W.W.W. featuring Booker T in church and the Not-Ready-for-Primetime Wrestlers

On Wednesdays, we here at LOL, Wresslin' like to really pull out the stops and offer up a double shot of righteously killer content. Why Wednesday? Well, we could impress you with market research, work habit studies, and human psychology tendencies to show you there's a scientific reason the middle of the week is the best time to bring your A-game. However, truth be told, we don't have any of that stuff and settled on Wednesday because that was the only day that didn't have any content scheduled.

So, here you have "Watch Wresslin' Wednesdays," the ORIGINAL wrestling-themed, YouTube video comedic co-commentary. Please feel free to suggest a better title, because we are woefully uncreative when it comes to naming stuff.

Better at naming stuff than us.

The idea of W.W.W. is we each send the other a video that is related to wrestling (a match, promo, interview, guest starring spot, etc.). The only restriction is that it cannot be user-created, so playing Triple H's theme song on the mandolin ain't going to fly here, pal. Neither of us know what kind of video we're going to get that day.

After viewing, we each write a response. This could be anything we choose: a straight commentary, a philosophical enlightenment, or classless ridicule. Just as we don't know what kind of video the other will select, neither do we know what the other will write or how they will write it. What you end up with is a mash-up of styles, which in our book equates to two-blogs-in-one, and we can take the rest of the day off.

Matt's video to Adam- Booker T plaing bingo at church and Austin returns



Adam's response...

Wrestlers in a bingo hall? What is this? ECW?!?! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOOLOLOLOZ!!!!shiftone!


Rimshot by JustJoking.com

N 31- Stands for "No one under the age of 31 even knows what BINGO is anymore."

B 12- A steroid, which given Booker T's eventual failure of the WWE Wellness Policy cannot be a coincidence.

G 54- John Cena; Chain Gang #54, and also a straight G.

I know my half is lame. I have a midterm today and then have to travel. Please cut me some slack.

B 6- Stands for "Bad 6.", which is a synonym for "SilentRock 06." Why people think they can just put their name on copy written material is beyond me.

A as in Austin 3:16- well that's not even a BINGO number. A Scrabble tile must have gotten mixed into the mixer.

N 33- Pretty much sums up everything about Booker T at this time.

And the old lady wins! If only Booker hadn't switched his card he would have won the game!


Rimshot by JustJoking.com


Adam's video to Matt - Brian Kendrick and Cody Rhodes discuss the Royal Rumble

Raw 1 21 08 Cody & Kendrick Discuss the Rumble
Uploaded by TH3_GH0ST. -

Matt's reponse...

CHRIS JERICHO RETURNS???!!!! WHAT????!!!






Alright, alright. As much as I would love to punch out there, I should say at least something about what just occured on screen, which is more than I can say for them.

Have you ever been watching Raw and then a 9th-grade One Act Play practice broke out? Well, if you were watching Raw on January 21st last year, you could say "Yes" to that. I know, I know. It's easy to make fun of Cody Rhodes' acting ability. So much so that he's been dubbed "Community theater Cody" around the mark sites. I'm not going to do that. In fact, I'll say that he's the most convincing of the three on screen, if you exclude the WWE logo at the botom.

Better at acting than Cody Rhodes

This segment screams "Welcome to the WWE, newborn child! Here's how things work around here." I think the script was written by Wikipedia. Like I said, let's forget about Cody, because...well, because I kick him in the nuts enough here. Brian Kendrick, however, looks like he's auditioning to be the ringmaster for a one-time performance of the Barnum and Bailey's Circus at the Special Olympics.

"And now, a donkey dressed as an elephant, because you'll never know the difference!"

If there were a LOLie for "Overacting Where's It's Completely Unnecessary," it would go to The Brian Kendrick. As a matter of fact, why shouldn't there be? We completely made those up. So as of today, I am awarding Brian Kendrick a LOLie. Congratulations!! (I'll expect Adam's pick by the end of business today or he's kicked out of the blog.)

However, the real champion here is Bob Holly, making it the first time he's ever been the real champion of anything. Bob's role is the clueless old warrior, who doesn't care about these kids' Facespace or whatever and just wants to kick some ass, even if it's the ass of a friend. Holly is too stupid to know that, these days, acting "behind the times" is stupid.

