We put the LOL in wrestling (if you add an "O" and another "L", we guess.)
Here you will be invited into the world of two working, college educated gentlemen who happen to love the world of professional wrestling, but love to ridicule things even more.
We're not ones to be cryptic, so our announcement today is that the Laugh Twins have now invaded Twitter. Having made Blogger our own personal waste receptacle, we've decided to expand our reach. Besides, who better to be on Twitter than a couple of twits like us?
Check it out, and please "follow" us, because honestly, we only do this so people we've never met will like us and heap praise upon us. We'll use it to alert you to new posts on this very virtual space, or perhaps dump some choice non sequiturs on your brain. And those rare occasions when we exit the LOL Wresslin' cave and peer into the bright light of day, we'll let you know that too.
So join us for tweets, twits, twa- er, whatever you call them, and don't forget to LOL @ Wresslin!
www.twitter.com/LOL_Wresslin
And just to continue our string of clever word play, we have a whole different kind of Robin to talk about! Namely, Robin Quivers (Howard Stern's longtime side kick who serves the purpose of laughing and letting Stern make fun of black people, since she is in fact, black) is being courted by a certain 1996 Olympic gold medalist. Yes, wrestling's Amy Winehouse, Kurt Angle, recently read a love poem to Ms. Quivers when promoting TNA Something or Other live to 45 people who subscribe to Sirius satellite radio. Here's a taste.
I won a gold medal in the Olympics
They say I never have been beat
I am also a gold medalist in the sack
Much better than vegetables and meat.
We can go to the theater
We can roll around in the grass
We can get coffee at Starbucks
But don't try to quirt it up my ass.
Also, we're just going to flat out steal Rick Chandler's joke from Deadspin this morning and say "Woah Shakespere, that'll do." Still, it gets better. Apparently Kurt's been quite busy since his wife Karen left him. Busy with the ladies that is. He went into explicit details later that day when he ventured over to another/merger partner satellite radio show, as 14 people listened to him on XM's Opie and Anthony radio program. And what's that old adage about "never going back"? Kurt has revealed that he previously dated TNA Knockout Rhaka Khan, so naturally Robin Quivers is right in line with his new outlook on life.
The title of Morris Day and the Time's biggest hit
Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.
This is a double-lighting update, since I have to leave shortly to attend Raw live tonight in Dallas. Any LOLFANS out there be sure and seek me out; I'll be the strikingly handsome comedy writer with a line of internet groupies in tow. Too busy for a theme song this week. You know the tune...hum it to yourself.
Ok, Ric Flair said all the legends are going to fight Jericho at Wrestlemania. Jericho attacks Flair. Lawler was so moved by this, he did nothing. Then he challenged Jericho to a match next week (tonight!)
"Just imagine I'm stepping on Ric Flair."
Hardy defeated Dolph Ziggler in an Extreme Rules match. Hardy then said what just happened wasn't extreme at all.
Edge and Big Show fought a no contest. Who cares? They're from SlackDown.
Undertaker gave a warning to Shawn Michaels, who in turn had one of his own.
The symbolism is so good, it hurts.
Finally, a match between Triple H and Randy and Teddy Jr. ends pretty much how you'd expect it to.
Or not??
Yeah, Orton and Teddy beat up Trips, handcuffed him to the ropes, knocked his wife out, and then made out with her. Want more making out with unconscious chicks? Tune in to the only place for date rape, USA! at 9/8c. I'll be there in person. Look for me. I'm the dude in the shirt, waving.
Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.
Smackdown celebrated its 500th episode last week by not doing anything special. Hardly any retrospectives, just more of that steady, dependable Smackdown action. And by that I mean, tons of Raw guys infiltrating our Friday night Oasis.
First off, Shawn Michaels is preparing for his big Wrestelmania match against the Undertaker. How did he plan to do this pray tell? By taking on the Undertaker's brother Kane! Because obviously taking on the incompetent brother of someone who can never beat his older brother is a valuable learning method.
Anyway, the Heartbreak Kid broke the hurt of the Big Emo by doing his best Machoman impression.
Dig it!
In response to this, the Undertaker took on HBK's old employer (and former Smackdown color man), John "Bradshaw" Layfield. He's also apprently the Intercontinental champion.
He's one IC title reign behind Santino.
Anyway, JBL is a smart man, so he put up a bit more of a fight then Kane. Unfortunatly, he was way too fat.
