OH BABY, I like it Raw! Judgment has come

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

For a theme song to accompany this post, please press play and enjoy...



Last night was Judgment Day, and we're all still here. If I understand my Bible correctly (which I don't, but go with me on this one), we're all in for seven years of tribulation, seeing as how we were the ones "left behind." Oooh, pop culture reference...

From 1995.

I would guess that since we watch WWE programming, we're punished enough. Actually, it seems that the Raw fans were the ones being whipped and beaten last night, because it took a good 45 minutes before we see any ring action. (Or maybe it's just that all the Shatdown and ECW guys are more comfortable jerking the curtain) And who are we Raw watchers treated to first?

DAMN IT!

Basically, the Miz came out and did what every heel since the beginning of time has done - insult the local sports team. His target were the Chicago Cubs, so we care...why? Seeing Alfonso Soriano, he directed his vitriol toward him.


Once he was done with the tongue-lashing of Soriano, Santino came down to the ring. Santino followed "Steve Austin's Keys to being a Face" and called the Miz a jackass. Everyone cheers. Then Santino got beat up. Everyone boos.

Why do you play with our emotions?

Chavo thought this was a good time to beat up Santino as well, since he called Vickie a pig or something.

Randy Orton and Batista face off for the WWE Heavyweight title. This match saw Orton trying to use every means available to get DQ'd from being counted out to using things as weapons, but he could never escape the wiles of one Mr. The Animal. Finally, Orton just went and slapped the ref.


Why go through all the trouble of the match and possibly being hurt if you wanted to get DQ'd the whole time and all you had to do was slap the ref? Just do it at the beginning and call it day. Men...


Naturally, Orton's two beautiful bodyguards ran down for a little 3-on-1 action once the match was over. But their party wouldn't last long, as Ric Flair would show up to save Batista, proving once again that Legacy can beat up anyone in the WWE not over 50.

Not pictured: Leaving the memories alone

Finally, the match you weren't waiting for at all, Mr. John Cena versus the Big Show. Not to belittle the fair Mr. Cena, of course. We just know who's winning this one.

The high drama of this match was the fact that Cena could not lock-in the STF on Big Show.


In the end, Cena did was he always does and gently laid Show down on his back- er, I mean, totally hit him with the Attitude Adjuster and straight up adjusted that fool's attitude. Cena wins and makes up for being tossed into an electrical device somehow.

That's it! That's everything you need to know going into tonight's episode of Raw, so it's going to take maybe half an hour to wrap all that up? More time for the 24 season finale! But you should check out Raw, 9/8c on USA!

THERE'S NO TIME!