R U READY TO DOWN SOME SMACK??? Stunned Contendors

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

This Sunday is TNA's Genesis PPV. How does this relate to Smackdown? IT DOESN'T! Don't worry about how fat Scott Hall is, because there's some smack to down? Are you ready?

First up was "Team Black Guys in Jeans" vs "Team White Canadians in Underwear" in a six-man tag. And it was pretty good!

(l-r) can't dunk, can dunk

Of course, this is a match MONTHS in the making. Jericho previously feuded with Cryme Tyme over the summer (Shad even picked up a singles win) and the CT are currently feuding with the Harts. And R-Truth..well he's a black guy...so he's there too! Of course that doesn't mean the interns are allowed to mail it in.

Ahem, interns. When the knee is in the back, it is called the "Liontamer." No knee is the Walls. DUH!

That was enough for the win. Even the interns can't shy away from the greatness of the winners.



Wow, did all that training in the Hart Dungeon really pay off? Really?

Yea, I went there. Get over it.

Sometimes wrestling can get a little talky. That time is when CM Punk comes out. Usually he just speaks about how great he is, but today he was talking about how great you can be. Or more specifically, some kid from s>developmental the audience.

Just kiss and get it over with already!

The kid decided to pledge his life to straight edge and that entailed shaving his head. Yes, the most embarrassing thing anyone can ever do in wrestling! Losing hair! Unless of course your Stone Cold Steve Austin, Goldberg, The Rock, Randy Orton, or any other successful person who is bald. But hey, you can tell Hogan and Michaels aren't happy about losing their hair!

I hope they didn't offer you a call up for this, dude. Because soon you'll be released AND be bald.

A gentleman's hairdo

Also, Luke Gallows was with Punk and he decided to hang out afterwards and wrestle Matt Hardy. The interns could hardly contain their excitement.

Should that be capitalized?

Anyone else see the irony in the fact that Matt's brother (known drug user/ possible felon Jeff Hardy) signed with WWE's main competitor, TNA, and now Matt is being beaten up by the wrestlers who don't do any drugs.

Get used to eating leather, Matty. Soon that's about the quality of meat you'll have to buy when they release you for Jeff's indiscretions.

Finally, last week (two weeks ago!) Rey Mysterio cost Batista a world title match in the beat the clock challenge. Thus, the two of them would have to fuck fight for their right to wrestle the Undertaker at the Royal Rumble. This match was so awesome that even the interns were on the top of their game.

Ok, that was a good one.

That's not to say that everything was spot on.

Yea...sometimes wrestling is fake...

This match went through numerous powerbomb and phone call related spots until just about the 10 o'clock hour when ALL OF A SUDDEN THE UNDERTAKER HIT A GONG AND TURNED ON A SMOKE MACHINE! WHY? NO IDEA!

Something strange going on!?! OH NO! Must be a no contest!

Yes, so we're going for this match one more time. Batista/Rey Mysterio...IN A CAGE! TRY AND CAGE TEH ANIMALE!!!



Watch Smackdown tonight to forget about the British Invasion being dropped down the card! It's a 8/7 central! On one of those Network Channels. Or some whenever over on hulu.com (if you can get past all the Conan drama)!

R U READY TO DOWN SOME SMACK??? Time to Rumble

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

It's 2010 here on Smackdown! Everyone's hung over and can't put much thought into what to do! Let's phone it in and have a Beat the Clock challenge all show.

Yes, what is a more objective and fair way to determine a number one contender then by having a series of matches and the fastest match is the winner of the slot? Oh, you mean any other way? Yes, that would be fairer, but this is what we got.

Although in fairness, they did finally put logic into play and make it open to all the competitors in the matches, not just the four main eventers. Anyway, our first match had former World Champion CM Punk taking on the brother of a TNA main eventer/ future felon, Matt Hardy!

Enjoy the last offense you'll ever get, Jobby.

In case you don't know the rules of the Beat the Clock challenge, allow the interns of WWE.com to enlighten you:

Way to explain the rules on slide #11. And with a picture of a time consuming rest hold, no less.

Of course, one guy is an example of a drug free industry and one guy routinely pisses off management with his antics. And his brother totally burned WWE. So take one guess how this one played out.

Get used to being tea bagged/shit on for the rest of your career, Angelic Diablo.

On a side note: Jeff Hardy will take a job just to get Shannon Moore a job in TNA, but he won't think about the repercussions on his own brother?

To break up the clock action, John Morrison got his rematch with Drew McIntyre for the Intercontinental championship! High flying kicks abound!


