LOL, Wresslin': OH BABY, I like it RAW! vol. 4

Monday, November 3, 2008

OH BABY, I like it RAW! vol. 4

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coarsing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

For a theme song to accompany this post, please press play and enjoy...

Last week was the night following Cyber Sunday, and the big news is we have a new champ in town.

Randy Orton was not pleased that he didn't get voted in as the special guest ref for the championship match, and he said that he would quit if Adamle didn't get fired.

The internet said the guy on the bottom is Mike Adamle. Who are we to argue?

All three of Santino's possible opponents from Cyber Sunday came down to help comment on his match, because if there's anything that makes a match better, it's three more announcers. Santino has to face off against GlamaHAAS (there goes Charlie, just running up the score. How are we ever going to award the Seal of Awesomeness to anyone else?) Goldust was not onboard with this gimmick, having the balls/a short memory/not looked in a mirror to say, "I don't like cross-dressers." Why do I even try?

Mr. Pot, I'd like you to meet Mr. Kettle.

That match ended in a no contest, not as if there was much of a contest to begin with. Then the big news hit: Mike Knox has been drafted to Raw!!! No way!! NO F***ING WAY!! I cannot wait to see the ratings for this week!!

Wrong one? Truthfully, I don't know what he looks like.

Reminder: this guy used to be passed off as Kelly Kelly's boyfriend. He's accomplished more than you.

Seriously, this guy merits an in-show promo? Next thing you know they'll be running promos for when a camera guy switches over from Smackdown.

The divas had a six-man(?) tag match. Let me run down the contestants: Kelly Kelly, Candice Michelle, Mickie James, Jillian Hall, Leyla, and Katie Lee. Yeah, let's just go ahead and set up that conference call right now, ladies.

Check.

Here's where good ideas start rolling. Rey Mysterio and Evan Bourne have a roof-blower of a match. Certainly the best of the night, and probably the best in a long time. Rey wins, and after all that excitement, out comes Kane to squash Mysterio. You know (tm), there's something about a guy winning a great match perfectly clean and then congratulating his opponent that really makes me want to see him get his ass handed to him. And then when Bourne tries to help the guy out, Mark Henry comes and treats him like a pork chop.