R U READY TO DOWN SOME SMACK??? Smackdown for Survival

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

For a theme song to accompany this post, please press play and enjoy...



Yes, Smackdown just kept on rolling this (last!) week. Nothing astronomical happened, but sometimes you need to be lulled into a false sense of complacency before awesome things happen. I mean, it's not like we have "awesome" guest hosts every week to keep us at a perpetual eleven, right dudes?

Also, since Smackdown was in Buffalo, NY they decided to book local girl Beth Phoenix very strong. Here's what WWE.com thought of her match.

Yup, "local athlete." You can tell she's not a WWE Diva by her ethnicity and cup size. One guess as to how this one went. Still, this match was not without it's own awesomeness, but it actually was behind the microphone. As we all know, Jim Ross got the palzees again, so he's not fit for TV. Matt Striker has been promoted from ECW to Smackdown. Still, even in this throwaway match he managed to get "local athelte" over by mentioning a peculiar history with Beth Phoenix; turns out both were high school amateur wrestler's and Beth lost to her then. Now she wants revenge!

Smackdown: Your home for jobber back story.

In other Diva news, Cryme Tyme decided that wrestling isn't really there thing. They're much better as MC's for Halloween costume contests! Four WWE Divas competed and-

Too soon! Too soon!

Also, Michelle McCool showed us that she understands what "irony" is.

Madonna/slut complex

Wait though, they're both heels! We, the WWE Universe, can't vote for heels to win! Never! Who will save us! Who else but Mickie James!

She's got a thing for blind lawyers from Hell's Kitchen

Yes, Mickie James came dressed as Elektra, of Marvel Comics and 2005 film bomb (a sequel to the panned Daredevil, natch). Yup, because I want to vote for the Diva who reminds me of my "favorite" Evansesence song.

This is just silly, but CM Punk demanded ANOTHER title match. He didn't get it, because The Boss (not him or him, but him), said he had enough. Instead, "Mr. Punk" would get what he REALLY wants; a match against referee Scott Armstrong.

Who's who? I can't tell! I'm confused!

Oh man, I really want to buy a PPV to resolve this feud!

Does the referee's union allow this kind of treatment?

Rey Mysterio walked down to the ring in his Monochromatic Ed Hardy Sadness Coat to boo-hoo his way out of a Batista bomb. Yes, tons of talk about "brotherhood" and "regret" and other things frat boys do while drinking Jager and kissing. Everything was cool until Big Dave ignited this bomb:

Or "I TELL REY THAT EDDIE DIED FOUR YEARS AGO ALONE!"

"I'm going to go drown my sorrows in a tip frosting, Affliction shopping spree."

Well, that's just unpleasant. Of course, it has been about four years or so. I don't think we can blame WWE for exploiting his death just to get heat, right? And it's not like there's anyone employed in the company who could possibly be offended by that, right?


Oh, remember how awesome it was last (two!) week(s!) when the Big Show turned on Raw to give Smackdown the Bragging Rights win? Well it turns out it's not because he loves Smackdown, but because he's SELFISH! Yes, Teddy Long offered Show a World Title match at Survivor Series if Smackdown won Bragging Rights. Show's tag partner, Smackdown's Chris Jericho, is not pleased with this. After all, he co-captained Smackdown to the title, he should get a title match.

However, notice how I said "co-captained." That implies someone else may have a legit claim to a title match. Like, other Smackdown captain, KANE! (lolz, srsly).

Well how do you resolve a dispute on earth-53? Mediation? Arbitration? HELL NO! By fighting!

Above: Earth-53 lawsuit

Yes, for one glorious night, snoozefest Chris Jericho retired and our party-host, the paragon of virtue and Ayatollah of Rock and Rolla, returned! Ok, not exactly. But he did bust out some old spots.

Although maybe it should be called the "Sycophantic hypocrite-sault"

Turds

Then he went back to being boring and won the match. Funny how that worked out.

"Yes, I get to job to two injury prone immobile guys before Thanksgiving!"

Keep in mind, for as awesome as this all is, it also involved KANE!, so there's no way we'd be happy at the end of it all. As a service to all our fans, I'm going to give you a post Halloween treat. Afraid you ate too much candy and are getting fat? Take a look at this.

Ok, now go throw up. But then come back at 8/7c and tune to MyNetwork TV to watch Smackdown! Or some other time on hulu!

R U READY TO DOWN SOME SMACK??? Earning the right to brag

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

For a theme song to accompany this post please press play and enjoy



Now, before I get you all ready for tonight's Smackdown (and in turn, Bragging Rights), I need to make note of something. This is LOL, Wresslin's 300th post!!!!!1shiftoneonebar-be-que11!! Please go to our register to purchase gifts.

