W.W.W. featuring Holiday Hell 1995 and Stone Cold Steve Austin/John Cena

On Wednesdays, we here at LOL, Wresslin' like to really pull out the stops and offer up a double shot of righteously killer content. Why Wednesday? Well, we could impress you with market research, work habit studies, and human psychology tendencies to show you there's a scientific reason the middle of the week is the best time to bring your A-game. However, truth be told, we don't have any of that stuff and settled on Wednesday because that was the only day that didn't have any content scheduled.

So, here you have "Watch Wresslin' Wednesdays." Please feel free to suggest a better title, because we are woefully uncreative when it comes to naming stuff.

Better at naming stuff than us.

The idea of W.W.W. is we each send the other a video that is related to wrestling (a match, promo, interview, guest starring spot, etc.). The only restriction is that it cannot be user-created, so your ridiculous "Choose It!" series ain't going to fly here, pal. Neither of us know what kind of video we're going to get that day.

After viewing, we each write a response. This could be anything we choose: a straight commentary, a philosophical enlightenment, or classless ridicule. Just as we don't know what kind of video the other will select, neither do we know what the other will write or how they will write it. What you end up with is a mash-up of styles, which in our book equates to two-blogs-in-one, and we can take the rest of the day off.


Adam's video to Matt - Stone Cold "Steve Austin" Stuns Cena



Matt's response...

Let me point one thing out before I get started. To "TripleHUSA" who posted this video (and curiously uses a picture of Steve Austin as his YouTube avatar), "Stone Cold" is not the man's real name. Steve Austin is. Therefore, the quotes are in the wrong place, you moron. Ok, now I can continue...

Yet more proof that it's ridiculous for the WWE to expect us to give a crap about John Cena versus the Big Show in 2009. This was back in December of '03, and I'd venture a bet that the match was about the same as it is today, only Cena didn't pick up Big Show very much back in those days, because that was "impossible." But that's not what really bugs me about this.

Here we have, on a night where Stone Cold has already dressed up like Santa Claus and stunned Vince McMahon, Austin stunning John Cena. Why? I suppose deep down it doesn't matter, but it should. Why is Austin allowed to run roughshod around the WWE, stunning anyone he chooses? Why doesn't the U.S. military intervene in this human rights violation? This is what our freedom has bought us? A wild man set loose on the world, with no sense of right and wrong, only a sense of a standing or left paralyzed on the ground? Really troops, you should be ashamed of yourselves for cheering this.

Michael Cole unfortunately boils down Cena's match against the Big Show to this grossly-overstated simile - "Just like the U.S. troops laid the smackdown on Saddam Hussein, Cena laid the smackdown on the Big Show!" I'll leave that one alone, because I think you determine for yourself how silly that sounded. But is Big Show really the one acting like Hussein around here? How are Big Show and John Cena anything but hapless victims of a tyrant using brute force and scare tactics to keep those around him in check? Sorry Austin, but this land is free now, and you're going to have to take your third-world barbarism somewhere else. Preferably Iran.

If he stuns one more person, the terrorists have already won.

And it's clear you people don't get it. "hxhb" has left the only comment on this video, and it merely says "John Cena sucks Stone cold rullez =D." Well, that's just wonderful. Listen hxhb, if you don't have respect for the rule of law and the fair implementation of a government ruled by the people, well you can just GET OUT.

There is one thing I like about this video, and that's John Cena's original music. So much better, in my opinion. Kudos to the Miz for pulling that out last Monday night; that's the one thing you've done right in your life.

And what an unfortunate time for the Big Show to stand up. Really poor timing on your part, buddy.

Matt's Video to Adam- Holiday Hell 95



Adam's response...



Welcome everyone, to Extreme Championship Wrestling's New York City debut! Right here in Queen's, NY!