These two have been feuding ever since Vince McMahon anointed McIntyre a "future champion", and neither have taken a break from it for the last few months. Don't believe me? Check in with the interns.

Yea, no one watches Superstars

So somehow Morrison got disqualified in the match, giving McIntyre the win, ergo ending the feud, right? Champion successfully defends in the rematch, time to move on. Maybe Mike Knox (OMG!!!) deserves a shot at championship gold? Wait, what's this?

The face throws a temper tantrum?

Oh, that makes sense. Total sense.

Back to the clock! If you ever are scratching your head on what match to throw in the middle of the show, just putting Chris Jericho and Rey Mysterio in the ring is never a bad idea. The two of them bring the best out of each other, possibly due to all those Hart Dungeon training sessions Rey snuck into from El Undergroundo Railrodeo to el Canadas (I could have possibly made that up). Normally, their matches are technically sound and fast, but this time Jericho decided to go the complete opposite way and do his Lex Luger impression!


Which is really poor, because this is a far more accurate Luger impression.


Anyway, the interns show their stupidity again and Rey Mysterio won.

For the last time: 619 is just an area code. You can't call anyone just by dialing "619." Stop with the phone cracks.

This time BEAT CM PUNK's time by one measly second! WHAT ARE THE CHANCES OF THAT?!!?

All this talk about CM Punk and clocks is giving me a raging boner. I really gotta nut. Oh, I know how to take care of that. A Divas match! Beth Phoenix and Mickie James wrestled to see who will be the #1 contender for Michelle McCool's Women's championship! And she was at ringside being all pro-Phoenix with her best gal pal, Layla. They go by the name "Team Lay-Cool" which makes sense, but is an ultimately terrible and worthless name.

Those legs make everything ok though

This lead to Mickie getting the win. The Glamazon did not appreciate this and begging to beat the holy hell out of Michelle McCool while Mickie proved what an insecure fatty she is by going into a fat rage against Layla.




Yea, that happened too. Oh well, send us out on a high note, boys.

"Piggie James <3 Food" is a brilliant slogan

In our final clock match, R-Truth took on TEH ANIMALE!!!, Batista. Disappoint me again, interns.

What gave you that idea, interns? Was it how his shirt says "WHAT'S UP!"? Or how his song is just the words "What's up?!" over and over again? Or maybe how he says "What's up!?" every time he gets on the mic. Seriously interns, I expected better.

This match was marred by Rey Mysterio hanging out at ringside and a Divas grade of offense.


Still, the unearthed fury of an animal walking alone into a pit of danger was too much for Mr. Truth, as he spine was LITERALLY busted.


That's it! Batista/Undertaker for the title at the Rumble! I can't wait! What's this?!

Rey Mysterio: Best heel in the game

Rey Mysterio..cheated!?!? What's up with the faces acting like d-bags?! Where is your honor, Rey Rey? Who would ever of thought that a man named Mysterio would have shady motives? Something must be done!


Oh thank heavens! Vickie Guerrero won't let this stand. So we'll have another #1 contenders match, tonight! Batista and Rey! Where? MyNetworkTV! When? 8/7c! Or whenever over at hulu.com!

R U READY TO DOWN SOME SMACK??? Turmoil launched with a chair

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

Get this. We here at LOL, Wresslin' LOVE the interns at WWE.com. They come up with the most fantastic captions for their photo slide shows! Check out this Shakespearean gold:

Alternate caption: Punk can't handle the truth!

Anyway, Punk's methhead took care of the former TNA champion.

RAPE!

KANE! and MIKE KNOX OMG!!! had a match.



You know (tm) who are unintentionally hilarious with their captions? The WWE.com interns! Open up for these two-part whammer:

Ok..standard stuff so far...

Oh! May as well have just added in "Thick girls" and saved some space their, interns.

Thankfully, the three lovelies in the ring can all work it. So their stoutness will be off set. Kind of like the WNBA; their strong fundamentals more than make up for their inability to dunk. Of course, this being wrestling, there is invariably an unfair advantage in these non-sexual threeways. Basically, the two bad girls beat up the good girl. Beth Phoenix should pick up the win because she's older and more experienced then Natayla, but Natayla, being a reasonable person, also wants to win. What ever is going to happen?

Using the finest research tools at my disposal, I recently learned that Beth Phoenix once had that weird nickname for some reason.