ANYWAY

We take one week off and Nancy O'Dell causes everything to go to hell. Yessir, that "massive" Divas trade, to which I think Smackdown came out swimmingly. Gone is the boneless wonder Melina and that oddly appealing Eve, enter in "fat" Mickie James and "ugly" Beth Phoenix. Yes, I'm fairly pleased with this.

Now, we all know my love for Michelle McCool. Well, not anymore. Mickie James, dropped off work rate and all, is the new top lady of Friday! Don't get me wrong. McCool still has amazing abs and glorious fake boobs (with cleavage the size of the Grand Canyon), but something about finding the Undertaker sexually attractive turns me off to her. Plus, all that faith blah blah. So don't get me wrong, Michelle McCool, you're great. But whereas you gave me this:

Something something tight end.

Mickie James gave me this:


Speaking of a gaping vagina, The Miz and John Morrison reunited for a live rendition of their old talk show The Dirt Sheet (insiderish!). Turns out they have a match this Sunday (for bragging rights!), so it's time to argue over who most resembles Marty Janetty. Seriously, all the Jannety hate got sort of out of hand (not so out of hand that Janetty wouldn't go out and take a payday to job to the Miz on the Raw this past Monday, but still).

"Just because Marty Janetty is a former IC champ doesn't mean I'm the more Janetish!"

Still, considering how this is Smackdown, and Morrison is the face, guess who got the last laugh?






There were a bunch of matches to see who qualified for Team Smackdown at the PPV, but I read this week's Smackdown spoilers, and well, they're all kind of worthless now.


Anyway, best friends forever, who surely would never turn on each other for a chance at the World title this Sunday at Bragging Rights, Batista and Rey Mysterio, wrestled Mano e Mano last Friday. As usual, the interns at WWE.com did not disappoint with their captions.

Brothers, really? Does that explain the bunk beds and matching footie pajamas?

When did Rey hail from Russia? And what arms are we talking about? These arms?

Here's a caption I came up with: "The Animal mounts his prey for a late night hookup"

So the match was fine for what it was. Rey hit the most telegraphed finisher ever to get the win. BUT WAIT! Controversy! Seems Batista got his shoulder up, but the ref missed it! Why are referees always so incompetent? It's almost as if wrestling isn't legitimate! Or the ALCS for that matter! Of course, the Animal did not appreciate this.


And then CM Punk attacked Rey Mysterio for some reason.

Anyway, Smackdown is airing tonight from some city in the Northeast most likely. Be sure to watch it for some madcap hijincks on our way to this Sunday! MyNetwork TV, 8/7c or hulu.com! Here's to 300 more!

W.W.W. featuring Ric Flair and Sam Roberts

On Wednesdays, we here at LOL, Wresslin' like to really pull out the stops and offer up a double shot of righteously killer content. Why Wednesday? Well, we could impress you with market research, work habit studies, and human psychology tendencies to show you there's a scientific reason the middle of the week is the best time to bring your A-game. However, truth be told, we don't have any of that stuff and settled on Wednesday because that was the only day that didn't have any content scheduled.

So, here you have "Watch Wresslin' Wednesdays." Please feel free to suggest a better title, because we are woefully uncreative when it comes to naming stuff.

Better at naming stuff than us.

The idea of W.W.W. is we each send the other a video that is related to wrestling (a match, promo, interview, guest starring spot, etc.). The only restriction is that it cannot be user-created, so your armpit fart medley of Dean Malenko themes a'int going to fly here, pal. Neither of us know what kind of video we're going to get that day.

After viewing, we each write a response. This could be anything we choose: a straight commentary, a philosophical enlightenment, or classless ridicule. Just as we don't know what kind of video the other will select, neither do we know what the other will write or how they will write it. What you end up with is a mash-up of styles, which in our book equates to two-blogs-in-one, and we can take the rest of the day off.

Matt's video to Adam- Ric Flair reveals shocking photos of him with Miss Elizabeth!



Adam's response...

The first thing everyone notices about a professional wrestler is his entrance music. We've written about this many times. The Nature Boy Ric Flair has had Stauss's (correct grammar) "Also Sprach Zarathustra" for almost his entire career. It's almost as important to his entire being just as much as the stylin', profilin' and figure-four's are. I say "almost" because honestly, Slick Ric could have had this and just been fine. Why? Because it's accurate and true.

Unlike you, Flair's been around the world. And also unlike you, he's been with many, many girls.

Which makes this storyline involving Randy Savage and his blushing bride Elizabeth so wonderful. Sure, anytime a man insinuates he's mowing another man's lawn it's serious. But this is Randy and Elizabeth! The same Randy who was so possessive of her beauty that he'd lock her in a closet at the arena so as other men wouldn't flirt with her. So when Naitch unleashes his master plan, well, let's just say shits gonna get reeeeeeeelllll.