Errr...ummm

Here is Joey Styles and he's about to tell us about all the raucous action the ECW faithful can expect here at some Elks lodge in the middle of Queens when all of sudden he's interrupted by Stevie Richards and The Blue Meanie! Horror of horrors! Not those two! Because when I think of ruining a segment, I think of those two. Regardless, Stevie gets some heel heat just by dressing kind of gay and then having the audacity of insulting the audience. You know, they must all be queens if they live in Queens (wocka wocka!) And look at this guy! He's a transvestite! And that other one has to be the other kind of tranny (no, not Missy Hyatt. I'll get to her later)! You know (tm), because only degenerate neighborhoods have those weirdos. Regardless, I can't verify Stevie's claims, because the camera decided to keep it on the Daisy Duke himself. Which makes sense, because it's not like I'd want to see those people anyway.

Now, you may be saying to yourself, "How could Joey Styles have found Missy Hyatt when she was in the third row and the corner. This was obviously pre planned." Not true. When at an ECW show in 1995, ANY girl would stick out, let alone one who was, at that point in time, only moderately jacked up.

Missy then

Missy now (I can't tell which one, but she's there)

Ever the charmer, Mr. Richards decided to impress Miss Missy by telling her about all the letters he used to write her (insinuating that he's jerked off a bunch to her image), because that's totally not creepy, and making a lady feel old is the best form of courtship. He then comes up with a whimsical euphemism for his erection. A good laugh had by all, especially the fair Miss Hyatt. And although the prospect of coitus with Stevie Richards (and presumably, Meanie watching) is laughable, the prospect of dating Raven is not. Yes, that shut her hole up good.


SIDE NOTE: Using the finest research tools at my disposal, I was able to learn that Missy Hyatt has in fact, fellated Raven before. Out (or in) of her own mouth!

Seriously though, I wonder if that technique would still work today? I bet I could get most girls a date with Raven. He a'int doin' shit. His tweets prove it!

And after a long, passionate make out session with Stevie, Missy instructs him to "Give that to Raven." God I hope he did....

W.W.W. featuring Macho Man Randy Savage and ECW Invasion 1997

On Wednesdays, we here at LOL, Wresslin' like to really pull out the stops and offer up a double shot of righteously killer content. Why Wednesday? Well, we could impress you with market research, work habit studies, and human psychology tendencies to show you there's a scientific reason the middle of the week is the best time to bring your A-game. However, truth be told, we don't have any of that stuff and settled on Wednesday because that was the only day that didn't have any content scheduled.

So, here you have "Watch Wresslin' Wednesdays." Please feel free to suggest a better title, because we are woefully uncreative when it comes to naming stuff.

Better at naming stuff then us

The idea of W.W.W. is we each send the other a video that is related to wrestling (a match, promo, interview, guest starring spot, etc.). The only restriction is that it cannot be user-created, so your poorly lit webcam analysis of Bob Backlund's two day reign as WWF champion in 1994 ain't gonna fly here, pal. Neither of us know what kind of video we're going to get that day.

After viewing, we each write a response. This could be anything we choose: a straight commentary, a philosophical enlightenment, or classless ridicule. Just as we don't know what kind of video the other will select, neither do we know what the other will write or how they will write it. What you end up with is a mash-up of styles, which in our book equates to two-blogs-in-one, and we can take the rest of the day off.

Matt's video to Adam: Randy Savage Present Day



Adam's response...

In 2003, The Macho Man Randy Savage embarked on a new career path. Fresh off the heat of his feature role in Sam Raimi's blockbuster Spider-man, Macho decided to become a rap sensation, and signed a recording contract with Big 3 Records. However, the album charts are not enough pomp and circumstance for the elbow drop champion. No, he wanted you to Feel the Madness (oooooooohhh yeeaaaaa!) on the World Wide Webiverse as well. So he launched a special VIP section on his website for uber-Macho fans to cream their digital jeans. What was birthed were the above Vlogs (video blog, noob).

