Showing posts with label Edge. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Edge. Show all posts

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

W.W.W. featuring Ric Flair and Sam Roberts

On Wednesdays, we here at LOL, Wresslin' like to really pull out the stops and offer up a double shot of righteously killer content. Why Wednesday? Well, we could impress you with market research, work habit studies, and human psychology tendencies to show you there's a scientific reason the middle of the week is the best time to bring your A-game. However, truth be told, we don't have any of that stuff and settled on Wednesday because that was the only day that didn't have any content scheduled.

So, here you have "Watch Wresslin' Wednesdays." Please feel free to suggest a better title, because we are woefully uncreative when it comes to naming stuff.

Better at naming stuff than us.

The idea of W.W.W. is we each send the other a video that is related to wrestling (a match, promo, interview, guest starring spot, etc.). The only restriction is that it cannot be user-created, so your armpit fart medley of Dean Malenko themes a'int going to fly here, pal. Neither of us know what kind of video we're going to get that day.

After viewing, we each write a response. This could be anything we choose: a straight commentary, a philosophical enlightenment, or classless ridicule. Just as we don't know what kind of video the other will select, neither do we know what the other will write or how they will write it. What you end up with is a mash-up of styles, which in our book equates to two-blogs-in-one, and we can take the rest of the day off.


Matt's video to Adam- Ric Flair reveals shocking photos of him with Miss Elizabeth!



Adam's response...

The first thing everyone notices about a professional wrestler is his entrance music. We've written about this many times. The Nature Boy Ric Flair has had Stauss's (correct grammar) "Also Sprach Zarathustra" for almost his entire career. It's almost as important to his entire being just as much as the stylin', profilin' and figure-four's are. I say "almost" because honestly, Slick Ric could have had this and just been fine. Why? Because it's accurate and true.

Unlike you, Flair's been around the world. And also unlike you, he's been with many, many girls.

Which makes this storyline involving Randy Savage and his blushing bride Elizabeth so wonderful. Sure, anytime a man insinuates he's mowing another man's lawn it's serious. But this is Randy and Elizabeth! The same Randy who was so possessive of her beauty that he'd lock her in a closet at the arena so as other men wouldn't flirt with her. So when Naitch unleashes his master plan, well, let's just say shits gonna get reeeeeeeelllll.

"OOOO yeaaaa! I don't trust my co-workers or wife! Dig it!"

And what is this plan? Why, to show off a copy of an upcoming WWF magazine. Or as Flair calls it, "more than just a magazine" even though it isn't. On the cover, some poorly laid out stock photographs. Inside? Slick Ric shows off some shots from his personal collection. He uses these photos as the basis for his insight into Elizabeth's mindset (which he chooses to describe using language only a third rate romance novel would use.)


Now as for the photograph. For a candid photo between two people together at the time, it sure has a lot of professional sheen on it. Seriously, who poses for photos like that? Did he someday know she'd marry Savage and he'd be facing him for the World Title at Wrestlemania VIII?


Now for a legendary cooze hound like Flair, he sure is inconsistent with his put down. Telling someone that so-and-so is your sloppy seconds is the best diss ever (and apparently, can get you suspended for half an NHL season), but then coming back and saying how he'll take her back whenever? Attraction doesn't work that way, Naitch. You can't call another man's wife trash and then offer to give her a ride on Space Mountain anytime she likes.

Of course, I'm still single, so what do I know?

And johnnyfairbanks, nice job cutting the video off at the climax, shitdick.

Adam's video to Matt - Prime Time Sam Roberts interviews Wrestlemania 25 superstars



Matt's response...

Hey Adam, what's the haps?

Or is it happs? I'm going to have to consult "Being a Douchebag" on that one.


Obviously, my first instinct is to rip on the guy for that bit, but I'll let it go. Interesting the first person whom they showed catch on to it was Mark Henry, or as YouTube user "FartScrap" called him, the "big shadow in the tan suit." It was a funny enough way to start the segment, I suppose.

Not being an "Opie and Anthony" mark like Adam is, I'm not familiar with Prime Time Sam Roberts. He's alright though, and the wrestlers seem to like him well enough. Anytime you can have a light-hearted and congenial conversation with Trips about Vince McMahon's death, you must be a decent guy. That was his father-in-law, after all.

