W.W.W. featuring Ric Flair and Sam Roberts

On Wednesdays, we here at LOL, Wresslin' like to really pull out the stops and offer up a double shot of righteously killer content. Why Wednesday? Well, we could impress you with market research, work habit studies, and human psychology tendencies to show you there's a scientific reason the middle of the week is the best time to bring your A-game. However, truth be told, we don't have any of that stuff and settled on Wednesday because that was the only day that didn't have any content scheduled.

So, here you have "Watch Wresslin' Wednesdays." Please feel free to suggest a better title, because we are woefully uncreative when it comes to naming stuff.

Better at naming stuff than us.

The idea of W.W.W. is we each send the other a video that is related to wrestling (a match, promo, interview, guest starring spot, etc.). The only restriction is that it cannot be user-created, so your armpit fart medley of Dean Malenko themes a'int going to fly here, pal. Neither of us know what kind of video we're going to get that day.

After viewing, we each write a response. This could be anything we choose: a straight commentary, a philosophical enlightenment, or classless ridicule. Just as we don't know what kind of video the other will select, neither do we know what the other will write or how they will write it. What you end up with is a mash-up of styles, which in our book equates to two-blogs-in-one, and we can take the rest of the day off.

Matt's video to Adam- Ric Flair reveals shocking photos of him with Miss Elizabeth!



Adam's response...

The first thing everyone notices about a professional wrestler is his entrance music. We've written about this many times. The Nature Boy Ric Flair has had Stauss's (correct grammar) "Also Sprach Zarathustra" for almost his entire career. It's almost as important to his entire being just as much as the stylin', profilin' and figure-four's are. I say "almost" because honestly, Slick Ric could have had this and just been fine. Why? Because it's accurate and true.

Unlike you, Flair's been around the world. And also unlike you, he's been with many, many girls.

Which makes this storyline involving Randy Savage and his blushing bride Elizabeth so wonderful. Sure, anytime a man insinuates he's mowing another man's lawn it's serious. But this is Randy and Elizabeth! The same Randy who was so possessive of her beauty that he'd lock her in a closet at the arena so as other men wouldn't flirt with her. So when Naitch unleashes his master plan, well, let's just say shits gonna get reeeeeeeelllll.

"OOOO yeaaaa! I don't trust my co-workers or wife! Dig it!"

And what is this plan? Why, to show off a copy of an upcoming WWF magazine. Or as Flair calls it, "more than just a magazine" even though it isn't. On the cover, some poorly laid out stock photographs. Inside? Slick Ric shows off some shots from his personal collection. He uses these photos as the basis for his insight into Elizabeth's mindset (which he chooses to describe using language only a third rate romance novel would use.)


Now as for the photograph. For a candid photo between two people together at the time, it sure has a lot of professional sheen on it. Seriously, who poses for photos like that? Did he someday know she'd marry Savage and he'd be facing him for the World Title at Wrestlemania VIII?


Now for a legendary cooze hound like Flair, he sure is inconsistent with his put down. Telling someone that so-and-so is your sloppy seconds is the best diss ever (and apparently, can get you suspended for half an NHL season), but then coming back and saying how he'll take her back whenever? Attraction doesn't work that way, Naitch. You can't call another man's wife trash and then offer to give her a ride on Space Mountain anytime she likes.

Of course, I'm still single, so what do I know?

And johnnyfairbanks, nice job cutting the video off at the climax, shitdick.

Adam's video to Matt - Prime Time Sam Roberts interviews Wrestlemania 25 superstars



Matt's response...

Hey Adam, what's the haps?

Or is it happs? I'm going to have to consult "Being a Douchebag" on that one.


Obviously, my first instinct is to rip on the guy for that bit, but I'll let it go. Interesting the first person whom they showed catch on to it was Mark Henry, or as YouTube user "FartScrap" called him, the "big shadow in the tan suit." It was a funny enough way to start the segment, I suppose.

Not being an "Opie and Anthony" mark like Adam is, I'm not familiar with Prime Time Sam Roberts. He's alright though, and the wrestlers seem to like him well enough. Anytime you can have a light-hearted and congenial conversation with Trips about Vince McMahon's death, you must be a decent guy. That was his father-in-law, after all.

After his silly bit, he actually has some interesting questions for these guys. I particularly enjoyed him asking Roddy Piper about Hell Comes to Frogtown, seeing as how I'm one of the hundred people in America that own that movie.

Proof.

Piper's response of "we have an asshole here" is such wonderful "Piperness" also.

As is Flair's declaration that they don't have the word "not succeed" in their vocabulary.

I'm not finding it in mine either...

I guess I can rate the interviewees on how interesting they were during their interview. Now, sometimes that's unfair, because a subject can only be as good as their interviewer allows them to be, but a lot can be said for exuding a certain kind of presence that shines through no matter what.

