R U READY TO DOWN SOME SMACK??? Altered Beast

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

For a theme song to accompany this post, please press play and enjoy...



Oh my! Lightning round today!

So Beth Phoenix continued to beat up jobbers, all the while WWE.com couldn't be bothered to remember the poor girl's name.

This poor girl reminds me of my second favorite part of watching TNA

In other jobber news, Drew McIntyre decided to walk that path to becoming a future world champion by having a match against Smackdown "superstar" Jimmy Wang Yang! Hmmm....one British guy who's in the middle of a push against someone we haven't seen on television in forever....this seems familiar.

Oh yea...

Anyway, McIntyre totally beat Wang (hehe) before the match started, but Wang wasn't quite licked (hehe.) The match actually took place, but McIntyre just laid down some uber pwnge.


CM Punk continued his feud with nobodies as he took on R-Truth. Now it may be "true" that Truth has the best entrance in Smackdown vs Raw 2010, but that doesn't mean he's more awesome then the Straight-Edge Superstar

Side note, now that Batista is a heel, him and Punk should start a tag team called "The Second City Masheen Gunz." All credit goes to Matt for that zinger.

Anyway, Truth sure did ask Punk "What's up?", didn't he?

Yea, I went there.

And then he decided to do his best Shelton Benjamin impression (yes, I said Shelton Benjamin because they're both black. If R-Truth were white I'd compare him to Jeff Hardy and if he were Native American I'd compare him to Amazing Red. Go ahead and call me a racist.) by diving out of the ring to knock out his opponent!

What? It's not like I'm saying R-Truth should have been a subject in the Tuskegee syphilis experiment.

Still, CM Punk is a former World Champion, whereas R-Truth is only a former NWA-World champion! You can't keep the hardcore hamwallet down for too long! How do you counter high flying! Simple! Rest holds Mexican surfboard!

Above: Latin charms

You'd never know it from WWE.com, but Truth won the match. Punk thought he had a 1-2-3 when his old nemesis, referee Scott Armstrong, counted slow. While Punk instructed Armstrong to count faster, Truth rolled up our shining example of virtue and Armstrong fast counted a three. Conspiracy!

However, WWE.com isn't all bad. Have I mentioned that I love the interns there? Take a look at this beautiful caption from the Batista/Matt Hardy match:

Ok, the cats out of the bag. We're actually WWE employees.

We all know that it's impossible to fight an uncaged Animal. Why did Matt Hardy even bother? Seriously. It also didn't help that Big Dave mounted the mush mouthed 'mo while he took a Twitter break.

Do I really need to? Ok, fine. "You're gunna get raped!"

Although I imagine being an uncaged Animal is awesome, there are some nasty side effects. Sometimes you walk alone into that pit of danger one too many times and forget the rules. Which is just what happened to Batista as he got DQ'd for hitting Matt with some television monitors (what?!) But hey, that happens when you're compared to the third best Sega Genesis game of all time.

Stand next to the announce table and tap A!

Also, I love the WWE.com interns.

Poetry

Yea, so clearly I didn't care about writing this one. Why should you care about reading it? You deserve better. Start by watching Smackdown (which is over half way finished by this point) on MyNetwork TV at 8/7c. Or at work this Monday on hulu.com!

R U READY TO DOWN SOME SMACK??? Takin' it back

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

You may have noticed that we have discontinued with the volume numbers and replaced them with nonsensical titles. That's because the WWE is so punny with their recap names that we've decided to adopt them as our own. Hell, we already steal their photos, why not their words? Only a matter of time before we just tape all of Raw/Smackdown and throw it on Youtube.

And just to get it out of the way, this title is in reference to the Undertaker avenging his previous loss to Vladimir Kozlov. Nothing special happened. Not worth recapping.




In all honesty, last week's Smackdown has very little to do with tonight's. That's because tonight is the 500th episode of Smackdown! Tonight is more of a party, celebrating the past. So let's view this recap as more of a refresher course for Wrestlemania, which is now just over two weeks away!

We're going to open today with some of the very good. For the last two monthes or so, WWE Tag Team Champions Carlito and Primo have been feuding with World Tag Team Champions John Morrison and The Miz. We have yet to cover this on the blog because it always felt like it was building towards something good. A weekly "They're at it again!" post would be redundant. But seriously, they've been feuding over who are better champions, who are cooler, and who gets to date the glamorous Bella twins. Around Valentine's Day Miz/Morrison won a tag match which allowed them to go on a date with the Bellas (since the lovely ladies are objects to be fought over.) Lucky for us, WWE cameras documented the whole thing.



You'd figure after being jealous fakes who throw pies the Bellas would dump the Colons (pronounced phonetically by Miz and Morrison), but no, their Latin charms are too much to be overpowered. This was never more evident then when the twins accompanied the brothers ringside for their title defense against Miz and Morrison. And get this; they won that time!

Which brings us to the next match. It's Miz and Morrison's turn to defend their World Tag titles (thankfully, Slammy's can't be lost in the ring). Look at all this gold they carry:

So much gold that they take golden showers together

Of course, the Colons counter by bringing some fine tail ring side.

They could almost be called "The Bruce Campbell Twins"

Now, WWE.com has a nasty habit of not showing relevant pictures in their photo sections. Miz and Morrison successfully defended their belts, but there's not one photo of them on the offensive. So just know that they won and look at this (for it is worth 1,000 words).

WWE: 1 Feminsm: 0

Continuing the Smackdown booty parade is a Divas tag match! And it made no sense. First we have team Maryse/Michelle McCool, which makes sense since they are heels. And fighting against them is Raw's Women's Champion Melina and....Maria? Listen, right now they are sort of teasing a Raw/Smackdown feud all around. So although Maria is a face...she's a face on Smackdown! Family over friends, M. You know better then this! And Michelle McCool agrees with me (finally!)

Hold number 712: Armbar

Of course, if there's one thing Ms. McCool hates more then Benedict Arnolds it would be losers, which Maryse totally is. That's why she didn't help that buxom blond bimbo break her bad bosotion bon ber back. So Melina gets the win and McCool gets some revenge.

And what a ravishing one she is

Seems like someone lost her McCool

Also, the Money in the Bank ladder match is all set for Wrestlemania. We had our last qualifying match as Irish brawler Finlay took on high flyer The Brian Kendrick! But is he the only high flyer in this match?



Yes he is. Which is the real shame here. Because who would be better in a ladder match? The guy who did this (sorry for the Papa Roach song)

OR

Finally, Matt Hardy came out again to complain about his brother. Why he needs to do this in public I have no idea, but here he is with a mic in his fist.

"I let my shirt do the talkin' for me..."

He basically admitted to being responsible for all the assaults and tragedies on Jeff's life recently (I guess Matt is North Carolinian for "Heroin").



Rather then be arrested and processed by the police, Jeff Hardy comes out and attacks his big bro, agreeing to settle the score at Wrestlemania. Because giving the person who ruined your life his dream of having a high profile match at the biggest event in his craft is what I would totally do in that situation too.

So that happened.

Will any of this be brought up again tonight? Possibly! I don't know! Regardless, it's a party! 500 weeks in the making! So don't watch the Battlestar Galactica finale and watch Smackdown! 8/7c, MyNetwork Television!