R U READY TO DOWN SOME SMACK??? Royal Bumblef*ck

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.


Ok, so we pretty much recapped all of the Rumble the other day. No need to make hilarious recaps since it's all there already! Still, here are a few of my Rumble observations.


He's bit of getting on the mic after every elimination was brilliant. It's a shame that there were only 90 second intervals rather then the full two minutes because parts of it felt rushed. It's also a shame that he got eliminated as early as he did. I'm not saying he should have won (well, not specifically), I'm not even saying the mic bit needed to last all night. But it seemed that as soon as HHH came out he was eliminated. In fact...

A lot of people were eliminated quickly this year.

We didn't really get a marathon man as has become custom with the Rumble. Again, I nominate CM Punk for this role. Or at least Ted Dibiase. Alas, no one really got time to hang out. One group who got no time:



And finally...




That's about it. Be sure to watch all the fallout tonight at 8/7c on MyNetwork TV. Or do it like me and watch it some other time on hulu.com!


Yes, you see the Devils recently acquired Illya Kovalchuk, only one of the most dynamic scorers in all of the NHL. They NEVER make moves like this! It's so exciting! The deal was amazing too!

They got Kovalchuk, the man who has scored the most goals since 2001, for Jhonny Oduya, Nicolas Bergfors, Patrice Cormier, and a first rounder? The Devils also got a serviceable D-Man back as well? What a fleecing! Oduya is a good enough NHL defenseman, but he's over payed and has played ass this year. And of course, Paul Martin is due back soon, so any problems with Oduya's departure will quickly be rectified. Bergfors is a nice enough rookie, but he's slumped the last few months, and he's one of those rookies who should have made the team two years ago. Consider me skeptical of his long-term success. Cormier is another good prospect (he captained Team Canada at the World Juniors this year), but I wouldn't say he'd ever be better than a third line center. He's also suspended for the remainder of the season for nearly killing a guy on the ice. We'll see how he bounces back.

So yea, all that garbage for ILYA KOVALCHUK!?! You can understand why I have to watch the game.

Oh interns at devils.nhl.com...I love you

Oh wait, why can't I watch Smackdown on my DVR replay like I usually do? Because there's also a 2 hour Smallville event title "Absolute Justice" tonight! The friggin' JSA! Hourman! Dr. Fate! Atom Smasher! All in live action, Smallville glory! I can't miss that either. Take a seat, Smackdown.

You can watch the Devils host the Toronto Maple Leafs at 7 o'clock on MSG + and Smallville at 8/7c on The CW! OR NEVER AGAIN BECAUSE THESE ARE ONE TIME ONLY EVENTS!

Yes, this is our new meme.

R U READY TO DOWN SOME SMACK??? Stunned Contendors

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

This Sunday is TNA's Genesis PPV. How does this relate to Smackdown? IT DOESN'T! Don't worry about how fat Scott Hall is, because there's some smack to down? Are you ready?

First up was "Team Black Guys in Jeans" vs "Team White Canadians in Underwear" in a six-man tag. And it was pretty good!

(l-r) can't dunk, can dunk

Of course, this is a match MONTHS in the making. Jericho previously feuded with Cryme Tyme over the summer (Shad even picked up a singles win) and the CT are currently feuding with the Harts. And R-Truth..well he's a black guy...so he's there too! Of course that doesn't mean the interns are allowed to mail it in.

Ahem, interns. When the knee is in the back, it is called the "Liontamer." No knee is the Walls. DUH!

That was enough for the win. Even the interns can't shy away from the greatness of the winners.



Wow, did all that training in the Hart Dungeon really pay off? Really?

Yea, I went there. Get over it.

Sometimes wrestling can get a little talky. That time is when CM Punk comes out. Usually he just speaks about how great he is, but today he was talking about how great you can be. Or more specifically, some kid from s>developmental the audience.

Just kiss and get it over with already!

The kid decided to pledge his life to straight edge and that entailed shaving his head. Yes, the most embarrassing thing anyone can ever do in wrestling! Losing hair! Unless of course your Stone Cold Steve Austin, Goldberg, The Rock, Randy Orton, or any other successful person who is bald. But hey, you can tell Hogan and Michaels aren't happy about losing their hair!

I hope they didn't offer you a call up for this, dude. Because soon you'll be released AND be bald.

A gentleman's hairdo

Also, Luke Gallows was with Punk and he decided to hang out afterwards and wrestle Matt Hardy. The interns could hardly contain their excitement.

Should that be capitalized?

Anyone else see the irony in the fact that Matt's brother (known drug user/ possible felon Jeff Hardy) signed with WWE's main competitor, TNA, and now Matt is being beaten up by the wrestlers who don't do any drugs.

Get used to eating leather, Matty. Soon that's about the quality of meat you'll have to buy when they release you for Jeff's indiscretions.

