So, here you have "Watch Wresslin' Wednesdays." Please feel free to suggest a better title, because we are woefully uncreative when it comes to naming stuff.
Better at naming stuff than us. The idea of W.W.W. is we each send the other a video that is related to wrestling (a match, promo, interview, guest starring spot, etc.). The only restriction is that it cannot be user-created, so your compilation of every superkick ever delivered ain't gonna fly here, pal. Neither of us know what kind of video we're going to get that day.
After viewing, we each write a response. This could be anything we choose: a straight commentary, a philosophical enlightenment, or classless ridicule. Just as we don't know what kind of video the other will select, neither do we know what the other will write or how they will write it. What you end up with is a mash-up of styles, which in our book equates to two-blogs-in-one, and we can take the rest of the day off.
Matt's video to Adam - Paul E. Dangerously and Tony Schiavone host WCW
Adam's response...
The more and more I think about it, the more and more I like the idea of the studio show. It makes things seem a little more legitimate. Like we are actually watching a sports telecast, and we have the halftime crew who can sit there and break things down, tell us what's going on, etc. I know that the product now likes to be "spontaneous", but all that does is further make things look phonier.
Regardless, the NWA/WCW has their main event on TBS Superstation, hosted by our favorite, interrupting broadcaster Tony Schivone. And he has a special guest this week, none other then Paul E. Dangerously (the E stands for EXXXTREME!). Paul here decides to give Tony some of his own medicine, consistently cutting off this imbecile, serving only his own needs. He's cutting promos on Jim Cornette, citing how Cornette will be gone from the NWA. I don't quite know why he's bragging about wearing a cast or sling, but he sure seems gleeful that he'll have his phone with him. He's serious too. He'll even invoke the help of "you know who." I certainly do, Paul. I mean, I'm not a praying man, but Superman, if you can hear Paul, please help him out at Chi-Town Rumble '89!
Our second segment has Schivone plugging the big title match between Ric Flair and Ricky Steamboat at the aforementioned Chi-Town Rumble (not exactly royal, is it?). Here's where Paul E. takes issue. He rightfully believes in Ric Flair's championship reign, but doesn't have a clue as to how Steamboat got a title shot. He says that Steamboat came out of nowhere to attack Flair. He's never heard of such a thing. Well pro wrestling must have been way different in 1989, because this is pretty much the way things are done now.
Oh wait. Things aren't any different. Busy body Schivone decided to tattle on Paul and remind him that that was actually how Paul E. debuted in the NWA. Well exccuuuuusssseee me! Still, Paul takes it in stride, saying that a good idea will always be stolen. This is consistent with Paul E.'s future, as pretty much every idea and concept he ever had was stolen by more successful people. Well, except for that mullet.
The best part of this entire video is when Paul decides to be all slick and throw his phone in the air and catch it. Of course he fails and the phone hits the floor and rolls away. You can stop holding your breath because the phone is fine. Why wouldn't it be fine? It's a brick. Look at that thing. But that's not why it's great. What made it so great is that this was clearly filmed in one take. No re-dos. Just get the message across and we'll tell you when we're stopping tape. This kinda of professionalism is single handily what makes pro wrestling so great and so reviled at the exact same time. I love it.
Anyway, the third segment opens up with some obtuse thinking. Schivone says "People have always wondered, and I, being a person has wondered-" Woah. Aren't we all people, man? That's just far out? Existential. Trippy. What is it we all wonder, Moon Flower? What is THE BIG QUESTION, Star Sailor?
Is your telephone loaded?
Oh. No, I've actually never wondered that. I just assumed it was, considering how he uses it as a weapon in the ring. Paul acts coy and says that Tony can examine the phone, but keep in mind, that this is not the same phone he brings to the ring (wink)! Ah, so Paul indicts himself and admits to cheating. Wouldn't that be a clear violation of his NWA contract? Get Jim Crockett on the phone!
He uses this tough guy pastiche to go into one final tirade against Jim Cornette, promising that Cornette will lose the match, and thus leaving town. He even begins to brag that he's in the best shape of his life. Really? Really? Yikes. Although, maybe he's right:
Paul today. Yeeessshhh.Adam's video to Matt - Andre the Giant drinking alcohol
Matt's response...
"Anybody want a peanut?"
That's a BIG peanut... There aren't a whole lot of wrestlers more legendary than Andre the Giant. In fact, I would say aren't ANY more legendary. We're obviously huge marks for the likes of Roddy Piper and Ric Flair, and while those two certainly have a more than their share of road tales, but there's a unique aura about Andre. He so familiar to us, yet so foreign at the same time. The autobiographies of any wrestler that spent time with him includes at least a chapter on the man. Even the related videos on YouTube are filled with "The time Andre did this..." and "Random Andre tale..."
(There's also this one, titled "first shot of alcohol," where a girl stands in a kitchen and most certainly does not take a shot of alcohol. The description simply says, "you decide!" Well, what in the hell are we supposed to decide? If it's her first shot of alcohol? She never takes it! So I wouldn't know. I decided that you're an idiot. How's that?)
This one recounts what I'm sure a lot of us have heard: Andre drinks. A LOT.
How much is "a lot"? Well, they mention the time he drank over a hundred beers in a single sitting. To put that into perspective, here's me after four beers...
Try and guess which one I am... Modern Drunkard magazine (greatest thing ever?) posted an article dedicated only to the Giant. In it, they include some other stories, like the time he drank an entire case of wine. Again, I think we need to illustrate that.
Here's a bottle of wine:
Nice bottle of WINE, dumbass Here's what normal people look like after a bottle of wine:
Here's a case of wine:
Here's Andre the Giant after a case of wine:
I think we can all agree that Andre the Giant was taken from us far too soon. But if he had lived longer, we'd be facing a severe alcohol shortage and would have to drink moonshine and look like this...
R.I.P. Big Guy.
No comments:
Post a Comment