We put the LOL in wrestling (if you add an "O" and another "L", we guess.)
Here you will be invited into the world of two working, college educated gentlemen who happen to love the world of professional wrestling, but love to ridicule things even more.
Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.
For a theme song to accompany this post, please press play and enjoy...
Well, I'm back from my first annual late-January blogging break! Missed me? Of course you did. I'd say that was a stupid question, but we all know there's no such thing as a stupid question, unless you're the one asking.
Like this one: "Matt, are you going to provide a 10,000 word recap of the Raw happenings during the Royal Rumble pay-per-vew?" Yes, that is a stupid question, because I absolutely will not. We already did that during our special live blog/team-building experiment with fellow blogger (or bloggette?) Ray from Wrestlegasm. Consequently, I will not be giving you a blow by blow account of what happened. That's what YouTube and people who don't give a shit about copyrights are for.
However, a couple of important team squabbles went down that should be mentioned. First is DX. You see, both were in the 30-man Royal Rumble match, and both had aspirations of getting a Wrestlemania title shot. Triple H because, well, he's Triple H, and Shawn Michaels because that's the only way he thinks he can get a rematch with the Undertaker. A little backstage vignette showed us that there could be trouble if Trips and HBK were left unattended in the ring together, since they both made it clear they would be looking out for number one, just like every other tag team that's ever participated in the Rumble since the beginning of ever.
Fast forward to the match, and even though there are other people in the ring for him to fight, the Heart Break Kid went ahead and proved he was a man of his word.
Expect some smushing together of foreheads over this.
In our other Raw news, there was some speculation leading up to the WWE Title match as to whether Legacy would have Randy Orton's back when he went up against Sheamus. During the match, Cody tried to prove he's a team player by smacking the champ around. However, since the Code is severely lacking in ninja skills, he was spotted.
This is also your Cody Rhodes photoshop contest.
Of course, this led to a win for Sheamus by DQ. Randy wasn't happy with Cody, and he expressed his discontent with his fists. Henchmodel Teddy ran down to cool the situation with more yelling, and he got smacked around for his efforts as well. So it looks as if Legacy is more like History as of last night.
Alright, that's the stuff you need to know to be caught up for tonight at 9/8c on USA! Unless of course you're watching 24, in which case, GO JACK!
Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.
For a theme song to accompany this post, please press play and enjoy...
The life of a Raw guest host must be hard. Having to show up and suddenly book matches that are expected to be entertaining can't be an easy task for anyone. For Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne, it was no different, as they faced a parade of whining prima donnas, all looking to get revenge for something that happened an entire week ago! Ugh, get over it, fellas!
Thankfully, they wouldn't have to tread these waters alone, as they would get some helpful and unbiased advice...
Maybe I spoke too soon.
DX would help set up a number of matches we should care about, as Miz will face Evan Bourne in a title match, Kofi squares off against Randy Orton, and Big Show, Chris Jericho and John Cena in a Triple Threat! Thanksgiving came early, judging by this buffet of greatness!
We kick things off as we tend to do with the Miz. It sure is a good thing he was ready to wrestle, since they just made that match a few moments ago. Whew! Lucky us!
Of course, this being Evan Bourne, he would get in a lot of offense, look really good, and ultimately fail to beat his opponent.
Perhaps if he didn't get all his moves from Mortal Kombat.
So Miz is still U.S. Champion. Go ahead and wipe your brow, all one of you.
Randy Orton and Legacy would next take on Kofi Kingston, MVP, and Mark Henry, proving once again that WWE is not concerned at all about improving race relations in this country. This actually was supposed to be a one-on-one, but Legacy got involved, so the quick-thinking Osbournes made it a six-man tag. And my, would things ever be thrilling!
As you might expect, the match ended when Mark Henry did something fat to Cody Rhodes, but there were bad feelings still between the Viper and Kofi. At least the two could find a little common ground...
The Osbournes and the Great Khali would then judge the first "Raw's Got Talent" featuring Santino, Chris Masters, Chavo and Jillian. There is nothing funnier I can say.
Alicia Fox won some Divas battle royal to become the Number 1 Contender for the title. Let's see if I can find a picture from that...
Good enough.
Finally, we have this big main event three-way. Cena will be in a different Triple Threat come "Survivor Series," and his opponents, Triple H and Shawn Michaels, were sitting ringside to watch the action.
"Fan of the Night" is sponsored by Where's Waldo
A lot of questions surrounded this match. Mostly, would team Jeri-Tall work together to bring down the champ?