Finally, last week (two weeks ago!) Rey Mysterio cost Batista a world title match in the beat the clock challenge. Thus, the two of them would have to fuck fight for their right to wrestle the Undertaker at the Royal Rumble. This match was so awesome that even the interns were on the top of their game.

Ok, that was a good one.

That's not to say that everything was spot on.

Yea...sometimes wrestling is fake...

This match went through numerous powerbomb and phone call related spots until just about the 10 o'clock hour when ALL OF A SUDDEN THE UNDERTAKER HIT A GONG AND TURNED ON A SMOKE MACHINE! WHY? NO IDEA!

Something strange going on!?! OH NO! Must be a no contest!

Yes, so we're going for this match one more time. Batista/Rey Mysterio...IN A CAGE! TRY AND CAGE TEH ANIMALE!!!



Watch Smackdown tonight to forget about the British Invasion being dropped down the card! It's a 8/7 central! On one of those Network Channels. Or some whenever over on hulu.com (if you can get past all the Conan drama)!

W.W.W. featuring Vader and C.M. Punk

On Wednesdays, we here at LOL, Wresslin' like to really pull out the stops and offer up a double shot of righteously killer content. Why Wednesday? Well, we could impress you with market research, work habit studies, and human psychology tendencies to show you there's a scientific reason the middle of the week is the best time to bring your A-game. However, truth be told, we don't have any of that stuff and settled on Wednesday because that was the only day that didn't have any content scheduled.

So, here you have "Watch Wresslin' Wednesdays," the ORIGINAL wrestling-themed, YouTube video comedic co-commentary. Please feel free to suggest a better title, because we are woefully uncreative when it comes to naming stuff.

The idea of W.W.W. is we each send the other a video that is related to wrestling (a match, promo, interview, guest starring spot, etc.). The only restriction is that it cannot be user-created, so your Scott Hall impression isn't going to fly here, pal. Neither of us know what kind of video we're going to get that day.

After viewing, we each write a response. This could be anything we choose: a straight commentary, a philosophical enlightenment, or classless ridicule. Just as we don't know what kind of video the other will select, neither do we know what the other will write or how they will write it. What you end up with is a mash-up of styles, which in our book equates to two-blogs-in-one, and we can take the rest of the day off.


Adam's video to Matt - Vader attacks Gorilla Monsoon



Matt response...

I usually like to find a quote in these videos that stands out from the rest - something that either sums up the video perfectly or just one of those non-sequiters that can pop up later in conversation.

This is one of my favorites, not so much because of it's content, but rather the delivery, which is one of complete disbelief and outrage from announcer Vince McMahon.

"God, it's Gorilla Monsoon!"

That pretty much says all that needs to be said about this video. Vader may be a big guy (which I'm not questioning at all), and he may be pretty tough, but there are two people in life that you just shouldn't physically assault: the president of your company, and a man with the words "gorilla" and "monsoon" in his name. When those two people are actually the same person and you still attack them, I think you've made a poor choice.

It's somewhat disappointing that Gorilla goes down like a ton of bricks in this one. The only offense he mounts are some weak-ass chops (note: this is, in no way, an invitation to get chopped across the chest, because I'm certain I would go into cardiac arrest.) A big, nasty dude, Gorilla Monsoon immediately falls to the mat after a little splash into the turnbuckle (again, please don't do this to me.)

Despite this being the first time a superstar attacked a WWE president, Monsoon is not who I want to talk about here. The hero of this video, the real hero, is this man:

This is the second ref that ran in after the first one was injured and thrown from the ring. You might say he was stupid, after seeing his colleague manhandled by Vader, but I say that's just the kind of courage that's found in the best among us. Facing nearly inevitable head-butting and slamming, this ref throws caution to the wind and steps into the ring to do his job.

Of course, things don't really go the way they teach you in wrestling official school...

Worker's comp?

He couldn't have expected any less, though. But that overwhelming drive to restore order to the WWE universe took over.

Apparently this even has really polarized wrestling fans, and one went so far as to create a "musical tribute." I put that in quotes because all this guy did was take the same YouTube video (complete with factoid pop-up) and substitute the audio for Ozzy Osbourne's "Hellraiser." A tribute indeed...



Even though there's only nine comments on this particular video, they're quite impassioned, since in his description, the poster referred to Gorilla Monsoon as "that dirty old bitch Monsoon." Here's what the forces of goodness have to say:

this should be taken off youtube! - LifeSoulAz

That one is offending alot of people. Im know kiss ass or babyface lover myself, but Monsoon is someone that almost all true 80/90's era wrestling fans have nothing but respect for. Monsoon is no dirty old bitch. show some respect. - 1978mackdaddy

I don't mean to offend anyone, and perhaps I'm taking this to seriously, I like Vader, but nobody calls Gorilla Monsoon a dirty bitch. - prhowe

old dirty bitch? fuck you - heyhoergeefmijispils

Gone but not forgotten...Gorilla Monsoon, 1937-1999.

