R U READY TO DOWN SOME SMACK??? vol. 3

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

Once a year, the WWE thanks us for being loyal fans by allowing us to pay $1 per text message so that we can decide various stipulations and opponents for a pay per view we pay $40 per view! But if that wasn't generous enough, we actually are allowed to vote for one match for free on wwe.com, provided of course we register and give the WWE our email addresses! And this isn't some jabroni match either! Real main event stuff! Big Show vs. The Undertaker, baby!

The Big Show decided to show off how tough he was by beating a few contractually obligated nobodies to near death. He beat up one guy in last man standing match, another in an I quit match, and knocked out another, which pretty much seems like the same thing as a last man standing match.

This is his usual first dinner of the evening.

Regardless, he sure looked bad ass beating up guys that were giving up 300 lbs. Way to go, Show. I'm sure The Dead Man is shaking. Wait, no he isn't! He's the Phenom!

Usually the ropes prevent people from falling outside.

We also got our first introduction to a brand new character who will grace us every Friday night! Kizarny the Pederast! He speaks with a lot of z's and continues the tradition of blue coller workers who moonlight as WWE superstars (entertainers?). Men like The Repo Man, I.R.S., Duke "The Dumpster" Drose, and The Undertaker all blazed the trail that Kizarny proudly strolls down.

Future World Champion

Since the show was in Las Vegas, Nevada, Smackdown GM Vickie Guerrero decided to have a punful match. Divas Las Vegas! Get it? Well, for some reason a bunch of divas had to grab some giant fuzzy dice (testicles) off a pole (phallus) to get a chance at Michelle McCool's Divas Title. Maria won or something, because...I have no idea.

I don't care if Maria isn't in the photo. It's a much better one.

In other news MVP must have stuck his balls in Vince's peanut butter, because he got dropped again, this time by R-Truth, who they don't even allow in the locker room! Have you seen him come to the ring?! He has to come through the crowd!

Scene from Breakin 2: Electric Boogaloo

Too inside baseball?

Finally, Vladimir Kozlov continued his reign of terror over Jeff Hardy as he essentially squashed the hell out of him. He is seriously campaigning hard for our hard earned American dollar votes. Sorry comrade, but the irony is far too thick in that previous statement. Maybe we'll give you some pity blue jeans and American Coca-Cola while we watch HHH and Jeff wrestle for the title ONE MORE TIME!! Seriously though, Jeff has gotten more shots at the strap then Batista.

Although seeing our hero lose to Ivan Drago was heart breaking, HHH thankfully sat in on commentary to entertain our ears. Thank God. I don't know what I'd do if I couldn't hear his voice once a week.

Free mustache rides

Cyber Sunday is this Sunday (oddly enough), so you better tune into MyNetwork TV, 8/7 c, or you'll have no idea what's going on at the PPV!