R U READY TO DOWN SOME SMACK??? Family Connundrum

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

O Canada, our home and native land....


Sorry, Stars and Stripes. I'm a little too excited for tonight's Smackdown, as it's taking place in beautiful Edmonton, Alberta! Where this guy was born!


Still, before all the excitement cant begin, we gotta know what happened last week. To start, a brand new Smackdown superstar made his debut! He goes by the moniker of Slammaster J, which is a take off of Grand Master B from Married with Children.


He took on Smackdown's resident Seal of Awesomness, Charlie Haas!


Since one guy has been getting TV time lately and one hasn't it's not too easy to see who won this match.

Hat forward- Bud Bundy. Hat backwards- Grandmaster B

JTG of Cryme Tyme decided to fight mano-o-mano with one half of the unified tag champs: former Grand Slam champion Chris Jericho! Clearly a man who has never won a title before would have no chance against a wrestler who is just now, doing his best work ever, despite having the most impressive of resumes.

I think this is why the Civil War was fought

See? History has a way of repeating itself all the time. Sure, Cryme Tyme's uncle may be in the White House, but that doesn't mean a wealthy Canadian can't ride a black man without repercussions.

Above: repercussions

Whoops.

Someone named Ricky Ortiz lost to the Great Khali.

LOL, Wresslin'wishes you all the best in your future endeavors.

Dolph Ziggler beat a bunch of people to win the right to cheat to beat Rey Mysterio for the IC title at Summerslam. But the story isn't so much the match, but the people he beat.


I'm going to focus on the gentleman to the right, Mike Knox (OMG!!!). Apparently being dumped by Kelly Kelly for The Miz of all people can take a tole on a man's psyche. Never much of a looker, Mr Knox (OMG!!!) seems to have fallen into a pit of hot pockets and loneliness. And there doesn't seem to be any Mach 3's there either.

I really need to see the suit he wears at the next Hall of Fame ceremony

Finally, there was a world title match tonight. Actually...there were two! The first one ended when Jeff Hardy got himself DQ'd. GM Teddy Long decided to holler at that bad decision, and issue a rematch for this very night (last week!)! But there is a stipulation. There will be a super secret, special guest enforcer to make sure nothing like that Jeff Hardy DQ ever happens again. Someone tough and unbiased. Or Matt Hardy.

Which Hardy has worse paint on right now?

Punk, powered by his sense of self worth (much like Ed Begley Jr) went all out to make sure he won his first ever, legit title match. He was strong on offense,

So much tension!

And even better on defense!

Knees up? That's new...

They say coming down from that high really kills

This was going to be it! Punk was going to win! The ref is counting to three when...special enforcer Matt Hardy pulls the ref out of the ring!!?!? WHY!? You mean to tell me that Matt Hardy took advantage of Teddy Long's trust? What a bad egg! Oh well Punk, hold your head up high. Your strong valor will win the day again.

Goddammit CM....

Great man. Great. You'll never get your rematch no-. Oh, Teddy Long is now hollerin' about a TLC match at Summerslam? But that's Jeff's expertise. You have no experience in high profile ladder matches.


Oh well. Smackdown's in Canada tonight, so I have no idea when or where it airs. Still, it'll be on hulu.ca eventually.

R U READY TO DOWN SOME SMACK??? Judgment has come

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

What is this? What the hell is this? Smackdown has more matches on a PPV then Raw and ECW combined??? How can this be? I always thought that Friday night was the best kept secret in the WWE Universe, but apparently not anymore. So, since you demanded it, here's a lot of Smackdown PPV action!

To open up the show, we had Mr. Money in the Bank, CM Punk, taking on the Samoan Bulldozer, Umaga!



This should be no contest. Seriously, CM Punk is the defacto #1 contender and Umaga is the fattest fat that ever fattted. Umaga is coming back from injury and is rusty, Punk is at the top of his game, this shouldn't even be on PPV. Plus, add in the fact that this show is in Chicago, Punk's hometown! It's not like WWE would ever embarrass one of their top talents in his hometown.

Errr...umm

Ok, so the match pretty much went like this.

Jake Peavy nixxed that trade, by the way.

Also on the undercard was the culmination of the storied three week feud Shelton Benjamin and John Morrison warred. But Shelton didn't come alone. No sir, he brought his old running buddy, Charlie Haas with him! And the team was a symbol of racial harmony!

Black guy wearing yellow, white guy wearing red. Hmm..seems all races are covered.

