OH BABY, I like it Raw! Summon a Damon

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

For a theme song to accompany this post, please press play and enjoy...



We hope you didn't mind the short hiatus we took over the Christmas holiday. You only missed a Smackdown recap, so I'm sure it wasn't that bad. However, I assure you that you're going to wish you missed this one too, since it seems that we're being left with very little to entertain us these days.

Guest host Johnny Damon (he's some athlete - look it up) let us know that Santa would be coming by Raw to grant a wish. Well, I'm sure that's going to go very well without any sort of violence. Also, we have a 3-on-3 Divas match...STARTING NOW!

It's a Santa's Little Helper match, meaning the good Divas dress like this...


...and the bad Divas dress like this...


At least they all match this time, right WWE.com interns? Good girls win this one.

Kofi Kingston and Randy Orton have settled into fighting each other every week in some form of tag match, and last week would be no different. Here we have Kofi enlisting Mark Henry and Evan Bourne in his team, and the Legacy on the other side.

Cody Rhodes will take that sign's advice to heart.

As always, things would get pretty brutal when these two bulls lock horns.


The action was so intense, the WWE.com interns barely had the ability to write a coherent sentence.

Even more strength than what?!

Kofi would come out on top of this match, because it's Christmas and WWE believes in charity.

We were then given the opportunity to watch real life legal drama as DX was taken by Hornswoggle to "Little People's Court." I'm serious. This is probably all you need to know:

Before you ask, yes, that is a midget.

They were found guilty of being taller than Hornswoggle, or whatever it is those midgets get upset about.

This night was full of matches that meant absolutely nothing, such as John Cena versus Jack Swagger. Why did they fight? I don't know. I must have missed the explanation when I got up to make a sandwich. Cena won. Don't believe me?

Proof.

Then there was Chris Masters, who beat up Carlito because he tried to steal a kiss from Eve under the mistletoe. I guess that's a little more understandable, because Eve is a stone cold fox, but still, I don't need no gosh-darned romance with my rasslin'!


But I guess Masters did it for the right reasons, so good for him.

For Pete's sake, act like you've been there before, you big dufus.

WWE Champ Sheamus beat the crap out of MVP, because for whatever reason that match needed to happen too.


Of course, this lead to an announcement that John Cena and Sheamus would face each other this week, so that was all worth it.

The Miz continued to completely waste the fact that he's United States Champion by beating up "Santino Claus," which, if you couldn't guess, was Santino dressed up like Santa Claus. And if one wrestler dressed up like Santa wasn't enough, Chris Jericho decided to have a go at it, coming disguised to the ring to grant Big Show's wish that Jericho be reinstated to Raw.

However, they didn't count on the WWE's littlest detective, and Hornswoggle yanked off the beard to reveal that it was Jericho all along, thus ending the ruse and prompting a flood of midgets to the ring to fight one of the greatest and one of the biggest professional wrestlers of all time.

The only logical conclusion.

DX would come to rescue and welcome Hornswoggle into the fold, making him the official mascot of the team, since we all know that he's incapable of being considered anything other than a ceremonial pet.

Timbaland is the host this week. I want to kill someone. USA, 9/8c.

OH BABY, I like it Raw! Don't worry...I'm UK

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

For a theme song to accompany this post, please press play and enjoy...



So Raw emanated from Sheffield, England last week, and our guest host was this boxer named Ricky Hatton, who's about the only athlete from the United Kingdom who's worth a damn. Believe me, that's not saying much.

Now, before you start to wonder, "What does Hatton have to do with the WWE?", I'll tell you. You see, one of Hatton's recent losses (I know, right? Which one?) came to some Filipino dude named Manny. On that night, Manny was escorted to the ring by a certain lonely gentleman the WWE Universe likes to call THE ANIMAL!!!!


So Hatton has some face to save, albeit somewhat tangentially. As is custom, the Unified Tag Champs want to come out and start some stuff with the guest host.

Even the WWE.com interns know it.

But ol' Ricky's not having any of that. He makes a match between Jeri-Tall and DX!! Already this week is turning out to be the same as last week!

We all know how original the English are. Just look at their signs!

For his second act of the night, Hatton steps things up and makes Alicia Fox go one-on-one with K-squared, meaning only one thing to me. PHOTO TIME!

That's what's been missing...

Of course, as you would expect when these two lock-up, things get pretty hot and heavy in the ring.


Alicia won.

Sheamus beat "a local competitor." When do they hold these try-outs to face a real WWE wrestler? I never see them posted anywhere when Raw comes to town. Maybe I'll try Craigs List...

Found it! They post some odd pictures though...

Evan Bourne finally beat someone. Of course, it was Jack Swagger, so we might want to save the bragging for another week.


Tension continued between the Legacy and Kofi's Kool Kompetitors, as they had words for each other during the VIP Lounge. And I'm glad Randy and his guard models came out too. It's not fair for Kofi, Mark Henry and MVP to come out on MVP's interview program and spout only their own views for a segment. There is such a thing called "equal time," and these three shouldn't be allowed hijack the airwaves simply because they have a friendly outlet. Good for Randy standing up for the voiceless!


