R U READY TO DOWN SOME SMACK??? Reserving Judgment

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

This Sunday, our Lord and Savior is returning and he shall judge us. Yes, judgment day is upon us, and we can only hope that we are deemed worthy. Thankfully, there are some simple tests to deduce this. First- do you watch Smackdown? If the answer is "Yes" then you're cool. That should be about it.

So since we're so cool and love Smackdown, let's go over everything to get ready for the big PPV this Sunday. First off, John Morrison (who is now a face) has a feud with Shelton Benjamin. For some reason Shelton is starting crap with The Friday Night Delight. Seriously, it's just "some reason." So since Shelton is a "heel", he's inherently lazy, he found his old tag team partner, and Hall of Awesomeness inductee, Charlie Haas to take on The Guru of Greatness.

"I haas an impression of a good wrestler..."

So actually being on TV seems to haas inspire Charlie, as he used that Seton Hall background of his to wrestle the man with the golden abs.


Unfortunately, Charlie then remember that he is Charlie Haas, and he's much more suited for knocking Lillian Garcia off the ring apron then actually, you know (tm), winning matches. Thus, the usual outcome happened.

Oh stop, Shelton. Like you really expected different?

For the second week in a row, Edge and CM Punk wrestled in a non-title match. And, for the second week in a row, CM Punk sort of kicked ass.

Adrenaline definitely isn't some sort of high

That should be enough to win the match, and enact his dumb plan to cash in the title shot and win a second match to become the champion. Of course, it wasn't to be as Edge just conceded victory and got himself counted out. What a dastardly heel! Still, if that wasn't enough to drive a man to drink, Umaga came out (AGAIN) to attack Punk for no reason whatsoever. Well, at least we'll have the two of them wrestle at Judgement Day. Because that's SO much better then having a title match.

"So much pain..I should start hanging out with Jeff..."

Undertaker's favorite cadaver, Michelle McCool, took on Mr. Fugi's daughter, Gail Kim, in a match. I guess it was for the #1 contendership for the ladies belt, but since we haven't seen Melina at all since she was drafted, I'm going to go ahead and assume that they're fighting over ponies or something. Still, maybe they'll kiss?

Gail Kim, switch places with me and let me turn around.

Seriously, I will kiss this girl toes all the way up to her lips. Then I'd move up to her stomach.

And in our main event, current #1 contender, The Red Hood, took on Chris Jericho. If Jericho wins the main event at Judgment Day becomes a triple threat match. I don't know why, but I wish boxing and UFC adopted this policy. Anyway, Jeff had his fans in full force!

I'm clearly not emotionally immature. Not in the least.

And he even had a kid stand at ringside, rooting him! That man loves his fans!

Suck it, Ray.

Anyway, the power of too much dosage took over the power of screaming kids, because Jeff was pretty much dominated by the paragon of virtue.

"Owwww...he's slightly bending my knees....the horror!"

"Heavens to megatroid!"

Also, Todd Grisham is a little sissy. I think he should change his name to "Leslie Butterscotch." So the combination of Leslie being a wuss and Edge not appreciating Jericho's plan of action sort of led to Chris being an all out rudnik. You know, because everyone should be super conscious of the announce table. That always happens.

Heels facing off?? But who do I boo??

He probably got Honey Nut Cherrios all over the apron.

And, if there's one thing Jeff hates, it's when people disrespect one of his Heroinmaniacs! This was all the ammunition he needed to launch his super comeback!

And this is more effective then two boots to the stomach how?

"Quick, to the Junk Cave!"

So Chris Jericho is out of the main event at Judgment Day! Boo!! Boo! But he'll get his. He challenged that kid from ringside to a match! And it's for...the Intercontinental title?? What???

So that was Smackdown, but will Judgment Day really be all that good. Let's look at the sponsor, Terminator Salvation: The Video Game. A video game based on a movie sequel. Not just any sequel. Part four. And the game has muddy, gray textures and looks like an average shooter. Yup, average all around. Now why would they sponsor a WWE PPV? Because they have similar audiences and it makes sense? NO! That makes too much sense! No, it's far more likely that the mediocre game is sponsoring this PPV because its a mediocre show. However, we all know that that's Raw's fault...

Still, Smackdown actually has more PPV matches on the card? Let's see how that happened. 8/7 c, MyNetwork TV while you still can!