When it comes to wrestling, it's a pretty simple formula: cheer the good guys, and boo the bad guys. The good guys come out and stand up for what right and just, and the bad guys always try to break them down by being underhanded and lying. That's pretty much all you need to know.
But what if you really can't make yourself disagree with the heels? What if, every now and then, one comes out and just happens to make a lot of damn sense? What do you do then? What does that mean for our babyfaces? The ones who have to stand there and pretend like what the other guy is saying isn't completely and ashamedly true.
This is the problem we're having with Chris Jericho. You see (tm pending), Jericho built his entire run to Wrestlemania 25 on ridiculing the legends of WWE's past. And at first, it was easy to hate him. Who doesn't want to stand up there behind Ric Flair, Roddy Piper, Ricky Steamboat, and Jimmy Snuka? (Well, maybe not so much Snuka, because you'd probably be standing there to hold him up, and what a pain in the ass that would be!) Jericho can't say those things! He's just some brash punk that needs a good tellin' what-for!
If you recall, Jericho based a lot of this around the movie The Wrestler. We're big fans of it around the LOL Cave for a couple of reasons. Neither of them have to do with Mickey Rourke's acting ability.
We'll let you figure it out. Jericho said these "legends" spent a lot time acting like the film's titular (he he) character, Randy "the Ram" Robinson, meaning they frequented high school gyms and backwater towns you wouldn't visit even if the rainbow ended there. His vitriol was most directed toward Ric Flair.
Now, Flair is a sacred cow around here. Far be it from us to start criticizing him. But every now and then, you have to accept that the cow is going to crap in the street from time to time. Things started off pretty tame for Ric after his career was over with the WWE, and wrestling in general for the most part. We were pleased when we found out he would be featured in an expansion to a Command and Conquer game. Videos promoting the game had Flair encountering and finally wrestling a bear. We suggest you give those a look.
However, here lately, things have gotten a little too real for us. A little to close to Jericho's accusations. A search of mark sites results in these headlines:
Ric Flair interviewed on coming out of retirement, cuts promo from furniture store.
Reid Flair wrestles tag match at police fundraiser; Ric Flair in his corner.
Ric Flair does the coolest NASCAR commercial ever.
Those are just a few. And, of course, there are videos, complete with furniture store appearance:
Finally, to really drive the point home, we have this story from PWTorch.com - Ric Flair: "I want to wrestle." NO. DUH. Flair could barely stay retired for a year. Apparently, pulling the "crazy ex-girlfriend" maneuver, he sent Vince a text and asked why he wasn't included in the recent draft. Vince replied like we all just did once we read that: "You're retired." (i.e. Quit calling me, you crazy bitch! I'm changing my number!)
We love you, Ric. We really do. Which is why we're asking you to please, PLEASE don't come back to wrestling. We love having you around, and you can still get out there and talk with the best of them. Keep it up! Keep showing up at events and getting a pop and verbally abusing some schmuck (The Miz?) and then go on to a signing to hang out with the fans. But stay out of the ring. You had an amazing match last year at Wrestlemania, and a ridiculously long send-off. Let those stand as your final marks on this business.
We know it's hard to say goodbye. But damn it, will you just try it?!
Talk to these guys if you have to. They'll be hanging by the only car that's in color.
1 comment:
Dammit, leave the memories alone!
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