Even that joke is five years too late.

Bob Holly also says, "Nobody's going to stop me from winning that Rumble." Well, my friend, you were the sixth person to be eliminated, and Umaga was the one to do it, so technically you are correct. A nobody stopped you from winning the Rumble.

Oh, and again Dailymotion.com, why credit TH3_GHOST for uploading this video?? You're crediting someone for creating a link on the internet?? We do that five times a week here, and you don't see us patting ourselves on the back about it.

Where the superstars come out to play

As you're aware, we here at LOL, Wresslin' generally focus on Raw or Smackdown. Why? It's easier, and we're lazy. However, it's fun to branch out from time to time, and that's what we're doing today.

WWE has another show that's sort of flying under the radar (not you, ECW). It's called "WWE Superstars," and features talents from all brands in what you might call a variety wrestling show. Sometimes it promotes a storyline; sometimes it's just for fun. This is where you'll see wrestlers of all stripes lock-up and do battle.

"Superstars" airs at 8/7c and is broadcast on WGN America, formerly WGN Superstation, perhaps the last superstation on the air. For the laypeople out there, a superstation is basically a non-network station whose content is rebroadcast nationwide, yet isn't a cable station either. Get all that?

Just think the old TBS Superstation back in the day, where you could watch WCW Saturday Night and then Atlanta Braves baseball, whether you wanted to or not. In fact, WCW Saturday Night reminds us a lot of WWE Superstars. Kicking back, watching talent from up and down the roster on a station from some town we've never heard of.

Atlanta? Chicago??!

So, as is custom here at LOL, Wresslin', let's take a look at what happened last week on the show.

Goldust hooked up with Sheamus (not like that you sicko). They just made out a little bit. In this match pitting the green versus the gold, it seemed everything was falling in Sheamus's favor. But Goldust tripped him up with an inside cradle, and it was all the she wrote for that mick.

If that wasn't exciting enough for you, rising L, W' fav John Morrison faced David Hart Smith. It's hard to bet against the Friday Night Delight, even if this match is Canada, and it's a good thing we didn't. Morrison topped the new Hart family dynasty, but we're not so sure a little finagling from Vince didn't go down. Another screwjob, perhaps??

Much like in our previous match with Sheamus, everything was looking good for Barry Horowitz when he faced off with Glacier. Horowitz gets in a good amount of reversals, including putting his boots up to stop a fist drop from Glacier. A Russian leg sweep here and there, and this is Barry's match to lose, which he does. Glacier puts on the Ice Pick, and that's the bell.

Finally, World Tag Team Champs Scott Riggs and Marcus Bagwell, aka The American Males, defended their titles against Harlem Heat. It's clear to us who won, judging only from the entrance music.



But we were wrong. Booker and Stevie easily got the win in this match, knocking the Boys down from their pedestal.

As you can see, this is great show! Drama and action all in one! Be sure to catch WWE Superstars, Saturday night on WGN America at 6:05 Eastern!

W.W.W. featuring Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka and Booker T and Goldust At the Movies

On Wednesdays, we here at LOL, Wresslin' like to really pull out the stops and offer up a double shot of righteously killer content. Why Wednesday? Well, we could impress you with market research, work habit studies, and human psychology tendencies to show you there's a scientific reason the middle of the week is the best time to bring your A-game. However, truth be told, we don't have any of that stuff and settled on Wednesday because that was the only day that didn't have any content scheduled.

So, here you have "Watch Wresslin' Wednesdays." Please feel free to suggest a better title, because we are woefully uncreative when it comes to naming stuff.

Better at naming stuff then us

The idea of W.W.W. is we each send the other a video that is related to wrestling (a match, promo, interview, guest starring spot, etc.). The only restriction is that it cannot be user-created, so your roundtable of "Greatest Jobbers of the 1973" ain't gonna fly here, pal. Neither of us know what kind of video we're going to get that day.

After viewing, we each write a response. This could be anything we choose: a straight commentary, a philosophical enlightenment, or classless ridicule. Just as we don't know what kind of video the other will select, neither do we know what the other will write or how they will write it. What you end up with is a mash-up of styles, which in our book equates to two-blogs-in-one, and we can take the rest of the day off.

