Something peculiar happened last Friday. Smackdown wasn't its normal fun self. No. It seemed like this shit got real!!! Namely in the form of the enigma himself, Jeff Hardy!
Team BFF (Hardy and HHH) reunited to take on The Miz and John Morrison. I don't think we've ever talked about John Morrison here before. Well, for the uninformed, he has the gimmick of being a Jim Morrison rip off and he speaks very hammy. He's so hammy that that has to be his gimmick, which makes him kind of awesome. Too bad the rest of him isn't that awesome, dreamboat that he is. Seriously, look at him:
Silver glitter on his abs? Seriously? That's too gay even for us.Well, this match was a bit of retribution as both he and the Miz lost to HHH and Shawn Michaels on Raw, so they decided to come over to Smackdown and get revenge on HHH. However, it was not to be, since Jeff Hardy really never tagged out. Seriously. He wanted to somehow prove he was worthy of a title shot by being all gutsy and never quitting, like Rudy. Unfortunately, that didn't work, so HHH eventually came into the match. Jeff was so distraught about this that he decided to swing chairs and get himself DQ'd. Way to impress the match dealer there, Trainspot.
That's why they call me "Pun Dawg"Smackdown celebrated Obama's win by giving us a match for the US Title! Shelton Benjamin and R-Truth continued their long, storied, two month feud, and then swiftly ended it by having Shelton win clean in the center of the ring. A'INT NO STOPPIN' HIM NOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWW!
"Mmmmm...rump roast."Apparently MVP is a Holocaust denier or something, because there is little explanation for why he is being jobbed so frequently. Sure, they say it's because he has a clause in his contract where he must win X number of matches to hit a bonus, but we know the truth. MVP shamefully does not believe the worst atrocity in human history.
This week he lost to The Great Khali, who is now a good guy because he kisses ugly/old/fat women in the middle of the ring. So in addition to not being able to use a telephone, he's also blind. Perhaps it's time we got him a handicapped plate for his car?
And my self esteem....In Diva action, Victoria (not a lady to mess with) took on some cute girl in pink named Brie Bella. Victoria, being the good sport she is, let Brie win the match, 1-2-3 in the center of the ring. For some reason after the match Ms. Bella crawled underneath the ring. Luckily for Victoria, Jim Neidhart's daughter had her back. She grabbed Brie's legs as Victoria grabbed her arms. But wait...that's rather far apart. At least 7 feet or so. WHAT!!!?? THERE'S TWO!?!?!?! TWINS!?!?!? YES!!! FUCK YES!!! THAT'S THE RADDEST SHIT I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE!!!111holdshiftoneoneoneBBQ!!1!
Finally, as promised last week, Vladimir Kozlov would get a title shot at Survivor Series if he could only beat The Undertaker. The Deadman seemed to have the Moscow Mauler on the ropes, all but setting up Soda Popinski for his first loss. But then crazy old Jeff Hardy decided to show why he's worthy of a title shot by interfering in the match and swinging a chair at both Kozlov and the Undertaker. Now, we've established that this is usually a smart move. Senselessly attacking other wrestler is a great way to make a name for yourself, but not when the man you hit first needs that win to become the #1 Contender, silly! That's what happened! Kozlov wins via DQ and now we have our Survivor Series main event. Jeff then ran backstage, and told GM Vickie Guerrero that if he takes on the Undertaker next week, he should be deserving of a title shot. Ok buddy, now I know you're high.
This can only end poorly.Taker vs Hardy, MVP loses, and Kozlov mic skills! Tonight! 8/7c MyNetwork TV!
1 comment:
I love that there's a Wikipedia page for Soda Popinski.
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