Wrestling wonders! (of eBay)

From time to time, we like to power up the ol' LOL computer and cruise around the internet to see what fun and interesting things we can find. We're guessing you do too; otherwise, why else would you be here?

One of the best places to find some fun and interesting stuff is eBay, where people sell their crap in hopes that someone will come by and want to make it their crap. It's the circle of life, lady and gentleman. Pretty simple stuff. We thought we'd like to find what kind of professional wrestling memorabilia is located on that online auction block. Here's some of what we discovered:

Professional Wrestling Diploma

That's correct. For just $9.99 (convert that to pounds, Ray), you can have your very own professional wrestling diploma. It says it right there! "Doctorate of Professional Wrestling" Now, we're not sure if that means you can actually perform wrestling moves, or that you're a Ph.D in the history of the business, but either way, we're pretty sure it's not true.

This is all made possible by Bradforth State University, which, surprisingly, we found to not exist. That must be why they can offer a degree without completing any state-required curriculum. So feel free to pay some douche ten bucks for something he printed off his LaserJet!

David von Eric button

Immediately, this is suspect. We've heard of David von Erich, but never David von Eric. That certainly seems to be a picture of the former, but one can never be too sure. Cartoonishly tall cowboy hats have a tendency to skew one's perceptions. Let's check out the product description:

A button Souvenirs of David Von Eric a professional Wrestling souvenir . David Von Eric was the son of the famous French Von Eric. David has passed away and this is a great way to remember him. This button is white with David's picture on it. The button measures 3 inches round. The button is in great condition on the front and the back is a little tarnished ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !a wonderful pin ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! This listing has free shipping ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

Wow! Look at all the exclamation points! This thing must be real. Granted, we've never heard of "French von Eric" either, but he must have been great too! Surely that's who Fritz von Erich modeled himself after. Truly a steal for...twenty dollars?! Hmmm, we might have to wait until payday for this one.

Also, we'd like to point out how inordinately excited this person is about the back of the pin being a little tarnished.

"The Secret World of Professional Wrestling" VHS

eBay seller "bringbackthepast" is certainly not one to leave the memories alone, which is why he feels he should make available this exposé of the wrestling business. Ooooh, it's the "secret" world, too. This should be very interesting.

Since our friend does not provide anything other than the title as a description, let's see what this video is all about. Amazon.com says on the product page that it is a 48 minute video on "what motivates wrestlers and attracts throngs of fans." That's not much help either, Amazon.

However, there are some customer-submitted reviews, and those are sometimes helpful. "A Customer" titles his review "This video rule!!!!!!!!!!" and writes:

The video rules because al the secrets,eveyone want to know,are in this video.This video include disguised wrestlers,and they tell you the secrets.The disguised wrestlers are:The Patriot and Harley Race

Way to blow the ending for us, Santino.

Still, this thing is about right for just under four dollars, so you really can't go wrong. Feel free to pay to find out what you can for free from any mark site.

One piece of advice for our eBay friend, though: maybe think about changing the condition of your item. Listing a video cassette tape that was release in March of 1999 as "Brand New" is a slight bit disingenuous. Perhaps "Too Shitty to be Opened" is more accurate.

Superstar Billy Graham's "WWE Hall of Fame" ring

Now this certainly looks nice. A very dignified class ring, sporting some sort of reddish stone and the official WWE insignia. Quite a good mock-up if we do say so ourselves.

Why do we assume it's a fake? It's obvious. The WWE Hall of Fame is a prestigious honor bestowed on only the best and most influential former wrestlers, of which Superstar Billy Graham is certianly one. This is something to be cherished and handed down to one's grandchildren and placed in a display case on the mantle of a cozy home. There's no way that anyone would ever think of selling the real-


Oh damn.

Unfortunately, we were wrong. It appears that the real Billy Graham is selling his real WWE Hall of Fame Class of 2004 ring. Again, we ask, "Why would you do that?" Let's get the answer from the man himself:

First off, I owe no one an explanation as to why I want to sell this beautiful WWE ring. In a recent board meeting Vince McMahan said " That there will never be an actual physical Hall of Fame building and that the Hall of Fame only exists in my head."

