R U READY TO DOWN SOME SMACK??? Reserving Judgment

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

This Sunday, our Lord and Savior is returning and he shall judge us. Yes, judgment day is upon us, and we can only hope that we are deemed worthy. Thankfully, there are some simple tests to deduce this. First- do you watch Smackdown? If the answer is "Yes" then you're cool. That should be about it.

So since we're so cool and love Smackdown, let's go over everything to get ready for the big PPV this Sunday. First off, John Morrison (who is now a face) has a feud with Shelton Benjamin. For some reason Shelton is starting crap with The Friday Night Delight. Seriously, it's just "some reason." So since Shelton is a "heel", he's inherently lazy, he found his old tag team partner, and Hall of Awesomeness inductee, Charlie Haas to take on The Guru of Greatness.

"I haas an impression of a good wrestler..."

So actually being on TV seems to haas inspire Charlie, as he used that Seton Hall background of his to wrestle the man with the golden abs.


Unfortunately, Charlie then remember that he is Charlie Haas, and he's much more suited for knocking Lillian Garcia off the ring apron then actually, you know (tm), winning matches. Thus, the usual outcome happened.

Oh stop, Shelton. Like you really expected different?

For the second week in a row, Edge and CM Punk wrestled in a non-title match. And, for the second week in a row, CM Punk sort of kicked ass.

Adrenaline definitely isn't some sort of high

That should be enough to win the match, and enact his dumb plan to cash in the title shot and win a second match to become the champion. Of course, it wasn't to be as Edge just conceded victory and got himself counted out. What a dastardly heel! Still, if that wasn't enough to drive a man to drink, Umaga came out (AGAIN) to attack Punk for no reason whatsoever. Well, at least we'll have the two of them wrestle at Judgement Day. Because that's SO much better then having a title match.

"So much pain..I should start hanging out with Jeff..."

Undertaker's favorite cadaver, Michelle McCool, took on Mr. Fugi's daughter, Gail Kim, in a match. I guess it was for the #1 contendership for the ladies belt, but since we haven't seen Melina at all since she was drafted, I'm going to go ahead and assume that they're fighting over ponies or something. Still, maybe they'll kiss?

Gail Kim, switch places with me and let me turn around.

Seriously, I will kiss this girl toes all the way up to her lips. Then I'd move up to her stomach.

And in our main event, current #1 contender, The Red Hood, took on Chris Jericho. If Jericho wins the main event at Judgment Day becomes a triple threat match. I don't know why, but I wish boxing and UFC adopted this policy. Anyway, Jeff had his fans in full force!

I'm clearly not emotionally immature. Not in the least.

And he even had a kid stand at ringside, rooting him! That man loves his fans!

Suck it, Ray.

Anyway, the power of too much dosage took over the power of screaming kids, because Jeff was pretty much dominated by the paragon of virtue.

"Owwww...he's slightly bending my knees....the horror!"

"Heavens to megatroid!"

Also, Todd Grisham is a little sissy. I think he should change his name to "Leslie Butterscotch." So the combination of Leslie being a wuss and Edge not appreciating Jericho's plan of action sort of led to Chris being an all out rudnik. You know, because everyone should be super conscious of the announce table. That always happens.

Heels facing off?? But who do I boo??

He probably got Honey Nut Cherrios all over the apron.

And, if there's one thing Jeff hates, it's when people disrespect one of his Heroinmaniacs! This was all the ammunition he needed to launch his super comeback!

And this is more effective then two boots to the stomach how?

"Quick, to the Junk Cave!"

So Chris Jericho is out of the main event at Judgment Day! Boo!! Boo! But he'll get his. He challenged that kid from ringside to a match! And it's for...the Intercontinental title?? What???

So that was Smackdown, but will Judgment Day really be all that good. Let's look at the sponsor, Terminator Salvation: The Video Game. A video game based on a movie sequel. Not just any sequel. Part four. And the game has muddy, gray textures and looks like an average shooter. Yup, average all around. Now why would they sponsor a WWE PPV? Because they have similar audiences and it makes sense? NO! That makes too much sense! No, it's far more likely that the mediocre game is sponsoring this PPV because its a mediocre show. However, we all know that that's Raw's fault...

Still, Smackdown actually has more PPV matches on the card? Let's see how that happened. 8/7 c, MyNetwork TV while you still can!

R U READY TO DOWN SOME SMACK??? Backlash Bound

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

For a theme song to accompany this post, please press play and enjoy...

Explanation to follow

The WWE recently held their "draft" (I call it random selection process) which drastically shook up the WWE rosters! What excitement awaits us with brand new match types?

Really? Big Show vs Jeff Hardy? Big Show was just drafted to Raw, what's he doing on Smackdown!? This is not exciting! This is not new! This is just slow and boring, like Monday Night Raw!

Anyway, to make my point, I hereby present to you "Acting classes through the facial expressions of Jeff Hardy."

Concern

Elation

Constipation

There's a table monster taking me to his underground lair

Despite this drubbing, Matt Hardy still found it necessary to interfere and cost his brother the match!

Yea, so that happened.

Raw: 1 Smackdown: 0

In rod hardening news, Gail Kim beat Divas champ Maryse in a non-title match. Normally this would be a big deal, but since Maryse got drafted to Raw that title is worthless to me. And honestly, I don't know what I ever saw in Maryse. Her self esteem is so low she has to put flames on her butt cheeks since she's "hot." Still, that's not right, because I can now see all her Monday Night Flaws.