Too much of that sugary juice he peddles. That's his problem
Yea, so guess who won?
OOOO...insiderish...
Jeff Hardy went back to normal by acting all weird again.
Maybe Big Bossman killed his dog....
In preparation for his big, eXXXtreme rules match at Wrestlemania he decided to take on the hardcore icon himself, The Brian Kendrick (wait, what?)! Of course don't discount Kendrick's black man servant, Ezekial Jackson. And it's no rules! So he could bring a gun or something to the ring!
Yup, so that happened.
Also, one can only assume that the sizable donation to the Montal Vontavious Porter Orphanage for Sick Kids is the main cataylst for MVP's recent winning streak. In fact, he has won so much he even got a US title match against the champ, The Gold Standard, Shelton Benjamin! And he even held his own in the match.
Looks like Smackdown has their own Randy Orton...
And beyond holding his own, he...won!? He won!?
Oh, and HHH beat Vlad Kozlov and Edge inadverdantly speared his wife when Big Show was bragging about his affair. Happy 500th!
Well that sucked. Maybe tonight will be better. Tune in MyNetwork TV at 8/7c!
We're not sure if you're aware, but John Cena made a movie recently.
This is the title, right? We haven't seen anything about it.
Mr. Cena's been pretty heavy on the promotional circuit, making stops to all the late-night talk shows. Your standard fare. He even had to miss this week's episode of Raw because he was appearing on The Tonight Show, after having been bumped on Thursday night for President Barack Obama (not the programming choice the Laugh Twins would have made, but you know liberal Hollywood!). We'd love to show you a video of that appearance, but NBC kind of likes to pull their stuff off YouTube.
What does the "C" stand for?? Censorship??
But not all of Mr. Cena's appearances have been as typical as that one. Take for instance him showing up unannounced on another of NBC's shows, Saturday Night Live. Please enjoy two minutes of Tracy Morgan, and ten seconds of John Cena.
Ha ha ha, we'll outsmart you, NBC! Thanks, kryk-bottom!
Note the single "wooo" from some woman in the crowd. Now, it would be one thing if the Rock appeared, or Stone Cold Steve Austin, or even Ric Flair - these men are fairly well-known outside the world of wrestling, but the WWE can't seem to get it through their heads that John Cena is not a household name. Today's top story for Vince McMahon: Wrestling Fans, NOT the Majority!
Also, Macho Man Randy Savage inks recording deal with Big3 records...
But you can't fault Cena for that. He played his part well. See how big and scary he looked when you first saw him, and then all of a sudden he's nice and curteous? And then Tracy Morgan takes him down in one punch?? COMEDY COMEDY COMEDY!!
Now, just yesterday, Mr. Cena made an appearance on BET's 106 & Park (what any of that means, we don't know). You can check out a couple videos here and there. In it, Cena compares wrestling to acting (EXCUSE ME, SIR??!) and displays his street cred by picking his fav freesytle MC. Again, don't know what that means, we just heard the cool kids say it.
You may not think that's so strange because of Cena's past as WWE's resident rapping grappler, and that's cool. But maybe you try this next one on for size...
Yes, that's Mr. Cena on Fox News' Hannity. The first part of this video plays out like Sesame Street's "Which of these things doesn't belong?" A syndicated political talk-show host, an editor for Fortune magazine, and a Chain Gang soldier. Hannity seems to know the score, and completely ignores Cena for much of the segment, stopping to ask him if he memorized his lines for 12 Rounds (note to Mr. Cena: it's called a Titantron in the WWE. We thought you'd know that!). In six and a half minutes of screen time, Cena speaks for maybe thirty seconds.
Oh wait, you thought it was over? No no no, there's a part 2!
Here we go to Cena first, who's outed at a heartless Conservative hatchet-man who would kick the President's aunt out of the country with little more than a "Thanks for coming." Even the radio host doesn't agree with him on this one. Finally, Hannity drops the charade of political punditry and cuts to the chase with a hard-hitting question air-lifted in from 1988: Is wrestling real?
Cena's response is as diplomatic as ever: "It's as real as you make it."
Wait, Greta van Susteren live from Mexico?? Where's my swim trunks? Count me in!
12 Rounds finally comes out tomorrow, so hopefully all this will be over soon. Too bad Space Ghost isn't still on the air...
