W.W.W. featuring Bobby "The Brain" Heenan/Gorilla Monsoon and Lance Storm

On Wednesdays, we here at LOL, Wresslin' like to really pull out the stops and offer up a double shot of righteously killer content. Why Wednesday? Well, we could impress you with market research, work habit studies, and human psychology tendencies to show you there's a scientific reason the middle of the week is the best time to bring your A-game. However, truth be told, we don't have any of that stuff and settled on Wednesday because that was the only day that didn't have any content scheduled.

So, here you have "Watch Wresslin' Wednesdays." Please feel free to suggest a better title, because we are woefully uncreative when it comes to naming stuff.

Better at naming stuff than us

The idea of W.W.W. is we each send the other a video that is related to wrestling (a match, promo, interview, guest starring spot, etc.). The only restriction is that it cannot be user-created, so your photo slideshow of Trish Stratus thong pics ain't gonna fly here, pal. Neither of us know what kind of video we're going to get that day.

After viewing, we each write a response. This could be anything we choose: a straight commentary, a philosophical enlightenment, or classless ridicule. Just as we don't know what kind of video the other will select, neither do we know what the other will write or how they will write it. What you end up with is a mash-up of styles, which in our book equates to two-blogs-in-one, and we can take the rest of the day off.

Adam's video to Matt - Lance Storm accused of steroid use

This is a first for W.W.W., and considering this is only the third week that the feature has existed, this doesn't bode well for the future. We like to include the video from which we drew our inspiration to write; that way you can follow along and laugh with us. Now, the first week required a little extra effort, but we managed to get the video posted like good bloggers do. This time, no such internet trickery or technical savvy can help us, since YouTube has deemed to remove the video due to "terms of use violation." Don't believe me? Ok.

Not wanting to disappoint our faithful reader, and too stubborn to make a last minute change and pick a different video, we will soldier on and post just as we would have had YouTube not torpedoed our creativity.

Pictured: steroids, talent

FADE IN

INT--DINGY GYM, SOMEWHERE IN PENNSYLVANIA

FANS cheer loudly, smoke permeates the hall, as if several fires were started and suddenly extinguished. The ring is empty, and a sense of anticipation is palpable. Suddenly, LANCE STORM charges through the curtain, not quite running, but moving as if pushed by a unseen force. Something drives LANCE to enter the ring. His face a chiseled vision of seriousness.


LANCE is followed closely by DAWN MARIE, a figure of feminine grace and masculine features. DAWN is carrying a velvet bag.



LANCE enters the ring and grabs a microphone, stamping around like an angry bull from one rope to the other. DAWN watches in awe; this is a terrifying yet impressive scene of passion and excellence. LANCE speaks into the mic, as if hacking up a hairball.

LANCE
Tommy Dreamer accused me of using steroids!!

FANS shrug in apathy.

LANCE
Just look at me...if I used steroids, don't you think my career would be going a little better than it is right now? I mean, come on. However, I know we live in a terribly cynical world, and none of you can take me at face value, since you've all probably lied so much in your lives that you don't think anyone is trustworthy!

LANCE gestures to DAWN to come closer. DAWN walks over and reaches her hand into the velvet bag.

LANCE
So for all of you and for Tommy in the back, I've decided to take a drug test here in the ring!

DAWN produces a plastic cup of urine! DAWN parades it around the ring, like a perverted car model.


(Author's note: Dawn, if your career involves you carrying excrement in a velvet bag, do something else.)

LANCE
And when I say, "In the ring," I mean I brought this from backstage, so there's no way to prove when I did it or if this is even mine!

A FAN whistles and asks for DAWN's phone number.

LANCE
So now, Tommy Dreamer, you come down here and prove that you're not on steroids. I have an empty cup here for you! So get down here now.

Tension is in the air, smelling of body odor masked with High Karate. Suddenly, the camera cuts to the ramp/emergency exit and TOMMY DREAMER comes down wearing an ECW/upcoming PPV/local sports team shirt. TOMMY enters the ring and immediately attacks LANCE. LANCE takes a bump, because that's all he knows to do. TOMMY then sets his sights on DAWN, not intelligent enough to clear the ring. He grabs her and pushes DAWN around. FANS cheer because they plan on doing the same thing to their old ladies when they get home.



TOMMY gains control of the urine and stands over LANCE's unconsious body. He rips the top off the cup! TOMMY drinks the urine!!



Huh? He doesn't? I thought that was his gimmick. Ok, then...



TOMMY pours the urine on LANCE!! FANS explode in raucous cheering!!

TOMMY
I guess that just proves it's far better to get pissed off than pissed on.

FADE OUT

There. I did the best I could. However, we decided that since we couldn't produce the actual video of this scene, we'd give you something equally compelling. Have fun!



Matt's video to Adam- Gorilla Monsoon Makes Fun Of Heenan's Neck Injury By Patera


Adam's response...

Rorschach’s Journal. October 22^nd 2008, 0:10 into video- Craig DuJour’s newscast leaves a bad taste in my mouth. He wears a blazer with a WWF logo on it. Snazzy dresser. However, he is pampered and decadent, betraying even his own shallow, liberal affectations. Possibly homosexual? Must remember to investigate further.

News footage of a civilized debate between old colleagues is shown. Ken Patera claims Bobby “The Brain” Heenan sold him out. That his two years in prison was Heenan’s fault. Heenan does not take kindly to this. Whips him with belt. Heh heh. Not very smart, Brain. Man in singlet seems to choke out Bobby.

Rorschach’s Journal, October 22^nd 2008, 1:20 into video- Days later. The Brain has a sprained neck. Claims it feels as if it is broken. This I would like to see. Claims man named Hercules will take care of Patera. Claims Hercules is the strongest man. How convenient. I leave the human cockroaches to discuss their heroin and child pornography. I have business elsewhere, with a better class of person.

Rorschach’s Journal, October 22^nd 2008, 1:55 into video- Gorilla Monsoon enters the picture. I have often thought that the most terrifying combination of words in the English language is “Gorilla Monsoon.”

Better lock yourself in the basement.

Him and Brain engage in more bickering. I am sensing a pattern with Mr. Heenan.

Rorschach’s Journal, October 22^nd 2008, 2:25 into video- Heenan moves neck, despite claims of sprain. He is not an honest man. His contrast with Gorilla has taught me much. There is good and there is evil, and evil must be punished. Even in the face of Armageddon I shall not compromise in this.

Where did this air and who would watch this? Why is a news show sponsored by a magazine under the same corporate umbrella? This is illegal in accordance with the Fairness Doctrine. Although I do not like the liberal restrictions on free market news broadcasting, law is law, and it must be upheld. These are all perplexing questions that demand answers. There will come a day where the accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waists and all the whores and politicians will look up and shout “Save us!” And I'll look down, and whisper “no.”

Hurm.