Saturday, November 29, 2008

Hulk Hogan's CCW: Week 6

Proving that Celebrity Championship Wrestling exists on Earth-53 and not in reality television, we have this announcement this week: Danny Bonaduce is back! Now, you may remember that he was kicked off because he was injured and couldn't wrestle. Well, he strolls back in to the break room like nothing ever happened. He says he's going to talk to Hogan and get back on the show.

If kicking someone off the show because they're hurt is a good idea, then surely they would remain off the show if they lied about being badly injured and simply skipped the match, right?

Wrong.

Hogan caves and says he can come back. Dustin Diamond (who, for whatever reason, has pissed off everyone on the show) can't stand for that, being the one sane person involved in this program. He walks up on Hogan and Bonaduce's convo and voices his displeasure. Well, kiddo, this ain't a democracy around here, and Hogan doesn't give a damn what the smartest kid in school has to say on the matter.


They devise that these two should have a one-on-one, falls count anywhere match. Because they have a grudge, and because they need to fill the last segment of the show. The rest of the competitors are just going to have a normal hardcore match. To prepare for this, they are shown the way to a junkyard, where they may pick out any piece of junk to use in a match. Not sure that we've ever seen anyone in the WWE bring a transmission to an '88 LeBaron to the ring, so this should be interesting.

Imagine our surprise when they all found stuff that has no business being in a junk yard. Like an aluminum baseball bat, or a perfectly good STOP sign. Diamond found a sledgehammer, which might belong there, but also continues his habit of honoring those who came before him.


Diamond and Bonaduce go off to block out their match, and in the process of getting prepared, Danny gets hit with a trash can. Someone must have been a little confused on the stipulations of a hardcore match, because Mr. Keep-It-Together lost his ever-loving mind and started really hitting Dustin. And then to top things off, Bonaduce was screaming and throwing the trash can in the air, allowing it to fall and hit him in the head. Wethinks you are contradicting yourself, kind sir.

Also to prepare for the match, Hogan brings in GOLDBERG...GOLDBERG...GOLDBERG. Yes, the man known to be one of the stiffest (not you, Randy) workers in the business.

"Not yet."

So this guy who can't perform a move without hurting someone is here to perform moves on people who can't take a bump without hurting themselves. This should be great.

Oh, he doesn't do anything? He just says you have to "want it"? Well, I'm glad he came all this way to give a sports movie locker room speech.

He does give a powerslam to Bonaduce. Danny says he thinks he's going to die afterwards. Welcome to Earth-53.

On to the matches. The hardcore match is forgettable, which surprised a total of no people in the LOL, Wresslin' cave. What was great was the Diamond/Bonaduce match. They took it everywhere, even through walls. This match could easily fill the middle segment of Raw, which is saying a lot and not so much all at once. And what's more impressive is that neither of these two got hurt. Kudos are deserved and are thusly given.

Everyone but Danny, Dustin, and Trishelle are told they can hit the showers because they are safe. Let's add this up: we have two guys who just put on the best match in the history of the show, and we have Trishelle, who bitched the entire episode about getting hit with things and did next to nothing during her match.

Hogan even asked if she tried her hardest this week, and she said, "No." At least she's honest. But honesty means nothing except that you're a jabroni.

Will you remember me?

Could this show be getting good? No way! But maybe...you'll have to find out for yourself. Tonight, 8/7c on CMT.

Friday, November 28, 2008

R U READY TO DOWN SOME SMACK??? vol 8.

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

The big question going into last Sunday's Survivor Series was "Who will survive and what will be left of them? Well those questions were answered and we now have the landscape ready to take us into the twelfth month- the month of Armageddon!

The big news of the night was that the triple threat WWE title match had been changed back to a one on one because Jeff Hardy was found on the floor of his hotel lobby at 3 am. Damn dude. I suppose we'll be having a Self Destruction of Jeff Hardy DVD in about ten years.

Heath Ledger asked the same way

Survivor Series had numerous inter-brand matches on the card, so Matt covered a lot of them, but let me just say this: Smackdown. I'm disappointed in you. You only had one survivor in the traditional Survivor Series elimination tag matches, and you also bickered amongst yourself and had TWO individual matches. I didn't see Raw do that. Here, take a look at who decided to eliminate our favorite Hummer H2 driver:

Good enough

All so you can stand with those guys? They'll never accept you, Khali. You were there puppet! Now go call Adam Sandler and plead for a role in his next movie.