Matt's video to Adam- Booker T Goldust At the Movies



Adam's response...

Did you know that movie star Dwayne Johnson was once a professional wrestler in the WWE? It's true! Before landing roles in blockbuster films Doom, The Rundown, and fourteen time Oscar winner The Gameplan, Johnson had a small run as The Rock. He won a few titles, but really never had a connection with the audience and segued into film. Still, he landed his first lead role while still working in the WWE, so well known WWE film buff Goldust and rival to the Rock, Booker T, took it upon themselves to review his film, The Scorpion King.

These are the same person?

We are live (to tape) for the premier (and only) edition of Goldust and Booker T At the Movies! Goldust, being the film buff welcomes us with a grand introduction and Booker T, being black, welcomes us with a "What up, dog?" Goldust then sets up the film, asking us to "note the Fellinesq way in which our protagonist must engage in his goal, in his quest for salvation."



I happen to know a thing or two about film, so I'm just going to say it; Goldust, that's bullshit. You clearly don't know what you're talking about and just want to throw the wool over the common fan's eyes. Frederico Fellini was, if anything, a non-conventional filmmaker. His films involved his protagonists making choices that frequently would deny any hopes of salvation and not even having a goal in mind at the start, just reacting to things that happen. He is a primary influence of filmmakers like Stanley Kubrick and David Lynch, visionary directors who's work could be characterized as "weird" by the masses. So it is highly doubtful, especially after viewing the clip, that anything in The Scorpion King would be Fellinesq.

I don't entirely trust these two are film critics. Both have beef with the Rock, so any review will have a natural bias to it. And then, they run alternate takes, staring themselves! How can there credentials be taken seriously? I tune into WWE Monday Night Raw for hard hits and even harder hitting film analysis. And all I get is these two spouting off catch phrases and gay jokes! Does it sound delicious? You damn right it sound delicious! But it does not excuse their terrible film reviews. Due to factual inaccuracies, clear bias, and clip manipulation, I must form a protest that Goldust and Booker T At the Movies be stripped of their credentails in the National Team of Movie and Film Reviews and Critics Assocation of the Universe, Forever!

Adam's video to Matt - Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka Dances to Rap



Matt's response...

****This video has been removed due to excessive use of sunglasses****

Seriously, are those "studio" lights too much for your eyes? I can forgive Jimmy Snuka; he's earned the right to wear whatever he wants, and he liberally takes advantage of that. But this other dude? Well, those shades better be because his shirt is so bright, because his future sure isn't.

What caused this? There's not much to go by in the video, except for the cryptic "NWA Shockwave Pro Wrestling" at the beginning. So using the finest research tools at my disposal, I decided to familiarize myself with this promotion, which obviously has its finger on the pulse of your average wrestling fan.

Here's some of the "roster" of performers(?)...

Seriously, this guy changes my oil...

The poor man's Miz, and you gotta be "Somalia poor" for that to apply.

No...just no.

Ok, that dude's still in high school...

You know how to make people forget you're fat? Paint your face like it's Dia de los Muertos.

One shining light is this next guy. It's been said before on this site that there's nothing better than a good pun, and this one comes close to taking the cake. Allow me to proudly introduce...


Let's forgive him for misspelling "Tennessee." Seriously, this dude is awesome. He's worth the price of admission, which can't be more than a can of Dinty Moore beef stew.

And what about our illustrious interviewer. Well, he's a former booker for Shockwave by the name of Derek Gordon. Why former? Because of bullcrap like this...

No, you asshat, I can't.

He also directed a commercial for Roddy Piper's book "In the Pit..." Let's have a look at how that turned out.



Note that it says "unseen." Good. The only reason this "commercial" is any good is Piper. I'm not saying I could do a better job than Mr. Gordon, but anyone else could have.

As for the interview, well, it's hard to even call it that. Actually, this is a small part of larger interview, some of which I found and watched. Believe me, it's not worth it. This isn't even worth it, but it's what I got. This is a clear case of an interviewer not having a damn thing in his bag. Gordon found this song by Brand Nubian which mentions "Superfly." And by mention, that's the extent of it: Snuka rhymes with "hooka" and that's the only reason it's in the song.

