Showing posts with label Jimmy Snuka. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jimmy Snuka. Show all posts

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

W,W.W. featuring Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka and Jeff Hardy

On Wednesdays, we here at LOL, Wresslin' like to really pull out the stops and offer up a double shot of righteously killer content. Why Wednesday? Well, we could impress you with market research, work habit studies, and human psychology tendencies to show you there's a scientific reason the middle of the week is the best time to bring your A-game. However, truth be told, we don't have any of that stuff and settled on Wednesday because that was the only day that didn't have any content scheduled.

So, here you have "Watch Wresslin' Wednesdays." Please feel free to suggest a better title, because we are woefully uncreative when it comes to naming stuff.

Better at naming stuff then us

The idea of W.W.W. is we each send the other a video that is related to wrestling (a match, promo, interview, guest starring spot, etc.). The only restriction is that it cannot be user-created, so your "Youtube Poop" Ultimate Warrior promo ain't gonna fly here, pal. Neither of us know what kind of video we're going to get that day.

After viewing, we each write a response. This could be anything we choose: a straight commentary, a philosophical enlightenment, or classless ridicule. Just as we don't know what kind of video the other will select, neither do we know what the other will write or how they will write it. What you end up with is a mash-up of styles, which in our book equates to two-blogs-in-one, and we can take the rest of the day off.


Matt's video to Adam- Jimmy Snuka Freaks Out



Adam's response...

The following transcript is from the defense attorney in the State of Pennsylvania vs James Reiher (1985) homicide trial:

Lawyerstein:
Ladies and gentleman of the jury, I feel that this trial has been exhausting for everyone involved. We've reviewed the facts. The evidence is there. Mr. Snuka-

Judge Featherbottom:
Mr. Lawyerstein. We will not use any pseudonyms in this court!

Lawyerstein:
Of course your Honor. Thousand pardons. Mr. Reiher did kill Nancy Argentio, his girlfriend that he was having an affair with. It was kind of like a reverse Steve McNair.

Judge Featherbottom:
Who?

Lawyerstein:
Never mind. It'll make sense in fourteen years. Regardless, we've seen countless accounts of Superfly's, er Mr. Reiher's, drug abuse, physical abuse of Ms. Argentio, and inconsistency in his stories. He has also been prone to mood swings. But I ask you to remember an interview Mr. Reiher gave on October 17th, 1983. Remember how Mr. Reiher expressed his anger and was incoherent. Remember how he referred to himself as "The Superfly" and destroyed a section of the Boston Garden. These are not the actions of a sane man. And psychosis of this magnitude does not manifest over night. These are long standing emotional issues. His employer Vince McMahon's testimony virtually confirms this. Couple that with his behavior and inability to take care of himself, and what we have here is not a man. Oh sure, he may be a legal adult, but he's not a man. Does a man cheat on his wife and consistently see a "ring rat", as the vernacular describe Ms. Argentio.

Dent:
Objection!

Judge Featherbottom:
I'm going to allow it. She was rather ring rat like.

Lawyerstein:
Thank you, your Honor. As I was saying, Mr. Reiher is not a man. Why, he's no more grown up and real then "Jimmy Snuka." Thus, condemning him is like condemning a child. He doesn't need our punishment; he needs our help. I urge you twelve jurors to go in that room and think about what you're doing. To really think about the best way to help a poor man-child who got in over his head. Thank you.

Adam's video to Matt - Jeff Hardy L.A.W. interview




Matt's response...

Jeff Hardy does drugs.





Yeah, I could end this right there and it would be a perfectly acceptable post, because really, that's all this video says. Jeff Hardy is not in a right frame of mind.