Matt's video to Adam- CM Punk heel turn speech- ROH



Adam's response...

Often times people ask how they can get a hold of us Laugh Twins. I'm a little more accessible, but Matt is a hard egg to crack. Well consider that omelet made, because Matt's Internet identity has been found.



Yes, Matt is actually Youtube poster rafitos28160. How else would he have found this obscure video that was posted yesterday? Also take note that behind all his Wrestlemania, "I hate TNA" gusto, Matt is secretly an indy mark. An indy mark who uploads ROH videos.



As for this video, it's pretty much everything bad about the indy product; muffled, long winded, and self-important. I'm all for there being an alternative view on wrestling. Trust me, we need less Hornswaggle segments (unless we get like, 5 midgets to fight the Big Show in what I like to call a "Gulliver's Travels" match) and more segments of people taking the product seriously. No, the problem lies in the fans.

We've spoken about fans before. They are, for the most part, just marks trying to get themselves over. And stop being "smart." Sure, Phil Brooks may not actually hate you. He may not be that obnoxious about his lifestyle behind the curtain, but CM Punk sure as hell is. So when he's cutting a heel promo (which was delivered great but made no sense, much like Warrior promos), don't cheer him. If you really want to be "smart" don't acknowledge what the performer is doing; acknowledge the performance.

It's a little sad that the most heat he got was when he parroted John Cena. Oh no, what a terrible thing to do to the ROH fans! Acknowledge something that's popular!

Does anyone have that friend who's into bands that don't even exist yet? The kind of guy that listens to inaudible Beatles bootlegs and wind chimes? And gets mad at pop music? What a dick, right? That's ROH fans for wrestling. It's great that you love wrestling so much that you will financially support the little guy. It's great that you found a product that you love. Seriously. But that doesn't mean the big guys are somehow evil. They have a wider audience, so they in turn may be a little blander to the hardcore. That doesn't give you an excuse though to show off how smart you are by ruining a heel turn. No one cares that you're inside to the business. If you're at an ROH show that's assumed.

I still don't get what the snake parable had to do with the devil though.

R U READY TO DOWN SOME SMACK??? Time to Rumble

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

It's 2010 here on Smackdown! Everyone's hung over and can't put much thought into what to do! Let's phone it in and have a Beat the Clock challenge all show.

Yes, what is a more objective and fair way to determine a number one contender then by having a series of matches and the fastest match is the winner of the slot? Oh, you mean any other way? Yes, that would be fairer, but this is what we got.

Although in fairness, they did finally put logic into play and make it open to all the competitors in the matches, not just the four main eventers. Anyway, our first match had former World Champion CM Punk taking on the brother of a TNA main eventer/ future felon, Matt Hardy!

Enjoy the last offense you'll ever get, Jobby.

In case you don't know the rules of the Beat the Clock challenge, allow the interns of WWE.com to enlighten you:

Way to explain the rules on slide #11. And with a picture of a time consuming rest hold, no less.

Of course, one guy is an example of a drug free industry and one guy routinely pisses off management with his antics. And his brother totally burned WWE. So take one guess how this one played out.

Get used to being tea bagged/shit on for the rest of your career, Angelic Diablo.

On a side note: Jeff Hardy will take a job just to get Shannon Moore a job in TNA, but he won't think about the repercussions on his own brother?

To break up the clock action, John Morrison got his rematch with Drew McIntyre for the Intercontinental championship! High flying kicks abound!


These two have been feuding ever since Vince McMahon anointed McIntyre a "future champion", and neither have taken a break from it for the last few months. Don't believe me? Check in with the interns.

Yea, no one watches Superstars

So somehow Morrison got disqualified in the match, giving McIntyre the win, ergo ending the feud, right? Champion successfully defends in the rematch, time to move on. Maybe Mike Knox (OMG!!!) deserves a shot at championship gold? Wait, what's this?

The face throws a temper tantrum?

Oh, that makes sense. Total sense.

Back to the clock! If you ever are scratching your head on what match to throw in the middle of the show, just putting Chris Jericho and Rey Mysterio in the ring is never a bad idea. The two of them bring the best out of each other, possibly due to all those Hart Dungeon training sessions Rey snuck into from El Undergroundo Railrodeo to el Canadas (I could have possibly made that up). Normally, their matches are technically sound and fast, but this time Jericho decided to go the complete opposite way and do his Lex Luger impression!


Which is really poor, because this is a far more accurate Luger impression.


Anyway, the interns show their stupidity again and Rey Mysterio won.

For the last time: 619 is just an area code. You can't call anyone just by dialing "619." Stop with the phone cracks.

This time BEAT CM PUNK's time by one measly second! WHAT ARE THE CHANCES OF THAT?!!?

