R U READY TO DOWN SOME SMACK??? Stunned Contendors

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

This Sunday is TNA's Genesis PPV. How does this relate to Smackdown? IT DOESN'T! Don't worry about how fat Scott Hall is, because there's some smack to down? Are you ready?

First up was "Team Black Guys in Jeans" vs "Team White Canadians in Underwear" in a six-man tag. And it was pretty good!

(l-r) can't dunk, can dunk

Of course, this is a match MONTHS in the making. Jericho previously feuded with Cryme Tyme over the summer (Shad even picked up a singles win) and the CT are currently feuding with the Harts. And R-Truth..well he's a black guy...so he's there too! Of course that doesn't mean the interns are allowed to mail it in.

Ahem, interns. When the knee is in the back, it is called the "Liontamer." No knee is the Walls. DUH!

That was enough for the win. Even the interns can't shy away from the greatness of the winners.



Wow, did all that training in the Hart Dungeon really pay off? Really?

Yea, I went there. Get over it.

Sometimes wrestling can get a little talky. That time is when CM Punk comes out. Usually he just speaks about how great he is, but today he was talking about how great you can be. Or more specifically, some kid from s>developmental the audience.

Just kiss and get it over with already!

The kid decided to pledge his life to straight edge and that entailed shaving his head. Yes, the most embarrassing thing anyone can ever do in wrestling! Losing hair! Unless of course your Stone Cold Steve Austin, Goldberg, The Rock, Randy Orton, or any other successful person who is bald. But hey, you can tell Hogan and Michaels aren't happy about losing their hair!

I hope they didn't offer you a call up for this, dude. Because soon you'll be released AND be bald.

A gentleman's hairdo

Also, Luke Gallows was with Punk and he decided to hang out afterwards and wrestle Matt Hardy. The interns could hardly contain their excitement.

Should that be capitalized?

Anyone else see the irony in the fact that Matt's brother (known drug user/ possible felon Jeff Hardy) signed with WWE's main competitor, TNA, and now Matt is being beaten up by the wrestlers who don't do any drugs.

Get used to eating leather, Matty. Soon that's about the quality of meat you'll have to buy when they release you for Jeff's indiscretions.

Finally, last week (two weeks ago!) Rey Mysterio cost Batista a world title match in the beat the clock challenge. Thus, the two of them would have to fuck fight for their right to wrestle the Undertaker at the Royal Rumble. This match was so awesome that even the interns were on the top of their game.

Ok, that was a good one.

That's not to say that everything was spot on.

Yea...sometimes wrestling is fake...

This match went through numerous powerbomb and phone call related spots until just about the 10 o'clock hour when ALL OF A SUDDEN THE UNDERTAKER HIT A GONG AND TURNED ON A SMOKE MACHINE! WHY? NO IDEA!

Something strange going on!?! OH NO! Must be a no contest!

Yes, so we're going for this match one more time. Batista/Rey Mysterio...IN A CAGE! TRY AND CAGE TEH ANIMALE!!!



Watch Smackdown tonight to forget about the British Invasion being dropped down the card! It's a 8/7 central! On one of those Network Channels. Or some whenever over on hulu.com (if you can get past all the Conan drama)!

R U READY TO DOWN SOME SMACK??? Time to Rumble

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

It's 2010 here on Smackdown! Everyone's hung over and can't put much thought into what to do! Let's phone it in and have a Beat the Clock challenge all show.

Yes, what is a more objective and fair way to determine a number one contender then by having a series of matches and the fastest match is the winner of the slot? Oh, you mean any other way? Yes, that would be fairer, but this is what we got.

Although in fairness, they did finally put logic into play and make it open to all the competitors in the matches, not just the four main eventers. Anyway, our first match had former World Champion CM Punk taking on the brother of a TNA main eventer/ future felon, Matt Hardy!

Enjoy the last offense you'll ever get, Jobby.

In case you don't know the rules of the Beat the Clock challenge, allow the interns of WWE.com to enlighten you:

Way to explain the rules on slide #11. And with a picture of a time consuming rest hold, no less.

Of course, one guy is an example of a drug free industry and one guy routinely pisses off management with his antics. And his brother totally burned WWE. So take one guess how this one played out.

Get used to being tea bagged/shit on for the rest of your career, Angelic Diablo.

On a side note: Jeff Hardy will take a job just to get Shannon Moore a job in TNA, but he won't think about the repercussions on his own brother?

To break up the clock action, John Morrison got his rematch with Drew McIntyre for the Intercontinental championship! High flying kicks abound!


These two have been feuding ever since Vince McMahon anointed McIntyre a "future champion", and neither have taken a break from it for the last few months. Don't believe me? Check in with the interns.

