OH Baby I like it RAW! vol. 7

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

For a theme song to accompany this post, please press play and enjoy...



It's the day after Survivor Series, and who survived? Let's find out.

I'll only be covering the events that directly affect Raw. There's plenty of other stuff that went down, but we'll get to that later. Because we roll that way, and you should know that by now.

Right off the bat, we're treated to a traditional Survivor Series match. Let's take a look at the teams. First we have the heavy hitters of Team Michaels.


Then there was Team JBL, so devoid of talent that no one felt like taking a picture of all of them. Just take my word that Team Michaels won, and there were three of them left in the ring. It was very close.

Next is the divas elimination match. There to make the first pin is Raw's very own double-named diva Kelly Kelly.

Can I be ANY part of this picture?

Raw goes on to win this match, because we all know when the world wants to find the best scantily-clad, poorly choreographed wrestling, it comes to Raw.

Next, we're taken backstage, where Carlito [Caribbean Cool] is confronted with the Gobbledy Gooker. I'm pretty sure you remember him...


Carlito [Caribbean Cool] is certain that the person dressed up in the costume is none other than LOL, Wresslin' Seal of Awesomeness winner Charlie Haas. I can tell you right now that it's not, because there's no way to fit "Haas" into the name Gobbledy Gooker. Come on, Carlito [Caribbean Cool], get with the bit!


Team Orton meets backstage, and you can already tell this team is headed for trouble because they just aren't getting along. Cody Rhodes, half of the Priceless team (the "less" half), says that it wouldn't be so bad if team captain Randy got eliminated. He said it would be "addition by subtraction." I think his understanding of basic math is a little skewed.

How do you subtract infinity?

Their opponents tonight are Team Good Guys (aka Batista and his Animaniacs). CM Punk immediately pins William Regal, proving again that even with the IC belt, Regal is as insignificant as ever.

Above: better Intercontinental Champion than William Regal.

The match ended up consisting of Batista vs. Orton and Cody, after what you would call (alright, what I would call) a Batista-carpet-bombing, with him eliminating I think more guys than were even on the other team. I'm going to have to get with Rhodes on the math for that.

Finally, we have the highlight of the night - Cena and Chris Jericho.

"STILL not funny, Shawn"

Alright, let's really pick this one apart. I'll go lock-up for lock-up with you, just so you can really get a feel of how this thi---OH I CAN'T STAND IT!!!

THE CHAMP IS HERE THE CHAMP IS HERE THECHAMPISHERE!!!!!!!111!!!1111!1!!!


AND IT WAS IN BOSTON SO HIS PARENTS WERE THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!11!!1111

Folks.

AND SO WAS THIS KID!!!!!111!11!1!!


...who bears a striking resemblance to this kid...


Don't you think?

Anyway, I'm predicted the highest ratings in television history and future for tonight's Raw, 9/8c on the only station for Mr. Cena, USA!!!!!!111!!11!!