LOL, Wresslin': OH BABY, I like it RAW! Texas Hold 'Em

Monday, March 23, 2009

OH BABY, I like it RAW! Texas Hold 'Em

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

For a theme song to accompany this post, please press play and enjoy...

The road to Wrestlemania gets shorter and shorter by the day, and last week it led through San Antonio, Texas. Better head to the Alamo - the WWE is invading.

We're told that tonight, Mr. Cena will face Edge with Vickie Guerrero as special referee. Well, that just doesn't seem fair...

But first, we have big tag team action! Shawn Michaels and The Undertaker (aren't they going to fight in a couple weeks? This will never work...) versus Vladimir Kozlov and JBL.

Communism and Capitalism...how will they co-exist???

It turns out that HBK and the Deadman make a pretty effective team. I wouldn't expect that from two future Hall of Famers. However, the teamwork didn't last for long, as Shawn came in to steal the pin, leading to a tussle in the ring and then a surprise superkick to down the Phenom.

Edge and Vickie seem to have reconciled their differences. I'm glad that whole "I hooked up with your Wrestlemania opponent" thing is water under the bridge. Edge says Big Show is only using her to get ahead in his career.

"Plus, he's a nasty bastard. His momma said so."

Randy Orton says he's dropped the charges against Triple H, even though he broke into his house and assaulted he and his wife. Orton noted that she might never be the same.

"We'll hire a different actress next time."

We have a six-Diva tag match now. Why do I even mention these anymore?

Ohhhhhh....right.

Triple H is out of prison and here on Raw to face none other than that brutal beefcake of the squared circle, Cody Rhodes!

Yes, Trips caused a steel cage to manifest from the rafters. Seriously. This was not supposed to be a cage match. Hunter motioned his hand, and a cage came down around the ring, and everyone went along with it. This makes so much sense it's scary.

So for once in the history of professional wrestling, the steel cage did what it was supposed to do and kept Orton and Teddy Jr. out and Cody in so Triple H could pound on him for a while. Of course, it helps that HHH is somehow a wizard.

Rey Mysterio and Dolph Ziggler fought.

Jericho reissues his challenge to Ric Flair, and Flair comes down, but lets us all know he's going to leave the memories alone. He won't wrestle Jericho, but assures us all that he will, in fact, always be the Man.

"Because no one will ever beat me, see? Since I won't wrestle. Genius, really."

Flair says he won't wrestle him tonight or at Wrestlemania, but there are some people who would. Namely Roddy Piper, Jimmy Snuka, and Ricky Steamboat - coincidentally all the same guys Jericho beat up in the last few weeks. Who would have guessed?