On your guitar play "(A-A-A-A-G-G) E E G"

Raw: 1 Smackdown: 1

There actually was a fresh match up on Smackdown this (that) week! Former Smackdownian (and US Champ) MVP fought in a non-title match against newcomer Dolph Ziggler. Mr. Ziggler comes with a lot of promise, as his career over at Raw has been pretty solid. Using the finest research tools at my disposal I was able to find these highlights:

• On October 10, 2008, he was suspended for 30 days for his first violation of the WWE's Wellness Policy.
• He returned to Raw on November 17th in a Backstage segment with Rey Mysterio and Shawn Michaels.
• This:

Oddly enough though, even a loser like that turns into a champion on Smackdown! The converse is also true, as Mr. Ziggler really took it to that Champion of the Fat and Stupid, MVP. And when I say took it, I mean, locked in some kind of chin lock.


And then winning on a roll up!

"By grabbing his butocks I can increase my pin strength ten-fold!"

I guess MVP decided to use Raw's live mic and say the seven words you can't say on television, because me thinks another 20 week losing streak is in order. So stick that up your Monday Night Craw!

Raw: 1 Smackdown: 2

And finally, in our main event, another epic conflict of warriors! Coming from Raw, The Animal, Batista!

"I did not invent the 'thumbs down'"

And his opponent, former tag champion and current Legacy member, Ted Dibase Jr!

Wait. Hold the phone. Aren't they both Raw dudes? Raw dudes on Smackdown! In the main event!? How could Teddy Long allow this? Seriously, this one makes no sense!

Anyway, since it's Raw BS, Batista won with a spinebuster or something. The ref totally pussed out.

Seriously, you're like 10 feet away. The Animal won't bite.

Raw: 1.5 Smackdown: 2

Smackdown wins again! MYNETWORK TV! MYNETWORK TV! 8/7 C!

R U READY TO DOWN SOME SMACK??? A phenomenal entrance

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

For a theme song to accompany this post, please press play and enjoy...

Please ignore the Shawn Michaels and Raw aspects of this.

Yes, the rumors are true. Our beloved color man, The Tazz, has decided to leave the WWE in pursuit of something else. It's a sad day, but we should remember him fondly. We wish him well. Let's all honor his last night on Smackdown by reading this wonderful recap and shedding one tear.


Anyway, Wrestlemania is soon. Like, real soon. And of course there is an giant eight man ladder match on that card, so what better way to build that storyline then have all eight men compete in a tag match of sorts (ooo..the combinations!)? Anyway, it was a clusterF but I think whatever team Kane was on one because he pinned someone or something. Of course, now that the match was over, let's not be adults at all and just start fighting because WHO CAN WAIT FOR APRIL 5TH WHEN WE CAN JUST GET IT ON RIGHT NOW, BROTHERS!!!??? Of course, while all those dopes fight it our, Christian (did we ever mention he returned?) decided to climb the ladder and point at the brief case for some reason. Because that will end well.

Greatest file name ever

Let's really hope this doesn't happen.

In blood feud news, Matt Hardy decided to get ready for his big match against his brother Jeff by wrestling R-Truth. That somehow makes sense. Anyway, it was funny because their tights are nearly identical.

There's only one way to tell them apart...

...R-Truth has "WHAT'S UP" written on his back

Of course, that one little difference is all the swing Matt needed, as he picked up the win. Makes sense, considering how R-Truth isn't good enough to be anything more then a lumberjack in the tag title unification match.


Of course, Smackdown is not all brutes and savages. No, the fairer sex also gets more then enough time to show their stuff.

And you know what I mean by "stuff"

Their lady parts. When I said "stuff" I was referring to their lady parts.

Anyway, it may be a secret, but I have a bit of a crush on Michelle McCool. So clearly I was excited (and I mean sexcited) that she was about to beat Maryse and reclaim her Divas title, putting her on the winning streak she'd need to be crowned Miss Wrestlemania at the big battle royal! And she was totally going to win until a certain raven haired vixen came out of nowhere to attack her! She was lightning quick and could in no way be detected!

Err...ummm

And she didn't just stop at McCool. She also attacked the solid 8.5 that is Maryse!

I swear, that somehow hurt Maryse. Don't ask me how. It just did.

Who could have seen this coming?? It was so random! Why was her music ready to go as soon as the attack was over?

Finally, the most anticipated match at Mania may very well be the interbrand Shawn Michaels/Undertaker match. Unbelievably, Michaels may be winning the psychological war here. That is, until Taker does one of his patented evil sacrifices.

Something about this is a little off kilter...

Did the Undertaker shrink?

Wait...that's not black! That's not evil! It's Shawn Michaels?!!? And he's reading Bible verses! But that's Undertaker Kryptonite! That could send him all the way to Hell!

"Curses! He didn't take this lying down!"

Yea! Smackdown! Chokeslam him down to Hell, Taker!

"Haha! Not today, dead man! I'm too wily for you!"

Ok..you won this round, Heartbreak Kid. Don't get cocky. You'll have to be at your best to even challenge "The Streak." And no, that's not an allusion to this.

Say goodbye to Tazz in style! 8/7c TazzNetwork TazzV!