But Gordon soldiers on, thinking it makes good entertainment to continually ask Snuka if he knows what it means to "hook a hooker." I don't even know what that means. "Superfly" seems to share the audience's collective confusement, but being the entertainer he is, he rolls with it. Even to the point where he's dancing with two girls (who were also kept in waiting just for this segment of the interview. Let it never be said that Derek Gordon doesn't plan ahead), neither of which are particularly attractive and could possibly both be actual hookers.

Oh, and a dog.

So Snuka actually cuts the rug with three bitches. Actually, the dog may have been of Snuka's doing, because at the beginning of the video, he says, "You turn me, the jungle is coming to your hometown." It's a pleasing thought that when Jimmy starts to dance, animals materialize and get in on the fun.

I guess Snuka's at the club again...

W.W.W. featuring The Rock and Stone Cold Steve Austin

SEASONS BEATINGS!

On Wednesdays, we here at LOL, Wresslin' like to really pull out the stops and offer up a double shot of righteously killer content. Why Wednesday? Well, we could impress you with market research, work habit studies, and human psychology tendencies to show you there's a scientific reason the middle of the week is the best time to bring your A-game. However, truth be told, we don't have any of that stuff and settled on Wednesday because that was the only day that didn't have any content scheduled.

So, here you have "Watch Wresslin' Wednesdays." Please feel free to suggest a better title, because we are woefully uncreative when it comes to naming stuff.

Better at naming stuff than us.

The idea of W.W.W. is we each send the other a video that is related to wrestling (a match, promo, interview, guest starring spot, etc.). The only restriction is that it cannot be user-created, so your compilation of every superkick ever delivered ain't gonna fly here, pal. Neither of us know what kind of video we're going to get that day.

After viewing, we each write a response. This could be anything we choose: a straight commentary, a philosophical enlightenment, or classless ridicule. Just as we don't know what kind of video the other will select, neither do we know what the other will write or how they will write it. What you end up with is a mash-up of styles, which in our book equates to two-blogs-in-one, and we can take the rest of the day off.


Adam's video to Matt - The Rock cuts a heel promo




Matt's response...

Well now. If this doesn't make you miss the Rock, I don't know what will.

This??

To set the scene, this comes during the Rock's last major run in the WWE, right after returning from filming the silver screen classic The Rundown. The Rock just beat babyface Hulk Hogan at No Way Out, and was given the choice to go anywhere he wanted. Naturally, he went to Raw, where the big boys hang out.

"Someone ask for me?"

This all leads up to a Wreslemania XIX match between he and Steve Austin (who will be featured on this very site mere moments from now!). The Rock must have really studied during his time as a professional wrestler, because he knows you don't just beat up a popular face to solidify yourself as a heel. No, you have to cut a great heel promo, and he does.

Heel Rock is only helped by the fact that Raw is broadcasting from Toronto, Canada, otherwise known as Bizarro America. You take anything that America likes, and Canada will hate it.

"I'm like you, only a little more...BIZARRE!"

To build on that foundation of dislike, Heel Rock hits all the major points for a good heel promo:

1. Deny the fans a cheap pop.
2. Insult the town.
3. Insult the fans.
4. Insult the country.
5. Insult the local sports team.
6. Insult a popular wrestler.
7. Elicit a "That's not appropriate" from J.R.
8. Be upset about something innocuous.
9. Revoke the fans sing-along privileges.
10. Pause for chants of "a-hole"

Let me talk about number 8 for second. Heel Rock starts by saying he's upset that Toronto fans booed him once before. Again, you're in Toronto. These people boo apple pie, so not that big of surprise. Then, he says he's upset because at the 10th anniversary show of Raw, he was not voted the Superstar of the Decade.

Really?

It's not like some jabroni won the award. Stone Cold Steve Austin did, and I'd venture that was a pretty close vote. It could have gone either way, I'm sure. But Heel Rock is upset and goes on to say that Steve Austin is nothing.

What? What?!

Now listen here, Rocky. I was sort of on board you being mad at Canadians. And I was willing to let it slide that you're upset about losing Superstar of the Decade. But Stone Cold is nothing? No, I will not stand by that.