Naturally, this meant someone had to fight someone, and those someone's were Randy Orton and Mark Henry. Randy would finally settle the pressing issue of who has the larger hog, and got the win over the World's Strongest Man. Seems like strength can't stand up to a viper bite!

After the match, Kofi and Randy got into a scuffle, and Orton had to retreat. He wasn't happy about it, though.

Also, this is your not-quite-weekly Cody Rhodes photoshop contest.

Chavo Guerrero decided that since there was a boxer on the show, they should try to answer that question that's been answered several times before, "Who would win between a boxer and a professional wrestler?" Allow me to provide you a little something from the WWE.com recap of this fight...

...Hatton bided his time, avoiding Chavo's clutch and waiting for just the right moment. That moment arrived several minutes into the bout...

That's right. This lasted more than a minute. Hatton won.

Finally, it's that historic match-up of Jeri-Tall and DX. Will strength and athleticism defeat pyros and crotch jokes?

Big Show is not impressed.

Show, of course, would be big and dumb again and accidentally punch Jericho, giving DX the ability to pin. I guess that pretty much wraps up the ni-

Thanks for the sexually suggestive pose, WWE camera guy.

Wait! That's the Undertaker!!! But he's on Smackdown!!! Apparently 'Taker is here early to let us know that next week's (this week's!) guest host, Rowdy Roddy Piper, got busy early and put him in a match for next week (this week)! A Triple Threat Tag Team match with DX, Jeri-Tall and...Cena and the Undertaker? Well, let's just see how this turns out! USA at 9/8c!

OH BABY, I like it Raw! Osbournes to be wild

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

For a theme song to accompany this post, please press play and enjoy...



The life of a Raw guest host must be hard. Having to show up and suddenly book matches that are expected to be entertaining can't be an easy task for anyone. For Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne, it was no different, as they faced a parade of whining prima donnas, all looking to get revenge for something that happened an entire week ago! Ugh, get over it, fellas!

Thankfully, they wouldn't have to tread these waters alone, as they would get some helpful and unbiased advice...

Maybe I spoke too soon.

DX would help set up a number of matches we should care about, as Miz will face Evan Bourne in a title match, Kofi squares off against Randy Orton, and Big Show, Chris Jericho and John Cena in a Triple Threat! Thanksgiving came early, judging by this buffet of greatness!

We kick things off as we tend to do with the Miz. It sure is a good thing he was ready to wrestle, since they just made that match a few moments ago. Whew! Lucky us!


Of course, this being Evan Bourne, he would get in a lot of offense, look really good, and ultimately fail to beat his opponent.

Perhaps if he didn't get all his moves from Mortal Kombat.

So Miz is still U.S. Champion. Go ahead and wipe your brow, all one of you.

Randy Orton and Legacy would next take on Kofi Kingston, MVP, and Mark Henry, proving once again that WWE is not concerned at all about improving race relations in this country. This actually was supposed to be a one-on-one, but Legacy got involved, so the quick-thinking Osbournes made it a six-man tag. And my, would things ever be thrilling!

Cody looks more and more like this guy every day.

As you might expect, the match ended when Mark Henry did something fat to Cody Rhodes, but there were bad feelings still between the Viper and Kofi. At least the two could find a little common ground...


The Osbournes and the Great Khali would then judge the first "Raw's Got Talent" featuring Santino, Chris Masters, Chavo and Jillian. There is nothing funnier I can say.

Alicia Fox won some Divas battle royal to become the Number 1 Contender for the title. Let's see if I can find a picture from that...

Good enough.

Finally, we have this big main event three-way. Cena will be in a different Triple Threat come "Survivor Series," and his opponents, Triple H and Shawn Michaels, were sitting ringside to watch the action.

"Fan of the Night" is sponsored by Where's Waldo

A lot of questions surrounded this match. Mostly, would team Jeri-Tall work together to bring down the champ?


Jericho was able to get the pin and win, but they both proceeded to beat up on the Massachusetts Man-slammer, which didn't go over very well with DX, who decided that being good was better than being smart and intervened on Cena's behalf. An intervention which earned them this-

No means no, Trips.

That's pretty much all that went down last week. Not a big deal, really. Tune in tonight when some British nobody hosts Raw. Should be fun! USA, 9/8c!

OH BABY, I like it Raw! The Entertainer

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

For a theme song to accompany this post, please press play and enjoy...



As Raw continues the ever-entertaining guest host for the night, royalty has graced us with his presence. That's right, one of the original "Kings of Comedy," Cedric the Entertainer, is our general manager this evening! We know things are going to be crazy, because after he pulls up in his limo, all number of people jump out: football players, a farmer with a goat, an old lady, and a rabbi performing a bris. A wild night ahead of us indeed!

As we build toward WWE's next pay-per-view, "Hell in a Cell," one of the main rivalries developing is that of DX versus Legacy. Last week (two weeks ago), Shawn locked up with Ted DiBiase. Now, we get Triple H having a go at the young Cody Rhodes. Can we expect as much entertainment from this match??

Errr...ummmm...