Members Only: When I wrote "Feel the Madness" up there it wasn't just to be a mark and spit out a Macho catchphrase. No, I actually meant it somewhat literally. Like our old friend the Warrior, wearing bicycle streamers off the his jacket must have made him legitmally insane. He's bat shit crazy.

Regardless, here we are in the Member's Only section. Granted, it has nothing to do with the clothing line, but I don't think anyone can't help but snicker when they think of the words "members only." Apprently Macho was the last member. Anyway, Macho is talking over 56K modem noises, to illustrate that this not a television show we're watching. Nope, it's a genuine web show, and should be graced with all the futuristic noises of 1997 America Online makes. What other wonders await us as members?

1) Like "Hotel California" we can check out but we can't check out. Well, those aren't exactly the lyrics, but Macho is rollin' so let's give him a pass.
2) As a member of machoman.com, we will work hard and play hard. Nice.
3) Hulk Hogan is a punk. Wait, that's a benefit? Oh, I guess the Macho Madness took over again and this tank topped behemoth is going to start rolling again. HHH is a punk too? What did he do? Why am I defending HHH? He's going to steal Stephanie McMahon from HHH? What's having a strong back and being able to take the pressure have to do with anything? What's that even mean? Seriously, these aren't rhetorical questions. Somebody please explain it to me.

He calls out the Honkey Tonk Man? Really? Really?

Oh, we're going back into the benefits of being a member.

3a) Photos, audio and videos. That's good. Any website worth its salt should have those (Ok, one of three for us, unless you count these W.W.W.'s, in that case, we got all three baby!)
4) Women. "Lots and lots of women." Because Macho loves the women.

Not gay. So not gay.

Of course, being a member of machoman.com isn't all playing hard and Hogan dissing. No sir. As a member you have certain responsibilities (remember the motto. "Work hard. Play hard.") Macho needs you tell your friends that this website is cool. Please. Do that he'll get a Webby. Till then, Macho is going to go look at some women, cause he's so not gay.

(Side note: Tell you're friends we're cool. Please tell them we're cool. We need the webby, and we can't get that until we're cool. Until then, we're going to look at more Orton cock pics.)

Thanks boys, you're sweet!

Suddenly, Macho Man calls out Hulk Hogan again. Granted, this isn't a big deal. He has a rap album to promote, called Be A Man, and the title track is a large diss track on Hogan. So that's all. He wants to promote the record. But then, Macho crosses the line. He calls Hulk a "a fucking punk." Really Macho? What's up with that salty language? We know you're better then that. In fact, here's a lyric from "Be a Man" that shows that.

Hollywood Hulkster, you're at the end of your rope.

And I'm going to kick you in the butt and wash your mouth out with soap!

Also, Macho then instructs us, the Macho Maniacs, how we can help in his cause. We have to haunt Hulk Hogan. Yes, haunt him. Are we ghosts? Granted Macho, your career may be dead, but Randy is very much alive. While we do this for you what will you be doing? Oh, bitch slapping HHH and taking Stephanie from him, cause you're so not gay.

Not gay. So not gay.

Finally, Macho Man is about to sign off on this Vlog. Yup, the Macho Man, a.k.a. Bonesaw McGraw. Ok, one thing we need to tell you, Macho. No one on this website is looking you up due to your four lines in Spider-man. No one. If we were paid members of your website, we're well aware of everything you've ever done in your career.

f hulk: This would be his second entry. 50 Cent's "P.I.M.P." replaces the modem noise from the first entry. In case you didn't know, they're tight. Seriously. He is basically outlining his entire plan to assault Terry Bollea (which is Hulk Hogan's real name.) I sure hope the police aren't watching this, because should Mr. Bollea ever turn up dead I think we have a legitmate suspect. Of course, his plan backfires, as he pretty much tells Bollea that he'll never attack him. Nope, he's too busy "chillin with some women (devil horns!) (iz nt ghey! iz nt ghey!)." Once again with the bitch slappin', but he illustrates it by showing a normal slap. Weird.

dinoasskickingasaurus: Ok, that's kinda awesome. No joking. Now that Macho is done with Hogan, it's time to turn his attention to HHH. Apparently The Game called Macho a dinosaur once. Macho then goes on to say that he thinks that if HHH is not on TV every week in five years, then his brand value will come down a little bit. I'd say that's an accurate prediction, should that ever happen. Of course, if anyone's performance drops they should expect a decrease in pay, but hey, me and Macho are no economists! He then threatens to take Stephanie McMahon from him. I'm sure that will work out just fine.