However, I'll focus quickly on the other participant in this rambling discourse, one Mr. Victor Anthony. Victor typifies everything that is great about wrestling interviewers, and that is, mostly, sheer determination to get through the segment. The backstage interview reminds me a lot of this:


The interviewer is there just trying to get information out while a hurricane goes on behind/beside/in front of/on top of them. Think about all the nutty promos that have been cut, and guess who was always there. "Mean" Gene, Tony Schiavone, or my new favorite, Todd Grisham. Wrestling interviewers have to deal with this every night of work, sometimes more than once. (Big props to Jim Gray for keeping it together in that one though)

Victor Anthony does an admirable job in this one. He not only doesn't fall into the typical trap of prefacing a sentence "A man who needs no introduction..." and then going on to introduce them anyway, he asks one simple questions and finds out all this info:

1. We are in Sanford, North Carolina.
2. This is LAW territory.
3. The law is where it's at.
4. Jeff Hardy is, in fact, there.
5. And he is there to rock everyone.

That's quite a lot to digest, and Anthony muscles through with knowing head nods.

Then he goes and ruins it by looking like a complete douchebag at the end.


Seriously, man. DOUCHE.

Monday, April 6, 2009

The Granddaddy of them all! Jericho defeats legends; brawls with Rourke

Wrestlemania was last night, so rather then have one "Oh Baby I like it RAW!" updating the entire night we're going to periodically update the blog today, highlighting each match with its own post. We will follow the order of the show.

Chris Jericho vs "Rowdy" Roddy Piper, "Super Fly" Jimmy Snuka, and Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat with Ric Flair in their corner in an elimination handicap match.

For a theme song to accompany this post, please press play and enjoy...



You know who didn't like The Wrestler? Certainly not us. We loved it! Chris Jericho didn't like it. He thought it was paying homage to old broken down horses when all the emphasis should be on him, Chris Jericho! Ooo..what a young punk! Anyway, the very recent world heavyweight champion took on these three specimens.


And it doesn't get much better then that. Look at this elevation:

FAIL

Or what about this Superfly tamer old Lionheart locked in:

He may be able to hook a hooka, but Jericho can hook a Snuka.

And although in fantastic shape for an old-ass man (hell, even a young-ass man), even The Dragon's boat ran out of steam.


So you probably think that's it. Jericho proved his point and beat up a few octogenarians. Well, YOU'D BE WRONG! Ric Flair brought in his secret weapon, star of The Wrestler Randy "The Ram" Robinson!

Umm...Rammy looks a little small there..

Err... we meant Mickey Rourke. Still, he used to be a professional boxer, so don't count him ou-

"If you've ever seen something sad that rhymes with 'me' then you've seen me"

Take that, you Canadian jackass! Come on Ric, let's go ahead and dance the night away!

Nice hat, shit dick.

Next up: Matt Hardy vs Jeff Hardy

Monday, March 9, 2009

OH BABY, I like it RAW! vol. 22

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

For a theme song to accompany this post, please press play and enjoy...



Oh my, dear Raw fan, just another ordinary night here on Monday Night Raw. Nothing interesting going to hap-

Wait, what's that?

The Piper's Pit set??

Yes!!!! Piper is here and he's going to show us just what being an old codger is all about!!

Horsemen!

Oh wait, nevermind.

Yeah, Jericho for some reason thought it would be clever to set up the Piper's Pit scenery and have himself a little talk segment. And with who, you may ask? Well, the only Piper's Pit guest anyone watching wrestling today might possibly remember - Jimmy Snuka. (Seems I've seen him on another talk show recently) Fresh off hooking hookers, "Superfly" is here to show just how effective you can be without saying a word.


Jericho, of course, just wanted to take another opportunity to berate an old-timer. He even went to far as to bring produce to the ring, none of which phased Snuka one bit until he brought out what may as well have been a hand grenade...


Yeah, Snuka shrank away from the coconut like it killed his family at the beginning of a samurai movie. However, he did fight back against Lionheart, only to have the set knocked over on him for his efforts. Nice try, old man.


What else happened on Raw, besides beating up the elderly? Well, we have a Triple Threat Money-in-the-Bank qualifier, featuring Mike Knox (OMG!), Kane and Rey Mysterio. Hmm, let's see, which of these guys is going to go on and be in a ladder match at Wrestlemania 25?


What?? Really?? Vickie Guerrero must really be in charge, because that was just SmackDUMB.

