Can you put the past away? (I wish you would step back from that ledge, my friend)

This week has seen a lot of history made in the wrestling business, not the least of which was the return of Bret Hart to WWE television after a more than 12 year absense. During his stint as guest host on Raw, Bret shared a moment with Shawn Michaels in the ring, with the spectre of 1997's Survivor Series floating heavy above them. Bret has said in the past that he had no interest in forgiving the Heartbreak Kid for his role in the Hitman's ouster from the then-WWF, but has softened on that resolve in recent years. Monday, he did a full 180 and made amends.

It was an emotional moment indeed. For two fans who were really coming into their own personal understanding of the wrestling business around that time, the Monteal Screwjob was one of those seminal moments that detailed the seedy underbelly of professional wrestling. It drove a wedge in between the fans, and Canada has been backward ever since. Seeing Bret and Shawn, two legends in the business and aguably the greatest wrestlers in their respective generations, in the ring at the same time, speaking, shaking hands, and exchanging a brotherly hug was nothing short of the destruction of the Berlin Wall in the WWE Universe.

In the spirit of recent events and of the new year, here's a few other legendary wrestling-related feuds we'd like to see resolved in 2010.

Bret Hart and Vince McMahon

This, of course, could have been settled on Monday night, and seemed to be for a while, until Vince kicked Bret in the stomach and walked out of the ring, sneering as the show faded to black. We can't say who's really responsible for most of the animosity between the two, but it certainly seemed that we were making progress just with Bret showing up at Raw at all. Getting these two on the same page could mean a lot of good for WWE fans. Maybe we could finally get all the dirt on Montreal, or maybe Stu could get his due for the impact he's made on the wrestling business. This needs to be ironed out soon.

Bret Hart and Ric Flair

You might say this feud is more vitriolic than Shawn and Bret. Neither Michaels nor Hart ever spoke poorly of the other one's talent, and while they had personal issues, they were quick to say the other had a positive impact on the art of wrestling.

But Ric and Bret are a different story. Flair claimed that the Hitman exploited his brother Owen's death and was never a serious money-maker outside of Canada; Hart has called Flair a routine wrestler and a shady businessman. The two plain don't like each other, and for two performers that land in the Top 5 of most anyone's All-Time list, that's just sad. Not that we're looking for some sort of "dream match," because we'd really rather neither of them wrestle again, but a panel discussion would be nice at some point. Or maybe an autograph signing in Biloxi.

Bret Hart and Eric Bischoff, Hulk Hogan, and Kevin Nash

While this isn't necessarily a full-fledged feud, Hart has more than once criticised the way he was used in WCW, and has had varying degrees of criticism for Easy E and the former NWO. With all three having influence over in TNA now, it would be a huge coup for the nation's second promotion to bring over the Hitman for a little reunion (that is what they're doing over there these days, right?) TNA got their butt kicked in the ratings for the recent one-day-only Monday Night War, but could they put themselves over the top with Bret on the show? One is only left to wonder unless these guys can get on the same page.

Bret Hart and Bret Hart's ex-wives

Even though this is not strictly a wrestling feud, it is still related in that Bret Hart is involved and his family could have a major impact on wrestling were they a cohesive unit. Hart has been married twice and divorced just as often. He has four kids from the first marriage, and coming from a lineage of wrestlers, who's to say that any of these kids couldn't go on to be the next big thing. But with professional wrestling (and Bret's constant adultery) effectively destroying his relationship with his wife, there's not much incentive to pursue that lifestyle. Come on, Bret. Kiss and make up for the rest of us!

Bret Hart and Bret Hart's brain

They haven't really talked much since Bret's stroke eight years ago, and things aren't looking too good. Even though the Hitman and the left side of his body were able to work together again, he's still having some emotional issues and has no real chance at getting back in the ring for anything meaningful.

In a related note, Hart may want to make sure he's patching things up with his bicycle before going out for another ride any time soon.

Who hits the Hitman?

There's no point in dancing around it. Why bother to find a hyperlink? EVERYONE is talking about it, feverishly waiting for our take on this. Seriously. All of our non-wrestling friends (that is to say, all our friends) have sent us the link about it. Bret Hart is coming back to WWE.

Nothing but gray hair and blue suits

True, it's supposedly only from January to about Wrestlemania, but this is some pretty big news. The Hitman, back home in WWE! And not just for some stupid DVD that he worked on to change protect his legacy or to accept a Hall of Fame induction into a non-physical Hall of Fame. And no, it won't just be as a video game legend or to promote the soft cover version of his memoir. He's actually coming back to entertain the fans.

Now, we've never been ones to hide our feelings about the Excellence of SeExecution. Click that little Bret Hart tag on the right side of the blog if you need a refresher. Still, don't think we're surprised at this latest bit of hypocrisy by Mr. Hart.