6. Eve and Kelly Kelly
I'm not sure if this is part of the reason why Adam sent me this, but let me make it clear to him that I don't like Kelly Kelly for the way she answers questions. Seriously, could these two be any more boring? At least Mickie James would have offered you some squirrel jerky or something.


5. Edge
Controversial pick? I don't think so. Edge never impressed me all that much with his personality to begin with, and he doesn't pick up any points here. Don't be political! Say that it was gross to kiss Vickie! We all know it!

Seriously dude. WE ALL KNOW.

4. Mark Henry
This is where it starts getting close, because I really liked Mark Henry here. Ok, so he had the most generic answer in world when asked about Wrestlemania 25, but he made up for it talking about hair later on. And really, who doesn't want to hear Mark talk for long periods of time? Don't count me in that group!

3. Chris Jericho
It's nice to see Jericho out of character for a bit here. Really, there's nothing more to it than that. And they talk about big words.

That one I can find.

2. Roddy Piper and Ric Flair
It's hard not to pick these two as the best, but they seemed a little off. Maybe they just weren't in the mood to answer questions, or didn't feel like playing around. I can understand that; these two are legends and now some diphead is asking them "What's the happs?" They don't have time for that. Of course, it's funny when they talk about Hell Comes to Frogtown, and even funnier when Naitch reveals that he's never seen it. Very supportive of you, Flair.

1. Triple H
It's no secret that I'm a Triple H fan. Call me a front-runner if you will, but it's not just because he wins all the time. Actually, it's not about that at all. I always like his personality during interviews and he just seems to have a good time, which is certainly the case here. Obviously these two have a bit of a history, and it's fun to seem the play off that. But mainly I just like to see the Cerebral Assassin not assassinating people. I actually stayed up to watch him on "Late Night with Jimmy Fallon," if that tells you anything. Worth viewing, if only for The Roots playing "King of Kings."

A Flair for all seasons

Something very important happened on Saturday. Adam met the Nature Boy, the sixteen time World Champion, the jet flyin', limousine ridin', kiss stealin', wheelin' dealin', son-of-a-gun that is Ric Flair. Was it on the street? No. Was it at a fancy restaurant? Nope. It was at an autograph session with other Flair-iacs. Adam's date with destiny follows:

Saturday, November 1st was the day. 9:30 AM was the time. I know that getting up before 9 AM should be totally doable, but this is November 1st. One day after Halloween. Now, listen up you primitive screwheads and listen good. I live somewhere you country bumpkins can only dream of. New York City. And not Brooklyn or Queens with the other hipsters who think they "keep it real." No way bitches. I live in the bright lights of Manhattan. So getting up around 7:45 AM on the day after Halloween is more difficult then originally imagined. However, this is Ric Flair. He won't want to hear me bitching about being a little hung over. He would have just stayed up all night. Still, I'm not a sixteen time world champion, so I figured a three hour sleep was all I needed.

There's a 7:47 in the morning now?

Every photo from here on out courtesy of Intern Brian

Regardless, I got up, put on the custom made clothes, and ventured all the way up to Times Square's (ugh) Carolines Comedy Club. May seem like an odd location at first, but trust me, it became very appropriate.



First thing you notice. Everyone working the event was either in a suit (natch) or in a referee's uniform. I think that was a good call. When a collection of rowdy wrestling fans convene in one location, it's important to assert your authority from the start. They were all perfectly pleasant and led me and Intern Brian to our seats.



I'd say we may have been one of the last people to arrive. I'd estimate there were about 250 people there (it was a hot ticket, after all), so we probably clocked in at #'s 188 and 9, respectfully. This provided us a good look at the clientele who would come to a wrestling meet and greet ass early the day after Halloween. I doubt you'll be surprised:

Male to Female ratio: 235:15 (give or take 20 monsters)

Clearly thrilled

X-Pac Jr.

Still, there were a few bright spots. There was a celebrity in the crowd! Associate producer of The Opie and Anthony Show, Primetime Sam Roberts!

XM 202 The Virus

The only other bright spots were myself:

OH MY GOD I'M SO HANDSOME

and this gentleman. We seemed to be the only two men who knew how to style and profile there.:

Somewhere a mother is looking for her lost Terrycloth

What really concerned me was the sheer amount of negativity there. Like somehow meeting Ric Flair wasn't good enough. People just constantly wanted more. Like I said, we came in later. Towards the end. The organizers of the event were smart enough to tell groups when they can go up and meet Mr. Flair. So first up were the VIP people on the lower tier, then it would make sense that the people in the back row would go next, because they came earlier, and thus others would fill in as they came in. I had no problem with this. I paid my money. I was getting my goods and services. In fact, I'd of preferred to have gone later, because after you got your autograph and/or photo you had to leave the room. So basically, you're ushered into a crowded lobby where you can buy a drink at the bar

Thinking about that Andy Kaufman figure....