Yea, no one watches Superstars

So somehow Morrison got disqualified in the match, giving McIntyre the win, ergo ending the feud, right? Champion successfully defends in the rematch, time to move on. Maybe Mike Knox (OMG!!!) deserves a shot at championship gold? Wait, what's this?

The face throws a temper tantrum?

Oh, that makes sense. Total sense.

Back to the clock! If you ever are scratching your head on what match to throw in the middle of the show, just putting Chris Jericho and Rey Mysterio in the ring is never a bad idea. The two of them bring the best out of each other, possibly due to all those Hart Dungeon training sessions Rey snuck into from El Undergroundo Railrodeo to el Canadas (I could have possibly made that up). Normally, their matches are technically sound and fast, but this time Jericho decided to go the complete opposite way and do his Lex Luger impression!


Which is really poor, because this is a far more accurate Luger impression.


Anyway, the interns show their stupidity again and Rey Mysterio won.

For the last time: 619 is just an area code. You can't call anyone just by dialing "619." Stop with the phone cracks.

This time BEAT CM PUNK's time by one measly second! WHAT ARE THE CHANCES OF THAT?!!?

All this talk about CM Punk and clocks is giving me a raging boner. I really gotta nut. Oh, I know how to take care of that. A Divas match! Beth Phoenix and Mickie James wrestled to see who will be the #1 contender for Michelle McCool's Women's championship! And she was at ringside being all pro-Phoenix with her best gal pal, Layla. They go by the name "Team Lay-Cool" which makes sense, but is an ultimately terrible and worthless name.

Those legs make everything ok though

This lead to Mickie getting the win. The Glamazon did not appreciate this and begging to beat the holy hell out of Michelle McCool while Mickie proved what an insecure fatty she is by going into a fat rage against Layla.




Yea, that happened too. Oh well, send us out on a high note, boys.

"Piggie James <3 Food" is a brilliant slogan

In our final clock match, R-Truth took on TEH ANIMALE!!!, Batista. Disappoint me again, interns.

What gave you that idea, interns? Was it how his shirt says "WHAT'S UP!"? Or how his song is just the words "What's up?!" over and over again? Or maybe how he says "What's up!?" every time he gets on the mic. Seriously interns, I expected better.

This match was marred by Rey Mysterio hanging out at ringside and a Divas grade of offense.


Still, the unearthed fury of an animal walking alone into a pit of danger was too much for Mr. Truth, as he spine was LITERALLY busted.


That's it! Batista/Undertaker for the title at the Rumble! I can't wait! What's this?!

Rey Mysterio: Best heel in the game

Rey Mysterio..cheated!?!? What's up with the faces acting like d-bags?! Where is your honor, Rey Rey? Who would ever of thought that a man named Mysterio would have shady motives? Something must be done!


Oh thank heavens! Vickie Guerrero won't let this stand. So we'll have another #1 contenders match, tonight! Batista and Rey! Where? MyNetworkTV! When? 8/7c! Or whenever over at hulu.com!

R U READY TO DOWN SOME SMACK??? Hungry Animal heading to WWE TLC

SEASON'S BEATINGS!!!

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

In all honesty, I have no idea why I'm even doing this. Apparently Matt doesn't need to recap Raw, so why in the blue hell would I need to recap Smackdown? And I hate this crap now too! You people are so lucky I've decided to bless you with my comedy brilliance. How would you ever LAWL @ Wresslin' if I wasn't here to brighten your miserable lives?

So CM Punk came out to call us all drug addicts again, but this time, there was something new. He brought a friend! Festus! Hillbilly Jim! Luke Gallows! Turns out his previous mental retardation was due to drug abuse! But now that he's clean he's totally fine...which is just about how every former meth addict I know acts.

Well the camo pants do scream "Methhead"

Punk then makes fun of a new Jeff Hardy DVD, when all- OOOHHHH YEEEEEEEAAAA!!!!



Yea, Matt essentially tells the kids that it's cool to be like his brother Jeff and be a screw up. He then wrestles a match with Punk, who decides it's more fun to have Crackhead Festus interfere and beat the hell out of whatever dumb nickname Hardy calls himself now.

First rule of the zombie Apocalypse: Short hair.

Sex-ay

There was #1 contenders match in the middle of the show, as the world champion Undertaker's brother, KANE!, took on The Animal, Batista!

I FACE OFF WITH ANOTHER PERSON ALONE!!!!

You know (tm) what I never noticed before? Batista's trunks mirror his back tat.

Coincidence?

Also, I love the WWE.com interns, not just for the awesome title for this week's recap, but for this wonderful caption.

He's not any specific animal. Just an Animal.

By the way, that's how Batista won. Via sunset flip. KANE! can't believe it either.


Finally, our main event was the same main event from a few weeks ago. One half of the unified tag champs, Chris Jericho, took on the Undertaker. Batista decided to check it out on commentary.

Then the Undertaker played some of his infamous mind games with a spooky entrance.


