OH BABY, I like it Raw! Bringing in the big guns

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

For a them song to accompany this post, please press play and enjoy...



The night after Wrestlemania 25! What magical presents were in store for us? Let's find out!

We start the night with Randy Orton, fresh off a stinging loss to Triple H for the WWE Championship. As Orton told us how much that totally sucked, Mr. McMahon came out and ruined a perfectly legit temper tantrum. McMahon took the opportunity to remind us that he was indeed running the company and could do what he wanted by setting not only a six-man Backlash match with Legacy versus Triple H and the McMahons, but also that night's main event to be himself versus Randy Orton.


As if the first time around wasn't good enough, we have another lumberjack match with the Colons (he he he) and Miz & Morisson competing for the tag team titles. Oh wait, the first time wasn't good enough, because it got bumped from the schedule at Wrestlemania. But this time it's WAAAAY different because it's not a title unification match. No, this time it's the same people fighting for the unified tag championship. Well, when you put it that way, I'm definitely going to sit this one out.

I thought his last name was "Cool."

Primo and Carlito won again, and this time they got to do it on TV, so that's cool. Good job WWE, because you know what happens to people who don't want to be cool.


The one match that DID make it onto the Wrestlemania PPV was the Diva battle royale, and we have a few of the competitors in tag action tonight. You know why I even mention women's matches these days. Good guys won. Weeeee.

Oh, you better not be good...

One of the feel-good moments from Wrestlemania was getting to see Ricky Steamboat go out and tear the place down one more time against Chris Jericho. No one was expecting anything out of the Legends in that match, and Steamboat proved that at least one old-timer could still hang with the best in the industry. So how is the WWE supposed to capitalize off of those good feelings created on Sunday?

Trot his old ass out there again to wrestle some more, damn it!


This was a "whomever wrestled last night" match, featuring someone from just about every match on the card. But Steamboat was left in the ring, fighting off heel after heel as they tagged in, and the crowd cheered for this old man to please just not have a heart attack while they were watching.

All the heel tactics were for nothing though, as eventually Rey Mysterio was able to set up both Edge and Chris Jericho for a double 619 to end the match. Seriously??

"How'd we both end up here?"

Raw is now treated to a little gift from SmackDown, as it's announced that Vickie Guerrero will now be the permanent GM of Monday Nights. Oh, THAT'S going to get to watch even more.

More like SnackDown, am I right?

She said that Mr. Cena would face Edge for the World Heavyweight Championship in a Last Man Standing match at Backlash. Glad to see her new responsibilities have curbed her nepotism a bit. Also, with regard to the big six-man tag match announced earlier, if any member of Legacy wins the match, the WWE Championship goes to Orton. Even if it were a thrilling finish like Cody Rhodes pinning Shane McMahon.

LOLWUT?

What a stupid stipulation. Thanks Vickie. Allow me a moment to applaud you.


The new Miss Wrestlemania Santina beat Beth Phoenix.

You all know that's Santino, right??

Finally, things turn out for Mr. McMahon pretty much how they should this time, as Randy starts to beat the living crap out of him. And then Shane comes down to help, but he gets the crap beat out of him too, with a little help from Legacy. And then Trips comes down, obviously tired from the previous night's win and post-party, because he gets beat up as well. O noes! The good guys are all getting pummelled! Who will possibly save them??

Wait...what's that I hear? Is that a roaring from backstage? No. No, it couldn't be! But it is!!!


THE ANIMAL IS BACK THE ANIMAL IS BACK THE ANIMAL IS BACK!!!!

THIS IS THE MOST AMAZING RAW IN THE HISTORY OF TELEVISION HISTORY!!! AND TONIGHT IS THE DRAFT, SO MAYBE BATISTA WILL BE DRAFTED TO RAW!!!! USA, SPECIAL THREE-HOUR SHOW STARTING AT 8/7c!!!!!!!

RAWWWWWWWWWWWWWRRRR!!!

Groove is in the heart

SEASON'S BEATINGS!

Slow times around the offices of the Laugh Twins. Sure, there's some stuff going on around earth-53, but most of it centers around how awful the build towards Wrestlemania has been. Although we could write a thesis on that topic, that brand of discussion is usually best served as a bookmarks for the week. What else is going on? Well a certain someone failed the test, but we're not talented enough to make it funny after that line that would break our "be nice" New Year's resolution.