Also, the Undertaker and the Big Show locked it up, one more time on pay-per-view. However, this time is was in a CASKET MATCH! Egad, the sheer terror and carnage that must be unleashed to not only get one of these behemoths into the casket. And then, imagine the hatred one must feel to actually shut that casket lid, thereby giving the fallen combatant the horror of being inside a receptacle for burying the deceased. This is going to be barbaric.

Or very slow and a little boring.

Most exciting part of the match


Anyway, Big Show continued the Guerrero tradition of being thrown into caskets. Look for Undertaker/Bigshow XXXIX at Armageddon, on this time it'll be a pie eating contest.





Finally, our main event was the barn burner that is HHH and Vladimir Kozlov. The crowd, firmly behind the United States, adopted the Connecticut blue blood/French Canadian immigrant as their own, and cheered him on to a resounding rally. He was about to pin the unbeaten Moscow Mauler when suddenly, General Manager Vicki Guerrero appeared on the ramp!

Viva la raza!

Yes! Jeff Hardy has risen from the ashes to... OMG! That's not him! That's...it can't be! He's been gone for weeks!

Nice beard, Mike Knox (OMG!!!) Version 2.0

Quick side note. How lucky for Edge that this match didn't end before he decided to show up for the pay-per-view.


Well gee, seems like Jeff really did have a prob- OMG! He's here! He's here! And I bet he's pissed!

Unreliable and prone to destructive behavior...

Alas, it was not to be, as the ultimate opportunist pulled out the win and is our champion. At least we can still take solace in the fact that THE CHAMP IS THERE!!!11!!11!



Will we find out what the Smackdown superstars are thankful for tonight? What will Hurricane Helms just be sayin? What's the over/under on "Black Friday" references? Find out, tonight on MyNetwork TV, 8/7c!

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Happy Thanksgiving!

We're a sentimental bunch here at LOL, Wresslin'. We love the holidays! Christmas, Easter, Wrestlemania, it's hard to pick our favorite. And even though we can't choose, Thanksgiving will always be near the top.

However, Thanksgiving is more than just debauchery for us. No, we actually like to take a minute and be thankful for all the good in our lives. So here's a brief list of what made 2008 so great:

Wrestling

Guitars

Dogs

Mortal Kombat vs DC Universe

Steady employment

John Cena (!!!)

Masheen Gunz

Internet forums

Our readers.

Randy Orton's lower torso.

Scott Hall's awful life.

Bruce Campbell

The Dark Knight

Ric Flair

Roddy Piper

Family, friends, blah blah (yaaaawwwnnn!)

It doesn't matter what your list is. It's just important to remember the good and push out the bad, even for one day. Because no matter what, you're not Jake Roberts (unless you actually are Jake Roberts reading this. We know you're out there, Snake.)

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

W.W.W featuring Paul E. Dangerously & Tony Schiavone and Andre the Giant

On Wednesdays, we here at LOL, Wresslin' like to really pull out the stops and offer up a double shot of righteously killer content. Why Wednesday? Well, we could impress you with market research, work habit studies, and human psychology tendencies to show you there's a scientific reason the middle of the week is the best time to bring your A-game. However, truth be told, we don't have any of that stuff and settled on Wednesday because that was the only day that didn't have any content scheduled.

So, here you have "Watch Wresslin' Wednesdays." Please feel free to suggest a better title, because we are woefully uncreative when it comes to naming stuff.


Better at naming stuff than us.

The idea of W.W.W. is we each send the other a video that is related to wrestling (a match, promo, interview, guest starring spot, etc.). The only restriction is that it cannot be user-created, so your compilation of every superkick ever delivered ain't gonna fly here, pal. Neither of us know what kind of video we're going to get that day.

After viewing, we each write a response. This could be anything we choose: a straight commentary, a philosophical enlightenment, or classless ridicule. Just as we don't know what kind of video the other will select, neither do we know what the other will write or how they will write it. What you end up with is a mash-up of styles, which in our book equates to two-blogs-in-one, and we can take the rest of the day off.