The match was back and forth, with Legacy even managing to take out Hunter's partner on the outside of the ring. All that's left is for Codes to do whatever his finisher is and make the-


Oh wait!!! It's not over!!!


That, of course, would result in Triple H going down as the winner of that one in the record books. Never ones to leave well-enough alone, Legacy decided they'd put HHH's head in the folding chair and commit some good, old fashioned homicide.

Now don't go getting some crazy ideas, kiddos.

However, it seems a couple of newcomers forgot about that important third member of DX...


Legacy ran from the ring, unable to double up on an injured senior citizen clumsily wielding a hammer.

Here comes Cedric again!


It seems he has some jokes for us, but I'll be damned if I knew who he was talking about since he screwed up just about every wrestlers' name. He did say that Mark Henry was the illegitimate son of the Kool-Aid Man, a joke we would have made ourselves if we wouldn't have been called racist.

As is custom, the guest host has to run afoul of one of the superstars during his one-night tenure, and tonight it was a Chavo. Ced made fun of Chavo for losing every week to a leprechaun.


Chavo didn't appreciate that and challenged the Entertainer to go ahead and add "sports" to the beginning of that moniker. So they'll fight. Pins and needles, LOL fans.

The U.S. title has an interesting feud going on right now. The Miz straight up stole the belt from Kofi, and seeing as they only interact one night a week, this is the Jumpin' Jamaican's first opportunity to get it back. He ambushed the Miz during his stellar interview with Josh Matthews. I'm all for Kofi getting his property back, but darn it, not just as things were getting good.

Since Cedric likes some fast-paced action, we're treated next to Miz and Evan Bourne. I'm glad we have a GM that's interested in adding a little depth to the U.S. title picture.


Miz would end up winning this one, since Bourne can't even pull off one measly Shooting Star Press without his opponent moving on him. What a joke.

Time for a contract signing!

Nothing spells excitement like diligently examining the details of a WWE Title Match contract with your lawyer.

Oh they don't do that here? They just scrawl their name on a generic sheet of paper and then hit each other? Well, that's boring. However, Jerry Lawler informs us that there's a "no physicality" rule during this procedure, something I'm sure will be adhered to.

As expected, Mr. Cena and Orton do a little jawing at each other. Cena says that if Orton loses this match, there won't be any more chances for him to win the title. He'll be nothing but a "guy in his underwear, hanging out with other guys in their underwear."

Huh?? Isn't that why I'm watching this show in the first place??

I fail to see your point, good sir.

Since Randy can't provide a counter-argument with his fists, he's decided to employ a couple of people who can.

Team JeriTall

Things are looking bleak for our hero John Cena.

Nope...still bleak.

As tensions grew in the ring, Cedric did what any good guest host/non-comatose person who's paying attention would do - he made a six-man tag match for later tonight! So we're having the same match from last week, only Trish and Beth Phoenix have been replaced with Cena and Orton.

Somehow I think we're getting screwed.

Speaking of Beth Phoenix, here she comes now!


And speaking of getting screwed, here's Mickie James!


Here should be a thrilling women's match with the Diva's champion and a legitimate contender for the belt.


It actually took me longer to type that sentence than it did for the match to be over.


Well, this next one, a U.S. Title match with Kofi Kingston and Jack Swagger should pull us out of the slump.


Nevermind, that one was even shorter. I should explain what happened. You see, the Miz ran out at the beginning and took the belt. Swagger, seeing his opportunity to just take the belt than actually go ahead and win the belt after he already had the champion down in the middle of ring, chased down Miz and stole the title for his own. He was counted out, meaning Kofi won and remained the U.S. champion.


Since I know you've been patiently waiting to find out how that Chavo/Cedric match ended up, I'll go ahead and give it to you. Santino was picked as the special ref for this one. And Cedric must have rummaged through the wardrobe in the back and picked out his costume, much like the contestants in Hulk Hogan's Celebrity Championship Wrestling did.

Yes, there's a reason he's dressed like that.

Cedric, always the thinker, decided that instead of wrestling the more agile Chavo, he'd just crawl under the ring. He didn't stay there for long, though.

Something doesn't look quite right here.

Somehow, Cedric put on about a hundred pounds of muscle and learned a few wrestling moves during his time under the ring. Just a few though. No more than, say, Mark Henry would know. Inexplicably, just as Ced had Chavo where he wanted him, he crawled back under the ring, only to appear a short time later.

Ok, this is just getting stupid.

A splash, another trip under the ring, and another growth spurt later, and Cedric had the pin on the Mexican Warrior. He should really sell that act to Penn and Teller. That was good stuff!


Alright, time for the big guns to come out. It's the six-man tag match. I should mention that this thing does have some stakes attached to it: should Orton's team win, John Cena has to run the gauntlet, fighting three matches next week (tonight!) and vice versa.


Apparently having the WWE champion on your team doesn't equal having the WWE Tag Team champions on the other team, because it didn't take long for Mark Henry to mess things up.


So there you have it. John Cena will face three opponents tonight and our special guest host will be Al Sharpton. I only wish I were making that up. USA at 9/8c!