So Mickie James wins! She's going to take on the heel champion at the next PPV (this Sunday!) What were the odds, that the face (the wrestler we all cheer for) would take on the person we want to see lose MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THE WORLD!? Thankfully Mickie James will go into TLC this Sunday with class.

Can't start a fire. Can't start a fire without a spark...

In other title news, John Morrison defended his pride in a non-title encounter with some dude named Drew McIntyre. That has to be a fake name or something. Drew McIntyre. What's that short for, AnDREW, you fruit. Still, I never heard of him before, but he looks mighty good getting kicked in the face.

Yea!

Awesome!

And you know (tm) who is stupid? So so so so so stupid! The interns at WWE.com! They consistently have the WORST captions ever for their slideshows. And don't get me started on their composition!

Really, WWE.com? We couldn't see it. You just had to tell us!

And finally, our World Heavyweight Champion (as opposed to any other weight class wrestling has now), The Undertaker, was about to address his challenger Batista with some scary fog and thunder. That is, until Big Dave came out and bludgeoned Taker with the most lethal weapon of all; the chair!

You know (tm), because it's a chair match.

Oh my! We have never seen the Dead Man take such a beating! What heat on The Animal! I want to spend money to see what happens next!



Before that though, watch Smackdown! 8/7c on MyNetwork TV. Or just avoid it on hulu.com!

R U READY TO DOWN SOME SMACK??? Altered Beast

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

For a theme song to accompany this post, please press play and enjoy...



Oh my! Lightning round today!

So Beth Phoenix continued to beat up jobbers, all the while WWE.com couldn't be bothered to remember the poor girl's name.

This poor girl reminds me of my second favorite part of watching TNA

In other jobber news, Drew McIntyre decided to walk that path to becoming a future world champion by having a match against Smackdown "superstar" Jimmy Wang Yang! Hmmm....one British guy who's in the middle of a push against someone we haven't seen on television in forever....this seems familiar.

Oh yea...

Anyway, McIntyre totally beat Wang (hehe) before the match started, but Wang wasn't quite licked (hehe.) The match actually took place, but McIntyre just laid down some uber pwnge.


CM Punk continued his feud with nobodies as he took on R-Truth. Now it may be "true" that Truth has the best entrance in Smackdown vs Raw 2010, but that doesn't mean he's more awesome then the Straight-Edge Superstar

Side note, now that Batista is a heel, him and Punk should start a tag team called "The Second City Masheen Gunz." All credit goes to Matt for that zinger.

Anyway, Truth sure did ask Punk "What's up?", didn't he?

Yea, I went there.

And then he decided to do his best Shelton Benjamin impression (yes, I said Shelton Benjamin because they're both black. If R-Truth were white I'd compare him to Jeff Hardy and if he were Native American I'd compare him to Amazing Red. Go ahead and call me a racist.) by diving out of the ring to knock out his opponent!

What? It's not like I'm saying R-Truth should have been a subject in the Tuskegee syphilis experiment.

Still, CM Punk is a former World Champion, whereas R-Truth is only a former NWA-World champion! You can't keep the hardcore hamwallet down for too long! How do you counter high flying! Simple! Rest holds Mexican surfboard!

Above: Latin charms

You'd never know it from WWE.com, but Truth won the match. Punk thought he had a 1-2-3 when his old nemesis, referee Scott Armstrong, counted slow. While Punk instructed Armstrong to count faster, Truth rolled up our shining example of virtue and Armstrong fast counted a three. Conspiracy!

However, WWE.com isn't all bad. Have I mentioned that I love the interns there? Take a look at this beautiful caption from the Batista/Matt Hardy match:

Ok, the cats out of the bag. We're actually WWE employees.

We all know that it's impossible to fight an uncaged Animal. Why did Matt Hardy even bother? Seriously. It also didn't help that Big Dave mounted the mush mouthed 'mo while he took a Twitter break.

Do I really need to? Ok, fine. "You're gunna get raped!"

Although I imagine being an uncaged Animal is awesome, there are some nasty side effects. Sometimes you walk alone into that pit of danger one too many times and forget the rules. Which is just what happened to Batista as he got DQ'd for hitting Matt with some television monitors (what?!) But hey, that happens when you're compared to the third best Sega Genesis game of all time.

Stand next to the announce table and tap A!

Also, I love the WWE.com interns.

Poetry

Yea, so clearly I didn't care about writing this one. Why should you care about reading it? You deserve better. Start by watching Smackdown (which is over half way finished by this point) on MyNetwork TV at 8/7c. Or at work this Monday on hulu.com!