I know, can you believe it? Charlie haas gotten himself a PPV payday. Unfortunately, that was about all the good news for The World's Greatest Tag Team, as Shaman of Sexy damn near killed himself doing this corkscrew move. Ordinarily, that would lead the doctor calling the match in favor of Shelton, but this is WWE, so somehow the impact hurt Morrison more. And he won, Lord did he win.

Yea, you're going to have neck surgery one day.

What that you say? You want titles? Smackdown's got those too! Star of the show, Chris Jericho (rhymes!) challenged height challenged Intercontinental champion Rey Mysterio. Rey is a one time Intercontinental champion, which puts him only one reign behind Santino Marella and Val Venis in the title's prestigious history! Still, I suppose he needs to lose the title before he can go on a second reign, so I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt.

Anyway, Rey wore a stupid shirt.


Naturally, this match should be another no contest, as Chris Jericho is smarter, better looking, stronger, and just better all around then Rey Mysterio. I mean, he takes bigger craps then Rey Mysterio, that's how tough he is!

He popped a squat just to prove that fact.

Still, it wouldn't be a Rey Mysterio match if the tenacious underdog didn't somehow pull it out. And although Jericho was mostly successfully at blocking the 619, he forgot that Rey does have some other moves.

This made Randy "The Ram" very happy.

And in the main event, the show closer, Jeff Hardy took on Edge for what must be the millionth time for a title. This time it happened to be the World Heavyweight Title, but whatever. Just know that Jeff was a mess and probably will be taking some time off in the next few months.

"Guess what? I'm weird..I mean a free spirit!"

Anyway, these two added a few wrinkles into their epic, grandiose rivalry. For example, Jeff Hardy put the Sharpshooter onto Edge! Because Edge is Canadian!


And then, they decided to get all exxxtreme on us, and fight in the crowd!

You'd figure the fans would be a little concerned for their saftey..

Still, that was not to be, because our fan of the night decided to hit Jeff in the face with his cast. It's hard to see him, but he's there.

It could have been a hallucination, though.

Regardless, that was all that was needed because Edge went on to successfully defend that title.

Now let me get at dem millions...

Yup, so that happened.

PPV over, let's get ready for the next three week build! Tonight, 8/7c on MyNetwork TV!

R U READY TO DOWN SOME SMACK??? Reserving Judgment

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

This Sunday, our Lord and Savior is returning and he shall judge us. Yes, judgment day is upon us, and we can only hope that we are deemed worthy. Thankfully, there are some simple tests to deduce this. First- do you watch Smackdown? If the answer is "Yes" then you're cool. That should be about it.

So since we're so cool and love Smackdown, let's go over everything to get ready for the big PPV this Sunday. First off, John Morrison (who is now a face) has a feud with Shelton Benjamin. For some reason Shelton is starting crap with The Friday Night Delight. Seriously, it's just "some reason." So since Shelton is a "heel", he's inherently lazy, he found his old tag team partner, and Hall of Awesomeness inductee, Charlie Haas to take on The Guru of Greatness.

"I haas an impression of a good wrestler..."

So actually being on TV seems to haas inspire Charlie, as he used that Seton Hall background of his to wrestle the man with the golden abs.


Unfortunately, Charlie then remember that he is Charlie Haas, and he's much more suited for knocking Lillian Garcia off the ring apron then actually, you know (tm), winning matches. Thus, the usual outcome happened.

Oh stop, Shelton. Like you really expected different?

For the second week in a row, Edge and CM Punk wrestled in a non-title match. And, for the second week in a row, CM Punk sort of kicked ass.

Adrenaline definitely isn't some sort of high

That should be enough to win the match, and enact his dumb plan to cash in the title shot and win a second match to become the champion. Of course, it wasn't to be as Edge just conceded victory and got himself counted out. What a dastardly heel! Still, if that wasn't enough to drive a man to drink, Umaga came out (AGAIN) to attack Punk for no reason whatsoever. Well, at least we'll have the two of them wrestle at Judgement Day. Because that's SO much better then having a title match.

"So much pain..I should start hanging out with Jeff..."

Undertaker's favorite cadaver, Michelle McCool, took on Mr. Fugi's daughter, Gail Kim, in a match. I guess it was for the #1 contendership for the ladies belt, but since we haven't seen Melina at all since she was drafted, I'm going to go ahead and assume that they're fighting over ponies or something. Still, maybe they'll kiss?

Gail Kim, switch places with me and let me turn around.

