Hulk Hogan's CCW: Week 7

SEASON'S BEATINGS!!

Well now that all those pesky women are off the show we can finally get to the business at hand, WRESTLING!

No girls allowed!

Anyway, we're down to the final five, all three ready to take it to the limit, live an extreme life, and drink plenty of Mountain Dew just to be the first ever CCW Champion, brother! Let's kick it Easy E and learn the three moves of destruction for this week.



Wait...two moves? Have these scholars of the squared circle learned all there is to learn about pro wrestling. You know (tm), they've got their gimmicks, they can do an arm bar, wrestle a hardcore match, what else is there? Well this week trainers Nasty and Beefcake-

"Someone say 'beefcake'??"

No, not you Randy. Trainers Nasty and Beefcake taught our five celebrities (really?) an arm drag and chop (Woo!). But the fun doesn't stop there. No, Hulk Hogan himself popped on the red and yellow and taught our celebrities (no, really?) the dreaded body slam.

Now, Dustin Diamond is very excited for this. He marks out on his testimonial about how that move launched Hogan's career and all that jazz? Well, let's let Hulk tell us.

I bodyslammed Andre the Giant at Wrestlemania III, and at the time was almost 700 lbs, it pretty much changed the face of wrestling. Andre passed me the torch, and kinda like, gave Hulkamania that shot in the arm that it needed to get things up and running.

700 lbs? Prone to conjecture much, Terry? Also, launched Hulkamania? Most importantly it launched....PASTAMANIA!



Nice to know that the gentle giant passed Hulk to the torch. It's important to do those things. After all, Hulk then passed torch to...umm...uhhh....




So everyone learned to bodyslam and then unsuccessfully attempted to slam Butterbean. Just seemed like everyone loved grabbing some 400 lbs sweaty taint all in hopes of throwing out their back and being eliminated. Unfortunately for us that didn't happen and the Bean just laughed it off.



Time for the matches. Bonaduce, Diamond, and Bridges had a triple threat and Bean and Rodman wrestled in a big man match, which just means that they stared each other down and plodded around the ring. More on that later.

Dustin Diamond aka The Winner lived up to his namesake and beat both Mr. Not So Perfect and Dangerous Danny using dastardly heel tactics. Some brass knucks took out both men, but far more important was what happened in the match. Namely, we were wrong about Todd Bridges.

Here's the deal, the total deal. He bumps like crazy. He has interesting moves. He wears a sweet hat. He has a gimmick that doesn't make sense. Hell, if he were on ECW he'd get a Seal of Awesomness. In fact, him being on ECW isn't all that far fetched.

We were also wrong about Bonaduce and Diamond. They have weakass chops and kicks, which Easy E made sure to point out. Just goes to show that you can't judge a book on its insanity.

The big man match had a shoot vibe to it, since they kept editing the show to make it look like Bean was trying to cash in "receipts" because Rodzilla is a bit too rough. Oh well, Bean's big enough to take it. And he sure did, getting the 1-2-3 in the center of the ring.

This of course leads us to this week's elimination. Rodman and Bean are safe because they are giants who can easily kill Jimmy Hart (seriously, what's he do on the show anyway?), and Todd Bridges is safe because he's awesome. So on the chopping block this week is weak chopping Danny and Dustin. And the jabroni is...

DANNY BONADUCE, GET OUT OF THAT RING AGAIN!



Come back tomorrow as the Laugh Twins will have a live blog reaction to tonight's season finale, CMT 8/7c!