It's time to build a fence

The Wrestling Interwebz exploded the other day when news broke that TNA had released their top female star, former Knockouts champion, Angelina Love. Why did this happen? Did she get in a backstage altercation with Dixie Carter? Did she smoke a crack pipe in front of Jeff Jarrett? Did she date Kurt Angle? Unfortunately not. Turns out she's a Canadian and she never renewed her work visa.

Red, white, black...CANADIAN COLORS!

Angelina Love's reign of mooching off hard working Americans has finally come to a close. Scratch that. Angelina Love is perfect in every way. Lauren "Angel" Williams is the criminal here. Now you may be saying to yourself "Twins, what's the big deal here? It was a simple paper work SNAFU and it's not like she's hurting anyone. This will be sorted out soon and thanks to TNA's tape schedule, she might not even miss any TV time. Plus, she's got a great rack." Well you know (tm) what, idiot readers? It's a huge deal! Allow us to slap some truth in your faces.

1) She took jerbs away from good ole' Americans.

We here are gracious enough to let her legally work and earn money in our wonderful nation, and this is what she does? If she never had her visa sorted out did she ever pay taxes? That Universal Studios private hospital doesn't pay for itself!

2) She's Canadian. Health care is moot to her.

Shaddup, socialist!

3) TNA will suffer due to this.

Think about the Knockouts division for a second. Now remove your hand from your pants. Who's going to step up to take her spot, especially this abruptly? Who's ready? You could make an argument for Madison Raine, but she was just kicked out of the Beautiful People. Hmm..another egregious offense, if you ask us. So what's Velvet Sky and her fantastic rear supposed to do now? She's possibly so despondent she might even start dating the Hurricane for goddsake. What kind of friend does this to another friend?

4) Orlando area tattoo artists will have less work

Err, maybe not. Orlando and drunk girls seems to be a pretty steady business model.

Business Models

Kudos to President Obama and INS for kicking out another illegal! And kudos on the swift action by TNA management to take care of this issue too. We're sure we don't need to look into Dixie's lawn service now. After all, she testified before Congress! Only honest, hardworking Americans get to do that. Of course, you wouldn't know what that's like, would you, Ms. Williams?

W.W.W. featuring Mrs. Undertaker's Stalker and Scott Hall vs. Chris Jericho

On Wednesdays, we here at LOL, Wresslin' like to really pull out the stops and offer up a double shot of righteously killer content. Why Wednesday? Well, we could impress you with market research, work habit studies, and human psychology tendencies to show you there's a scientific reason the middle of the week is the best time to bring your A-game. However, truth be told, we don't have any of that stuff and settled on Wednesday because that was the only day that didn't have any content scheduled.

So, here you have "Watch Wresslin' Wednesdays." Please feel free to suggest a better title, because we are woefully uncreative when it comes to naming stuff.

Better at naming stuff then us

The idea of W.W.W. is we each send the other a video that is related to wrestling (a match, promo, interview, guest starring spot, etc.). The only restriction is that it cannot be user-created, so your montage of photoshopped nude Diva photos ain't gonna fly here, pal. Neither of us know what kind of video we're going to get that day.

After viewing, we each write a response. This could be anything we choose: a straight commentary, a philosophical enlightenment, or classless ridicule. Just as we don't know what kind of video the other will select, neither do we know what the other will write or how they will write it. What you end up with is a mash-up of styles, which in our book equates to two-blogs-in-one, and we can take the rest of the day off.
Adam's video to Matt - Undertaker's wife's stalker revealed



Matt's response...

I'll save you the suspense (and obviously so will the video preview) - it was DDP.

It's a LOL, Wresslin' pictogram!

That's right, Diamond Dallas Page was stalking the Undertaker's wife, presumably because he had nothing better to do.

Actually, Page provides a reason for committing this crime; he's coming after the Undertaker. See, this was right after the WWF purchased WCW, and Page was in a little need of work. So what do you do? You show up at your new job and go after the best guy that's already working there. It's a prison mentality, I believe.

DDP shows up and says he wants to take on Undertaker because he wants Taker to make him famous. Apparently he's been doing a pretty poor job of it on his own. So how did that work out?

Well, Wikipedia's description of Diamond Dallas Page's run in the WWE is only two paragraphs long, so that should tell you something.

*Not the WWE Championship

I'm sure all of you are wondering what happened at the King of the Ring in question. Page did what he said he would and bought a ticket to the event to sit in the front row. It seems strange that Vince McMahon would let him ride down to the ring on a motorcycle, cut a five minute promo on someone, and then make him buy a ticket to get to an event. What an odd business.

So the Deadman showed up, after taunting Page all night with hidden video of DDP getting to the arena and stuff like that. They tussle a bit, and Page runs away.

Did that make him famous? Not long after, he changed to his "Positively Page" gimmick and then left the company. Then he wrestled some independent shows, went to TNA (which I guess you could call a step up, but I'm not sure) and lost a championship match to Jeff Jarrett. But it was 2004, so everyone lost to Jarrett - don't feel bad, DDP.