First, it's no secret that Mr. Hart takes himself and his legacy rather seriously. We think he needs to lighten up a bit, but it's his prerogative. So you can understand how we're scratching our heads a bit when in the past he has said that he would never come back. Or how he has said that he would never want to tarnish the injustice (our word/emphasis) that he perceives was bestowed upon him by making an angle out of it. There's too much money to be lost if they don't go that route with Bret. Sure, WWE has left lots of money on the table before, but this one seems like a no-brainer by even WWE standards. Of course, we've been wrong before, like with our excitement for the film Watchmen.

Second, the entire point of his memoir was to close his wrestling career. From wikipedia (citation needed):

"I'd be happy being remembered for really brilliant storytelling in my matches, not for some last chance to snap up some money," Hart said. "I respectfully understand my light in wrestling is fading. I can live with that...

...But I couldn't say goodbye to my wrestling character until I finished" (the book).

Which is it, Bret? When will you officially be done? Because we haven't been this exhausted waiting for a climax since we saw Watchmen.

Listen, we understand that Mr. Hart is doing this for some cash. That's totally fair. There is a lot of money to be made in a Vince/Bret Wrestlemania feud, even if one is a senior citizen and the other is physically unable to take any bumps. Also, the heat on this feud is fading every day, especially because more and more of the current crop of fans might not even know who Bret Hart is. Think about this for a second. We were in middle school (!) for the Montreal Screwjob. So please, make some money.

However, don't act like you're above the money, Mr Hart. Don't go on the record about how you'll never forgive Shawn Michaels for his role in your exile and act like this is a real life tragedy. Because honestly, it just leads to your overall stature diminishing more and more. If we were Bret Hart fans we'd feel more betrayed than how we felt when Zack Snyder replaced the giant telepathic Cthulu with a Dr. Manhattan fart bomb in Watchmen.

Again, we don't begrudge Bret for taking some cash. There really isn't much else he can do with his skill set, especially giving his handicap. We just know that he is going to insult our intelligence when the next few months of interviews will be about "burying the hatchet" or about how he "owed this to his fans." Because it's not. It's about a pay day to cover his impending divorce. We haven't felt this embarrassed for someone since we saw Malin Akerman's and Carla Gugino's "acting" in Watchmen.

Speaking of embarrassment, this also reminds us a lot of another wrestler who is hanging around for paydays to cover his divorce costs. We'll give you one guess.


Yes, this is eerily reminiscent of Ric Flair. That may be an unfair comparison to make (after all, they are ultimately different people and Bret should not be responsible for Ric's faults and vice verse), but it really isn't. After all, who did the autograph signing tours for a while? Both of them did. Who decided to work with Ring of Honor doing some meet and greet and in-ring segments with the talent? Both of them. And they both have the same motivations for overstaying their welcomes.

Now, this wouldn't be a big deal if it weren't for Bret's legendary heat with Ric. From page 273 of his autobiography:

"Flair was what my dad called a 'routine man,' because he did the same match ever night no matter who he worked with. He also liked to call ever step of the match with little input from me."

"For a guy nearing fifty he was in great shape. Ric took his usual bumps and cut a blistering pace. When we talked before the match, he has suggested a finish that called for me to do a flying tackle where he'd catch me and stagger backward with the two of us toppling over the top rope, only to be counted out for the finish, which would be a double DQ. It was a simple move that I'd done countless times with less-skilled wrestlers, but at the end of the match, when I dove in Flair, he stood too far from the ropes, mistimed it, and didn't have the strength to catch me, so we fell down in a heap! On the spot Ric came up with a makeshift finish that, not surprisingly, benefited him and not me. I wasn't going to make a big deal out of it, but back in the dressing room, I was annoyed to hear Flair crying to me about what happened on the finish, implying that I had screwed up. He showed me, right there, that he wasn't as great as he was supposed to be. I'd heard there were a lot of wrestlers who didn't trust or like Flair, and I was starting to see why."

First order of business there: too many run on sentences there. Next time don't edit your own book. Or at least hire an editor who isn't a stroke victim.

Second, is the irony not lost on Bret here? These are his words regarding his respect for Ric Flair. These men are peas and carrots! And he has the gall to insult Flair's character? We haven't shook our heads this much since we listened to Zack Snyder's soundtrack choices for the film Watchmen!

In summation, is it cool Bret Hart is coming back to WWE? Yes, it is. This has been a long time coming and honestly, it's too stupid to hold a grudge over a wrestling angle. But we can't believe it will be good. Will he even interact with Shawn in any meaningful matter? Is there any point in hiring an on-screen character that can't take bumps, ergo, not lose any heat? Would Bret even be willing to give heat?

