And the award goes to...

SEASONS BEATINGS!

Last week, the WWE handed out their annual awards for excellence in execution, the Slammys. And by "annual," we mean "whenever the hell they feel like it." The Slammys have been awarded five times in the history of the company, in 1986 and '87, 1996 and '97, and now 2008.

As the wrestling comedy blog of record, we thought we'd look back and compare past winners with the current batch of "Best of..." desginees. That is utterly impossible, since the categories change from ceremony to ceremony. We're starting to think this is a cheap gimmick to propel storylines, but that can't be, can it?

The first awards were handed out in Baltimore, Maryland. Winners of note were Gene Okurlund, who took home the Golden Boys for Best Commentator, and Junkyard Dog, who won the Best Single Performer category.

No one had a problem with this gimmick?

In 1987, neither of those awards existed, so we don't have to worry about repeat winners. George Steele was given the statue for "Best Performance by an Animal." Lucky for him Batista wasn't around back then. He beat out the likes of Damian, Jake Roberts's snake, proving that pets do take after their masters.


Hacksaw Jim Duggan was awarded the "Best Hit." Something tells us he's still living up to that designation. More on that tomorrow...

Vince McMahon performed the song "Stand Back," and after a blistering introduction from Jesse Ventura, we're treated to this few minutes of pure, solid gold:

The good ol' days

Also, receiving the award for "Best Head" were Gene Okerlund and Bam Bam Bigelow. We always thought Mean Gene had a pretty mouth.

Yum yum...

On to 1996: Sunny wins the "Best Buns" award, beating both Shawn Michaels and Razor Ramon. We demand a recount. But HBK does come back and win "Best Slammin' Jammin' Entrance," proving that 1996 was stupid. Owen Hart was nominated but lost the award for "Crime of the Century" after taking credit for Shawn's collapse. Shawn would have the courtesy not to do the same for Owen later in their careers.

Owen Hart has an interesting history with the Slammys, having recieved two but winning neither of them. He accepted the award for Greatest Shocker (minds up here, folks) after Shawn won after collapsing, and then in 1997, he blatantly stole an award which he wasn't even nominated for: Best Bow Tie. Owen, you make us sick.

Ill-gotten gains

The '97 awards were pretty tame. Undertaker won for Best Music, and Shawn for Best Finisher. Sable was awarded Miss Slammy, which yes, we will agree she should be slammed. Oh...too late.

Now, for 2008, there are a couple awards we take issue with. First, Mr. Cena being snubbed for Superstar of the Year is just a travesty. We're all for Jericho, but come now - let's be real. Also, there are three categories that definitely could have been condensed into one, saving us some precious time: the "Oh My God" Moment of the Year, the "Damn!" Moment of the Year, and the Extreme Moment of the Year. Jeff Hardy won the last one, which means all you have to do is put on a little face paint and not give a damn.


Finally, Beth Phoenix won Diva of the Year. No fair giving that award to a man.