The Granddaddy of them all! Twice as nice

Wrestlemania was last night, so rather then have one "Oh Baby I like it RAW!" updating the entire night we're going to periodically update the blog today, highlighting each match with its own post. We will follow the order of the show.

Mark Henry vs Finlay vs Kane vs CM Punk vs MVP vs Christian vs Shelton Benjamin vs Kofi Kingston in a ladder match where the winner gets a future title shot at their choosing.

For a theme song to accompany this post, please press play and enjoy...



This is one of those ridiculous spot fests that's way too much of a clusterF to report on, but this picture here basically sums up the entire thing.


And of course there is lunacy like this:

Bet you miss that light TNA schedule now, don't you?

Of course it wouldn't be the Money in the Bank ladder match without Shelton Benjamin doing something recklessly stupid and dangerous.

"Great job as always, Shelton. Now we're going to have you job to some developmental rookie who won't pan out."

Obviously, he has been rewarded for his many years of hard work by not winning the match. Anyway, as is par for the course with ladder matches, there is drama where two men vie for the prize at the same time, only for one to get knocked off and that man winning. Like this:

Clearly grabbing the bottom of the case is the most effective way to win.

Yup, for the second year in a row, CM Punk wins the MitB ladder match! Maybe this time he'll cash it in after HHH runs a marathon. Or maybe he'll trade it for a lifetime supply of Pepsi?

Next up: Miss Wrestlemania battle royal.

R U READY TO DOWN SOME SMACK??? A phenomenal entrance

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

For a theme song to accompany this post, please press play and enjoy...

Please ignore the Shawn Michaels and Raw aspects of this.

Yes, the rumors are true. Our beloved color man, The Tazz, has decided to leave the WWE in pursuit of something else. It's a sad day, but we should remember him fondly. We wish him well. Let's all honor his last night on Smackdown by reading this wonderful recap and shedding one tear.


Anyway, Wrestlemania is soon. Like, real soon. And of course there is an giant eight man ladder match on that card, so what better way to build that storyline then have all eight men compete in a tag match of sorts (ooo..the combinations!)? Anyway, it was a clusterF but I think whatever team Kane was on one because he pinned someone or something. Of course, now that the match was over, let's not be adults at all and just start fighting because WHO CAN WAIT FOR APRIL 5TH WHEN WE CAN JUST GET IT ON RIGHT NOW, BROTHERS!!!??? Of course, while all those dopes fight it our, Christian (did we ever mention he returned?) decided to climb the ladder and point at the brief case for some reason. Because that will end well.

Greatest file name ever

Let's really hope this doesn't happen.

In blood feud news, Matt Hardy decided to get ready for his big match against his brother Jeff by wrestling R-Truth. That somehow makes sense. Anyway, it was funny because their tights are nearly identical.

There's only one way to tell them apart...

...R-Truth has "WHAT'S UP" written on his back

Of course, that one little difference is all the swing Matt needed, as he picked up the win. Makes sense, considering how R-Truth isn't good enough to be anything more then a lumberjack in the tag title unification match.


Of course, Smackdown is not all brutes and savages. No, the fairer sex also gets more then enough time to show their stuff.

And you know what I mean by "stuff"

Their lady parts. When I said "stuff" I was referring to their lady parts.

Anyway, it may be a secret, but I have a bit of a crush on Michelle McCool. So clearly I was excited (and I mean sexcited) that she was about to beat Maryse and reclaim her Divas title, putting her on the winning streak she'd need to be crowned Miss Wrestlemania at the big battle royal! And she was totally going to win until a certain raven haired vixen came out of nowhere to attack her! She was lightning quick and could in no way be detected!

Err...ummm

And she didn't just stop at McCool. She also attacked the solid 8.5 that is Maryse!

I swear, that somehow hurt Maryse. Don't ask me how. It just did.

Who could have seen this coming?? It was so random! Why was her music ready to go as soon as the attack was over?

Finally, the most anticipated match at Mania may very well be the interbrand Shawn Michaels/Undertaker match. Unbelievably, Michaels may be winning the psychological war here. That is, until Taker does one of his patented evil sacrifices.

Something about this is a little off kilter...

Did the Undertaker shrink?

Wait...that's not black! That's not evil! It's Shawn Michaels?!!? And he's reading Bible verses! But that's Undertaker Kryptonite! That could send him all the way to Hell!

"Curses! He didn't take this lying down!"