On Wednesdays, we here at LOL, Wresslin' like to really pull out the stops and offer up a double shot of righteously killer content. Why Wednesday? Well, we could impress you with market research, work habit studies, and human psychology tendencies to show you there's a scientific reason the middle of the week is the best time to bring your A-game. However, truth be told, we don't have any of that stuff and settled on Wednesday because that was the only day that didn't have any content scheduled.
So, here you have "Watch Wresslin' Wednesdays." Please feel free to suggest a better title, because we are woefully uncreative when it comes to naming stuff.
Better at naming stuff than us.
The idea of W.W.W. is we each send the other a video that is related to wrestling (a match, promo, interview, guest starring spot, etc.). The only restriction is that it cannot be user-created, so your fat dance video to various wrestling theme ain't gonna fly here, pal. Neither of us know what kind of video we're going to get that day.
After viewing, we each write a response. This could be anything we choose: a straight commentary, a philosophical enlightenment, or classless ridicule. Just as we don't know what kind of video the other will select, neither do we know what the other will write or how they will write it. What you end up with is a mash-up of styles, which in our book equates to two-blogs-in-one, and we can take the rest of the day off.
Matt's video to Adam- Giant Gonzalez on King's Court 1993
Here ye! Here ye! All listen for it is the King! King Lawler is bestowing upon us a state of the fiefdom!What news awaits us loyal subjects?
What are you doing Hugo!? Take down that sign that says "LOSER!" The King will see you and will behead you! Think of your sister, Margaret! What will she do without you to provide her with her medicine money!?
Ai, our shirtless King is far too busy regaling us the stories of his conquests. Like for instance, look at this monster he has brought from parts unknown! It is a giant! A Giant Gonzalez! Sounds exotic, no? Look at his muscles and nudity! And that ghastly fur! You're not impressed Mary? Why the bored expression? Our King and Sir Harvey Whipleman have brung about a most ginormous of beasts!
The Giant comes in small packages?! What alchemy is he? Quiet down everyone! Do not cheer that demonic Undertaker! The King and Church will not allow such heresy!
Oh, sweet merciful Lord! The Giant is about to attempt to speak! Can he actually do it?! Is he so civilized to even mimic man, despite his gross size? Egads! He owns the Undertaker! But the Undertaker is no slave! You don't think he means...?
Thank you, oh merciful King for this brief reprieve from our backbreaking work on the land. We shall go back and shepherd sheep for the great feast in honor of your new pet, the might Giant Gonzalez!
Adam's video to Matt - Mickie James on Jenny Jones
Matt's response...
It should be noted first off that YouTube's community has flagged this video as inappropriate. If you're easily offended, I don't know how you found this site, but you can check out now.
So here comes Mickie James to prove to all the guys that used to pick on her for being a root that she's hot now. Well, good. for. you.
Not that these topics have any sort of value whatsoever. It's not like the women in question have become better people because of their new-found good looks. From the looks of it, they're shallow and borderline worthless people. Congratulations! You're getting attention now! Maybe if you had learned to work out, fixed your hair, had plastic surgery and dressed like a slut ten years ago, you'd have had all this popularity in high school when you wanted it.
And that's the stupid thing. I'll get to Mickie in a moment, but the rest of these girls did have some sort of a magic transformation on their own - they're not the ugly duckling which grew into a beautiful swan. No, these women didn't like having Skittles thrown at them, and rather than find some sort of deep inner strength and write those experiences off as being the acts of juvenile youths, they went and got implants (NOTHING wrong with that) and started dressing like a featured dancer (nothing wrong with that either). This isn't a triumph of the will; this is a victory for narcissism.
As far as Mickie is concerned, let's set the record straight on one thing. This was in 2000. At that time, she was working independent shows for Maryland Championship Wrestling, and was also a waitress at Olive Garden.
Hurrican-roni!
So, yes, technically she's a professional wrestler, but let's cool our jets a little bit, Jenny, before we start saying "WWF-style."
Now, Mickie seems to have accomplished this make-over on her own, having no enhancements at the time (I don't think that would hold up today). For that, I can salute her. It seems like the best thing to do is come out and display your class and decency.
Good to know that jjthevidfan would, indeed, hit that.
Well, you came close, honey.
I certainly didn't expect much more from Ms. James. After all, she is one of the few Divas to have done porn before joining the WWE. Funny that both of the dudes were like, "Psssh, nah" to her. It may have been an act, but good for them for standing their ground.
