THIS JUST IN: JOHN CENA IS GREAT!

SEASON'S BEATINGS!

By this point you guys know the drill. We love They Live. We love John Cena. So obviously a combination of the two would be a match made in heaven. Or would it?

io9, the Gawker science fiction blog, brought the topic up to Mr. Cena at the premier for The Day the Earth Stood Still. Naturally the budding actor would jump for the chance to play Nada in the remake of the John Carpenter classic. Right?

Nice negative space, shit dick.

You don't mess with perfection. He's with us on the thought that the remake is a bad idea to begin with, and although he would be perfect in the lead (our thoughts), there's no way anyone could ever top the Hot Rod. Remember his motto: "Hustle. Loyalty. Respect." This one falls under the respect category. We wouldn't expect any less from Mr. Cena.

Thanks for dressing up.

If only everyone else acted with such maturity beyond their years.

And Mr. Cena quite clearly displayed a working knowledge of the film. We'll give him a pass on flubbing a quote, mostly because we like him, but also because we understand he doesn't have time to watch it what a large portion of the population would consider "way too many" times. He's far too busy entertaining us to no end, whereas we spend the lion's share of our time consuming various forms of media, and the rest of it writing about it on the internet. He probably doesn't watch it every night before he goes to bed, because there is likely any number of females Chain Gangers in said bed.

So credit goes to you, Mr. Cena. You continue to impress us with your hard work ethic, repect for your elders, and generally pleasing attitude.

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SEASONS BEATINGS!

We've already said that the LOL, Wresslin' Laugh Twins like more than just wrestling. We like movies too! And like that article stated, we love it when movies can combine our love for them with our love for professional wrestling.

There have been a lot of poor movies made with wrestlers in the lead roles. We've covered Suburban Commando. Ready to Rumble, while containing plenty that we found enjoyable (and tasty!), was ultimately a terrible movie-watching experience. No Holds Barred, classic and classically awful. The remake of The Longest Yard had several, and they were probably the best part of that turd; the corn, so to speak. Then there was Kane's big break in See No Evil, and by break, we mean broke. It made just over $15 million domestic gross. Madagascar: Escape 2 Aftrica made that much a couple weekends ago. And what about that 2005 holiday classic Santa's Slay, staring Bill Goldberg! Goldberg! Goldberg! The premise of that film was that Santa came about via virgin birth from Satan and the virgin Erica. We'll leave the rest up to you.

The Anti-Christmas

But occasionally, there comes a film that not only is great in its own right, but is actually improved by the presence of a modern-day gladiator. No movie better exemplifies this than that John Carpenter classic They Live. The premise is this: Roddy Piper is a drifter who comes into town, finds a pair of special sunglasses and uncovers an alien plot to brainwash humans and rule Earth. Sounds perfect, right? Well, toss in the supporting actor Keith David and a benchmark fight scene, sprinkle in one-liners that can only be delivered by the Rowdy one, a cup of the best death scene in modern cinema, mix and bake at 350 degrees for an hour and half, and you've got yourself a delicious treat for your eyes and ears.

They Live holds a special place in our hearts. You see, the few times that worlds collide and Adam and Matt are in the same city, the alley fight scene serves as a bed time story for us before we put the brakes on a night of being rapscallions. A copy signed by Roddy Piper adorns each of our homes. Quotes regularly find their way into IM conversations. This movie is a big deal.

So imagine the collective heartbreak when this news was forwarded around the L,W' Cave. Universal and Strike Entertainment are working on a remake. Universal we're sure you're familiar with. Strike Entertainment maybe not so much. Here's a couple of their hits:

Please note "Again" in the title...

To be fair, they were also involved in The Rundown and Children of Men. Also on their slate is the 2004 Dawn of the Dead remake, as well as an upcoming Creature from the Black Lagoon remake. And a remake of The Thing. Looks like someone over there has been digging through the old VHS tapes, have we now?

As much as we'd love to think this would be a great way to generate more interest in the original, we all know that people tend to forget movies a few months after they're released, leaving the door open for a remake. It's doubtful that it will star anyone that can live up to the Hot Rod, and also doubtful that it will include a fight scene during which you can microwave and eat a convenience store burrito.

So will we be there to see it?


Yes, master.