THE MOST INCREDIBLE THING IN THE HISTORY OF LIFE

Holy crap, did you hear??! Hulk Hogan got cut open during a brawl with Ric Flair as they were promoting their upcoming tour of Australia!

See!

According to reports, Hogan and Flair were conducting a press conference when things got heated and Ric Flair up and slapped Hogan right in the face!!


There's even a video! This is amazing! Please stop whatever you are doing (which, presumably is reading this blog) and watch this right now!!!



Things turned sour when two traded barbs over their failed marriages. Ooooh, low blows, gentlemen! That would piss anyone off, but with the likes of combustible elements like Hogan, who just went through a nasty divorce, and Flair, who's working on his fourth divorce, that's a little below the belt!

Hogan was left a bloody heap, but luckily Nasty Boy Brian Knobbs was there to help his friend to safety!!

The religious analogy is apparent and true.

Media outlets like TMZ and the Australian News have covered the fight, so it has to be true! What could this mean for the future of the tour?? Is Hogan going to be able to wrestle? And if so, what does that mean for Flair? Hogan's going to have a lot of anger built up by the time of their match, so he's going to come out swinging for sure! This is definitely going to be a slobber-knocker, as they say!

Let's not forget that since this was not a sanctioned fight, Flair could be charged with assault! What might that mean??! Will he even be able to make it to the match?! He has enough legal trouble as it is; can he handle the stress of more?!! How would a lengthy trial affect his new bride?! These are all things that could happen, people!

It's easy for so many of you to look at this and say, "Oh, those Laugh Twins are having a lark about the whole thing," but we don't think you understand the seriousness of what just happened! This isn't fake! This happened during a press conference and not in the ring, so these two have real animosity toward each other and that's something that cannot be ignored! You're foolish if you think that doesn't matter!!

We, for two, will be keenly tuned in to the goings-on down in Australia to make sure one of these warriors doesn't leave in a body bag!!! Keep with us for updates!!

Hulk Hogan's CCW: Week 2

Hulk Hogan's Celebrity Championship Wrestling has made it to its second week, which means we each lost ten dollars to the other, both taking the under on that bet. It seems the gripping drama and character development from the first week caused some serious word-of-mouth and people came back for more. That, or the batteries went out in the remote while everyone was watching Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders: Making the Team 3. Either way, we're still here.

This episode saw the squad, sans Tiffany, learning three new moves: the headlock take down, schoolboy, and shoulder tackle. Pair those with the three from last week (forearm smash, clothesline, kick to mid-section) and you've got more moves than your typical Hulk Hogan match. Better watch out, Hulkster...they're comin' for you, brother.

There was a minor conflict this week, as Team Beefcake was worried that Danny Bonaduce was missing practice and might not learn all of those moves. What was he doing that caused him to flake out? Well, his daily radio show. That's right. Bonaduce is the pariah because he has regular work. Yeah, we're dealing with high caliber talent here.

The matches for this week were a simple tag match for Team Beefcake, with heels Trishelle and Bonaduce facing off against the faces of Todd Bridges and Butterbean. Team Nasty rolled out something similar, but since they were a man up on their "competition," Dennis Rodman served as the manager for the face team of Nikki Ziering and Frank Stallone. Rodman was initially going to have jobs swapped with Stallone, but the Worm found out that a diving clothesline is less fun and games, and more rotator cuff injury.


Frank should have hoped for the original plan, because, presumably after a coin toss, the judges decided that Team Beefcake had the better and Team Nasty was going to send someone packin'. And who got kicked? You guessed it. Frank Stallone.

Find your way to CMT tonight at 8/7c and catch episode 3 (we guess) unless you have something better to do, like amateur dental work.

You got your reality in my rasslin'

Let it never be said that the authors behind LOL, Wresslin' aren't serious folks. We are. There are a lot of things that we think deserve to be treated with respect and realistic expectations. Video games and blogging to name two. Professional wrestling is obviously not a third.

Now, that doesn't mean we don't want quality entertainment when we tune in each week, but there's a suspension of disbelief that we are aware of and welcome. Professional wrestling exists to give us cartoon conflict that we can't get watching boxing or UFC, and we don't want to just see two guys slugging it out and every match ending in a knockout. We also don't want to see Wile E. Coyote smashed to a pulp when he rides a rocket into the side of a cliff, or Bugs to be left with a bloody stump after sticking his index finger into the barrel of a hunting rifle. These are not things that we look forward to.

So it's a little disconcerting when we came across this article a few days ago. Vince wants wrestling to be "more real." Now, the article explains that he wants the wrestlers to work a little closer so the cameras don't catch phantom punches and the similar, which is fine with us. Anyone who watches wrestling on a regular basis has seen a whif or two, and reality always comes knocking at that point to dampen your experience. But the truth is we don't want our wrestling to get more "real," because part of what impresses us is the illusion of combat without the injury, and the over-the-top nature of the storylines, plot points, and maneuvers.