Also, the mere fact that WWE is pulling out this big gun to run opposite TNA's live Monday night show means that no matter what number TNA pulls, they got the big show scared. Now lets hope they don't screw up this opportunity like Zack Snyder did with Watchmen.

This old house

Bret Hart's favorite wrestler, Bret Hart, recently spoke to the only people who'd talk to him, the UK media! Yes, it seems as if Wrestlegasm the BBC can't get enough of the Hitman's yarns about the old days! He went on to put over some of the current generation of talent. And by put over the new generation, we mean he put himself over.

First up is current WWE champion, Mr. John Cena! What pry tell would Hart think of WWE's current Superman? Someone who doesn't really sell that much and doesn't put anyone over?

"John Cena is like the 2010 version of Bret Hart. Fans see him as a real decent, upstanding human being."

That's almost a face palm.

Right, because John Cena spit on his boss after he refused to do what an employee should do. And John Cena has gotten into public feuds with his relatives and openly said, on the record, without any sort of irony, about how his brother-in-law is probably going to die soon in a anthropological study of wrestling. And John Cena wrote a memoir where he discusses his multiple affairs. That Bret Hart sure is an upstanding human being.

In the same interview, the upstanding human being that is Bret Hart gave his opinion on former WCW/current TNA booker, Vince Russo.

"I think they should take Vince Russo and hang him by his neck somewhere in the back parking lot. Vince Russo knows about as much about wrestling as Eric Bischoff. Neither one of them knows shit about anything..."

Very classy there, Best There Was. Keep in mind too that Eric Bischoff signed you to a $3 million annual salary to go to WCW. Maybe you're right. He doesn't know shit about wrestling.

Of course, Canada's National Hero did leave on a humble note. Ok, he actually opened on a humble note, but it's so silly we're holding until the end. He spoke about who, in his estimation, is the best wrestler in the world. Is it someone with legit credibility like Kurt Angle or Chris Jericho? Maybe an indy guy like Bryan Danielson, or really indy like Davey Richards? One of his own like Natayla Neidhart or DH Smith? Maybe an out of bounds pick like Christian or Desmond Wolfe?

You know us to well at this point to know that he didn't mention any of them. Nope, in Lonesome Dove's estimation, the best wrestler in the world is Melina.

"I think Melina is really creative and imaginative. She's an innovator and she comes up with some great matches. I love watching her wrestler. In a lot of ways, I think she's the best wrestler in the world right now."

Innovative

Hmm, let's take a look:

Totally represents that art form that is pro wrestling.

Alright, you've been waiting all article for this: Bret Hart has been kicked in the head too many times and definitely just had another stroke.

This just makes us laugh

A stroke of genius?

If you read the mark sites (which, if you're reading this site we'd have to assume that you do), you've probably seen the rumors circulating about Bret Hart's return to WWE. Apparently, he's shown some interest into working again with McMahon and the boys, and to do so in character, meaning he'd be involved in storylines and so forth. Now, we've taken some shots at Hart in the past on this space, believing that he's not much more than a sanctimonious prick that looks out only for himself. However, that describes a lot of wrestlers, we suppose, and we can't deny that Bret's return to WWE programming would make for some mighty fine television. Especially considering he had a stroke in 2002.

If he does come back, it'll be easy to pick on the guy because he's said time and time again that he would never work for the WWE another second in his life. Considering the stroke, we're willing to give him a pass and say he probably didn't really mean all those things anyway. We can understand if he gets confused occasionally. Really, even if he did mean it, it's doesn't mean he feels that way now. Everyone's allowed a change of heart, and a stroke.

What capacity could he be involved in the product, being a stroke victim and all? From what we understand, the recreation of the Montreal screwjob was done to set the stage for his return, should he decided to do so. It's easy to see him plugged in as a commissioner-type role, or perhaps even General Manager were Teddy Long to have, say, a stroke. Hart could help "right the wrong" that's been done by Long and C.M. Punk. Suffering from a stroke as he has, WWE could even put Bret in a wheelchair, much like they did with Vickie Guerrero.

We doubt he'd do anything physical, since he probably has a hard time getting around, what for the stroke and all, but he could stand in the ring and throw a few punches (with his right hand, of course). Imagine the viewership they could draw by putting he and Shawn Michaels in a program together. Maybe Bret, acting as an authority figure, misunderstands the stipulations of a title match because of the stroke, and he winds up screwing Shawn out of a title! HBK would be upset, naturally, and want to confront Hart in the ring, ending up with Shawn taking a swing at him. But Bret ducks and sends a swift stroke of his fist across Shawn's jaw!! This stuff writes itself.

However they do it, we'd love to see what WWE would have in store for stroke victim Bret Hart. They could even use him to promote the company. Send him to some late night talk shows. We all know how sensitive they are to guys in his condition.