Matt's video to Adam - Paul E. Dangerously and Tony Schiavone host WCW



Adam's response...

The more and more I think about it, the more and more I like the idea of the studio show. It makes things seem a little more legitimate. Like we are actually watching a sports telecast, and we have the halftime crew who can sit there and break things down, tell us what's going on, etc. I know that the product now likes to be "spontaneous", but all that does is further make things look phonier.

Regardless, the NWA/WCW has their main event on TBS Superstation, hosted by our favorite, interrupting broadcaster Tony Schivone. And he has a special guest this week, none other then Paul E. Dangerously (the E stands for EXXXTREME!). Paul here decides to give Tony some of his own medicine, consistently cutting off this imbecile, serving only his own needs. He's cutting promos on Jim Cornette, citing how Cornette will be gone from the NWA. I don't quite know why he's bragging about wearing a cast or sling, but he sure seems gleeful that he'll have his phone with him. He's serious too. He'll even invoke the help of "you know who." I certainly do, Paul. I mean, I'm not a praying man, but Superman, if you can hear Paul, please help him out at Chi-Town Rumble '89!

Our second segment has Schivone plugging the big title match between Ric Flair and Ricky Steamboat at the aforementioned Chi-Town Rumble (not exactly royal, is it?). Here's where Paul E. takes issue. He rightfully believes in Ric Flair's championship reign, but doesn't have a clue as to how Steamboat got a title shot. He says that Steamboat came out of nowhere to attack Flair. He's never heard of such a thing. Well pro wrestling must have been way different in 1989, because this is pretty much the way things are done now.

Oh wait. Things aren't any different. Busy body Schivone decided to tattle on Paul and remind him that that was actually how Paul E. debuted in the NWA. Well exccuuuuusssseee me! Still, Paul takes it in stride, saying that a good idea will always be stolen. This is consistent with Paul E.'s future, as pretty much every idea and concept he ever had was stolen by more successful people. Well, except for that mullet.

The best part of this entire video is when Paul decides to be all slick and throw his phone in the air and catch it. Of course he fails and the phone hits the floor and rolls away. You can stop holding your breath because the phone is fine. Why wouldn't it be fine? It's a brick. Look at that thing. But that's not why it's great. What made it so great is that this was clearly filmed in one take. No re-dos. Just get the message across and we'll tell you when we're stopping tape. This kinda of professionalism is single handily what makes pro wrestling so great and so reviled at the exact same time. I love it.

Anyway, the third segment opens up with some obtuse thinking. Schivone says "People have always wondered, and I, being a person has wondered-" Woah. Aren't we all people, man? That's just far out? Existential. Trippy. What is it we all wonder, Moon Flower? What is THE BIG QUESTION, Star Sailor?

Is your telephone loaded?


Oh. No, I've actually never wondered that. I just assumed it was, considering how he uses it as a weapon in the ring. Paul acts coy and says that Tony can examine the phone, but keep in mind, that this is not the same phone he brings to the ring (wink)! Ah, so Paul indicts himself and admits to cheating. Wouldn't that be a clear violation of his NWA contract? Get Jim Crockett on the phone!

He uses this tough guy pastiche to go into one final tirade against Jim Cornette, promising that Cornette will lose the match, and thus leaving town. He even begins to brag that he's in the best shape of his life. Really? Really? Yikes. Although, maybe he's right:

Paul today. Yeeessshhh.


Adam's video to Matt - Andre the Giant drinking alcohol



Matt's response...

"Anybody want a peanut?"

That's a BIG peanut...

There aren't a whole lot of wrestlers more legendary than Andre the Giant. In fact, I would say aren't ANY more legendary. We're obviously huge marks for the likes of Roddy Piper and Ric Flair, and while those two certainly have a more than their share of road tales, but there's a unique aura about Andre. He so familiar to us, yet so foreign at the same time. The autobiographies of any wrestler that spent time with him includes at least a chapter on the man. Even the related videos on YouTube are filled with "The time Andre did this..." and "Random Andre tale..."

(There's also this one, titled "first shot of alcohol," where a girl stands in a kitchen and most certainly does not take a shot of alcohol. The description simply says, "you decide!" Well, what in the hell are we supposed to decide? If it's her first shot of alcohol? She never takes it! So I wouldn't know. I decided that you're an idiot. How's that?)