After that, he and his smoking hot wife divorced, and now he's a motivational speaker. Next, I expect him to be a TV pitch-man, selling the newest kitchen utensil, the Diamond Cutter!

Not better than him, though.

So what exactly was the price of the Undertaker making you famous, Diamond? Your health declined, you don't wrestle anymore, you wasted money on PPV tickets, your wife is gone, and now you can only serve to motivate others by saying how crappy things were for you.

But that's not a bad thing, it's a GOOD thing.

What an mixed-up world wrestling is, as well. As far as I can tell, Page stalked someone (criminal harassment), committed voyeurism (invasion of privacy), and stole private property. Yet when he rides to the ring on his pilfered motorcycle and admits to all of this, he gets a huge pop. At the very least he should be reprimanded and given a less-than-hospital welcome at the arena.

I can understand law enforcement being slow to respond though. He did, like the Diamond Cutter, appear out of nowhere.

Matt's video to Adam- WCW Scott Hall vs. Chris Jericho




What's this? A video involving Scott Hall? After last week's video about Jake Roberts? Me thinks Matt is trying to tell me something. Seriously, what's up with these slow ones over the plate? You think I'm not funny enough, Matt? I'm not good enough? Well I'll show you! I'll eat a pint of ice cream and then get a make over, which mostly consists of me dying my hair and getting it get really short.

Future me

Anyway, on to the task at hand. Mr. Hall comes out of the locker room with some very small belt on. I don't know what belt it is, since no graphic nor announcer felt the need to tell me. Still, it's almost comically tiny. Sort of the anti-Jack Swagger.

Kinda like that.

Still, this is standard Scott Hall. He comes into the ring, gives a little "Hey yo" and goes into the nWo survey shtick. Surprisingly enough though, the nWo are actually heels this time. That's because we're live from Charlotte, North Carolina! Flair country! Wooo! Woo! Woooo!

I mentioned this the last time Matt sent me an nWo video, but the director of this show is terrible. He always cuts to the exact opposite of what should be seen. Case in point, WCW is being cheered during the survey, and he gets to this:



And this:


Now, I honestly want to know what the nWo needs this survey data for. Is it to sell more of their tee shirt brands, as Mr. McMahon would say? Or do they want to have an empirical way to rank the super hunks of the New World Order? Maybe the political leanings and mean age/income of an nWo supporter for future pledge drives? Or is the far more likely answer of "ego." Unfortunately, it seem that most of the nWo is now billed from "Parts Unknown" so this will have to remain a mystery.

And how does Hall end the segment? "One more for the good guys!" I understand the heat he would get by misinterpreting a crowd reaction, but Scott Hall has billed himself as "The Bad Guy." So which is it, Razor? Are the nWo ironic good guys or heelish bad guys? Santa has an answer!

A grown man made a sign about what a make believe man thinks of a make believe organization.

As for the match itself.... pretty good actually. I know I should be all like, "Scott Hall's a drunk LOLZ!" but the whole reason we make fun of Scott is because of his epic failure. The failure wouldn't be epic if he wasn't once successful. This was part of the good days. Seriously, for match this short it told a nice story and got everyone over. Jericho had some good offense and got a couple of near falls, and the announcers do a good job of putting him over, citing his eventual loss due to a "lack of experience." Hall sold pretty well for Jericho, got in a few good spots, and showed some real personality out there. Like his reaction to the pro-WCW survey response:


And his mocking of the Giant after using the Giant's signature choke slam:


So all and all, Scott Hall did good in my book on this night. Of course, here's what happened backstage with the boys after the match:

W.W.W. featuring Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake and Batman vs Super King

SEASONS BEATINGS!

On Wednesdays, we here at LOL, Wresslin' like to really pull out the stops and offer up a double shot of righteously killer content. Why Wednesday? Well, we could impress you with market research, work habit studies, and human psychology tendencies to show you there's a scientific reason the middle of the week is the best time to bring your A-game. However, truth be told, we don't have any of that stuff and settled on Wednesday because that was the only day that didn't have any content scheduled.

So, here you have "Watch Wresslin' Wednesdays." Please feel free to suggest a better title, because we are woefully uncreative when it comes to naming stuff.

Better at naming stuff than us.

The idea of W.W.W. is we each send the other a video that is related to wrestling (a match, promo, interview, guest starring spot, etc.). The only restriction is that it cannot be user-created, so your static image set to Randy Orton's theme music theory on the Chris Benoit double murder/suicide ain't gonna fly here, pal. Neither of us know what kind of video we're going to get that day.

After viewing, we each write a response. This could be anything we choose: a straight commentary, a philosophical enlightenment, or classless ridicule. Just as we don't know what kind of video the other will select, neither do we know what the other will write or how they will write it. What you end up with is a mash-up of styles, which in our book equates to two-blogs-in-one, and we can take the rest of the day off.


Adam's video to Matt: Batman meets Superking



Matt's response...

I honestly don't know what to say.

Did you watch that? I know it's probably easy to skip the video and proceed directly to our witty commentary, but please, I implore you, watch this. It's two and a half minutes long and you won't find a better way to spend that time for the rest of the day.

