Yo! It's me! It's me! It's "I- Can't- Read!"

There are some wrestlers, who despite over whelming odds still achieve success. They could be small guys who found a niche' and got over. They could be one legged wrestlers who go into programs with Vince McMahon and Brock Lesnar. They could even be notties who became hotties and then like to show up all the kids who made fun of them in school.

And then there are people like Diamond Dallas Page who got over for no discernible reason.

You know (tm), we don't think we're talking out of turn when we say DDP may be one of the worst world champions this side of The Great Khali (FYI, it goes David Arquette, DDP, Great Khali). But the question remains, why did he get his run?

1) It was mid-90's WCW.

While yes, WCW made some terrible booking decisions which ultimately led to their closing up shop, they still were a dominant force between 1995-9. So although Page never got a world title run until April of 1999, he was still a main event fixture.

2) He's charismatic.
Coming out to a public domain version of "Smells Like Teen Spirit" does not make you an edgy rebel that relates to the kids. Yelling "BANG!" does not make us think your hands are a gun. Self high-five? Really? When was that ever cool? And the diamond cutter logo is actually sign language for "vagina." Hope you knew that.

Pussy

3) Speaking of not knowing what things mean, DDP is an inspiration due to being illiterate until his 40's.
The man is a pro wrestler, not an astronaut. Seems like his only career choices were professional wrestler or working the ski-ball machine at Jenkinson's (Adam says "Keepin it local, son!"). Yet somehow, he headlines a tag match with fellow mush mouth Karl Malone??

Team Dyslexic

Diamond Dallas Page got two world title runs after the age of 40, was the second lead villain in the film Ready to Rumble, made boat loads of cash selling merchandise, and married her:

Call?

All while never carrying anyone to a good match, having the "I'm so cool I scream everything!" charisma, being from the Jersey Shore (Adam: Hey!), and not being able to read until his 40's.

Richard Pryor and George Carlin are dead, but Carrot Top shoots himself silly with steroids and is still alive. John Lennon takes multiple bullets, but Yoko Ono (standing right next to him) doesn't get one. Diamond Dallas Page wrote a book. There is no justice. God is dead, and we're alone.

Excuse us, we're going to go hang ourselves.

New tag team: Chin and Perm