Something different

It's Tuesday and things are a little slow. Sure, Umaga was released, boosting the hopes of anyone wishing for a Kennedy/Umaga (or whatever there names will be) TNA PPV headline. But really, other then making a fat joke or twelve, what could we say about it? Umaga clearly must have done something to piss off Vince, since he was kinda sorta in the middle of a push. But, who cares about all that. If it gets interesting we'll let you know.

No, let's continue our promise to look at other brands. Namely, the Tuesday show that no one cares about, ECW. Let's look at their roster and evaluate if this little show on SyFy is worthy of our attention. We mean, it's summer. What else are we going to do?

Christian: Adam's favorite wrestler has been the top face on ECW since he came back to WWE in February. He continues to be a solid worker, hilarious on the stick, and get over with the crowd despite the mountain of turd that's always thrust on him. Let's hope he continues to increase his overall profile on Tuesday's and eventually gets a shot on Monday/Friday for a top tier title.

DJ Gabriel: Who?

Evan Bourne: Aw schucks, gee whiz, high flyer. Amazing to see work, just needs that little thing to make us watch.

Ezekial Jackson: You know (tm) what you call this guy? Sir.

Finlay: It's pretty sad to say that he's lost without his midget.

Gregory Helms: Former Seal of Awesomness winner has thankfully stopped having long hair with stupid back tat and has just become a backstage interviewer where he's allowed to be hilarious. Here's hoping Vince goes (more) insane, fires Michael Cole, promotes Jim Ross back to Raw, promotes Matt Striker to Smackdown to be Todd Grisham's color man, and promotes Gregory Helms to color man on ECW. It could be worse, right?


Jack Swagger- Good in ring worker who talks like a gay dude. We're not sure if this is a positive for his career.

Paul and Katie Lea Birchill- Kafaybe brother and sister we're originally going to have a slow build towards and incest angle before Linda McMahon's education board election put the kibosh on that one. Of course, this would not be the worst angle ever.



Mark Henry and Tony Atlas- Best music in the business (seriously, how did we omit this? Must be racism.) Also, Tony Atlas wears a cut off shirt with a tie to the ring.

Seriously.

Matt Striker- Well he's become our favorite wrestler lately..and he's not even a wrestler!

Tiffany- Currently dates the dude who played Carlton on Fresh Prince. She's alright, we guess.

Yea..you can call us. If it's cool with Carlton.

Tommy Dreamer- Savvy veteran of ECW. Recently won their title, which goes against everything about his gimmick ever. Still, a nice gesture to celebrate his contract extension by WWE. Seriously, they gave him 3-5 years. Hopefully he'll innovate some more violence for us.

The Hart Dynasty- Surprisingly effective stable. David Hart Smith is the British Bulldog's son, and as long as he doesn't become addicted to drugs and OD we'd say he's better then his dad. Natayla is surprisingly attractive and her boyfriend Tyson Kidd is the last man trained in the Hart Dungeon. A face turn and feud with Legacy could be big money, we think.

Vladmir Kozlov- Recently started doing a Red Army gimmick. That's only slightly less topical then let's say...Disco Inferno.


Zack Ryder- Woo woo we we. Yes, a Long Island guido. The perfect gimmick. We wish you best in all your future endeavors, Zack.

Congratulations to Wrestlegasm!!!

Wow. Wowwy wowwy wow. What a momentous day this is! The little blog that could, Wrestlegasm, has hit seven weeks of blogging! Seven weeks of sporadic updates and Raw recaps! What a tremendous achievement in longevity and....well we guess just longevity. If only The Laugh Twins had a milestone to celebrate....

OH WAIT WE DO!

That's right. Today marks LOL, Wresslin's 200th post! "Hark!" the Herald Angel sings, glory to the Two Laugh Kings!

200 posts puts us in the 99th percentile of total blog posts. It's a scientific fact. Look it up in any journal.