Next there's a Diva's tag match with nothing on the line. Why do I mention it? Well, a certain lady who hasn't gotten much press in this column is finally back in the ring.

And there's so much I'd like to press.

In a move that finally resembles real life, Orton says he's going to press charges against Triple H for assault because of last week's teeny tiny attack with a sledgehammer. Trips thought this would be a good time to smooth things over, so he came down to the ring with another sledgehammer.

I swear he had a sledgehammer just a second ago...

Orton indicated that rather than have HHH arrested, he'd rather just fight him at Wrestlemania. Ah, wrestling comes back to save us. Randy made Hunter agree that he wouldn't attack unless physically provoked, or that pesky assault would come back up and the only thing HHH would be seeing during Wrestlemania is the inside of jail cell. Trips agreed to that and then immediately rushed Orton when he started talking about doing an RKO on Stephanie.


I guess that whole stipulation starts on Tuesday.

Crapdown's big Russian is in the building, and we're finally going to find out who's facing Undertaker at Wrestlemania. I could fill a page with beautiful prose describing the match, but this is far more satisfying:

Take that, you socialist pig!

Yeah, Kozlov is obviously new to the country, because he had no idea what was coming when Shawn starting acting a fool and stomping his foot on the mat repeatedely. Michaels caught him square and pinned him clean. Afterward, Undertaker came out to stare down his newly crowned opponent.


Finally, we have Cena facing Smackdown's "champion" Edge for that belt he carries around. Naturally, up against a superior force, a Smackdown "wrestler" is forced to cheat to win, but they can't even do that right.


Edge hit Cena with the belt, causing a DQ with Edge keeping the title. And again, Smackdown GM Vickie Guerrero comes out to handle a little show business on Raw. Why do they announce Smackdown's Wrestlemania main event on Raw? So someone can see it.

Your new Number 1 Contender for the World Heavyweight Title...


Weeee. Look for even more excitement tonight at 9/8c on USA!!

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

W.W.W. featuring Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka and Booker T and Goldust At the Movies

On Wednesdays, we here at LOL, Wresslin' like to really pull out the stops and offer up a double shot of righteously killer content. Why Wednesday? Well, we could impress you with market research, work habit studies, and human psychology tendencies to show you there's a scientific reason the middle of the week is the best time to bring your A-game. However, truth be told, we don't have any of that stuff and settled on Wednesday because that was the only day that didn't have any content scheduled.

So, here you have "Watch Wresslin' Wednesdays." Please feel free to suggest a better title, because we are woefully uncreative when it comes to naming stuff.



Better at naming stuff then us

The idea of W.W.W. is we each send the other a video that is related to wrestling (a match, promo, interview, guest starring spot, etc.). The only restriction is that it cannot be user-created, so your roundtable of "Greatest Jobbers of the 1973" ain't gonna fly here, pal. Neither of us know what kind of video we're going to get that day.


After viewing, we each write a response. This could be anything we choose: a straight commentary, a philosophical enlightenment, or classless ridicule. Just as we don't know what kind of video the other will select, neither do we know what the other will write or how they will write it. What you end up with is a mash-up of styles, which in our book equates to two-blogs-in-one, and we can take the rest of the day off.

Matt's video to Adam- Booker T Goldust At the Movies



Adam's response...

Did you know that movie star Dwayne Johnson was once a professional wrestler in the WWE? It's true! Before landing roles in blockbuster films Doom, The Rundown, and fourteen time Oscar winner The Gameplan, Johnson had a small run as The Rock. He won a few titles, but really never had a connection with the audience and segued into film. Still, he landed his first lead role while still working in the WWE, so well known WWE film buff Goldust and rival to the Rock, Booker T, took it upon themselves to review his film, The Scorpion King.

These are the same person?

We are live (to tape) for the premier (and only) edition of Goldust and Booker T At the Movies! Goldust, being the film buff welcomes us with a grand introduction and Booker T, being black, welcomes us with a "What up, dog?" Goldust then sets up the film, asking us to "note the Fellinesq way in which our protagonist must engage in his goal, in his quest for salvation."