I'll wait. Perfect time for me to step out and get something to snack on...


Finished? Are you as speechless as I am?

You know (tm), this video sounds like the set-up to an awful joke: So Batman walks into a TV station in Memphis, and Jerry Lawler happens to be there in a Superman costume...

But it's real. The YouTube user who posted this video postulates that Adam West (the man in the cowl) is drunk. I'd like to believe that just behind that curtain is an empty liter of Jim Beam, because it certainly seems like he might be. However, having had the pleasure to meet Mr. West in person, as did Laugh Twin Adam, I can say that he acts just as odd when he's probably sober. Unless he kicked back a few before we met him; that's entirely possible.

So let's examine this within the confines of this video's reality: Batman has made the trek from Gotham City to Memphis, probably not an easy trip, because Mr. Freeze and the Penguin were said to be causing some possible weather troubles here on the banks of the great Mississippi. Ever the crime fighter, Batman decided to stop in and deal with another troublemaker, the King of Memphis.

Now, if there's anything more American then heading out to kick some king's ass, I've never heard of it. That's pretty much what our country was founded on.

As he's discussing this with Short-Tie Comb-over Guy, in walks Lawler, but not as you'd expect him to look. No! He's trying to be a card and has dressed up as Superking, which basically involves him getting a Superman outfit and substituting the "S" for a crown. A lot of thought went into that disguise, let me tell you.

Batman is not going to stand for that, and neither is his friend Supe. Or Soup, possibly. Sure you know him as Superman, but when you're buds, you can drop the formalities.

You know who else isn't going to like that? Spider-man, aka Spidey baby.

What??

First, how do you know Spider-man, and why exactly would he give a crap about some goofball in Memphis wearing a Superman outfit? Are they even friends?

"How dare you, sir!"

I stand corrected.

Now Batman claims that Lawler's outfit was stolen from Superman, but that doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Again, it has a crown on it and not the typical "S" logo, so unless Jerry Lawler stumbled across some plan of Supe's to appoint himself King of the World and impose his will however he saw fit, I really don't think it came out of his closet. And if he did stumble onto said plan, I think we should be thanking Mr. Lawler for thwarting such a devious plot, rather than reviling him for not using his turn signals.

How many times have you used the turn signals in the Batmobile, my friend?

And who exactly did Superking have in his box that would make "the Joker look like Mickey Mouse"? Well, as is vaguely referred to at the end and one commenter confirms, it was Frankenstein.

Yes, you read that correctly.

Now, I'm not sure if that's Dr. Frankenstein, as Lawler seems to say, or Frankenstein's monster, but I'm going to guess it's the monster. Can you imagine what that car show was like?

This?

This is what happens when you catch Adam West in a jogging suit, kicking back with a bottle of SoCo, and tell him to throw on the cowl and gloves and sell his appearance at the Cook Convention Center.

You get pure magic.



Matt's video to Adam: An interview with Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake



Adam's response...


There are days you realize that we are in fact, part of the multi-verse. Sure, we can't all travel to Earth-53 (not without the Flash's cosmic treadmill, at least), but we aren't special like the warriors of the squared circle.

Above: The Speed Force

Still, that doesn't mean these exceptional human beings can't jump over to Earth-Prime whenever they wish. Case in point, a simple day with Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake at his home in Winchester, MA.

First off, I'm not alone on this. Tcb76 (takin' care of business, n00b) knows what s/he likes. "Very cool" is the word on the street in regards to this intimate sit down with the alliterative wrestler. And why wouldn't that be the buzz? It is very cool. Brutus keeps everything in character by keeping his shears on the sofa for the entire interview.

Wait, seriously? That's not cool. That's not cool at all.





Anyway, the interviewer sounds like he just got out of puberty. He's enjoying a delightful spot of tea in Beefcake's cozy New England cottage when the topic of life comes up. Why exactly does he live in Winchester, MA? Well for starters, Mrs. Beefcake is from there and is also a cop, so Brutus gets to be above the law. But most importantly (and I stress most), Brutus's hair stylist lives in Winchester. He'd go there when he was single and working for the WWF. They'd film all the vignettes at this salon. So it's nice to know the man is dedicated to his gimmick.

Our 14 year old behind the camera then begins to ask him about "The Hulk." Apparently him and Brutus grew up together, played Little League together, and...well that's about it. The moral of the story is that the Hulk is big.

Brutus's childhood teammate

To wrap things up Brutus begins to plug Celebrity Championship Wrestling. Yup, he's plugging a TV show on a Youtube video that has gotten less then 800 views. Pfft, loser. Maybe we should contact him and ask him to promote the finished series on a blog that gets less then 10 unique visitors. Still, he did an alright job getting the message across. He put over Dustin Diamond, Todd Bridges, Dennis Rodman, and Butterbean specifically. Hmm..wonder why...wait! Those were the final four! He gave away the second to last episode! My oh my, how coy! The Barber = Oscar Wilde??

Above: Gay dude.