R U READY TO DOWN SOME SMACK??? Wild West

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

Part Deux of WWE's "Denver Debacle" took place on Smackdown as it was live (to tape) from the Staples Center in Los Angeles! Of course, without the thrill of WWE's version of the NBA playoffs, Smackdown was could be perceived as being a little lackluster. Of course, a lackluster Smackdown is still probably the best two hours of wrestling on television of any given week. Still, here are the main crib notes of what happened.

1) Mickey Rourke was in the crowd.

Why does he think he could leave the memories alone?

2) Michelle McCool looked stupid hot.

Those abs remind me of six beers

Michelle's been known to wear crosses on her tights because she's a Christian. And what do good Christians do? They wear tube tops to their job that objectifies them and date Satanic dead people!


3) Chris Jericho and Edge are the best heels in the last five years.

Edge and Jericho are in the top two programs on Smackdown right now. So Booking 101 would dictate that these heels would team up and take on their face counterparts in a main event tag. And that's what just what they did. But here is where the brilliance comes in:

Rey Mysterio comes out to the ring like he is wont to do. And he does his usual "touch heads with a little kid in a Rey Mysterio mask" bit that makes little kids love him so much.

"Stay close...I'd hate to lose your custody in a ladder match"

But..wait a second! The little tyke doesn't love Rey! He attacks him! What a weakling Rey Mysterio is!



Oh sweet jebus...that wasn't a kid! That's a man! Chris Jericho!

Yo Double Dawg...

So yea. Totally brilliant sneak attack. Chris Jericho rules. However, here's where things get a little...stupid. Jeff Hardy, who was to be Rey's tag partner, decides that rather then take the night off due to his opponents' illegal tactics, he will wrestle the current World Heavyweight Champion and his partner, a man who's won many, many titles, in a handicap match. I know, a handicap match on WWE programming! What a surprise! Still though, this is the thought patterns of a man with impaired judgement.

"I've got an idea! Let's get an eight ball- it'll last us all weekend!"

Anyway, this was dumb.

Only one place this can go...

...that's about right.

Real dumb.

There's a PPV on Sunday. So you better watch tonight and see what they do to get you ready for it! 8/7c, MyNetwork TV (or whenever you want on Hulu.com)

W.W.W. featuring A ladies' ladder match and The New Age Outlaws vs The Outsiders

On Wednesdays, we here at LOL, Wresslin' like to really pull out the stops and offer up a double shot of righteously killer content. Why Wednesday? Well, we could impress you with market research, work habit studies, and human psychology tendencies to show you there's a scientific reason the middle of the week is the best time to bring your A-game. However, truth be told, we don't have any of that stuff and settled on Wednesday because that was the only day that didn't have any content scheduled.

So, here you have "Watch Wresslin' Wednesdays." Please feel free to suggest a better title, because we are woefully uncreative when it comes to naming stuff.

Better at naming stuff than us.

The idea of W.W.W. is we each send the other a video that is related to wrestling (a match, promo, interview, guest starring spot, etc.). The only restriction is that it cannot be user-created, so the million "Ric Flair, leave the memories alone!" music videos a'int gonna fly here, pal. Neither of us know what kind of video we're going to get that day.

After viewing, we each write a response. This could be anything we choose: a straight commentary, a philosophical enlightenment, or classless ridicule. Just as we don't know what kind of video the other will select, neither do we know what the other will write or how they will write it. What you end up with is a mash-up of styles, which in our book equates to two-blogs-in-one, and we can take the rest of the day off.

Adam's video to Matt - The Glamazon Beth Phoenix vs. Katie Lea Ladder Match



Matt's response....

Yes yes, LOL Fans, you can rest easy now. I, Laugh Twin Matt, have returned from the mouth of death itself and can finally sit myself in front of a computer and type a few humorous words for your enjoyment. I know you had me in your thoughts and dreams (more than usual) and now you can put away your praying devices and breathe a sigh of relief.

And what has drawn me back to the folds of this lovely interwebs space?

A women's title match from OVW.

Are. You. Kidding. Me?

It doesn't even feature one twice-named hottie from Raw. Adam, if you're going to send me a women's match, at least send me something to look at.

Please take note. And call me?

Not that Beth Pheonix or Katie Lea are particularly ugly. Well, Katie at least. Beth could take a few trips through a De-Maninizer. But alright, let's see what this has in store.

I'll sum this up in two words: pretty awesome. Yeah, I know, put a ladder in any match and people will say "That was so EXTREME!" That's pretty much the formula that WWE lives by these days. But there are those that do ladder matches well and those that don't. These broads fall into the first category.

However, I'm not going to say much more on that. You can watch the match yourself. That's not why you come to LOL, Wresslin'. You come to see us point out the things you might have missed. The small details that slip past other "blogs" and fall into our lap clean and crisp and ready to be revealed to the world. Which is why I'll talk instead about the announcers.

