So, here you have "Watch Wresslin' Wednesdays." Please feel free to suggest a better title, because we are woefully uncreative when it comes to naming stuff.
Better at naming stuff then usThe idea of W.W.W. is we each send the other a video that is related to wrestling (a match, promo, interview, guest starring spot, etc.). The only restriction is that it cannot be user-created, so the highlight videos of your WWF No Mercy 64 CAW league ain't gonna fly here, pal. Neither of us know what kind of video we're going to get that day.
After viewing, we each write a response. This could be anything we choose: a straight commentary, a philosophical enlightenment, or classless ridicule. Just as we don't know what kind of video the other will select, neither do we know what the other will write or how they will write it. What you end up with is a mash-up of styles, which in our book equates to two-blogs-in-one, and we can take the rest of the day off.
Before we get to the sillyness, we'd like to take a moment on this day after the election to congratulate President-elect Barack Obama. While we may disagree on a few issues, we appreciate the time you spent spanning the country and all the hard work you've given to your campaign. We hope you do a great job, and best of luck from both of us. Our only concern is your stance against Randy Orton. Hopefully this was only one of those fleeting campaign promises and you are not beholden to some anti-Orton lobby.
Adam's Video to Matt - Mike Awesome debuts on Nitro
Matt's response...
There's plenty to get to in this video, but let me first address the titular subject: Mike Awesome. Never has any wrestler had a more appropriate name. I mean, just look at him! If there's anything I can think that would perfectly describe that man, it's "Mike." It just fits, you know (tm)? Now...Awesome? Well, that's an odd surname, but I'm going to guess his family changed it from Ausumsky when they came to America. "Awesome" sounds much more American, and I'm glad the fella has been able to make something out of it. Great-grandfather Leopold Ausumsky would be so proud.
Or maybe not. He debuted wearing a fanny pack? Did he just go hiking, or is that the ECW Championship belt? We'll let you slide, but that's one strike. Now he's got to fit in "too sweeeeeeet" into his one, garbled line? We're not baseball experts, but I'm pretty sure that's strike two. Oh, and you're going to flip off the audience of good, hard-working Americans? That's three, for sure. What a disgrace. You Ausumsky's used to stand for something.
Seriously though, maybe try dressing like someone other than a six-year-old at Disney World. That's about all I have to say about him. Now let's discuss the injured Kevin Nash, otherwise known as the regular Kevin Nash.
No crutches. I'm pretty sure this was photoshopped. There's not much to comment on, as his apparent shoot promo is nothing more than a daisy-chain of "jack-off" or "balls." Just to be able to live on Earth-53 for a day. If I could call everyone in my office out into the lobby, drag my boss out of the crowd, and proceed to litter the air with phallic imagery, all the while expecting a positive result at the end? What a great day that would be, and I could finally do it to someone other than the dog.
Nash does say something interesting about halfway through. He talks about how he and Scott (hiccup) Hall saved the company. He also insinuates that Shawn Michaels had a tendency of CUTTING OFF PEOPLE'S HEADS. And this little nugget was issued:
"I just got off the phone with Scott [Hall], and you know what? Scott's straight, Scott's sober, and Scott's in a real bad mood."
I'm going to belive a third of what you just said, Kevin Nash.
Since you're being real, I'm going to be real as well. This is Nitro. So it's sometime in the evening. And you're saying that you just got off the phone with Scott Hall. Meaning you talked to him at some point after he woke up for the night. And he was straight and sober?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I think we've all talked to some drunk friends on the phone, and we know how that conversation went.
G-G-G-G-G-G G-UNIT!! Alright, now to Hogan. He's on the phone. He's pissed. He wants his attorney on "this." He's gonna do "that" to Billy Kidman. And he wants to eat Bischoff's asshole.
Hunh?
Actually, I don't know what he said. I've asked for audio analysis from an expert (read: Adam) and he doesn't know either. So I'd just like to believe that Hogan wants to consume Eric Bischoff's anus.
So it just makes sense that Bischoff would want to return the favor and give Hogan a hummer. It's only courtesy.
"Thanks, E. That felt great."I'm really surprised that these two could put this seemingly intentional ramming of Hogan's limo behind them, since they're working so closely on the celebrity wrestling program. I'm sure glad they did though, because that's show is just great. Just so great.
Matt's Video to Adam- Razor Ramon Vignettes
We have another first here at LOL, Wresslin'. I'm actually reviewing not one, not two, but three videos. Granted, they're pretty much part of a series, and none of them clock in at more than two minutes, but it's the goddang principle! Still, I will do what is necessary for the good of the site and our beloved readership, and plow through these three Razor Ramon promos.
For the uninformed, Razor Ramon was a character that Scott Hall portrayed in the early-mid 90's WWF. Which is perfect, because I don't think we've made fun of Scott Hall lately. (Matt's note: just a moment ago, actually)
Video 1: Chicas are for Fun
Let's examine this man, Razor Ramon. Let's see what he's all about. He says he lives the good life. That it's relaxing. Well to us that can only mean one thing: booze. Lot's of booze. But hey, he's an adult. He can handle a few. It's not a big deal. Let's see what else he has to, oh God, what's she doing here? Listen honey, why don't you take your full body suit and jean shorts and just get on out of here! Can't you see we're filming a TV spot? Why the editor chose to just leave it in is beyond me. Mr. Ramon is trying to tell us all about his lavish life, and then this chica just struts on in, mad he never called her? We all know her reputation as the town jizz jar. Why should anyone ever call her back? You're right Razor, chicas are for fun!
Well, now that she's gone we get on with the business at hand. Although chicas are for fun, they can also be a nuisance. The Razor is sharp. He will scar your heart. But his wrath does not extend solely to uppity chicas. No, he is coming to the World Wrestling Federation, and unlike chicas, wrestling is not for fun (Koko B. Ware might disagree). Still, while he scars chicas hearts, he'll scar other wrestler's souls! Kind of like this guy:
Take one guess as to what he's been accused of doing.Video #2- Walking in the Market
The scene now shifts from poolside to the street markets of downtown Miami. Razor says that little kids want to be like him. Just for a minute, let's step out of this Latin paradise and deconstruct the Razor Ramon character. Razor Ramon shares many characteristics with Al Pacino's character Tony Montana from the film Scarface. They both are Cuban immigrants. They both say things like, "Say hello to the Bad Guy." And it wouldn't be unfounded to say that they share a similar occupation. Tony Montana was a notorious cocaine dealer/user, and we all know that the razor is a tool used to cut up cocaine into delicious lines. So it's not completely unfounded to assume that Razor Ramon is a WWF portrayal of a coke dealer. Which is silly, because the Razor character debuted almost ten years after the film. What, Vince thinks that's enough time to market a coke dealer to little kids? Regardless, if the little kids want to be just like Razor then they should start watching The Wire post haste.
Still, what else can the kids do to become Razor Ramon? He says book learning can't do that. Which makes sense, because the Alcholic's Anonymous manual is a book, so why would he read that? And he takes what he wants? Well I think all he's taken is liver disease. He clearly never took any self respect.
Video #3- Razor in the Restaurant
First thing he mentions is "good drink." Really? Really? This is getting too easy. He question's people calling him a pig, while he has his mouth full of food? Is that intentional? Seriously, is this some sort of meta-commentary on Hispanic portrayals in the media by Scott Hall, or is it just a drunk stuffing his face full of ribs? The waiter comes over and says "Senor Razor." "Senor Razor?" Shouldn't it be "Senor Ramon?" Mr. First Name is how Japanese tourists talk! Then, in his drunken rage, he just knocks the table over. Nice.
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