After his silly bit, he actually has some interesting questions for these guys. I particularly enjoyed him asking Roddy Piper about Hell Comes to Frogtown, seeing as how I'm one of the hundred people in America that own that movie.

Proof.

Piper's response of "we have an asshole here" is such wonderful "Piperness" also.

As is Flair's declaration that they don't have the word "not succeed" in their vocabulary.

I'm not finding it in mine either...

I guess I can rate the interviewees on how interesting they were during their interview. Now, sometimes that's unfair, because a subject can only be as good as their interviewer allows them to be, but a lot can be said for exuding a certain kind of presence that shines through no matter what.

6. Eve and Kelly Kelly
I'm not sure if this is part of the reason why Adam sent me this, but let me make it clear to him that I don't like Kelly Kelly for the way she answers questions. Seriously, could these two be any more boring? At least Mickie James would have offered you some squirrel jerky or something.


5. Edge
Controversial pick? I don't think so. Edge never impressed me all that much with his personality to begin with, and he doesn't pick up any points here. Don't be political! Say that it was gross to kiss Vickie! We all know it!

Seriously dude. WE ALL KNOW.

4. Mark Henry
This is where it starts getting close, because I really liked Mark Henry here. Ok, so he had the most generic answer in world when asked about Wrestlemania 25, but he made up for it talking about hair later on. And really, who doesn't want to hear Mark talk for long periods of time? Don't count me in that group!

3. Chris Jericho
It's nice to see Jericho out of character for a bit here. Really, there's nothing more to it than that. And they talk about big words.

That one I can find.

2. Roddy Piper and Ric Flair
It's hard not to pick these two as the best, but they seemed a little off. Maybe they just weren't in the mood to answer questions, or didn't feel like playing around. I can understand that; these two are legends and now some diphead is asking them "What's the happs?" They don't have time for that. Of course, it's funny when they talk about Hell Comes to Frogtown, and even funnier when Naitch reveals that he's never seen it. Very supportive of you, Flair.

1. Triple H
It's no secret that I'm a Triple H fan. Call me a front-runner if you will, but it's not just because he wins all the time. Actually, it's not about that at all. I always like his personality during interviews and he just seems to have a good time, which is certainly the case here. Obviously these two have a bit of a history, and it's fun to seem the play off that. But mainly I just like to see the Cerebral Assassin not assassinating people. I actually stayed up to watch him on "Late Night with Jimmy Fallon," if that tells you anything. Worth viewing, if only for The Roots playing "King of Kings."

Friday, July 24, 2009

R U READY TO DOWN SOME SMACK??? Getting burned in the Miami heat

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

The great thing about this Sunday's PPV, Night of Champions, is that there is really little explaining to do. It's all title matches. So a handy recap of Kane and The Great Khali really isn't all that necessary, since neither are a champion, nor challenging a champion. Yes, they are essentially worthless right now.





So yes, tonight we are centering only in on the important stuff. Like our world champion, the straightedge CM Punk! He came out again to fulfill my wildest dream and shooting on Jeff Hardy.


Hardy's big response was "Nu-un! I never went to rehab!" Then he went back to the locker room for a quick bump. Punk then decided that the world champion should not only jerk the curtain, but come out for the match first, because lo an behold, recent LOL, Wresslin' favorite, John Morrison shows up for a one on one affair with the champ!

Morrison and Punk have had a consistent rivalry for a few years now. It first started at The Night of Champions from two years ago, after Chris Benoit no-showed the event due to the... unpleasantness. Well, this feud has been mostly one sided in favor of Morrison, despite Punk winning two world titles since it started. Still, the Shaman of Sexy seems to steal success from the Straightedge Superstar! Like a few weeks ago! Could lightning possibly strike for an 18th time?

If by lightning you mean foot to the back of the head

Yes, he who wears baby seals on his feet somehow managed to beat the champ with a roll up. Thankfully for Punk, it was non-title. Still, Morrison decides to show off a little sportsmanship, because it's so frickin easy to be a good sport when you win, ass.

Not pictured: CM Punk's trunks

Way to shrug it off, Punk! You've got weirder fish to fry.

Edge (remember him? He's been off TV for a week), was interviewed by Todd Grisham. It was all about Edge's recent ACL injury and how Edge may have to retire and this injury is all serious and stuff. All I heard was "Waaaa! Waaa! My penis! Waaaa!" I don't think I was delusional because Edge's former tag partner (and the man Edge let down), Chris Jericho came out and basically ran down Edge's injury. Edge didn't much care for that.