Let's consider that statement too: if Steve Austin is nothing, what does that make you? Runner-up to nothing? Oh! Ha ha ha ha! Fatal flaw in your logic, my good man. Clean my monocle for me, won't you?

Your move.

Honestly though, Heel Rock does what Heel Rock does. He talks and no one can match him. The only thing we're left to do is be as helpless as those poor Torontians, whose only course of action when chanting fails is to hold up hurtful signs. Take these for example...


You got that right, sir. The Rock certainly a assclown. And you are a illiterate Canadian.


This fella is creative. Not only does he print out a picture of the Rock to paste on there, but instead of simply writing "You sold out," he writes, "The Rock $old out." You get it? Because the dollar sign looks like an "S" and he's talking about money! It's so appropriate! Where's your buddy with "Rock is a @ssclown" sign?

Finally, the Rock leaves us with one question to ponder - can you smell what the Rock is cookin'?

Yeah. Pancakes, Rock. Pancakes.

Matt's Video to Adam: Stone Cold Steve Austin destroys Tazz



Adam's response...

Before I get into my video I'd just like to say how astounded I am at how similar the two choices are this week. Both videos deal with the two biggest stars of the 90's and their respective heel turns in the early 2000's. Purely coincidental. I'm sure Matt will mention this as well.

Anyway....

So one week ealier Stone Cold Steve Austin beat down Michael Cole just because he can. Nice. We all had a good time with that one. Well, that is everyone but the Human Suplex Machine TAZZ! In addition to letting people survive, The Tazz is also a color commentator on Smackdown. So he might not appreciate it when his broadcast partner is flogged by the WWF champion. He might just have to interrupt a Stone Cold promo on Booker T.

What? What? What? What? What? What?

Stone Cold does not have time for this. He only has eyes for Booker T. So unless Booker T got real short and real fat....haha! Get it? All ethnics look alike! Cheer! Cheer! This goes perfect with his character. Remember when he played a CO in The Longest Yard and just said the word "nigger" over and over again to Nelly?? Or the time he told Muhammed Hassan that he "saw sand people" and wouldn't shake his "dirty little hand", despite having never met Mr. Hassan before, and essentially pre-judging the man?? Oh that Stone Cold is a character, a'int he?!



All Tazz wants from Stone Cold is an apology for Tazz's little buddy. And if Stone Cold won't do it willingly, then Tazz may just have to BEAT one out of him. And if he has to do that, he'll BEAT him for Stone Cold's WWF title. Umm...how does that work? "Give me what I want or I'll do something to get even more than I want." That doesn't make sense. Eh, I guess they know what they're doing.

Oh snaps....title match. Here it comes. Anytime, anywhere...wait...not tonight!?!? What??? BOOO!!!!!!

Stone Cold answers back with a sick burn. "Take a look, cause this is the closest you'll ever get to the WWF title." How true.

Oh, what a clever ruse by the champ. Time now for a shanking by Stone Cold on Tazz. In the ring. Out the ring. With his hands. With a weapon. Over on the announce table. Wow, one dude seems kind of into it. Allow me to translate this redneck's delightful squeal.

Yea Steve! Get 'em! Yea! Yea! Yea! Yea! Yea Steve! Yea! Kick his ass! Yea!

Now that the Tazz is dead it's time for Michael Cole to get some diss-a-pline (phonetically spelled). How is him attacking Michael Cole even allowed? Seriously, does signing a contract with the WWF, even in a non-wrestling capacity, waive the organization and its other employees of any liability? How is Austin not in jail for this assault? How has he not had any court ordered therapy? The man clearly has emotional issues.

Oh thank Jehovah, Booker T to the rescue. Where's his shirt?

Oh wait...he's wCw! Boo! Get em, WWF locker room! Yea! Yea! Yea! Yea Bradshaw, Rhyno, Raven, and Taka! Yea! Kick his ass! Yea!

They got Booker on the run, but luckily Shane O' Mac is waiting for him with the wCw1!. But hurry Booker! "Oh Jesus!" Run! It's Hardcore Holly and Funaki! Whatever will we do??

Fin.