OH BABY, I like it RAW! vol. 2

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coarsing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

For a theme song to go along with this blog post, please press play and enjoy...

Pick your poison!! Yes! Just like the week before, last week's Raw begins with the premise that other wrestlers know who would make the best opponents for their rivals. Chris Jericho says that Batista, whom he'll be facing at Cyber Sunday, will fight SHAWN MICHAELS!!!

What? Listen, Jericho. I know you're conniving and underhanded and dastardly, so let's just throw out the formalities and go for the Full Monty here. (not you, Randy)

"You rang?"

With that out of the way early, why not pick someone that can literally break Batista in half? Nothing against Shawn, because he's great. But seriously, why not the Great Khali or something? He could drive Batista into the mat like a railroad spike, if he weren't hindered by WWE creative and his lack of knowledge about the civilized world.

He's just misunderstood.

Oh wait, it's going to be a LUMBERJACK MATCH??

Do yourself a favor and search "lumberjack" in Google images.

Alright then, that should be hard enough. So here they go! Shawn falls out of the ring. Uh oh, Jericho's plan is not working. Now Shawn is going to get attacked! There's all sorts of guys out there just dying to get their hands on that pompous old-timer. Who's gonna be first??

Deuce. Ok, Shawn handles him. But there's more. Who's next? ... Anyone? ... No? He's getting back in the ring. Last chance...!

Well, ok nevermind. Shawn and Batista fight a little more, then they both fall out of the ring and the match is ruled a no contest, because everyone attacks everyone. Good job, Jericho. You really caused some damage there. Oh, Shawn and Batista shook hands. And with Shawn in the running to be a special ref for Batista/Jericho at Cyber Sunday, that could be bad news for Lionheart. What's that? Stone Cold is also in the running to be ref? Oh, alright. Forget I said that.

$1,000 says he has a new shirt

Santino came out with Beth, and they started talking garbage to Johnny Knoxville who was ringside. He came in the ring and Beth slammed him. Hornswoggle hit a splash on Knoxville. Then Chris Pontius came to the ring, presumably to help his fallen comrade. Big Dick Johnson runs in to intercept him, and they enjoy each other's scantily clad company. Knoxville gets up, only to have the Great Khali come down and beat him up. I'd show you a picture of all this, but they haven't made a camera that can capture that much awesome in a single frame. Maybe in ten years.

Cryme Tyme and Kelly Kelly (call me?) beat The Miz, John Morrison and Jillian Hall. Intense tag team action.

Finally, Jericho has his poison and faces C.M. Punk. But wait!! Batista is the special referee. Oh man! Jericho was the special ref for Batista's match on the previous Raw, but now the foot is in the other shoe! The fans are totally behind this too, because when a heel does something underhanded to promote his agenda, that sucks. But when a face does something underhanded to that heel, well, that's justice my friend. And who's gonna tell Batista no?

There you go! Enjoy tonight at 9/8c on USA! USA! USA!