Edge: The Anti-Jeff Farmer

Jericho was done with Edge, but not for the night. He was teaming with Dolph Ziggler to take on Rey Mysterio and Jeff Hardy? Hmm, it seems as if someone is missing from this equation...oh right! CM Punk was doing guest commentating, totally just wanting a closer view of the man he's wrestled numerous times in the past (in both WWE and TNA), and has hours upon hours upon hours of footage of to reference. Totally not conspicuous at all.

All and all, pretty good match. The Big Zig took a break from being Maria's personal bar stool to do his best Macho Man impression.


Also, old flames Jericho and Rey decided to get it on and fall back into each other all over again.

Rey hasn't even made contact and Jericho is falling down! They know each other so well!

Side note: These just make me laugh.

Mysterio

Rhino

So the match ended in a DQ finish in favor of the heels. What's that you say? The faces for DQ'd? But they're good guys! They don't break rules. Well, for some reason Jeff Hardy decided to throw Jericho into CM Punk who was just sitting there, and then turn his back. Punk then threw Jericho into Hardy. Jericho hit the stairs, ref saw this, and called for the bell. Jericho then beat up Hardy and locked him into the Walls.

"I like to watch...(pant pant)"

Can anyone explain to me what Punk has done wrong here? I just see some dude minding his own business. Anyway, last show before a PPV that's 100 miles south of me and I have no intention of going to. Or buying. But you should get ready for it! 8/7c on MyNetwork TV! Or anytime on hulu!

Friday, July 10, 2009

R U READY TO DOWN SOME SMACK??? Eye for an Eye

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

Well if Matt can do it, so can I! Lightning round (because today is a travel day for me)!

This week's recap begins with the Hart Dynasty. They're recent additions to the Smackdown roster, coming over from ECW in some trade Donald Trump created, for some reason. We really never mentioned it like we wanted to, because somebody let in Yoko. Anyway, they wrestled Cryme Tyme who haven't won a wrestling match since the Bush administration.

One Big Ass Mistake, America

As we've learned from countless 80's movies, legacy and fancy schools can only get you so far. Sure, the Hart Dynasty have pro wrestling in their blood. Who cares? Cryme Tyme are from the streets! What they lack in....everything they make up for in sass and raw physical talent.

This was literally about all the offense Cryme Tyme got in

Rey Mysterio is coming off a career revitalizing feud with Chris Jericho which also elevated the Intercontinental Title. So how does he get rewarded for all his hard work? With a one on one match against Kane.


So yea, months of competitive matches lead to another big man squashing the little guy. All of Rey's offense was blocked.

Ahh..Rey's comeback...

...Crap!


He even hit the 619! But all that did was somehow lead to a chokeslam by Kane and a clean pin. And then The Great Khali came out. So from second hottest feud in WWE to background player in Kane/Khali feud. Gross.

Double crap!

And in the main event, the unified tag team champions Edge and Chris Jericho took on bitter rivals CM Punk and Jeff Hardy (tension!)! And better not get used to seeing Edge and Jericho as champs, since Edge tore his ACL a few days later. He's kind of like Smackdown's Batista. Wins world titles, gets hurt a lot, and breaks up wrestler relationships by cheating on his friend's girl.


At least they wear the belts like champions...

...unlike some other losers.

CM Punk's been having a little twouble wit his eyzee wyzee, as he missed Jeff Hardy's tag attempt.

"It's like there's a straight edge in my eye!"

So what's the big drug addict do (Punk's words, not mine)? He fakes an eye injury allowing Edge to speak CM Punk! What a jerk! I guess he doesn't care about winning matches, now does he? I know I wouldn't want that dude representing me as champion.



Let's see what yarns Jeff Hardy spins tonight. 8/7c on MyNetwork TV (and hulu.com!)

Friday, July 3, 2009

R U READY TO DOWN SOME SMACK??? Bashed! at the Beach

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

What the hell? What the hell is this? Smackdown was DOMINATING this PPV? Seriously. Remember back in the early days of this feature, when every 3 weeks or so I'd just run a few Undertaker LOLs and that would be it for Smackdown PPV recap? Yea, no more. You see, Smackdown has consistently been the better brand in quality (if not ratings, unfortunately), so naturally the PPV shows will want to put the best show on, so as to entice future buys. Thus, Smackdown is all over The Bash.