...and decided that Andy would tell those nerds to go away (this kitten has claws, right fellas?)

And one more because I think she's pretty and I'm weird.

Pointing out the coffee stain due to his incompetent nature

You brought a collapsing chair? To Times Square? Really? Really?

Or go out to Times Square and pay twelve dollars for a turkey sandwich. Wow, let me race to get to that finish line. Or, you can play it cool, grab a seat, and watch the 1992 Royal Rumble that they had playing on TV monitors. Ummm...gee, that's an easy choice. Still, the people around me were just...angry. Just typical crying about "this man was here after me and it's not fair that he's ahead of me in line!" One harpy...well more about her later.

Still, I eventually got up in line, met The Man, got an autograph on my Flair autobiography, shared a quick conversation about how well dressed we both were, took my photo and left the scene. I then got ushered into that lobby, dealing with the same characters again, now somewhat appeased as they bought more toys to adorn their dressers and window sills, and waited for the Q&A to begin.

At this point it's around 1:30, so I've been hung over/awake/hungry for the last six hours, so I was seriously considering jetting. But you know what, I paid for the cod dang thing, I should go. And thank God I did, since it was awesome.

I'm not going to recount every question asked, but to answer your initial questions: No, no, and Ricky Steamboat. Still there were a surprising amount of very good questions asked. A little girl asked Mr. Flair how he physically felt after his first match ("Great. I've been lucky and never had serious aches and pains that a wrestler has). Another question was asked as to who his best friend from Evolution was. Surprisingly, the answer was the Animal, Big Dave Batista. That's because HHH was married and Randy Orton had a girlfriend who later became his wife (booo!!!). So Dave was his wingman. Flair then told an amusing anecdote about he'd make Batista go shirtless in every bar, just to attract the ladies, and then the old Flair charm would take care of the rest (WOOOOO!!). Perhaps the best answer came from the worst question. Here's how it went.

Guy: What'syouradviceonsomeonetryingtobreakintothebusiness?

Flair: What?

Guy: Ummmm...what are...uh...yourwordsforsomeonewhowantstobeawrestler?

Flair: One more time.

Guy: I want to be a wrestler? Any advice?

Flair: Where are you training?

Guy: JasonKnightinWaterbury.

Flair: Huh?

Guy: Jason Knight in uhh...Waterbury, CT.

Flair: I don't think you're going to like my answer.

Guy: Well, ok.

Flair: I've never heard of him, so I wouldn't train with him. That's not a knock against his wrestling ability, but if I've never heard about him, he's not in the business. You want to work with someone who can call Stamford or Nashville and get you a job, or you're just wasting your time.

This went on for a few minutes. The Guy kept saying "ok, thank you" and interrupting Slick Ric, not for a second heeding this LEGEND'S advice. Basically, he got some bad news and just went home to cry.

Still, was Ric right to say this? Well, using the best research tools at my disposal, I've learned that Jason Knight is in fact a pro wrestler. He's a former ECW TV Champion, runs his own indy fed, and had a feud with Jazz. Yes, that Jazz.


So yes, Ric was right.

We also learned that Ric Flair treats his publicist/assistant like shit, making her get him drinks and constantly sexually harassing her to the delight of a crowd.

I was going to ask Ric how he got involved with this, but then thought better of it.

That was pretty much it. Seems like there's nothing to....oh wait! The hag! The unfuckable hag! She was seated near me while I was waiting for the autograph, and my oh my was she insufferable. She was one of the more vocal annoyed patrons. She went up to one of the organizers and told him that if she didn't go soon she "would not be happy" and then quietly bitched about how unprofessional they were, how they "sure cashed that check fast", and how this was "supposed to be a fun thing." In fairness, I know it was hell getting Charlene to cover her Denny's shift that morning, but I don't quite know what she expected. First off, short of molesting you, I don't know how the men running the event could be unprofessional. Yes, they cashed that check fast. They wanted to sell you a meet and greet with Ric Flair. And it was fun. Could is have been more fun? Sure, but I don't know how they would have gotten the Moonbounce and water slide broken down in time for the Eric Bischoff Q&A. But the real doozy came during the Q&A when she asked Ric what his plans were for the night, and added in that she was free. Here's a good look at her:

She looked an awful lot like Mac's mom from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

After swallowing the puke that came up, Mr. Flair graciously told her the truth that he had plans that night with a much more attractive woman.

Still, Ric was a class act. He was as gracious as he could have been given the circumstances, and seemed generally flattered that so many people would pay money to shake his hand. Lord knows he made me happy.




PS- On a non-wrestling note, I also met Bruce Campbell that evening. Saw his new film, My Name is Bruce. It was awesome. Anyway, there was a Q&A after the showing, and Bruce gave me $5! Leave comments for the full story.

PPS- Final score: Adam: 2, Bad Weekend: 1. Eat it, bitches!