On the topic of commentors

No, not you lovable readers who never ever ever ever comment. We're talking about the men who tell us exactly what is going on in front of our very faces. They are the newscasters of Earth-53. Don't know what an arm bar is? Michael Cole is on the case. Think The Brian Kendrick is celebrating a tainted victory too much? Well Jim Ross will say what it is we're all thinking. How about Mickie James's rack? We don't even need to say it.

Of course, not all their work is outstanding. Too often the announcers will hype an upcoming event instead of calling what's in front of them. Sometimes explaining why Jaime Noble would want to go to the top rope is a little more important then explaining Kane's beef with Rey Mysterio. They also can fall into their own schthick too often. Call it the Sportscenter Catch Phrase-ization of all athletic broadcasts. Yes, JR has some nice down home yarns to spin, but sometimes it just doesn't play.

And what about the practical concerns? Shouldn't these men be impartial broadcasters? They act like they have money riding on the main event. Even worse, they are almost always strongly xenophobic. Any wrestler who happens to read a newspaper not named USA Today or The New York Post is a no good commie who hates America and freedom. Somehow a functional retard like Hacksaw Jim Duggan "saves the day" with his wood and flag, and then is "tragically beat down" when he does exactly what he's expected to do. Damn conservative wrestling media bias!

You know something, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, and The Tazz... you make us sick.