We think if you wanted to stick to your guns, Mr. Graham, that you would have ended that statement at the first sentence. However, despite not owing it to us, you so graciously provide an explanation, and for that we are eternally grateful. So, he's upset that there's never going to be an actual building for the WWE Hall of Fame, something that pretty much every wrestling fan on the internet knew to be true.

He explains that he got this idea because Shane McMahon was going around promising that there would be a building one day. That's right. Superstar Billy Graham allowed himself to be played by Shane O'Mac.

Him.

Despite all that, we still have quite a piece of wrestling history for sale here. At this time, with five days remaining in the sale, the top bid is...

$11,500

Sure. We'll pony up that cash just as soon as we're inducted in the Wrestling Comedy Blogger Hall of Fame in Owensboro, Kentucky. See ya there!

LOLZ SRSLY??

There's a school of thought that you don't blow your load early, because then you won't have anything left later. The Spiderman game on Nintendo64/Playstation did this, as its roster of villains included Venom, Dr Octopus, Carnage, The Lizard, Rhino, and Mysterio, with guest appearances from the likes of Marvel A-Listers Daredevil, Punisher, and Captain America. Activision, clearly thinking there would never be a sequel, went for the most balls to the wall Spiderman game ever. Of course it sold great, so a sequel was made. What did that game have? Hammerhead, Beetle, an out of control bi-plane, and Electro as the main villain.



Which brings us to a relevant wrestling topic: The WWE Hall of Fame. The ceremony is coming up soon and it's always nice to honor the past. Except when it's not. It's kind of a joke, isn't it? And not because it's a hall for professional wrestling. Just the sheer amount of inductees in it. Here's a complete list. In 2004, the first year the Hall of Fame was brought back after an eight year hiatus, there were eleven inductees. Subsequent years have leveled off at seven, but let's compare that to major sports. The baseball hall of fame averages out to about four inductees a year, and the hockey hall of fame caps the induction off at four players a year. But these are organizations with a hundred years of history and a much larger talent pool to pick their legendary performers from. Four players out of the hundreds in the big leagues during a player's tenure is a far way off from seven personalities from realistically, two hundred people at most signed under a national wrestling contract. So although everyone enshrined in the WWE Hall of Fame is certainly hall worthy (this year's class of Stone Cold Steve Austin, Ricky Steamboat, and The Funks are all no brainers), the overloading is leaving the WWE scrambling to fill their Hall of Fame undercard.

Yes, the rumors are true. Koko B. Ware is going to be in the hall of fame.

Above: A Laugh Twin on Earth 49 (Parrot World)

He of Quizno's ticket sales will be joining the sacred (?) fraternity populated by the likes of Nature Boy Ric Flair, Nature Boy Buddy Rogers, and American Dream Dusty Rhodes. And we're not crapping on Koko because he wore ugly suspenders or carried a parrot to the ring that will surely outlive him.

(Side note: Is the reason the Hall of Fame so overpopulated due to wrestler mortality rates? Does Vince want to guarantee an attendance from these men, so he prematurely books them ASAP?)



Seriously though, we're not crapping on Koko. He is a perfectly fine mid-carder. He was good in the ring, had a good song on the 1987 WWF album, but he's not legendary. He's not worthy of the fame. Let's look at the accomplishments of his fellow classmates:

• Stone Cold Steve Austin- Six time WWF World Champion, two time WWF Intercontinental Champion, 1996 King of the Ring, three time Royal Rumble winner, two time WCW US Champion, sold SO much merchandise.
• Ricky Steamboat- one time NWA World Champion, four time NWA US champion, one time WWF Intercontinental Champion.
• Funks- combined two time NWA World Champions, one time WWF tag team champions, two time ECW champions, and won dozens of tag titles together.
• Koko B. Ware- Held several regional NWA titles.