Of course the Internet has enjoyed this jewel, most of them telling us they would eat this or put Arby's sauce on that (I'm SO down with that, by the way) or how she probably hooked up with the dudes anyway. And Mudknot105 would like us all to quit judging people. Way to be a positive role model, pal.
In the end, I guess it's kind of refreshing seeing this sort of stuff. Just goes to show that fans can make it big in the business too and not just those who seem to spring up out of nowhere perfectly formed to be a Diva. Put it's also proof that you can take the girl out of Virginia, but she's still going to make it on Jenny Jones at some point.
Remember a few months ago when Kane became infatuated with Kelly Kelly and essentially stalked her? And not in the loving "hide in the bushes" kind of way? More like the "I'm going to kill any guy that even looks at you" kind of way. Well the detectives at the LOL, Wresslin' offices can officially close the case for the Tampa police. We think there is more then enough evidence here to convict Kane as at least having a hand in the recent death of former wrestler/Kelly Kelly boyfriend Test.
Oh wait, they ended up revealing that it was Randy Orton she was seeing and then we assume Kane got so scared he decided to back off. That or he just felt he couldn't compete with the Golden Hog that is The Age of Orton. Those are the only rational explanations for this story just quietly being dropped like that. Our apologies to Kane.
WAIT A SECOND!
Wasn't it just a few weeks ago that we met Mrs. Randy Orton during the super intense HHH home invasion!? So wouldn't what Kelly and Randy have been doing in the past be considered adultery? Now sure, Randy is an evil heel, so we don't hold him to the same moral standards, but Kelly! Kelly you should know better!
Yes, life is full of crossroads. Mrs. Orton took "'until death due us part" to heart and we salute her. We just hope Randy spent a few nights on the couch so he learned his lesson ;)!
Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.
For a theme song to accompany this post, please press play and enjoy...
The road to Wrestlemania gets shorter and shorter by the day, and last week it led through San Antonio, Texas. Better head to the Alamo - the WWE is invading.
We're told that tonight, Mr. Cena will face Edge with Vickie Guerrero as special referee. Well, that just doesn't seem fair...
But first, we have big tag team action! Shawn Michaels and The Undertaker (aren't they going to fight in a couple weeks? This will never work...) versus Vladimir Kozlov and JBL.
Communism and Capitalism...how will they co-exist???
It turns out that HBK and the Deadman make a pretty effective team. I wouldn't expect that from two future Hall of Famers. However, the teamwork didn't last for long, as Shawn came in to steal the pin, leading to a tussle in the ring and then a surprise superkick to down the Phenom.
Edge and Vickie seem to have reconciled their differences. I'm glad that whole "I hooked up with your Wrestlemania opponent" thing is water under the bridge. Edge says Big Show is only using her to get ahead in his career.
"Plus, he's a nasty bastard. His momma said so."
Randy Orton says he's dropped the charges against Triple H, even though he broke into his house and assaulted he and his wife. Orton noted that she might never be the same.
"We'll hire a different actress next time."
We have a six-Diva tag match now. Why do I even mention these anymore?
Ohhhhhh....right.
Triple H is out of prison and here on Raw to face none other than that brutal beefcake of the squared circle, Cody Rhodes!
Yes, Trips caused a steel cage to manifest from the rafters. Seriously. This was not supposed to be a cage match. Hunter motioned his hand, and a cage came down around the ring, and everyone went along with it. This makes so much sense it's scary.
So for once in the history of professional wrestling, the steel cage did what it was supposed to do and kept Orton and Teddy Jr. out and Cody in so Triple H could pound on him for a while. Of course, it helps that HHH is somehow a wizard.
Rey Mysterio and Dolph Ziggler fought.
Jericho reissues his challenge to Ric Flair, and Flair comes down, but lets us all know he's going to leave the memories alone. He won't wrestle Jericho, but assures us all that he will, in fact, always be the Man.
"Because no one will ever beat me, see? Since I won't wrestle. Genius, really."
Flair says he won't wrestle him tonight or at Wrestlemania, but there are some people who would. Namely Roddy Piper, Jimmy Snuka, and Ricky Steamboat - coincidentally all the same guys Jericho beat up in the last few weeks. Who would have guessed?
The Worn Horsemen
Oh, also Flair and Mickey Rourke will be ringside.
Rammin' Rammy the Ram Ramison
Finally, as I said earlier, Edge is over from Shatdown to fight Mr. Cena. Not much happened here really. Here's the gist of it.
Benoit would be so proud.
