R U READY TO DOWN SOME SMACK??? vol. 23

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

We've got a lot to get to and not a lot of time to do it, so let's spare any witticisms and jump right down in the smack!

First, Maryse defended her Diva's title against someone who's not important. What is important is that Michelle McCool did some monotone color commentary during her match!



And after Maryse won the Women's champ from Raw, Melina, attacked her because she's jealous! (so I assume.)

Not pictured: My tounge.

But then Michelle put her petty squabbles with Maryse away and stood up for the blue team!


Also, Wrestlemania is coming up soon, and there's a big, eight-man ladder match people need to qualify for! We have to Money in the Bank (is that really safe anymore?) qualifiers tonight, and our first one is Matt Hardy took on the recently streaking (mind out of the gutter, people) MVP!






So that happened.

Also, Shelton Benjamin took on someone sort of resembling Jeff Hardy!

Black wife beater? Check. Leggings on your arms? Check. Bad makeup? No check?

Fast paced action ruled the blue canvas! Jeff Hardy was all set to win the match and be well on his way to being WWE champion again when-!

"I stand alone in this pit of danger! (Wrrrrroooonn wrooonnn!)"

Oh no! What's Matt doing there?! He's going to distract Jeff and cost him the match! Why is he doing into the ring!?

"Muahahha! Another successful plan!", a diabolical Matt Hardy mused to himself.

NO! He punched Shelton? Why would he not attack his brother he hates so much? Shhh...let's listen to ring announcer Justin Roberts...

"And the winner of this match by disqualification...Shelton Benjamin!"

You know (tm), because the ref clearly has not been watching the company he's employed by, so he had no idea of Matt's vendetta against his brother, so the blatant DQ was only meant to help Jeff. It all makes perfect sense.

Anyway, look for Shelton to pretty much kill himself on that ladder and then be pushed down the card for the remainder of the year.

In World title news, Edge and the Big Show were going to sign the contract for their title match at Wrestlemania.

You'd figure they'd have an attorny or two present...mabe a noterary?

Both men signed the contract, which should have made their match official. But not in the court of John Cena, as he came out and decimated both men!




Then he whispered something in GM Vickie Guerrero's ear and we're going to have a do over on Monday.

Finally, in our main event, WWE champion (and not pedorast) HHH took on the Samoan Bulldozer (don't know how that's different then an American one, but whatever), Umaga!

Guess who won?

He's been lost in America ever since he lost his handler...

But he didn't win how you think he would. No, Smackdown this week was DQ city, as Randy Orton and his Legacy came in and beat HHH down within an inch of his miserable life. Hmm, if HHH was only half the man a middle aged Shane McMahon is he would have sent the Legacy on a one way trip down the Whambulence!

Why have a sandwich when you can have a MANwich!?

Oh well, you win some, you lose some. It's all in a days work! Tune in, 8/7c onto MyNetwork TV while you still can!