"OOOO yeaaaa! I don't trust my co-workers or wife! Dig it!"

And what is this plan? Why, to show off a copy of an upcoming WWF magazine. Or as Flair calls it, "more than just a magazine" even though it isn't. On the cover, some poorly laid out stock photographs. Inside? Slick Ric shows off some shots from his personal collection. He uses these photos as the basis for his insight into Elizabeth's mindset (which he chooses to describe using language only a third rate romance novel would use.)


Now as for the photograph. For a candid photo between two people together at the time, it sure has a lot of professional sheen on it. Seriously, who poses for photos like that? Did he someday know she'd marry Savage and he'd be facing him for the World Title at Wrestlemania VIII?


Now for a legendary cooze hound like Flair, he sure is inconsistent with his put down. Telling someone that so-and-so is your sloppy seconds is the best diss ever (and apparently, can get you suspended for half an NHL season), but then coming back and saying how he'll take her back whenever? Attraction doesn't work that way, Naitch. You can't call another man's wife trash and then offer to give her a ride on Space Mountain anytime she likes.

Of course, I'm still single, so what do I know?

And johnnyfairbanks, nice job cutting the video off at the climax, shitdick.

Adam's video to Matt - Prime Time Sam Roberts interviews Wrestlemania 25 superstars



Matt's response...

Hey Adam, what's the haps?

Or is it happs? I'm going to have to consult "Being a Douchebag" on that one.


Obviously, my first instinct is to rip on the guy for that bit, but I'll let it go. Interesting the first person whom they showed catch on to it was Mark Henry, or as YouTube user "FartScrap" called him, the "big shadow in the tan suit." It was a funny enough way to start the segment, I suppose.

Not being an "Opie and Anthony" mark like Adam is, I'm not familiar with Prime Time Sam Roberts. He's alright though, and the wrestlers seem to like him well enough. Anytime you can have a light-hearted and congenial conversation with Trips about Vince McMahon's death, you must be a decent guy. That was his father-in-law, after all.

After his silly bit, he actually has some interesting questions for these guys. I particularly enjoyed him asking Roddy Piper about Hell Comes to Frogtown, seeing as how I'm one of the hundred people in America that own that movie.

Proof.

Piper's response of "we have an asshole here" is such wonderful "Piperness" also.

As is Flair's declaration that they don't have the word "not succeed" in their vocabulary.

I'm not finding it in mine either...

I guess I can rate the interviewees on how interesting they were during their interview. Now, sometimes that's unfair, because a subject can only be as good as their interviewer allows them to be, but a lot can be said for exuding a certain kind of presence that shines through no matter what.

6. Eve and Kelly Kelly
I'm not sure if this is part of the reason why Adam sent me this, but let me make it clear to him that I don't like Kelly Kelly for the way she answers questions. Seriously, could these two be any more boring? At least Mickie James would have offered you some squirrel jerky or something.


5. Edge
Controversial pick? I don't think so. Edge never impressed me all that much with his personality to begin with, and he doesn't pick up any points here. Don't be political! Say that it was gross to kiss Vickie! We all know it!

Seriously dude. WE ALL KNOW.

4. Mark Henry
This is where it starts getting close, because I really liked Mark Henry here. Ok, so he had the most generic answer in world when asked about Wrestlemania 25, but he made up for it talking about hair later on. And really, who doesn't want to hear Mark talk for long periods of time? Don't count me in that group!

3. Chris Jericho
It's nice to see Jericho out of character for a bit here. Really, there's nothing more to it than that. And they talk about big words.

That one I can find.

2. Roddy Piper and Ric Flair
It's hard not to pick these two as the best, but they seemed a little off. Maybe they just weren't in the mood to answer questions, or didn't feel like playing around. I can understand that; these two are legends and now some diphead is asking them "What's the happs?" They don't have time for that. Of course, it's funny when they talk about Hell Comes to Frogtown, and even funnier when Naitch reveals that he's never seen it. Very supportive of you, Flair.

1. Triple H
It's no secret that I'm a Triple H fan. Call me a front-runner if you will, but it's not just because he wins all the time. Actually, it's not about that at all. I always like his personality during interviews and he just seems to have a good time, which is certainly the case here. Obviously these two have a bit of a history, and it's fun to seem the play off that. But mainly I just like to see the Cerebral Assassin not assassinating people. I actually stayed up to watch him on "Late Night with Jimmy Fallon," if that tells you anything. Worth viewing, if only for The Roots playing "King of Kings."