Take for example, Smackdown's undercard. Dolph Ziggler has rapidly been rising the ranks on the blue show, and actually got his very first PPV match. No holds barred against The Great Khali. Yes, the giant has no charisma and can't work a lick, but the people love Slumdog Millionaire (since it makes us feel cultured to watch a foreign flick, even though it's in English, has a cast of people with Western features of beauty, and involves things like an M.I.A. soundtrack and Who Wants to be a Millionaire?. But I digress.) Anyway, the Big Zig (I will make this catch on) made sure to take the big man down by using a chair. Not to sit with, but to hit with! And if that wasn't enough, Dolph had a little help in the way of The Big Red Machine, KANE!
"I'm mad they're booking me with you!"


Kane's pissed at Khali because of...racism I guess? Alls I know is that we're getting a Wrestlemania 23 rematch in the near future!

On to the title matches. First up, Melina defending against long time challenger, the fetching Michelle McCool! I must give props to Michelle for wearing her cross between the canyon of space between her fake breasts she calls "cleavage." There's no way natural boobs hang like that.

Fashionable

Here's a closeup I got while stalking her home on night:

Don't ask me how I got this

Anyway, as far as WWE presentation of women's matches go, this was pretty good! Both girls can work and had some pretty interesting spots. Like Michelle taking Melina's strongest attribute, her flexibility and agility, and uniquely turning it against her!

I know she's bent in a painful move, but I can't help but think...

So yea, Michelle won and became the first woman in history to win both the Divas' belt and the Women's title. I guess that's a woman's equivalent of a "triple crown" or "grand slam" or whatever. We all know the only title worth having though is becoming Mrs. Adam Jones.

I swear I've seen this in some movie before..

Rey Mysterio and Chris Jericho had another classic for the IC title. This time Rey put his mask on the line, so if he loses he'll be so ashamed he'll commit sepuko or give his son's custody up in a ladder match or something similar. Just know that this is important for Rey.

Anyway, Jericho did succeed in getting Rey's mask off. However, what he DIDN'T consider is that Rey would have a second, identical mask on underneath. This clearly threw his entire gameplan off, because I mean, who can take off two masks? That's just impossible.



Devilishly Diabolic, Rey


Also, there was a unified tag title match. Now I know that the unified tag titles are less important then the Divas title, and although they can be defended on any brand, both the champion Colon brothers and Priceless are Raw dudes. Should have been covered on Monday, right? Well no? Vince McMahon told Smackdown GM Teddy Long to dance, and well, he danced. He threw Edge (who was complaining about not being on this PPV card) and Chris Jericho (who we just read about) into the match just because he could. Obviously, the other four men were less then thrilled.

This is pretty much how the match went.

Still, this is how hard Smackdown rules. Despite not being in the match hardly at all, and despite already wresting a match before, both Edge and Jericho won the tag titles! Smackdown rules!

This looks familiar....

...kinda like this!

Finally, the bastion of morals and discipline (heel) champ, CM Punk, defended his title against fan favorite screw up, Jeff Hardy! We are all lucky to watch this one, but not as lucky as Jeff Hardy was to be in this predicament:

Oh God, please turn around...

Clearly this excited Jeff so much that he just mounted (heheh) a fantastic set of offense. He did all his usual spots of twists of fate and Swantons (which are in the archives, go look it up elsewhere), but he didn't get the pin. Why? Because that bad CM Punk wouldn't just let Jeff pin him, so he decided that despite not having the strength to kick out, he'd just put his foot on the ropes, thus breaking the pin. Doesn't expel energy, breaks up the pin, seems smart to me. Except somehow that means he's weak. I know, doesn't make sense to me either. Regardless, the aforementioned Swanton gave Punk some vision problems, and he mistook the referee for Jeff Hardy!

Jeff can't believe it!

Well, we can't have wrestlers going all willy nilly on the refs, can we? Jeff wins! But not the title? Oh well, rules are rules.

Really can't. Seriously, what a dick.

Still, this dude seemed to be ok with everything.

I'd really love it if he was an executive at Carl's Jr.

Come see what awful excuses Jeff Hardy has this week. 8/7 c, MyNetwork TV (or anytime on hulu.com!)