Now, like we said. Holding several regional NWA titles is a nice career. But this isn't in the same realm. It just isn't. Still, it's not the Birdman's fault. He was bestowed with this honor and accepted it with grace. We can't all have the integrity of Mr. T. But since the WWE Hall of Fame inducted so many people so early what we're stuck with is Koko B Ware being the midcarder at a legitmate legends night. Thus, we here at LOL, Wresslin' are calling it. Marty Janetty for HOF '10!

Mr. T is a douchebag

What does it mean to be famous? What does it take? As is apparent in our society today of hundreds of TV stations, and hundreds more game shows, reality shows, and the 24 hour news cycle, almost anyone can be famous for one reason or another. But usually when we think of fame, we think of those select few we call movie stars, or musicians, or athletes. That's celebrity; the truest meaning of fame.

Is there something more though? Are there a group of people that not only we look up to, but those that we hold above us look up to as well? What do we do with the humans among us that ascend to a higher level than their peers; to excel where others are already excelling? Where do we pay homage to the cream of the crop (something Macho Man knows a thing or two about)?

We give them the Hall of Fame.

A sometimes mythical place where we enshrine the ones who are not just famous, they're more than famous. INfamous, as Ned Nederlander would say.


Yes, the Hall of Fame. And which Hall of Fame are we talking about today? The WWE Hall of Fame obviously! That repository for all things wonderful about professional wrestling, and a few misfits that made it in along the way.

The WWE Hall of Fame not only inducts wrestlers, they also recognize celebrities who have made themselves a part of the fabric in some inexorable way. When sitting around contemplating who should be included in the next class of inductees (as we are wont to do often), one name popped up that seemed like a no-brainer: Mr. T.

Maybe we should rethink this one...

Mr. T was part of not only the first Wrestlemania, but the second one as well. He's one of the few celebrities that have stepped into the squared circle and put his or her body on the line in a match against the best the business had to offer. He was a faithful teammate of Hulk Hogan, and the two spent time not only training, but cleaning up the subways of New York City. He's a first ballot for sure! In fact, don't even vote, just make the plaque and everyone will go along with it. Who's going argue that he shouldn't be in there?

Well, one person: Mr. T himself. And not because he doesn't think he's accomplished enough to join the likes of Ric Flair, Roddy Piper, Bret Hart, Jimmy Snuka, Gorilla Monsoon, or Andre the Giant. No, it's because he has a problem with what would be one of his other Hallmates:

After they put Rose in they came and asked me and I said "You don't insult me! You don't put Pete Rose in the Hall of Fame before me! I ain’t going to be a part of that."

T made those comments during the "Get Some Nuts" tour. We don't want to even know what tour was about, because there's no way it's as awesome as we're thinking it is. He also says it's outrageous becaue Pete Rose can't even get into his own Hall of Fame. Well now Mr. T, we didn't know that was a prerequisite for entry to this elite club of celebrity inductees (the only other one of which William "Refrigerator" Perry). So tell us please, sir, which other Hall of Fame are you already or soon to be a part of? We're waiting...


Didn't think so. Mr. T continues to back up his point with this comment:

Then they had Dennis Rodman in there one time and that's when I knew wrestling was done.

Alright fine, we can't argue with you on that one.


Well, you know what? That's just fine with us if you're never inducted, pal. Go on and pity someone else, because we're cool with it.

Incidently, the "Get Some Nuts" tour was some sort of Snickers promotion. We told you it wasn't going to be very cool. We know this because we couldn't help but click through to another article on a gadget blog, where they interviewed T and he said that cell phones are the downfall of Superman. Why? Here comes the logic:

Then see, Superman, before he fight, he gotta find a phone booth...there's no phone booths. Everybody got they own cell. So what is Clark Kent gonna do? Somebody could be gettin' the daylight beat out of them waitin' on him to change into his little outfit.

Again, Mr. T is a reasonable individual.