All this talk about CM Punk and clocks is giving me a raging boner. I really gotta nut. Oh, I know how to take care of that. A Divas match! Beth Phoenix and Mickie James wrestled to see who will be the #1 contender for Michelle McCool's Women's championship! And she was at ringside being all pro-Phoenix with her best gal pal, Layla. They go by the name "Team Lay-Cool" which makes sense, but is an ultimately terrible and worthless name.

Those legs make everything ok though

This lead to Mickie getting the win. The Glamazon did not appreciate this and begging to beat the holy hell out of Michelle McCool while Mickie proved what an insecure fatty she is by going into a fat rage against Layla.




Yea, that happened too. Oh well, send us out on a high note, boys.

"Piggie James <3 Food" is a brilliant slogan

In our final clock match, R-Truth took on TEH ANIMALE!!!, Batista. Disappoint me again, interns.

What gave you that idea, interns? Was it how his shirt says "WHAT'S UP!"? Or how his song is just the words "What's up?!" over and over again? Or maybe how he says "What's up!?" every time he gets on the mic. Seriously interns, I expected better.

This match was marred by Rey Mysterio hanging out at ringside and a Divas grade of offense.


Still, the unearthed fury of an animal walking alone into a pit of danger was too much for Mr. Truth, as he spine was LITERALLY busted.


That's it! Batista/Undertaker for the title at the Rumble! I can't wait! What's this?!

Rey Mysterio: Best heel in the game

Rey Mysterio..cheated!?!? What's up with the faces acting like d-bags?! Where is your honor, Rey Rey? Who would ever of thought that a man named Mysterio would have shady motives? Something must be done!


Oh thank heavens! Vickie Guerrero won't let this stand. So we'll have another #1 contenders match, tonight! Batista and Rey! Where? MyNetworkTV! When? 8/7c! Or whenever over at hulu.com!

OH BABY, I like it Raw! Other than the Slammys

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

For a theme song to accompany this post, please press play and enjoy...



Last week was the WWE's annual/semi-annual/not-regular-whatsoever award show The Slammys, but I'm not going to cover that here. Nope! This is a blog about wrestling on Raw, and that's all we're doing tonight. So sit back and enjoy some rasslin', bitches!

Jeri-Tall were none to happy about losing their Tag Team Titles and demanded a rematch against DX. I can understand. It's not like those two have anything else to look forward to in this business.

Clearly photoshopped.

So that match is coming later tonight.

Also, we're going to have the nominees for Superstar of the Year - Randy Orton, John Cena, CM Punk, and the Undertaker - battle to see which one will take home the award. Is this really how these things are supposed to work?


For our first meaningful match of the night, we have the two lesser members (tee hee) of Legacy going up against the Salt n' Marijuana Express, Evan Bourne and Kofi Kingston. This was actually supposed to be a singles match between Rhodes and Kofi, but of course there was interference, and of course that allowed guest host Dennis Miller to make a big show and restart it as a tag team match.


Legacy would take the match, pinning the weak link of the duo, Evan Bourne.

In our first Superstar of the Year match, John Cena would be facing CM Punk. Two things you need to know about this match. Cena put on his submission move...

Shut The Fudge Up!

...and CM Punk cried.


Presumably because he's on Smackdown, but also because he lost the match.

Next was the other Superstar of the Year match, Orton versus the Undertaker. This match went as many of the Deadman's matches go - OLD SCHOOL.

"Please stop holding my hand, mythical man of the underworld."

Of course, once you die, it's a known fact that your match skills immediately start to deteriorate, which is why Orton was able to lure the Undertaker out of the ring with his Legacy henchmodels and win via count-out. So, as you should have imagined, a Raw superstar will be the Superstar of the Year.


Jeri-Tall didn't count on DX being the lying, cheating snakes they are, because Triple H immediately shoved the ref during their match for the Tag Team Championship, losing by DQ but retaining the belts. After the match, Jericho was escorted out of the arena, because we all know that it's completely unacceptable for a Smackdown superstar to be on Raw.

Something tells me this was planned.

There was a 7-on-7 divas match, and of course, the WWE.com interns were there to belittle the seven most beautiful women they're likely to ever see.

WWE.com workers know how to coordinate, if nothing else.

Finally, it's John Cena going against Randy Orton to see who is the Superstar of the Year. Yes, this one match is going to determine the value of an entire year's worth of work. WWE prides themselves in their credibility.

Randy attempted an RKO, but Cena was able to reverse that into an Attitude Adjustment, using a maneuver only crafted in a child's wildest dreams.


Cena won, so he's your Superstar of the Year. Congrats, Mr. Cena! We always knew it would be you!

Johnny Damon hosts tonight, finally going to answer that age-old question "Who would win in a hot dog eating contest: a baseball player or professional wrestler?" Tune in 9/8c on USA!