Yea! Smackdown! Chokeslam him down to Hell, Taker!

"Haha! Not today, dead man! I'm too wily for you!"

Ok..you won this round, Heartbreak Kid. Don't get cocky. You'll have to be at your best to even challenge "The Streak." And no, that's not an allusion to this.

Say goodbye to Tazz in style! 8/7c TazzNetwork TazzV!

R U READY TO DOWN SOME SMACK??? Takin' it back

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

You may have noticed that we have discontinued with the volume numbers and replaced them with nonsensical titles. That's because the WWE is so punny with their recap names that we've decided to adopt them as our own. Hell, we already steal their photos, why not their words? Only a matter of time before we just tape all of Raw/Smackdown and throw it on Youtube.

And just to get it out of the way, this title is in reference to the Undertaker avenging his previous loss to Vladimir Kozlov. Nothing special happened. Not worth recapping.




In all honesty, last week's Smackdown has very little to do with tonight's. That's because tonight is the 500th episode of Smackdown! Tonight is more of a party, celebrating the past. So let's view this recap as more of a refresher course for Wrestlemania, which is now just over two weeks away!

We're going to open today with some of the very good. For the last two monthes or so, WWE Tag Team Champions Carlito and Primo have been feuding with World Tag Team Champions John Morrison and The Miz. We have yet to cover this on the blog because it always felt like it was building towards something good. A weekly "They're at it again!" post would be redundant. But seriously, they've been feuding over who are better champions, who are cooler, and who gets to date the glamorous Bella twins. Around Valentine's Day Miz/Morrison won a tag match which allowed them to go on a date with the Bellas (since the lovely ladies are objects to be fought over.) Lucky for us, WWE cameras documented the whole thing.



You'd figure after being jealous fakes who throw pies the Bellas would dump the Colons (pronounced phonetically by Miz and Morrison), but no, their Latin charms are too much to be overpowered. This was never more evident then when the twins accompanied the brothers ringside for their title defense against Miz and Morrison. And get this; they won that time!

Which brings us to the next match. It's Miz and Morrison's turn to defend their World Tag titles (thankfully, Slammy's can't be lost in the ring). Look at all this gold they carry:

So much gold that they take golden showers together

Of course, the Colons counter by bringing some fine tail ring side.

They could almost be called "The Bruce Campbell Twins"

Now, WWE.com has a nasty habit of not showing relevant pictures in their photo sections. Miz and Morrison successfully defended their belts, but there's not one photo of them on the offensive. So just know that they won and look at this (for it is worth 1,000 words).

WWE: 1 Feminsm: 0

Continuing the Smackdown booty parade is a Divas tag match! And it made no sense. First we have team Maryse/Michelle McCool, which makes sense since they are heels. And fighting against them is Raw's Women's Champion Melina and....Maria? Listen, right now they are sort of teasing a Raw/Smackdown feud all around. So although Maria is a face...she's a face on Smackdown! Family over friends, M. You know better then this! And Michelle McCool agrees with me (finally!)

Hold number 712: Armbar

Of course, if there's one thing Ms. McCool hates more then Benedict Arnolds it would be losers, which Maryse totally is. That's why she didn't help that buxom blond bimbo break her bad bosotion bon ber back. So Melina gets the win and McCool gets some revenge.

And what a ravishing one she is

Seems like someone lost her McCool

Also, the Money in the Bank ladder match is all set for Wrestlemania. We had our last qualifying match as Irish brawler Finlay took on high flyer The Brian Kendrick! But is he the only high flyer in this match?



Yes he is. Which is the real shame here. Because who would be better in a ladder match? The guy who did this (sorry for the Papa Roach song)

OR

Finally, Matt Hardy came out again to complain about his brother. Why he needs to do this in public I have no idea, but here he is with a mic in his fist.

"I let my shirt do the talkin' for me..."

He basically admitted to being responsible for all the assaults and tragedies on Jeff's life recently (I guess Matt is North Carolinian for "Heroin").



Rather then be arrested and processed by the police, Jeff Hardy comes out and attacks his big bro, agreeing to settle the score at Wrestlemania. Because giving the person who ruined your life his dream of having a high profile match at the biggest event in his craft is what I would totally do in that situation too.

So that happened.

Will any of this be brought up again tonight? Possibly! I don't know! Regardless, it's a party! 500 weeks in the making! So don't watch the Battlestar Galactica finale and watch Smackdown! 8/7c, MyNetwork Television!