I'll spare you the details, since one guy jobs all the time and one guy never jobs, but the WWE.com interns do rule.

That's actually a really great pun

Oh, and Batista interfered.

I yawn alone

Anyway, everyone is in Iraq, so I wouldn't expect the most stellar of Smackdown's tonight. Still, judge for yourself! 8/7c, MyNetwork TV! Or some other time on hulu!

W.W.W. featuring Jerry Lawler and Lita

On Wednesdays, we here at LOL, Wresslin' like to really pull out the stops and offer up a double shot of righteously killer content. Why Wednesday? Well, we could impress you with market research, work habit studies, and human psychology tendencies to show you there's a scientific reason the middle of the week is the best time to bring your A-game. However, truth be told, we don't have any of that stuff and settled on Wednesday because that was the only day that didn't have any content scheduled.

So, here you have "Watch Wresslin' Wednesdays," the ORIGINAL wrestling-themed, YouTube video comedic co-commentary. Please feel free to suggest a better title, because we are woefully uncreative when it comes to naming stuff.

Better at naming stuff than us

The idea of W.W.W. is we each send the other a video that is related to wrestling (a match, promo, interview, guest starring spot, etc.). The only restriction is that it cannot be user-created, so your one-act play about The Headshrinkers ain't going to fly here, pal. Neither of us know what kind of video we're going to get that day.

After viewing, we each write a response. This could be anything we choose: a straight commentary, a philosophical enlightenment, or classless ridicule. Just as we don't know what kind of video the other will select, neither do we know what the other will write or how they will write it. What you end up with is a mash-up of styles, which in our book equates to two-blogs-in-one, and we can take the rest of the day off.

Matt's video to Adam- Jerry Lawler burns Bobby Bowden's nephew



Adam's response...

You ever think TNA is cheap looking? Ever think about how lame it is that they tape at a sound stage in Universal Studios? Well I tell you, that's miles better then some storage locker in Memphis, Tennessee.

I'm all for being frugal and having a close, intimate crowd, but this is a little too much. It's very hard to maintain the legitimacy of this being a sporting event when there are about 30 people watching it. Granted, most indy shows now-a-days can't claim that number, but they also don't have television deals.

As for the actual goings on in the video- well, I couldn't tell you. It's kind of cornucopia (Thanksgiving!) of happenings. Sid Vicious wore red tights and Doug Gilbert wore a mask. Isn't the entire point of wearing a mask supposed to involve you concealing your identity? Why wear the mask if you're just going to give out your social security number?

Above: The Amazing Peter Parker

Now, we've expressed our love of Scott Bowden on this site before, but I gotta call him out on one thing (I know you're reading this, Bowden): how does being Bobby Bowden's nephew get you heel heat? Granted, I understand you're essentially portraying a spoiled brat, but why not just be a spoiled brat? Why bring Florida State head coach Bobby Bowden into the mix? The University of Memphis is not a traditional football school, nor a rival of Florida State. I suppose you could make the case for the University of Tennessee being such a football school that the hatred of Florida State would carry down from Knoxville to Memphis, but UT and FSU are not rivals. They're not even in the same conference!

That being said, the assault on Bowden's Starter jacket is very topical for the early 1990's when this was made. Many men lost their lives for a Starter jacket.

Word

Still, the commentators could have been a little more concerned with an attempt to light Bowden on fire. He may be an annoying little shit, but a lifetime in the burn ward is a bit of a strong message to send. Also, it could lead to Bell's Palsy.


Adam's video to Matt - The Hardy Boys attack Dean Malenko in Lita's shower



Matt's response...

This is the mark equivalent of the Zapruder film. Actually, all videos in the "diva in the shower" subset are, meticulously paused and unpaused, trying to catch that exact moment where you maybe catch a glimpse of something you weren't supposed to/will never see. It's at times like these when I like to take things to the fans and see what the word on the street is.

According to YouTubers, the magic time is 22 seconds into the film, where Rooxilo says, "You Can See Lita's HOT ASS!" (Side note: is it really worth the extra time to capitalize every word? No one gives a crap.) Others make claim that a few seconds later, you can see her chest, but this can't be substantiated.

Of course, all these comments are prefaced with "I'm not being perverted, but..." However, finding it necessary to discover that 1/10th of a second of video where you might catch a butt crack seriously calls that claim into question. Then again, I have numerous Google queries of "Randy Orton hog sexy," so really who am I to cast stones? It's all work related though.


So what are all these video experts so worked up about? Well, for the first time in the history of blogging, I'm going to break this mystery right open. Just what is contained at 0:22? Here you go:


Through some digital trickery, I've enhanced this image, simply by typing "enhance" into my computer. Just like the movies! Take a look:


Not bad work, right? I'm pretty awesome. You can thank me, marks. Now go on and enjoy this time to yourself.

Then there's this...