You know we hate announcers around here. So much, in fact, that there's no point to do our usual bit of hyperlinking to other genius content that we've written, because we talk about how much we hate announcers all the time. Now, I could pretend that I'm a super fan and tell you these guys' names, since I somehow find OVW on television and watch it all the time. I'd pull this off by going to Wikipedia or something like that. But no, I don't care that much about them. Let's just call them Mush Mouth and Rosco P. Coltrane.

Not the dog.

Let me break down some of the stupidest things they said:

"That 150 pound ladder" - I'll admit to all you reading that I've never actually weighed a ladder, but I've carried some around, and there's no way any of them weighed anywhere near 150 pounds. That's just ridiculous. Unless they bought it from England, and I have a hard time understanding why OVW would spend over three hundred dollars on an imported ladder.

"She combined high risk and maximum risk" - Now, how exactly do you do that? You'd think maximum risk would be, you know, the maximum. I can see how you'd combine medium risk and high risk and maybe get something approximating maximum risk, though I'm not sure how you quantify that.

"Jeez o pete!" - Shut up. Just shut the hell up.

"Into the gut of Katie Lea" - I understand what you're going for here, and sure, on anyone that area would be called "the gut," but I find it hard to say that about the delicious Katie Lea. Can't you just say "stomach" or "tum tum"? Let's not conjure up images of Umaga here.

"Steven Hawking may be breathing, but he ain't getting up!" - Really? Really? We say some borderline insensitive things here, but really? I don't know. Something about him being a world-reknowned scientist makes it feel a little weird that he be ridiculed during an OVW match. Just sayin'.


Matt's Video to Adam- BG James and Kip James vs Kevin Nash and Scott Hall



Adam's response...

Dear Great Lakes Championship Wrestling,

It has come to our attention that you have made unauthorized use of our copyrighted works on your March 21, 2009 "Two Worlds Two Sweet!" live event which was video taped for distribution. We have reserved all rights on these works, first published in 1998. Your work is essentially identical to our work and used our work as its basis. The violations are as follows:

• Performer Brian Gerard James (aka B.G. James, aka The Road Dogg Jesse James, aka The Roadie) reciting catchphrases and mannerisms popularized during his tenure while employed in World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE).
• Mr. James referred to fellow performer Monty Sopp (aka Kip James, aka Mr. Ass, aka Billy Gunn) as "Billy Gunn", a name owned by WWE.
• Mr. James continued to refer to his partnership with Mr. Sopp as "The New Age Outlaws" a name owned by WWE
• Performers Scott Hall and Kevin Nash walked to the ring to the "nWo Wolfpac" theme music, an asset purchased by WWE on March 23, 2001.
• Although Mr. Sopp and Mr. James were advertised as "B.G. James and Kip James", commentators on the video referred to them as "The Road Dogg", "Billy Gunn", and "Team DX", all of which are owned by WWE.

Additionally, although not direct copyright violations, your usage of a slow, injury prone Kevin Nash, and slow, drunk Scott Hall who oversells/no sells (somehow that's possible) are previously used ideas that we feel strengthen our case. Instances such as Mr. James referring to him and his partner as "seven time WWF tag team champions" are irrelevant, since we do not know what a World Wildlife Fund tag team champion is. The only original idea you had was booking Scott Hall and him not no-showing the event.

As you neither asked for nor received permission to use WWE property as the basis for "Two Worlds Two Sweet", nor to make electronic copies of the same, we believe you have willfully infringed upon our rights under 17 U.S.C. Section 101 et seq. and could be liable for statutory damages paid by the attendance and tape sales [we estimate this to be about three thousand dollars ($3,000).]

Very truly yours,

World Wrestling Entertainment

The Granddaddy of them all! Twice as nice

Wrestlemania was last night, so rather then have one "Oh Baby I like it RAW!" updating the entire night we're going to periodically update the blog today, highlighting each match with its own post. We will follow the order of the show.

Mark Henry vs Finlay vs Kane vs CM Punk vs MVP vs Christian vs Shelton Benjamin vs Kofi Kingston in a ladder match where the winner gets a future title shot at their choosing.

For a theme song to accompany this post, please press play and enjoy...



This is one of those ridiculous spot fests that's way too much of a clusterF to report on, but this picture here basically sums up the entire thing.


And of course there is lunacy like this:

Bet you miss that light TNA schedule now, don't you?

Of course it wouldn't be the Money in the Bank ladder match without Shelton Benjamin doing something recklessly stupid and dangerous.

"Great job as always, Shelton. Now we're going to have you job to some developmental rookie who won't pan out."

Obviously, he has been rewarded for his many years of hard work by not winning the match. Anyway, as is par for the course with ladder matches, there is drama where two men vie for the prize at the same time, only for one to get knocked off and that man winning. Like this:

Clearly grabbing the bottom of the case is the most effective way to win.

Yup, for the second year in a row, CM Punk wins the MitB ladder match! Maybe this time he'll cash it in after HHH runs a marathon. Or maybe he'll trade it for a lifetime supply of Pepsi?

Next up: Miss Wrestlemania battle royal.