This one recounts what I'm sure a lot of us have heard: Andre drinks. A LOT.

How much is "a lot"? Well, they mention the time he drank over a hundred beers in a single sitting. To put that into perspective, here's me after four beers...

Try and guess which one I am...

Modern Drunkard magazine (greatest thing ever?) posted an article dedicated only to the Giant. In it, they include some other stories, like the time he drank an entire case of wine. Again, I think we need to illustrate that.

Here's a bottle of wine:

Nice bottle of WINE, dumbass

Here's what normal people look like after a bottle of wine:


Here's a case of wine:


Here's Andre the Giant after a case of wine:


I think we can all agree that Andre the Giant was taken from us far too soon. But if he had lived longer, we'd be facing a severe alcohol shortage and would have to drink moonshine and look like this...


R.I.P. Big Guy.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Finally, a movie for us!

We know that sometimes it seems that the Laugh Twins of LOL, Wresslin' fame have a one track mind: wrestling. And perhaps the finest women in the world today, so two tracks at most. Don't let our internet appearance fool you, though. We're much deeper than that.

We also like movies! Not all movies; just the really awesome ones. So imagine our excitement when we heard about a movie simply titled The Wrestler. It was as if you went to Scott Hall and said, "Hey, there's a new movie coming out called Booze. You interested?" It stars Mickey Rourke, who was that big guy in Sin City, and Marisa Tomei, who's hot. It's directed by Darren Aronofsky, and after looking at his at IMDB page, we're certain we've never heard of him. But he's apparently making a new RoboCop, so he might just make a name for himself. We'll see.

Here's the trailer...



OH MAN!! Did you see all of that? Let us recount how many awesome things are in that trailer:

1. Wrestling

2. Strippers

3. 80's rock music

Read those again and tell us just how this is not the best movie ever made.

Now, we've had to look into this more, and some of those "movie" blogs are calling this a heartfelt drama that will make you cry. A story of redemption, forgiveness, and never giving up on one's dreams. They say it's a beautifully crafted tale of a man who falls all the way to the bottom, but manages to find that part in us that won't stop when everything says you should.

lol whut?

Did they see the same movie or something else? Sure, we saw a good deal of talking, and maybe a tear or two, but we're pretty sure those are the only ones in the movie. You gotta do something to get the females in the theater. But we know what this movie is about.

Wrestling and fine women.

So we're not all that simple-minded after all, are we?

Monday, November 24, 2008

OH Baby I like it RAW! vol. 7

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

For a theme song to accompany this post, please press play and enjoy...



It's the day after Survivor Series, and who survived? Let's find out.

I'll only be covering the events that directly affect Raw. There's plenty of other stuff that went down, but we'll get to that later. Because we roll that way, and you should know that by now.

Right off the bat, we're treated to a traditional Survivor Series match. Let's take a look at the teams. First we have the heavy hitters of Team Michaels.


Then there was Team JBL, so devoid of talent that no one felt like taking a picture of all of them. Just take my word that Team Michaels won, and there were three of them left in the ring. It was very close.

Next is the divas elimination match. There to make the first pin is Raw's very own double-named diva Kelly Kelly.

Can I be ANY part of this picture?

Raw goes on to win this match, because we all know when the world wants to find the best scantily-clad, poorly choreographed wrestling, it comes to Raw.

Next, we're taken backstage, where Carlito [Caribbean Cool] is confronted with the Gobbledy Gooker. I'm pretty sure you remember him...


Carlito [Caribbean Cool] is certain that the person dressed up in the costume is none other than LOL, Wresslin' Seal of Awesomeness winner Charlie Haas. I can tell you right now that it's not, because there's no way to fit "Haas" into the name Gobbledy Gooker. Come on, Carlito [Caribbean Cool], get with the bit!


Team Orton meets backstage, and you can already tell this team is headed for trouble because they just aren't getting along. Cody Rhodes, half of the Priceless team (the "less" half), says that it wouldn't be so bad if team captain Randy got eliminated. He said it would be "addition by subtraction." I think his understanding of basic math is a little skewed.

How do you subtract infinity?