I happen to know a thing or two about film, so I'm just going to say it; Goldust, that's bullshit. You clearly don't know what you're talking about and just want to throw the wool over the common fan's eyes. Frederico Fellini was, if anything, a non-conventional filmmaker. His films involved his protagonists making choices that frequently would deny any hopes of salvation and not even having a goal in mind at the start, just reacting to things that happen. He is a primary influence of filmmakers like Stanley Kubrick and David Lynch, visionary directors who's work could be characterized as "weird" by the masses. So it is highly doubtful, especially after viewing the clip, that anything in The Scorpion King would be Fellinesq.

I don't entirely trust these two are film critics. Both have beef with the Rock, so any review will have a natural bias to it. And then, they run alternate takes, staring themselves! How can there credentials be taken seriously? I tune into WWE Monday Night Raw for hard hits and even harder hitting film analysis. And all I get is these two spouting off catch phrases and gay jokes! Does it sound delicious? You damn right it sound delicious! But it does not excuse their terrible film reviews. Due to factual inaccuracies, clear bias, and clip manipulation, I must form a protest that Goldust and Booker T At the Movies be stripped of their credentails in the National Team of Movie and Film Reviews and Critics Assocation of the Universe, Forever!

Adam's video to Matt - Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka Dances to Rap



Matt's response...

****This video has been removed due to excessive use of sunglasses****

Seriously, are those "studio" lights too much for your eyes? I can forgive Jimmy Snuka; he's earned the right to wear whatever he wants, and he liberally takes advantage of that. But this other dude? Well, those shades better be because his shirt is so bright, because his future sure isn't.

What caused this? There's not much to go by in the video, except for the cryptic "NWA Shockwave Pro Wrestling" at the beginning. So using the finest research tools at my disposal, I decided to familiarize myself with this promotion, which obviously has its finger on the pulse of your average wrestling fan.

Here's some of the "roster" of performers(?)...

Seriously, this guy changes my oil...

The poor man's Miz, and you gotta be "Somalia poor" for that to apply.

No...just no.

Ok, that dude's still in high school...

You know how to make people forget you're fat? Paint your face like it's Dia de los Muertos.

One shining light is this next guy. It's been said before on this site that there's nothing better than a good pun, and this one comes close to taking the cake. Allow me to proudly introduce...


Let's forgive him for misspelling "Tennessee." Seriously, this dude is awesome. He's worth the price of admission, which can't be more than a can of Dinty Moore beef stew.

And what about our illustrious interviewer. Well, he's a former booker for Shockwave by the name of Derek Gordon. Why former? Because of bullcrap like this...

No, you asshat, I can't.

He also directed a commercial for Roddy Piper's book "In the Pit..." Let's have a look at how that turned out.



Note that it says "unseen." Good. The only reason this "commercial" is any good is Piper. I'm not saying I could do a better job than Mr. Gordon, but anyone else could have.

As for the interview, well, it's hard to even call it that. Actually, this is a small part of larger interview, some of which I found and watched. Believe me, it's not worth it. This isn't even worth it, but it's what I got. This is a clear case of an interviewer not having a damn thing in his bag. Gordon found this song by Brand Nubian which mentions "Superfly." And by mention, that's the extent of it: Snuka rhymes with "hooka" and that's the only reason it's in the song.

But Gordon soldiers on, thinking it makes good entertainment to continually ask Snuka if he knows what it means to "hook a hooker." I don't even know what that means. "Superfly" seems to share the audience's collective confusement, but being the entertainer he is, he rolls with it. Even to the point where he's dancing with two girls (who were also kept in waiting just for this segment of the interview. Let it never be said that Derek Gordon doesn't plan ahead), neither of which are particularly attractive and could possibly both be actual hookers.

Oh, and a dog.

So Snuka actually cuts the rug with three bitches. Actually, the dog may have been of Snuka's doing, because at the beginning of the video, he says, "You turn me, the jungle is coming to your hometown." It's a pleasing thought that when Jimmy starts to dance, animals materialize and get in on the fun.

I guess Snuka's at the club again...