On Wednesdays, we here at LOL, Wresslin' like to really pull out the stops and offer up a double shot of righteously killer content. Why Wednesday? Well, we could impress you with market research, work habit studies, and human psychology tendencies to show you there's a scientific reason the middle of the week is the best time to bring your A-game. However, truth be told, we don't have any of that stuff and settled on Wednesday because that was the only day that didn't have any content scheduled.
So, here you have "Watch Wresslin' Wednesdays." Please feel free to suggest a better title, because we are woefully uncreative when it comes to naming stuff.
Better at naming stuff than us. The idea of W.W.W. is we each send the other a video that is related to wrestling (a match, promo, interview, guest starring spot, etc.). The only restriction is that it cannot be user-created, so your compilation of your favorite wrestling entrances from the '90s ain't gonna fly here, pal. Neither of us know what kind of video we're going to get that day.
After viewing, we each write a response. This could be anything we choose: a straight commentary, a philosophical enlightenment, or classless ridicule. Just as we don't know what kind of video the other will select, neither do we know what the other will write or how they will write it. What you end up with is a mash-up of styles, which in our book equates to two-blogs-in-one, and we can take the rest of the day off.
Adam's video to Matt - The Miz interviews the cast of The Dark Knight
Matt's response...
I feel like such a fool.
There was a time - not too long ago - that I really liked the movie The Dark Knight. In fact, you could probably say that I loved it. I saw it eight times in the theater, three of those on opening weekend. I made the switch to blu-ray just for that movie. I named my dog "the Bark Knight." I was a fan.
But no more. The movie may be good and all, but I cannot respect those who made it.
Now, there's certainly not much love for The Miz. I can tell you I thought Kane should have killed him for dating Kelly Kelly, because she's way too good for him and that's just not right. I think his hair is stupid. I hate that his first name is "The."
But just like you would defend that borderline handicapped younger brother of yours, I have to stand up when someone disrespects a member of the wrestling family (unless they work for TNA; you can say what you want about them).
We have The Miz showing that not only can he hold his own in the ring, but he can do some interviews on the side and not miss a beat. He's sitting down on the premiere source for news, entertainment, cooking recipes, driving directions, and pretty pictures - WWE.com - and welcomes in the crappy cast of The Dark Knight. He set up this beautiful room for them, with a couple of nice posters of the movie, some chairs and probably a spread of croissants, fruits and all variety of cheeses just off camera.
And faced with all this excess and warmth, how do these Hollywood goons react? Ungrateful.
Let's start with the "director" Christopher Nolan. He scoffed (that's what English twerps do; they scoff) at the Miz's introduction of himself being the "real deal sex appeal." At that moment, I would have put a hand up to the camera and tossed the British cigarette out on his pasty white butt.
The Miz doesn't do that, proving that he has more restraint than I do. He soldiers on, like any soldiering soldier is wont to do. Nolan of course offers a generic answer to the hard-hitting question "What will the fans like about The Dark Knight?" Made it bigger and better, did you Chris? Well, how fascinating.
Then we move on to Maggie Gyllenhaal, who is only in the movie because Katie Cruise didn't need the paycheck. The Miz correctly calls her out on being a golddigger, and she claims she's not, just like a golddigger would do.
Maggie Gyllenhaal Then she makes fun of the quality action figures by Jakks, all the while laughing and ignoring questions about whether size matters.
Yeah, we know size matters to you, Maggie...the size of a guy's wallet!
Next, we have Bruce "Pain (in the butt)" himself, Christian Bale. You would expect a guy who is named after Christianity would be a little nicer, but nope, he's just as annoying as the other British guy. Must be something in the pole they're smoking over there.
Again, The Miz is scoffed upon when he reveals, to no one's surprise, that he's a chick magnet. What is with these guys? Jealous much?? It's obvious that he's intimidated by the Miz, because the entire time he meanders around answer his question, Christian "Fail" is staring at the floor. Why? Because he can't stand to look a real man in the face. I know. I have a PhD in knowing this stuff.
Gary Oldman is forced to reveal that in Batman Begins, he had a fake mustache. Is there no one you can trust these days?? Many thanks to the Miz for breaking that story in interest of the public good. He has a bright future in investigative journalism ahead of him.
Finally, Aaron Eckhardt admits that his mind is pure steel. We already knew you were thick-headed, Aaron; you're not fooling anyone.
I hope that these videos have enlightened you enough to get back all the money you've spent on these piece-of-trash "actors." I for one will never support anything they do again. As for The Miz, you're OK in my book, kid.
Just keep your damn dirty hands off Kelly Kelly.
Matt's Video to Adam- Scott Steiner Beats Up a Fan
Adam's response...
Wooowwwnnn wooowwnn wowww wow wow wow wowwwwnnnn! (new world order!)
Scott Steiner heads to the ring with two freaks, all adorned in Michigan Wolverines regalia. And by freaks, I mean they find both Steiner and Michigan alums to be attractive. Regardless, we're in Columbus, OH, so wearing Michigan attire is major league heat. Seriously. A few years ago I interviewed Andrew WK right after Thanksgiving, so I asked him how his holiday was. He said it was fine, and they played a show the day before Thanksgiving in Columbus. Mr. WK is from Ann Arbor, MI, and didn't think it would be a problem when he introduced his family who flew out to see him. Of course, the Columbus crowd did think it was a problem and promptly booed his family. Nice place.
Steiner supposedly went to Michigan, but I was able to find no evidence of this, despite using the finest research tools at my disposal. I have found no record of him being on either the wrestling or football team. Now granted, he was wearing a jersey of someone named Tabachino. Using the finest research tools at my disposal shows that Bob Tabchino was the starting right guard on the 1984 Wolverines team that went 6-6. Way to pick mediocrity, Freakzilla.
Steiner gets on the stick and says that finding a pretty girl in Ohio is as rare are finding a needle in a hay stack. The camera then cuts to two ugly girls who happen to be thin, which must be "Ohio pretty", thereby validating the Big Bad Booty Daddy's statement. Can a man be a heel if he tells the truth?
Anyway, Scotty then belts out his five catchphrases and then goes into major league heat again by crapping on the Buckeyes football team. He says how they used to love to come to Columbus, because beating Ohio State was easy, much like their women. Well that sounds like a good time, but let's check the facts:
Scott Rechsteiner was born in July of 1962, so let's say he attended college between 1981- and 1985 (with football season ending in 1984). He started wrestling professionally in 1986, so I think this is a safe assumption. Let's look at the Wolverines' record each season Steiner was in Ann Arbor, and their record against Ohio State.
1981: 9-3, lost to Ohio State 14-9
1982: 8-4, lost at Ohio State 24-14
1983: 9-3, beat Ohio State 24-21
1984: 6-6, lost at Ohio State 21-6
Final record against OSU: 1-3
Point margins: 55-80
Plus, two road losses. So clearly coming to Columbus, let alone beating THE Ohio State University (and their Best Damn Band in the Land) wasn't easy; it was hard. I heard you, Mr. Hook Up, and I'm hollering the truth.
Steiner then lays on the Michigan love some more by singing the fight song. Well, not so much singing as much as he barks it at us and then tells us that he doesn't suck, that we suck.
He then for some reason beats up some fan, and rather then be arrested for assault and be sued (along with AOL Time Warner) for millions he gets heel heat and a World Title run. Ah, to live on Earth-53 for a day.
Then the video abruptly ends. Nice editing, nWonitro. Love that Glacier pic as an icon, shit dick.
No comments:
Post a Comment