Their opponents tonight are Team Good Guys (aka Batista and his Animaniacs). CM Punk immediately pins William Regal, proving again that even with the IC belt, Regal is as insignificant as ever.

Above: better Intercontinental Champion than William Regal.

The match ended up consisting of Batista vs. Orton and Cody, after what you would call (alright, what I would call) a Batista-carpet-bombing, with him eliminating I think more guys than were even on the other team. I'm going to have to get with Rhodes on the math for that.

Finally, we have the highlight of the night - Cena and Chris Jericho.

"STILL not funny, Shawn"

Alright, let's really pick this one apart. I'll go lock-up for lock-up with you, just so you can really get a feel of how this thi---OH I CAN'T STAND IT!!!

THE CHAMP IS HERE THE CHAMP IS HERE THECHAMPISHERE!!!!!!!111!!!1111!1!!!


AND IT WAS IN BOSTON SO HIS PARENTS WERE THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!11!!1111

Folks.

AND SO WAS THIS KID!!!!!111!11!1!!


...who bears a striking resemblance to this kid...


Don't you think?

Anyway, I'm predicted the highest ratings in television history and future for tonight's Raw, 9/8c on the only station for Mr. Cena, USA!!!!!!111!!11!!

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Hulk Hogan's CCW: Week 5

Due to time constraints, this may be a quickie, but we'll see what happens...

Oh yes please

The performers(?) are rocked this week with a stunning revelation from Easy E: there are no more teams. All these weeks of seperate locker rooms and friendly competition are over. Now there's just Team Hogan, and it's every wash-up for themselves. They're going to have an over-the-top-rope battle royal, which ends up looking more like a Royal Stumble.

So this week, the moves all have to with the upcoming match. First, there's going over the rope, and surprisingly all these former celebrities have a hard time acutally falling on their faces. Apparently, a career nose-dive is not real training. Then they have the "duck and boost" to aide them in tossing out their opponents.

Lastly, we have a finisher! The Holy Grail of wrestling! Along with tossing opponents out of the ring, they can also hit their finisher to win. Now, we can't assume these folks can come up with a move all on their own, so we have Mr. Monday Night, RVD, here to help them! Hogan says RVD has the best finisher of all professional wrestlers, but we think Scott Steiner would disagree.


Danny gets hurt taking a bump, and he's carted out on a stretcher, neck brace and all. That's probably the most convincing professional wrestling performance we've seen to date on this show.

The wrestlers(?) pick their finishers. Diamond goes with a DDT, giving Jake the Snake Roberts a reason to be proud. That brings his total of things to be proud of up to one.

The match goes on without Bonaduce, and everyone pretty much does what you'd expect them to do. Trishelle wins and gets a push with every one of the judges blowing her afterwards. We're pretty sure it was vice-versa pre-match.

Hogan decides to be an ass and eliminate Danny because he didn't wrestle this week. Because that's fair. So let's get this straight: Bonaduce is a poor teammate because he has a real job outside of reality television, and he's eliminated from the show after he was taken away on a stretcher. Ok.

Watch for the classiness to continue tonight at 8/7c central on CMT.

Friday, November 21, 2008

R U READY TO DOWN SOME SMACK??? vol. 7

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

Two weeks ago we saw Jeff Hardy insert himself back into the main event picture after having attempted to win the title time and time and time again. GM Vickie Guerrero rightfully told him his time was up, but like a selfish addict (for titles, of course), he wouldn't hear that and essentially threw hissy fits attacking other wrestlers to prove how "serious" he was.

Anyways, one of those guys he pissed off was the Undertaker. So the main event was Jeff Hardy vs the Undertaker.....EXXXTREME RULES!!! To psych out the Undertaker for the match, Jeff debuted a new aspect to his character. And by that I mean he threw on some clown make up, started talking about how he lives in a world of gray, thus enabling him to do things others can't. Sort of reminds me of a character a certain deceased actor played in a certain movie that grossed a billion dollars.

You wanna know how I got these scars?

The other big event was the signing of the Survivor Series main event between HHH and Yackoff Smir...err Vladimir Kozlov.





Red carpet means it's important

Couple questions here: 1) Why is Chavo there? What business does he have being anywhere near a main event? Is he a notarizer? If so, where was he licensed? 2) Why aren't there any lawyers present? This is a contract signing, right?

