Pay-per-screwed

The WWE is quite a fan of PPVs. QUITE a fan. There's one at least every month, sometimes more. The problem with having so many PPVs (beyond the money aspect) is that you have just a few tent pole shows, and the rest are just throw-away events that really don't offer anything special.

If somehow you do find some sort of identity in a particular pay-per-view (say, maybe, King of the Ring), WWE has a habit of getting rid of those and replacing them with something you've never heard of. Take this month, for instance. Not only have they changed the name of "The Great American Bash" to simply "The Bash," but they've also replaced "One Night Stand" with a new event titled "Extreme Rules." What does that entail, you ask? Well, you're an idiot, because it says it right in the name.

They've also just announced a new show in place of "Unforgiven." This one will be called "Breaking Point," no doubt in reference to about where WWE fans will be when this PPV rolls around.

Imagine we photoshopped this to say "Breaking Point" and maybe put Triple H's head in place of Keanu Reeves.

Since it seems clear that the folks in Stamford pick pay-per-view names by putting a bunch of intense words on a dart board, pounding a few Guinness and playing a nice game of 301, we thought we'd provide a few titles with some actual thought behind them, and the stipulations they carry.

Blood Brothers - This is pretty simple. All tag team matches, all "first blood" rules, but each person that gets juice is eliminated until there is only one man left.

Season's Beatings - How does this not already exist?

Daylight Misbehaving Time - This is definitely an ECW show, because who else would make one based off a national clock holiday. Maybe it could even be an hour shorter. A bunch of time limit matches, and perhaps a "Spring Forward" match with trampolines.

King of the Ring - Just bring it back, damn it!

Just Desserts - All food-themed matches. Divas have a food fight. Eight-man match similar to "Money in the Bank" except with a birthday cake suspended above the ring - a "Winner Takes the Cake" match. Triple H and John Cena in a "beefiest biceps" arm wrestling competition. And, of course, Big Show and Mark Henry in an eating contest.

Yeah, we've used this before, but it makes us laugh.