally get a little prestige back to the IC belt. Do you realize that's the title of Road Dogg, D'Lo Brown and Albert? CM Punk shouldn't even be allowed to buy a replica of that belt.
Now we're whisked off to the Orton estate, into the sitting room where Randy is flanked by his wife, who looks less like a caring wife and more like an out-of-work model looking to make a buck. (MARK ALERT: Oh wait, she is.) Randy says something like, "I could have killed Triple H, but I'd rather risk losing at Wrestlemania for the sake of fair fight."
Maryse and Melina fought. Doesn't really matter; Double K wasn't really involved.
Vickie Guerrero announced there would be a 25 Diva match at Wrestlemania, featuring current and former Divas. Weeeeeeee.
Now it's time for the big contract signing. It seems like things would go a lot smoother if they would just do these things quietly in a back room somewhere, rather than right out in the middle of the ring, but I'm not a wrestler, so what do I know?
Of course, Cena interferes again. Did you really think he wouldn't? You're on Raw. That's where he works. Seriously, think this stuff out.
Mr. Cena makes himself part of the Wrestlemania title match. How? It turns out that Cena had a little incriminating evidence against Vickie. He rolls some footage of her and Big Show mugging out while Edge was off in the shower at an earlier show. The audience laughs. Cena shrugs and says she's "got some 'splainin to do." More audience laughter. I'm glad adultery is such riot here on Earth-53.
It's now time for another Money in the Bank qualifying match. We have Kofi Kingston facing Chris Jericho. Well, this should be a cakewalk for Lionheart. But wait!
It's Ric Flair! And his interference caused Jericho to lose!
Ok, so he didn't really interfere; he just stood at the top of the ramp and watched. He interfered about as much as a regular fan does. But his presence is enough to cause a man to lose.
Afterward, Jericho challenged Flair to a match next week (tonight!) on Raw. Way to go on that retirement, Ric. Really making it stick. So glad I got so emotional at last year's Wrestlemania. DAMN IT, FLAIR, LEAVE THE MEMORIES ALONE.
Alright...finally, we have the present members of Legacy facing Triple H in a handicap match. Seriously - Trips, Edge, Big Show, Maryse...aren't ALL YOU PEOPLE ON SMACKDOWN?? Get back over there. Not you, Hunter. You can stay.
Anyway, HHH doesn't show for his match, therefore losing by forfeit. Great, right?! Nope, Randy's not happy with that, because he wanted Trips to take a beating. And where is he anyway? Oh, what's that Randy? Someone's knocking at your door with a sledgehammer? Now who could that be?
IT'S TRIPLE H! HE'S NOT IN JACKSONVILLE AT ALL!
Hunter hunts (tee hee) Randy through the house, and about a dozen people come skittering out of closets until he finally finds him in a little side room. They brawl; Orton gets tossed through a window; HHH goes to jail; show over.
What's going to happen tonight?! Well, if I knew that, I would tell you. We're going to have to find out at 9/8c on USA!
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