Yeah, Big Show stepped in and helped out by beating up Cena. Whew! I guess we're all friends again, right Edge?
Nope! Edge isn't one to forgive and forget. Find out what SmackClown feuds will happen tonight on USA, 9/8c!
Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.
You may have noticed that we have discontinued with the volume numbers and replaced them with nonsensical titles. That's because the WWE is so punny with their recap names that we've decided to adopt them as our own. Hell, we already steal their photos, why not their words? Only a matter of time before we just tape all of Raw/Smackdown and throw it on Youtube.
And just to get it out of the way, this title is in reference to the Undertaker avenging his previous loss to Vladimir Kozlov. Nothing special happened. Not worth recapping.
In all honesty, last week's Smackdown has very little to do with tonight's. That's because tonight is the 500th episode of Smackdown! Tonight is more of a party, celebrating the past. So let's view this recap as more of a refresher course for Wrestlemania, which is now just over two weeks away!
We're going to open today with some of the very good. For the last two monthes or so, WWE Tag Team Champions Carlito and Primo have been feuding with World Tag Team Champions John Morrison and The Miz. We have yet to cover this on the blog because it always felt like it was building towards something good. A weekly "They're at it again!" post would be redundant. But seriously, they've been feuding over who are better champions, who are cooler, and who gets to date the glamorous Bella twins. Around Valentine's Day Miz/Morrison won a tag match which allowed them to go on a date with the Bellas (since the lovely ladies are objects to be fought over.) Lucky for us, WWE cameras documented the whole thing.
You'd figure after being jealous fakes who throw pies the Bellas would dump the Colons (pronounced phonetically by Miz and Morrison), but no, their Latin charms are too much to be overpowered. This was never more evident then when the twins accompanied the brothers ringside for their title defense against Miz and Morrison. And get this; they won that time!
Which brings us to the next match. It's Miz and Morrison's turn to defend their World Tag titles (thankfully, Slammy's can't be lost in the ring). Look at all this gold they carry:
So much gold that they take golden showers together
Of course, the Colons counter by bringing some fine tail ring side.
They could almost be called "The Bruce Campbell Twins"
Now, WWE.com has a nasty habit of not showing relevant pictures in their photo sections. Miz and Morrison successfully defended their belts, but there's not one photo of them on the offensive. So just know that they won and look at this (for it is worth 1,000 words).
WWE: 1 Feminsm: 0
Continuing the Smackdown booty parade is a Divas tag match! And it made no sense. First we have team Maryse/Michelle McCool, which makes sense since they are heels. And fighting against them is Raw's Women's Champion Melina and....Maria? Listen, right now they are sort of teasing a Raw/Smackdown feud all around. So although Maria is a face...she's a face on Smackdown! Family over friends, M. You know better then this! And Michelle McCool agrees with me (finally!)
Of course, if there's one thing Ms. McCool hates more then Benedict Arnolds it would be losers, which Maryse totally is. That's why she didn't help that buxom blond bimbo break her bad bosotion bon ber back. So Melina gets the win and McCool gets some revenge.
And what a ravishing one she is
Seems like someone lost her McCool
Also, the Money in the Bank ladder match is all set for Wrestlemania. We had our last qualifying match as Irish brawler Finlay took on high flyer The Brian Kendrick! But is he the only high flyer in this match?
Yes he is. Which is the real shame here. Because who would be better in a ladder match? The guy who did this (sorry for the Papa Roach song)
OR
Finally, Matt Hardy came out again to complain about his brother. Why he needs to do this in public I have no idea, but here he is with a mic in his fist.
"I let my shirt do the talkin' for me..."
He basically admitted to being responsible for all the assaults and tragedies on Jeff's life recently (I guess Matt is North Carolinian for "Heroin").
Rather then be arrested and processed by the police, Jeff Hardy comes out and attacks his big bro, agreeing to settle the score at Wrestlemania. Because giving the person who ruined your life his dream of having a high profile match at the biggest event in his craft is what I would totally do in that situation too.
So that happened.
Will any of this be brought up again tonight? Possibly! I don't know! Regardless, it's a party! 500 weeks in the making! So don't watch the Battlestar Galactica finale and watch Smackdown! 8/7c, MyNetwork Television!
Adam, a native of the Garden State, and Matt, a proud Texan, crossed paths at university. They discovered they're both really into very silly things. Contact them at lolwresslin@gmail.com
The title of Morris Day and the Time's biggest hit