Above: reality

Vince, your product isn't supposed to compete with real sports; your product is supposed to entertain. If fans aren't watching, it's not because we don't want to see unrealistic moves or want to see guys hit each other more. It's because you're not doing a good job at what you're supposed to do well. By all means, make it look better if you can, but don't lose sight of why so many of us starting watching.

And please, don't let the Great Khali win every match because that's more realistic. The man can't even use a telephone.



Come on.

Scott Hall has an Answer

This weekend taught us a valuable lesson. Earth-53 doesn’t stop just because we don’t have to go to our day jobs. As we all remember, a few weeks ago, Jake the Snake took out his old bag of tricks again (Good Lord that joke works on so many levels…). Well, not to be outdone, Scott Hall is here to remind us that yes, he’s still alive, and yes, he’s still belligerent. Observe the following from the Roast of the Iron Shiek at the Ring Legends convention in New Jersey this weekend (classy language ensues):

Now, before we get into what caused such a ruckus, we’d like to react to the event as it happened. First off, it appears that Mr. Hall may have been under the influence of alcohol. We don't want to wildly speculate here, but saying Scott Hall was drinking is not all that wild and probably not speculation. However, what was more alarming was how Scott Hall was doing the crotch chop in real life. Seriously. Look how ridiculous that is. Oh, ha ha. He’s got your party…down there. Oh man, he wants to invite King Kong Bundy to a homoerotic encounter.

Sick.

Burn.

And what caused all the brouhaha? The Bad Guy did not appreciate one of the jokes, and if you can believe this, it was over a joke that wasn’t about him! The pariah, the paragon of virtue that graced the world with “Hey, yo…” got upset over the following “Roundboy” Jimmy Graham (who?) guffaw:

After the Sheik and Hacksaw Jim got caught sniffing coke in the parking lot, his (The Iron Shiek) career fell faster than Owen Hart

LOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!1111BBQshiftoneone11!!

We have two rules here at LoL, Wresslin'. Be funny and don’t be unfunny. And honestly? That joke’s pretty funny. Tasteless? You bet. But it’s not a bad joke. We can see the case being made that Owen died of a tragic accident, and not through steroid abuse that led to him hanging himself via weight machine, so perhaps it’s not fair. Scott Hall may have loved Owen Hart, and that joke brought back some hard memories. Maybe he’s justified in his reaction.

Or maybe he’s just a man with a problem who can’t take responsibility for things in his life and needs to learn some inner strength to let things go.

Our final take is that it was a comedy roast of the Iron Shiek (why?), and jokes like this are to be expected. We would have liked to have heard the joke and the crowd reaction to it, and we’d have liked to hear some of the other jokes as well. Was this the worst one of the night? Were there Chris Benoit jokes? What is off limits to talk about for these old guards of kayfabe?

When reached for comment Adam stated “Of course this happened in central New Jersey. I swear, the beach areas I’m from are cool.”

We don't have the energy anymore.

UPDATE: More information coming out about Chico's weekend off Exit 8A:

There were a lot of problems dealing with Scott Hall at the convention.  Beyond the already well-recounted Iron Sheik Roast incident, there was a problem with Hall allegedly trying to pick up a woman who was in the hotel's restaurant while she was with her husband and children several times.  Police were called but the family declined to press charges.  Hall also missed his flight back to Florida and was said to have demanded the convention cover another hotel night and the cost of a flight change.

Jake has a Request

While cruising the interwebs, LOL, Wresslin' came across this little gem of a story. To summerize, in case you're too lazy to make one more click, Jake the Snake Roberts was at a show in Ohio, likely in some sort of high school gymnasium, and he did what Jake seems to do best these days...self-destruct.

Now, when we were kids, Jake the Snake was money. Look at all the stuff he had going for him: a cool name (it rhymes OMG!!), a SNAKE, and he DDTs people. Plus, for the more enlightened crowd, he was a ring tactician and a true cerebral assassin before that meant knocking up the boss's daughter and having the strap all the time. Yes, Jake the Snake had it all.

What does he have now? Well, he still has that snake, so that's cool. And apparently, the man also has a death wish. Here's how we envision a typical encounter with Jake Roberts these days...

Legend? Hunh?

Even Google thinks he wants to end it. Oh wait, no they don't...they think he's already dead. While looking for an appropriate image for this post, we searched "Jake the Snake." Google provided this related search that we should try "Jake the Snake dead." Then, we searched "Jake the Snake Roberts," and Google offered "dead wrestlers" as well.

So, sorry Jaker, Google isn't very concerned about your current mental state, since they think you don't have one anymore.