R U READY TO DOWN SOME SMACK??? Robbing the bank in the face of Judgement

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

Although I hate Ray and her Wrestlegams with every fiber of my being, sometimes I can't deny our similarities. Recently, the WWE did a tour of the UK and was in her hometown of Cardiff, Wales. Ray did not go because she doesn't love wrestling nearly as much as she wants you to believe she does. Well, Smackdown last week was taped in the World's most famous arena, Madison Square Garden. Living in Manhattan myself, you would assume that I would have been right there, cheering on my beloved Smackdown brethren.

Well, I wasn't.

No, I unfortunately had previous engagements. Sure, I am a professional gentleman of leisure, but I am also a scholar. Yes, graduate education is my night mistress, so I could not attend the Smackdown . So sure, Ray and I both missed out on the WWE when it was in town, but she did it because she was most likely flat on her arse at some pub. I was preparing to change the world.

Onto the show.

So Smackdown opens up with the most action packed way possible- an in ring promo by a guy in a suit!

Oooo..topical

Yea, I'll spare you many photos of men holding microphones. Essentially, Chris Jericho comes out and says a bunch of SAT words to explain how angry he is. Edge then comes out because..he's a face now..I guess? No, that can't be right. Well, they argue. Then CM Punk comes out and everyone freaks out because he likes GI Joe and Pepsi and has a briefcase. Like a bad Bond villain, CM Punk tells Edge his plan. Essentially, Punk is going to wrestle Edge, non-title, tonight (last week!), but after pinning Edge in the non-title match, he will then cash in the Money in the Bank briefcase and have a second match, repin Edge, and win the title. Because that makes sense. This completely blows Jericho's mind and he walks off. Punk and Edge has a series of "Nu uh!" and "Uh huh's!" and we go to commercial.

Still, what was so important that it made Jericho so mad? Well Teddy Long has put Jericho, Rey Mysterio, Kane, and Jeff Hardy into a fatal fourway match to determine the #1 Contender for the World Title. Ostensibly, many may not be too thrilled with this since it's either a homosexual encounter and/or death sentence.

Anyway, Kane being a monster and so much bigger then the other guys it would only seem logical that he'd win the match. And logic is never ever defeated. Look at this. He threw Rey Mysterio out of the ring!

This looks comfortable

And onto the other two men!

Yes, that was the desired effect that Kane wanted

And that blow was all that was needed. All three men are counted out. They commit suicide and Kane will face Edge at Judgement Day.


Yea, not likely. Actually, Kane was the first eliminated. How's that for loyalty?

Insiderish!

So here we are. Three former world champions. Jericho, a Canadian, Rey, a Mexican, and Jeff, an American. North America fighting it out for a shot at the world title. Well, sort of. Chris Jericho has clearly filled his head with so much fancy book learnin' that he forgot the rules of professional wrestling. He threw a chair at Rey Mysterio.

Insert Carlito pic

Of course, all that did was help Jeff Hardy, who is now the #1 contender!

Jeff Hardy is a true North Carolina tar heel...in that he loves black tar heroin.

Shelton Benjamin lost to John Morrison. That means Morrison's a face now.

Face? More like abs, amirightorwhat?

MVP made his last ever appearence on Smackdown. And in one last moment of victory, he brought out some hen from The View with him as he defended his US Title against Dolph Ziggler.

Just like my prom night.

You should remember that Dolph has already beaten MVP before.

Anyway, I'm debuting a brand new segment here that I totally invented. It's called "Fan of the Night." I find the best fan at a given broadcast. This week we got:

Just so you know, he's proudly holding up a foam WWE title (more prestigious then the US Title).

Heh, I guess the champ is there, right? LOLZ.

Anyway, Sherri slapped Dolph, which should have been a DQ win for The Big Zig, but the referee decided to ignore it in light of the current President. That was all that was needed as a distraction as Sherri went on to win the match.

A woman slapping a man? How ironic.

It's the Animal!

In the aforementioned main event, CM Punk wanted to wrestle two matches and win the world title. Makes perfect sense. Of course, Edge is the world champion, so it might not seem as easy as expected. In fact, I'd argue that once he hits that spear it's all over.

Opportunus Ultimata

Straight Edgema Wrestlaratius

He's dazed! Edge is dazed! This is his shot!

Step 1: Go to Sleep

Step 2:

Step 3: Profit!

OH NOES! Punk totally was going to win his second world title when this Samoan dude comes out and ruins it all! Why wouldn't he do it after the fact and feud for the World Title? Am I the only one who thinks business?

You know the drill. It's Friday. What else is there to do but watch Smackdown? 8/7c, MyNetwork TV!? Will I ever learn to write in a consistent tense?