Jericho was able to get the pin and win, but they both proceeded to beat up on the Massachusetts Man-slammer, which didn't go over very well with DX, who decided that being good was better than being smart and intervened on Cena's behalf. An intervention which earned them this-
No means no, Trips.
That's pretty much all that went down last week. Not a big deal, really. Tune in tonight when some British nobody hosts Raw. Should be fun! USA, 9/8c!
On Wednesdays, we here at LOL, Wresslin' like to really pull out the stops and offer up a double shot of righteously killer content. Why Wednesday? Well, we could impress you with market research, work habit studies, and human psychology tendencies to show you there's a scientific reason the middle of the week is the best time to bring your A-game. However, truth be told, we don't have any of that stuff and settled on Wednesday because that was the only day that didn't have any content scheduled.
So, here you have "Watch Wresslin' Wednesdays," the ORIGINAL wrestling-themed, YouTube video comedic co-commentary. Please feel free to suggest a better title, because we are woefully uncreative when it comes to naming stuff.
Better at naming stuff than us.
The idea of W.W.W. is we each send the other a video that is related to wrestling (a match, promo, interview, guest starring spot, etc.). The only restriction is that it cannot be user-created, so playing Triple H's theme song on the mandolin ain't going to fly here, pal. Neither of us know what kind of video we're going to get that day.
After viewing, we each write a response. This could be anything we choose: a straight commentary, a philosophical enlightenment, or classless ridicule. Just as we don't know what kind of video the other will select, neither do we know what the other will write or how they will write it. What you end up with is a mash-up of styles, which in our book equates to two-blogs-in-one, and we can take the rest of the day off.
Matt's video to Adam- Booker T plaing bingo at church and Austin returns
Adam's response...
Wrestlers in a bingo hall? What is this? ECW?!?! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOOLOLOLOZ!!!!shiftone!
Alright, alright. As much as I would love to punch out there, I should say at least something about what just occured on screen, which is more than I can say for them.
Have you ever been watching Raw and then a 9th-grade One Act Play practice broke out? Well, if you were watching Raw on January 21st last year, you could say "Yes" to that. I know, I know. It's easy to make fun of Cody Rhodes' acting ability. So much so that he's been dubbed "Community theater Cody" around the mark sites. I'm not going to do that. In fact, I'll say that he's the most convincing of the three on screen, if you exclude the WWE logo at the botom.
Better at acting than Cody Rhodes
This segment screams "Welcome to the WWE, newborn child! Here's how things work around here." I think the script was written by Wikipedia. Like I said, let's forget about Cody, because...well, because I kick him in the nuts enough here. Brian Kendrick, however, looks like he's auditioning to be the ringmaster for a one-time performance of the Barnum and Bailey's Circus at the Special Olympics.
"And now, a donkey dressed as an elephant, because you'll never know the difference!"
If there were a LOLie for "Overacting Where's It's Completely Unnecessary," it would go to The Brian Kendrick. As a matter of fact, why shouldn't there be? We completely made those up. So as of today, I am awarding Brian Kendrick a LOLie. Congratulations!! (I'll expect Adam's pick by the end of business today or he's kicked out of the blog.)
However, the real champion here is Bob Holly, making it the first time he's ever been the real champion of anything. Bob's role is the clueless old warrior, who doesn't care about these kids' Facespace or whatever and just wants to kick some ass, even if it's the ass of a friend. Holly is too stupid to know that, these days, acting "behind the times" is stupid.
Even that joke is five years too late.
Bob Holly also says, "Nobody's going to stop me from winning that Rumble." Well, my friend, you were the sixth person to be eliminated, and Umaga was the one to do it, so technically you are correct. A nobody stopped you from winning the Rumble.
Oh, and again Dailymotion.com, why credit TH3_GHOST for uploading this video?? You're crediting someone for creating a link on the internet?? We do that five times a week here, and you don't see us pattingourselveson the back about it.
Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.
For a theme song to accompany this post, please press play and enjoy...
As Raw continues the ever-entertaining guest host for the night, royalty has graced us with his presence. That's right, one of the original "Kings of Comedy," Cedric the Entertainer, is our general manager this evening! We know things are going to be crazy, because after he pulls up in his limo, all number of people jump out: football players, a farmer with a goat, an old lady, and a rabbi performing a bris. A wild night ahead of us indeed!