Start there

Now, we know this little outburst is not like us. We're lauded throughout the World Wide Webiverse as both fair and humble (in fact, our humility is our finest quality). But we would be remiss if we didn't at least get a little pleased with ourselves here. This is amazing! 200 posts! Here's what we've learned over the previous 199:

• When it comes to wrestling and iPhones, we're second to none.
• When it comes to wrestling and video games, we're second to Maffew and El Gringo.
• Jake Roberts and Scott Hall never get old.
• TNA could be a lot worse.
• We really like the phrase "Season's Beatings!"
• We have seen something sad that's really sad and rhymes with me.
• If you've ever seen that sad thing you've seen someone who won't leave the memories alone.
• For the most part, our LOL Resolutions have been successful.
• We have only nice things to say about MMA. Wish the favor was mutual.
• CCW is the best.
• The Miz is the worst.
• Self-serving drivel.

Take all that into account and we think this landmark of blog posting sort of makes us the Matt Striker's of wrestling blogs. We're very erudite....

...and we'll forever be known for our longevity

BONUS: Join us for a toast, to the two kings! Long live the kings!

Wresslin' Round-up

Things get pretty cluttered from time to time here in the LOL, Wresslin' cave; so much so that we're left scratching our heads about what to talk about and what to save until later. So today, we're doing a little spring cleaning, made all the more special because it's not even spring yet! Not only are we the finest wrestling comedy internet writers on Blogspot, we're also forward thinkers.

Included here in a quick rundown of news are items that, while they certainly could have garnered their own post, aren't going to get one. They can enjoy the company of other stories that we don't feel worthy of our considerable talents.

Linda McMahon will sit on the Connecticut Board of Education- After a lengthy battle with state lawmakers, WWE CEO Linda McMahon was finally approved to sit on the board of education. Those opposing said that as the CEO of WWE, Mrs. McMahon promoted violence to children. Come on people! The WWE is most the kid-friendly entertainment out there. Plus, they are commited to education! They had a teacher character, for goodness sakes!

Above: future Connecticut classroom.

Jericho intentionally mean to Rourke during Larry King interview- Not long ago there were rumors that Mickey Rourke, star of The Wrestler, was going to be at Wrestlemania 25 to fight Chris Jericho. This all started when Rourke called out Lionheart during a red carpet interview at the SAG awards. Not long after, the duo appeared on Larry King Live together, and Jericho pretty much was a total ass to Mickey during the entire segment. To the surprise of no one, Jericho said in a later interview that he was playing up the fight and portraying a character. Is there nothing we can believe in anymore?!

Ric Flair cries in another interview- CBS recently did a feature on our favorite stylin' and profilin' son-of-a-gun, Ric Flair. In it, he was asked if it was hard to leave the wrestling business behind. In true Flair fashion, he starts to cry. Watch the interview below.

Leave the memories alone...don't change a thing.

Jerry Lawler prefers working with Michael Cole- Lawler was recently asked which broadcasting partner he prefers to work with, and he chose current Raw announcer Michael Cole over his former long-time collegue Jim Ross. He explained that Cole didn't want to spend as much time in meetings as JR did. And here we thought Jerry Lawler always kept his nose to the grindstone.

Unless "grindstone" is some clever euphemism.

Upcoming Macho Man DVD to feature superstar commentary- Adding their voices and insight to a new Macho Man career retrospective, due in June, will be WWE stars Maria and, making his second appearance in this update, Matt Striker. Maria seems obvious, simply because she's a hot chick. But Matt Striker? Well, JR explains on his blog that Mr. Striker is not only a talented wrestler and announcer, but he also knows a thing or two about Randy Savage. In fact, he appears to be the preeminent Macho Man historian on the WWE payroll.

Welcome to Feeling the Madness 101!

Finally, Macho Man has a plan for the economy- Ok, not the real Randy Savage, but rather a Savage impersonator, and he has a plan to fix the economy he says is better than Barack Obama's. Seriously. J.R. Moore's plan is for every resident of St. Louis, Missouri to play the state's Pick 4 lottery game, using their home addresses. According to his statistical research, every resident stands a 1 in 10,000 chance of winning. If a few people won a week, that would be several thousand extra dollars in the local economy, which would stimulate things just fine. Not to mention a little over a quater of the revenue from lottery tickets goes to fund Missouri schools, which solves another problem!

"I've also got this Nigerian relative looking to unload a few million..."

There you have it! Wasn't that fun? And much better than any other news you'll hear all day, because it's wrestling related! Consider your life enhanced.