LOL, Wresslin' movie review: The Wrestler

We've previously written about The Wrestler, which is currently in limited release. For the uninformed, The Wrestler is a drama centered on retired professional wrestler Randy "The Ram" Robinson as he makes his way through the independent circuit, trying to get back in the game for one final showdown with his former rival. Adam lives in the cultural center of the world that is New York City, so he got to see the movie over the weekend. Here are his thoughts:

Holy shit is this movie awesome. It's got everything a movie could ever need to be great. Let's go over a brief list:

1) Pro wrestling.

The wrestling in this flick is fucking intense. Matches are brutal, all the while shot super tight. There's one hardcore match which has Randy the Ram takes chair shots, glass table, and stapler gun staples all on the body. It really shows off how bad ass pro wrestling is. Also, Randy is super ripped the entire flick, so seeing him take the bumps is like watching Raw or Smackdown on the big screen!

Ram is an ill wrestler too. His finisher is called "The Ram Jam", his rival is The Ayatollah, and he bangs some girl in a restroom.

Of course, putting it all together is Mickey Rourke, who played The Ram. And we all know how ill he was in Sin City as Marv!

2) Marisa Tomei

She plays a stripper named Cassidy, and she's smokin! Doesn't wear hardly any clothes all movie, which is fuckin' sweet. She's got some tiggle bitties, if y'all know what I sayin'. In fact, the was the most unbelievable part of the movie (other then...well I'll get to that in the cons) was when no one would want to pay her for a private dance. With that tight bod? Shiiiiiit girl, come on over here and I'll give you all the singles I got.

3) New Jersey

Oh man, there was one scene shot in my hometown of Asbury Park. I just wanted to stand up in the theater and go "Joisey, holla! AP! AP! AP, son! What?!", but didn't want to put all those art house fags in the theater in a bad mood. Last thing they need is me showin' off how reals I keep it! Also, the credits had a brand new Bruce song called "The Wrestler." BRUUUUCCCEEE!!! BRUUUUCCEEE!!

4) The soundtrack in general

So much metal! Ram and Cassidy said it best, "Everything was going great until that Cobain pussy ruined it all." G'n'R, Crue, "Bang Your Head", this thing may be the best soundtrack since Jock Jamz vol. 5.

5) Todd Barry

He's just funny, man.

As for the few negatives:

1) Everything that did not involve wrestling or tits.

I find it hard to believe that anyone who headlined Wrestlejam III would be livin in a trailer in Elizabeth, NJ. Randy "The Ram" Robinson is a king amongst men. He certainly should have a palace at this point in his career. Seems to me like some artificial Hollywood trickery to make us emphasize with the man. That's wrong though. We shouldn't bring him down to our level, we should be heralding him as royalty!

Also, the stuff with his estranged daughter...YAAAWWWNNN. She was so self centered and narcissistic. No wonder the same actress is playing Mary Jane in the Spiderman musical (I'd still do her). The scene in Asbury not only had Ram crying, but he also waltzed with his daughter in the abandoned casino. Why not have them say what exit they got off at and show a picture of Tillie for the ultimate Jersey cliche.

2) Male nudity.

Saw Rourke's butt too much.

3) The true meaning of the ending.

Not too get too spoilery, but let's just saw another Jersey institution did it first.

So if you're a total queer, don't bother seeing this movie. Go watch you Mama Mia! DVD again. However, if you're a real man, who loves all the things real men love, go see The Wrestler. You'll have to wade through some mushy shit, but it's well worth it for some solid gazes at violence and those sweet cans.

jk the whole thing is great lol