As we build toward WWE's next pay-per-view, "Hell in a Cell," one of the main rivalries developing is that of DX versus Legacy. Last week (two weeks ago), Shawn locked up with Ted DiBiase. Now, we get Triple H having a go at the young Cody Rhodes. Can we expect as much entertainment from this match??
Errr...ummmm...
The match was back and forth, with Legacy even managing to take out Hunter's partner on the outside of the ring. All that's left is for Codes to do whatever his finisher is and make the-
Oh wait!!! It's not over!!!
That, of course, would result in Triple H going down as the winner of that one in the record books. Never ones to leave well-enough alone, Legacy decided they'd put HHH's head in the folding chair and commit some good, old fashioned homicide.
Now don't go getting some crazy ideas, kiddos.
However, it seems a couple of newcomers forgot about that important third member of DX...
Legacy ran from the ring, unable to double up on an injured senior citizen clumsily wielding a hammer.
Here comes Cedric again!
It seems he has some jokes for us, but I'll be damned if I knew who he was talking about since he screwed up just about every wrestlers' name. He did say that Mark Henry was the illegitimate son of the Kool-Aid Man, a joke we would have made ourselves if we wouldn't have been called racist.
As is custom, the guest host has to run afoul of one of the superstars during his one-night tenure, and tonight it was a Chavo. Ced made fun of Chavo for losing every week to a leprechaun.
Chavo didn't appreciate that and challenged the Entertainer to go ahead and add "sports" to the beginning of that moniker. So they'll fight. Pins and needles, LOL fans.
The U.S. title has an interesting feud going on right now. The Miz straight up stole the belt from Kofi, and seeing as they only interact one night a week, this is the Jumpin' Jamaican's first opportunity to get it back. He ambushed the Miz during his stellar interview with Josh Matthews. I'm all for Kofi getting his property back, but darn it, not just as things were getting good.
Since Cedric likes some fast-paced action, we're treated next to Miz and Evan Bourne. I'm glad we have a GM that's interested in adding a little depth to the U.S. title picture.
Miz would end up winning this one, since Bourne can't even pull off one measly Shooting Star Press without his opponent moving on him. What a joke.
Time for a contract signing!
Nothing spells excitement like diligently examining the details of a WWE Title Match contract with your lawyer.
Oh they don't do that here? They just scrawl their name on a generic sheet of paper and then hit each other? Well, that's boring. However, Jerry Lawler informs us that there's a "no physicality" rule during this procedure, something I'm sure will be adhered to.
As expected, Mr. Cena and Orton do a little jawing at each other. Cena says that if Orton loses this match, there won't be any more chances for him to win the title. He'll be nothing but a "guy in his underwear, hanging out with other guys in their underwear."
Huh?? Isn't that why I'm watching this show in the first place??
I fail to see your point, good sir.
Since Randy can't provide a counter-argument with his fists, he's decided to employ a couple of people who can.
Team JeriTall
Things are looking bleak for our hero John Cena.
Nope...still bleak.
As tensions grew in the ring, Cedric did what any good guest host/non-comatose person who's paying attention would do - he made a six-man tag match for later tonight! So we're having the same match from last week, only Trish and Beth Phoenix have been replaced with Cena and Orton.
Somehow I think we're getting screwed.
Speaking of Beth Phoenix, here she comes now!
And speaking of getting screwed, here's Mickie James!
Here should be a thrilling women's match with the Diva's champion and a legitimate contender for the belt.
It actually took me longer to type that sentence than it did for the match to be over.
Well, this next one, a U.S. Title match with Kofi Kingston and Jack Swagger should pull us out of the slump.
Nevermind, that one was even shorter. I should explain what happened. You see, the Miz ran out at the beginning and took the belt. Swagger, seeing his opportunity to just take the belt than actually go ahead and win the belt after he already had the champion down in the middle of ring, chased down Miz and stole the title for his own. He was counted out, meaning Kofi won and remained the U.S. champion.
Since I know you've been patiently waiting to find out how that Chavo/Cedric match ended up, I'll go ahead and give it to you. Santino was picked as the special ref for this one. And Cedric must have rummaged through the wardrobe in the back and picked out his costume, much like the contestants in Hulk Hogan's Celebrity Championship Wrestling did.
Yes, there's a reason he's dressed like that.
Cedric, always the thinker, decided that instead of wrestling the more agile Chavo, he'd just crawl under the ring. He didn't stay there for long, though.
Something doesn't look quite right here.
