R U READY TO DOWN SOME SMACK??? Whiplash

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

Wrestlemania! A draft! Backlash? There's way too much going on lately! Case in point, so much went on last Sunday that Matt didn't know what to cover and what not to cover, so basically, I'm picking up the rest of his slack.

To open up, new Smackdown star Chris Jericho has continued his crusade against the elderly. He took on Ricky Steamboat in a one on one match.



Yes, clearly this will be a competitive match, because it's not like Jericho didn't beat Steamboat, Jimmy Snuka, Roddy Piper, and then beat the holy hell out of Ric Flair ALL IN THE SAME NIGHT! Yup, ole Ricky has a great shot against a man in the prime of his career. Yessir.

Hold #489: Armbar

Wow, that looks like it hurts. Still, none of that really ever matters since the old man eventually fell and couldn't get up. The Walls of Jericho were dutifully applied.

Above: Crappier band then Fozzy

Er....

Above: Crappier finisher then Mr. Socko

"You can't lock me in my room like I'm some sort of Manimal, Dad! My name's Doug. I'm outta heeeerrrrree"

In other matches, Mr. Money in the Bank, CM Punk took on Kane for no discernible reason.


B-b-b-ut Kane is so much bigger then Punk! Punk doesn't stand a chance, despite being a former triple crown winner and an ECW champion!


Yea, that's pretty much how it went. For some reason, a man being poised as the next #1 contender is pinned by all-around good egg Kane. Sort of ironic that his theme music says "Even through the darkest days/this fire burns/always." Get it? Fire? Kane? Wocka wocka!


Finally, a world title bout. John Cena (yay!) of Raw (boo!) is defending against Edge (boo!) of Smackdown (yay!) in what is known as a Last Man Standing match. Essentially, no rules, with the winner decided by knocking his opponent out. Why someone doesn't bring a gun (or hire Cryme Tyme) is beyond me, but I guess even the most dastardly of heels is sort of honorable.

"you dead dawg"

Anyway, this was the back and forth contest that we'd expect, with both Edge and Cena throwing out exciting offense like a sleeper hold and a "You Can't See Me"

Above: Excitement

Also, I'm running the next picture because WWE.com are very dumb with their picture captions.

We can clearly see his face. That means the steel is not hitting it.

Eventually the match went outside the ring and John Cena gave an F-...er Attitude Adjuster (?) to Edge INTO THE MONDAY-TO-FRIDAY CROWD!


Still, Cena's finisher may be strong enough to get a 3 count, but definitely not strong enough for a 10 count. And since they were outside already, why not fight on the ramp?

Cena: "I can think of one"

All was fine and good with chairs being thrown around and Edge frothing at the mouth, when all of a sudden, Edge's wife's love, The Big Show, came out for no discernible reason and threw John Cena into a light fixture.

Kind of like the last scene of The Dark Knight but not

And then it exploded, like so many Vince McMahon accidents before hand! John Cena must be dead!

The burns alone should make him act like Kane for the rest of his career.

Obviously Edge won the match because of Mr. Cena's demise, but seriously, why would Big Show help Edge? They are vying over the same woman, sure, but let's speak strictly career here. Edge is on Smackdown, Cena (the champ at the time) is on Raw, in addition to WWE champion HHH. The Big Show was just drafted to Raw too. Wouldn't you want to be on the brand with TWO world titles? Wouldn't that exponentially benefit your career? Even if you hate John Cena, it make sense to steer clear this time.

Oh well, WRESSLIN'!

Also, I usually like to close with a shot of the champ, and I'm going to do that now. Because Christian won the ECW title!

Instantly Classic

Yea boy, brothers E&C have all the gold again! Err...in Chrisitan's case I guess it's more like 46 lbs of silver, but you know what I mean. ECW doesn't deserve gold anyways.

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