Seriously, I will kiss this girl toes all the way up to her lips. Then I'd move up to her stomach.

And in our main event, current #1 contender, The Red Hood, took on Chris Jericho. If Jericho wins the main event at Judgment Day becomes a triple threat match. I don't know why, but I wish boxing and UFC adopted this policy. Anyway, Jeff had his fans in full force!

I'm clearly not emotionally immature. Not in the least.

And he even had a kid stand at ringside, rooting him! That man loves his fans!

Suck it, Ray.

Anyway, the power of too much dosage took over the power of screaming kids, because Jeff was pretty much dominated by the paragon of virtue.

"Owwww...he's slightly bending my knees....the horror!"

"Heavens to megatroid!"

Also, Todd Grisham is a little sissy. I think he should change his name to "Leslie Butterscotch." So the combination of Leslie being a wuss and Edge not appreciating Jericho's plan of action sort of led to Chris being an all out rudnik. You know, because everyone should be super conscious of the announce table. That always happens.

Heels facing off?? But who do I boo??

He probably got Honey Nut Cherrios all over the apron.

And, if there's one thing Jeff hates, it's when people disrespect one of his Heroinmaniacs! This was all the ammunition he needed to launch his super comeback!

And this is more effective then two boots to the stomach how?

"Quick, to the Junk Cave!"

So Chris Jericho is out of the main event at Judgment Day! Boo!! Boo! But he'll get his. He challenged that kid from ringside to a match! And it's for...the Intercontinental title?? What???

So that was Smackdown, but will Judgment Day really be all that good. Let's look at the sponsor, Terminator Salvation: The Video Game. A video game based on a movie sequel. Not just any sequel. Part four. And the game has muddy, gray textures and looks like an average shooter. Yup, average all around. Now why would they sponsor a WWE PPV? Because they have similar audiences and it makes sense? NO! That makes too much sense! No, it's far more likely that the mediocre game is sponsoring this PPV because its a mediocre show. However, we all know that that's Raw's fault...

Still, Smackdown actually has more PPV matches on the card? Let's see how that happened. 8/7 c, MyNetwork TV while you still can!

Haas of muscles

We, the Laugh Twins, love to stay on top of the comings and goings of wrestlers in our respective neighborhoods. Never wanting to miss an opportunity to bring a story and a few pictures to you, dear reader, we love to make sure that no appearance goes at least unnoticed, and hopefully attended.

Imagine our delight, then, when we found out Seal of Awesomeness winner Charlie Haas and his wife, former diva Miss Jackie, were opening a store right in Laugh Twin Matt's backyard - Frisco, Texas! And then imagine, if you will, our dismay when we found out several hours too late.

On hand at the grand opening of the only "Custom Muscle" retail store were the aforementioned Mr. and Mrs. Haas, JBL and Matt Striker. Apparently the opening drew a pretty good crowd, and they were giving away free smoothies and samples! Good grief! We LOVE samples!

To illustrate just how badly LT Matt dropped the ball on this one, we'll provide you with a map showing just how much travel would have been needed. (Note: this will not direct you to Matt's house - no matter how bad you want it to):


That's about thirty miles. (Matt's note: Uh, yeah, on the tollway. Sheesh...)

Perusing the about us section of the website, we first notice that Umaga is in on this venture too. Guess you don't get much more custom than that. Also, they make liberal use of puns, one of our favorite things, and a big reason why Charlie Haas is so dear to our hearts. There's "JACKIE of all trades," "Haas of Pain," and "Haashold."

Their tagline is devilishly simple as well: "Customizing your Muscles needs." We'd say that just about sums it up.

So let's take a look at the products...here's something for liver health, something each of the Laugh Twins are sure to need after years of self-hate have turned into an alcohol problem. The first item on here is a 90-count bottle of Champion Liver Cleanse pills for $0.00. Sir, you have a deal!

Here's a tanning lotion called "Barely Legal."

For all your teen tanning needs!

The product description says,

Get a tan so dark it is almost illegal...

Well, now what does that mean? Is there something illegal about being dark-skinned??

Above: felony

Alright, look, we know our audience, so let's just get what we've been looking for since you heard her mentioned. All over the site, there are links to Miss Jackie's page, JustJackieHaas.com. We'd say go check it out yourself, but it's absolutely a pain to navigate, so don't go expecting a Jackiepot. (<--more puns!)
We can think of a couple other "Jackie" puns...that's exJackiely what we needed!




And eJackielation.