Somehow, Cedric put on about a hundred pounds of muscle and learned a few wrestling moves during his time under the ring. Just a few though. No more than, say, Mark Henry would know. Inexplicably, just as Ced had Chavo where he wanted him, he crawled back under the ring, only to appear a short time later.
Ok, this is just getting stupid.
A splash, another trip under the ring, and another growth spurt later, and Cedric had the pin on the Mexican Warrior. He should really sell that act to Penn and Teller. That was good stuff!
Alright, time for the big guns to come out. It's the six-man tag match. I should mention that this thing does have some stakes attached to it: should Orton's team win, John Cena has to run the gauntlet, fighting three matches next week (tonight!) and vice versa.
Apparently having the WWE champion on your team doesn't equal having the WWE Tag Team champions on the other team, because it didn't take long for Mark Henry to mess things up.
So there you have it. John Cena will face three opponents tonight and our special guest host will be Al Sharpton. I only wish I were making that up. USA at 9/8c!
Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.
For a theme song to accompany this post, please press play and enjoy...
This week's special guest was "The American Dream" Dusty Rhodes. Seeing as how his son Cody is in Legacy, I wonder what shenanigans will be in store for us.
And here I was hoping for polka-dots.
Sure enough, right out of the gate, Dusty is making a WWE Title match, pitting Randy Orton against the young Cody Rhodes. Naturally, Randy wasn't happy about this (I don't know why; it's not like he could easy beat him) and wanted the match canceled. But Cody thought he'd have a say in the matter, and that say was that he wanted to go through with it.
Also part of this match would be John Cena, serving as the guest referee, and Dusty himself in his son's corner. Things couldn't look worse for our champion.
Next is a six-Diva Battle Royal, with the winner going on to face Mickie James for the Diva's Title. For whatever reason, KK and Gail Kim came down together. I think I might know why...
Of course, Raw's resident female bruiser, Beth Phoenix, would come out on top of this one.
Last week (two weeks ago!), Jericho and Show lost to the newly formed tag team of MVP and Mark Henry. Looking to avenge half of that loss, Chris Jericho would face MVP. If you're thinking this might be up in the air because the Tag Team Champs lost to them last week, I'm not sure you understand who did the most damage in that match.
Hint: It wasn't MVP.
Yes, Jericho would win this one.
News flash, WWE interns: Jericho doesn't have sleeves.
Our next match is Chavo versus Hornswoggle. I normally don't mention these, because there's really no point, but seeing as how this match made last Friday's edition of The Soup, I figure I'll give you a look at it. Was it because of the impressive wrestling? Or maybe something crazy happened after the bell?
NO.
As a side note, one of the captions on the photos of this match read "Chavo doesn't seem pleased with the stipulations of this match."
Proving my point from just a moment earlier, in our next match, this happened:
Mark Henry would go on to win this one, but through a DQ because Show would smash his face into an exposed turnbuckle. So really, Mark Henry didn't win anything, showing again that despite being the "Strongest Man Alive," he's not intelligent enough to put together a decent match with anyone of any size. Seriously, I think ECW is looking for another jobber.
Oh, I'm sorry, big fella. Here, wipe your eyes.
The US Title was put on the line in a Fatal Four-Way, with Kofi, the Miz, Carlito and Jack Swagger. Since this isnt' a pay-per-view, Kofi overcame the odds and the title didn't change hands.
Aww, how'd you know I wanted a Manwich for dinner?
It seems that Diva's title match I told you about earlier in the night was going to happen now. So Beth Phoenix, after having beaten five other Divas to get a title shot, would have to turn right around and face the champion on the same night. Something smells fishy about all this...
Mickie would take advantage of her opponent being winded from earlier and retain her title.
Finally, it was time for the long-awaited main event of Cody challenging for the WWE Title with Mr. Cena as guest ref. Something smells fishy about this too, but it may have just been left over from that last match.
No, nevermind.
That's right. The whole thing was an elaborate set-up so Randy could get a little advantage over his Breaking Point opponent. Of course, never ones to let evil go unpunished, DX came out to even the odds.
They were beaten up too.
And proving again that "the Viper" can't be trusted, Randy gave an RKO to the man that made this all possible, Dusty Rhodes, just for the fun of it.
It was, as a matter of fact, out of nowhere.
Cody did nothing about it. That-a boy.
Tune in tonight, when our special host will be Bob Barker. I don't even ask why anymore. USA, 9/8c!
Adam, a native of the Garden State, and Matt, a proud Texan, crossed paths at university. They discovered they're both really into very silly things. Contact them at lolwresslin@gmail.com