W,W.W. featuring Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka and Jeff Hardy

On Wednesdays, we here at LOL, Wresslin' like to really pull out the stops and offer up a double shot of righteously killer content. Why Wednesday? Well, we could impress you with market research, work habit studies, and human psychology tendencies to show you there's a scientific reason the middle of the week is the best time to bring your A-game. However, truth be told, we don't have any of that stuff and settled on Wednesday because that was the only day that didn't have any content scheduled.

So, here you have "Watch Wresslin' Wednesdays." Please feel free to suggest a better title, because we are woefully uncreative when it comes to naming stuff.

Better at naming stuff then us

The idea of W.W.W. is we each send the other a video that is related to wrestling (a match, promo, interview, guest starring spot, etc.). The only restriction is that it cannot be user-created, so your "Youtube Poop" Ultimate Warrior promo ain't gonna fly here, pal. Neither of us know what kind of video we're going to get that day.

After viewing, we each write a response. This could be anything we choose: a straight commentary, a philosophical enlightenment, or classless ridicule. Just as we don't know what kind of video the other will select, neither do we know what the other will write or how they will write it. What you end up with is a mash-up of styles, which in our book equates to two-blogs-in-one, and we can take the rest of the day off.

Matt's video to Adam- Jimmy Snuka Freaks Out



Adam's response...

The following transcript is from the defense attorney in the State of Pennsylvania vs James Reiher (1985) homicide trial:

Lawyerstein:
Ladies and gentleman of the jury, I feel that this trial has been exhausting for everyone involved. We've reviewed the facts. The evidence is there. Mr. Snuka-

Judge Featherbottom:
Mr. Lawyerstein. We will not use any pseudonyms in this court!

Lawyerstein:
Of course your Honor. Thousand pardons. Mr. Reiher did kill Nancy Argentio, his girlfriend that he was having an affair with. It was kind of like a reverse Steve McNair.

Judge Featherbottom:
Who?

Lawyerstein:
Never mind. It'll make sense in fourteen years. Regardless, we've seen countless accounts of Superfly's, er Mr. Reiher's, drug abuse, physical abuse of Ms. Argentio, and inconsistency in his stories. He has also been prone to mood swings. But I ask you to remember an interview Mr. Reiher gave on October 17th, 1983. Remember how Mr. Reiher expressed his anger and was incoherent. Remember how he referred to himself as "The Superfly" and destroyed a section of the Boston Garden. These are not the actions of a sane man. And psychosis of this magnitude does not manifest over night. These are long standing emotional issues. His employer Vince McMahon's testimony virtually confirms this. Couple that with his behavior and inability to take care of himself, and what we have here is not a man. Oh sure, he may be a legal adult, but he's not a man. Does a man cheat on his wife and consistently see a "ring rat", as the vernacular describe Ms. Argentio.

Dent:
Objection!

Judge Featherbottom:
I'm going to allow it. She was rather ring rat like.

Lawyerstein:
Thank you, your Honor. As I was saying, Mr. Reiher is not a man. Why, he's no more grown up and real then "Jimmy Snuka." Thus, condemning him is like condemning a child. He doesn't need our punishment; he needs our help. I urge you twelve jurors to go in that room and think about what you're doing. To really think about the best way to help a poor man-child who got in over his head. Thank you.

Adam's video to Matt - Jeff Hardy L.A.W. interview




Matt's response...

Jeff Hardy does drugs.





Yeah, I could end this right there and it would be a perfectly acceptable post, because really, that's all this video says. Jeff Hardy is not in a right frame of mind.

However, I'll focus quickly on the other participant in this rambling discourse, one Mr. Victor Anthony. Victor typifies everything that is great about wrestling interviewers, and that is, mostly, sheer determination to get through the segment. The backstage interview reminds me a lot of this:


The interviewer is there just trying to get information out while a hurricane goes on behind/beside/in front of/on top of them. Think about all the nutty promos that have been cut, and guess who was always there. "Mean" Gene, Tony Schiavone, or my new favorite, Todd Grisham. Wrestling interviewers have to deal with this every night of work, sometimes more than once. (Big props to Jim Gray for keeping it together in that one though)

Victor Anthony does an admirable job in this one. He not only doesn't fall into the typical trap of prefacing a sentence "A man who needs no introduction..." and then going on to introduce them anyway, he asks one simple questions and finds out all this info:

1. We are in Sanford, North Carolina.
2. This is LAW territory.
3. The law is where it's at.
4. Jeff Hardy is, in fact, there.
5. And he is there to rock everyone.

That's quite a lot to digest, and Anthony muscles through with knowing head nods.

Then he goes and ruins it by looking like a complete douchebag at the end.


Seriously, man. DOUCHE.