Well, after talking about kicking each other's butts, The Clown Prince of Wrestling showed up again and decided to ruin it with his tom foolery.

Again dude? Really?

MVP must have been named in the Joseph McCarthy hearings, because there is no other explanation for his losing streak. This week that dirty Red lost to Funaki of all people. Funaki! True, his new "Kung Fu Naki" gimmick is kind of awesome (complete with "Kung Fu Fighting" esq entrance theme), but still. He lost to Funaki.

Kung Fu isn't Japanese, by the way. I'm just sayin'

At least this time the Great Khali interfered, so there was some explanation for the loss.



Divas action had Michelle McCool defend her title against Maria, who is #1 contender because she took her clothes off in Playboy a few months ago. After Maria tapped to the ankle lock, two retards named Jesse and Festus jumped into the ring and chased out McCool. Seems like the big lummox has a crush on the loser and wanted to give her a teddy bear. Awwwwwwwwwwwww.

What Megan's Law looks like on Earth-53

Also, since Michelle McCool was mentioned:

BOIOIOIOIOIOIOIING!

And finally, in the main event, The Jeffer took on The Undertaker it what was a pretty awesome match. Hardy was crazy, Undertaker was his usual self, and it took a lot of weapons and a leg drop off a ladder for put the Deadman down for the three. This earned Jeff one more shot at (non-title) HHH. He wins that one, then it's a triple threat for the title at Survivor Series!

Wrestling's so fake

We're only two days away from a real PPV! Watch Smackdown tonight, 8/7c on My Network TV! Do it! Do it!

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Tough way to make a buck

(Note: This is our 50th post! They grow up so fast, don't they?)

While LOL, Wresslin' prides itself in being a refuge from the harsh realities of life, sometimes even the Laugh Twins can't completely divest themselves from actual news. We're gentlemen, sure, but we're also working gentlemen, and we've found lately that it's getting harder and harder to grind out a profit and keep up our gentlemanly exploits. So too, we figure, it is for those once-warriors of the squared circle that make their rounds on the meet-and-greet circuit.

However, after some scant research, it would not seem to be the case. We told you recently about Ric Flair's appearance in New York; the upper end tickets, which included autograph, photo and Q&A session, were going for $80. This Roddy Piper event is from last year we believe, and $25 gets you a photo and autograph (though, we're not sure we'd pay to hear about Piper's life on the streets; we've seen They Live). Another $25 will get you into a wrestling clinic with Koko B. Ware in Hasbrouck Heights, NJ. You have to buy the tickets at a Quiznos though, so bring your appetite as well. We're serious.

Is your wallet feeling a little light? Well, it's not over. Save up for next August, because Charlotte will be the home of a three-day NWA Legends Fanfest, with a dinner banquet and Hall of Heroes ceremony. That'll set you back two bills for a VIP ticket. Still have cash? Throw down another $35 for the Super Mega Fest (named by a 9-year-old) in Framingham, MA. There you'll rub elbows (or other things) with the likes of George Steel, Bruno Sammartino, Sonny, Jimmy Hart, Jackie Gayda-Haas (alright dude, seriously. We already gave you the Seal of Awesomeness. You can stop now.), and Dawn Marie.

We've also heard that if you even run into Virgil on the street, it'll cost you a Lincoln to get a photo (that's five bucks, not a penny).


So it seems that the appearance business is going rather well, even in a tough economy. But what about the WWE itself. Well, if you believe them, they're pretty much recession-proof, because if there's one thing that people always need is their rasslin'. And internet porn, but we're a classy joint here.

Let's check out Tazz's Tale of the Tape here...or did he have the Keys to the Match? Doesn't matter.

Using the finest research tools at our disposal, we checked out WWE's performance in the stock market. Let's take a look...


Well, perhaps they're right. They certainly seem to be chugging right along with no problems whatsoev--wait a minute. What's that?


Oooohhh, so sorry (cue The Price is Right horn). Now, we'll fully admit that we're not financial experts, but it seems that WWE isn't that bullet-proof after all. Now, as for internet porn? Surprisingly enough, Yahoo! doesn't have a stock ticker for them. Apparently it's not a publicly traded company. But here's what we think it looks like...