Thus out of the doldrums of uncreativity we present to you a list. No, not that silly little thing we did a few weeks ago. Rather, a list of personal favorites. The top 8 wrestler entrance themes in WWF/WWE history! Why? Because an awesome entrance can make a good wrestler a legend and an awful wrestler a star! Take WCW's Glacier for example:

Er...ummm

And of course, music is more important then just fancy lights and dancing. The crowd needs to be in sync with the superstar. We need to breath in the same increments that he breaths (albeit..a little heavier.) A few ground rules before we start listing. First, these will only be songs written for the sole use of wrestling entrances. Thus, every theme Rey Mysterio and Edge have ever had will not be here. Keep in mind, we're fine with name bands providing themes, but it must be written for the purpose of wrestling. Also, we won't be posting the videos, just link to them. Open the links in new browsers and listen up. We clear? Then without further adieu, let's commence with the list!

8) Chavo Guerrero

Odd choice? Well that's to show you that we put thought into this! Clearly we know our stuff if we picked such a no name theme to open the list! Seriously though, this song rules. A nice slow build as Chavito Heat struts his way down the ramp. Listen. The bass opens as an eighth note but speeds up to a sixteenth! All while the timbali keeps a steady time signature! This song is poetry! Throw in some horns for a melody and you got yourself eight place!

7) "The American Dream" Dusty Rhodes

Dusty Rhodes was a big draw working the NWA territories in the 1980's. He had some epic title matches with Ric Flair. Thus, you would fully expect him to be treated with respect and dignity when he finally signed Vince McMahon's lucrative deal to come up north.


Yea, you know us too well at this point. What did Vince do? He put him in polka dots and made him dance in the ring with an Aunt Jemima impersonator (named Sweet Sapphire!). Naturally, this would be doomed from the start. Except for this epic theme song. And lo and behold, ole' Dusty made the best of it and didn't tarnish his legacy one bit...

...until he sired these disappointments

6) Chris Jericho

He's had various remixes over the years, but they're all essentially the same tune. What makes it work? Crunch guitars, drop D tuning, vocals sung through a condenser mic. True, that can be said for most butt metal bands of the early 2000's, but this one just works. It's character specific, and throws in a few biblical allusions for good measure. After all, the Y2J problem came to save us from boring television much as Save_us.222 did. It's the perfect sound for his character and is deserving of our praise.

5) Mr. McMahon

We're just going to get this out of the way. All the songs fit their character. That's why they're ranked so high. But good Lord, does this one just hit it out of the park. Very similar to Jericho's, except it came first and has a pretty sick bass break down on the bridge.

4) Jake "The Snake" Roberts (heel)

Yes, sometimes wrestlers change their music when they change sides. You can't be cheering "Head!" when you want to boo Al Snow, right? Thus, this John Carpenter inspired tune for probably the greatest ring psychologist ever conveys every feeling of terror, unpredictability, and ultimate failure (you know (tm) he never won a title in the WWF? We know this stuff isn't legit competition, but he was never considered a big enough draw or dependable enough to have a strap put on him. Which would be good because he has a habit of not wearing pants) that comes with The Snake. What makes this one so special is that is isn't all that different from his face music. It was just darker. Or to us? Perfect.

3) Hulk Hogan

Once again, just to show you that we're paying attention, we're throwing you this curve ball. Yes, it's iconic. Yes we know every word by heart and love the music video for it. And yes, it might make us do more jumping jacks then the two above it. But we don't get the same glee we get listening to it as we do the next two. Still, it's a classic, and deserves our respect, no matter what his ex-wife's people may say.

2) Any Motorhead song used by HHH

Trick question. Lemmy is God.

1) "The Million Dollar Man" Ted Dibiase

Do we need to justify this? It's number one for a reason. It's awesome. The end.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHH!

MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY-EEEEEE!


BONUS UPDATE: We also want to mention the theme song of Jesse and Festus. Although not great, we just love screaming "Biscuits and GRAAAVVVYYY!!" around the office.