The Kid: One consistent thing for all these videos is how terrible the quality is. This one is the worst. Seriously. LEARN TO WHITE BALANCE! IT'S NOT HARD! FLORESCENT GYM LIGHTS ARE BAD FOR CAMERAS!

Anyway, this is pretty much a rehash of the previous three. Hogan is a punk. HHH's girl is gone. But here are a few words from macho for us members to live by:

"Machoman.com does not like punks. We are men. We work hard. We play hard."

We work hard. We play hard.

"So Stephanie McMahon, get ready for the kid!"

Wait, that's an inconsistent statement...


Adam's video to Matt - the BWO on Raw




Matt's response...

Let me first say that I would have never been given this video if Adam didn't have a schoolboy crush on Stevie Richards. We're all about full disclosure here, so there you go.

Incidently, there is a gay pornstar named Steven Richards. In case you were thinking of doing a Google images search.

Some people might call this an invasion. Let me set that record straight. You take your cameras, drive up outside where a rival is hosting a live show, and commence in causing a ruckus, THAT'S an invasion. This is an invitation. The whole concept of things like this amuses me. For instance, why would you allow wrestlers to bust in during a show, command air time, and then subsequently schedule a match, all during a live broadcast? You do realize that you have a two hour show to do every week, right? Surely you had something planned for that whole two hours and didn't have some time to kill. Or do they just work out about half the show and then say, "Eh, we'll figure out the rest when the lights come on."

"Good work! Happy hour?"

Anyway, here we have the BWO, or Blue World Order (get it?? It's like the NWO, but with "blue" instead of "new"! Because it rhymes!), facing Nunzio. Oh, I'm sorry, I mean "Little Racial Slur." But that's not the best part of this video. It's everything that happens on the periphery. First, you have the greatness of heel Jerry Lawler at the commentator's table. Here's a sample of some of the things he says:

That should just be the B.O.

I'm real impressed (sarcasm included)

Say hello to the fat guy.

We're having some technical difficulties in the ring.

I've only seen Shawn Michaels do that to about a thousand people.

We need more of that Jerry. If anyone can play a good heel announcer, it's the King. But no. These days he's more concerned with puppies.

Can you blame him?

And then there's Raven, or the "David Koresh of Wrestling." I guess that's accurate. His career went down in flames too.

Above: Raven's house.

For some reason, we're also treated to a backstage commentary from Golddust, which, not surprisingly, has technical difficulties. Not sure why I'd care what he has to say about this match, but I guess he has every right to talk about it. I guess they ran out of room at the craft services table where the rest of the announcers are, but everyone knows if there's one thing that will spice up a match, it's this guy...


The best part of the whole video are the occasions where Vince refers to the NWO as a "clothing line," so as not to tip off the audience that there might possibly be another company out there, who might employ former wresters of yours, and who might have a stable that somewhat resembles the BWO. Because I definitely would have started flipping around to check that out.

And, incidently, how's it feel to get slaughtered in the ratings by a "clothing line"? Let's pray that Abercrombie and Fitch doesn't get the itch to start a little promotion of their own.


I bet it feels really good to be Vince right now and watch this video, because he can take this plucky group of young and hungry wrestlers and rather than give them air time, he can bury them on SciFi. I guess next time I want to see the J.Crew World Order versus Lil' Kraut, I know where to go.


I'm hungry...