R U READY TO DOWN SOME SMACK??? Road to Raw

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

Yes, that's right. Smackdown was kind of about the three hour Raw from last Monday. I'm going to get to that because it's sort of relevant to tonight. Kind of like when we cover PPV's! Oh, and there's another one coming up like, next week or something! Jesus, there are way too many of those.


Anyway, a few notes from last week's Smackdown. We all know Michelle McCool is hot. That's a fact. Still, recently she's had a valet to the ring. I don't know why, but I'm digging it. Her valet is named Alicia Fox, and she wore an awesome shirt.

It'd look better on my floor

They won, or something.

There was also a pretty solid tag match. The World's Great Tag Team took on John Morrison and R-Truth!


The head Smackdown booker is Michael Hayes, a former wrestler who made his name in the 1970's Texas territory. He's also a well known racist. Seriously. So of course, this match was total black on black crime!

Dr. King must be rolling over in his grave

Once again, WWE.com interns caption brilliantly

But then, who get's the pin? The face WHITE man! Shenanigans! I call shenanigans!


Ok, so that should cover Smackdown. But what about the Smackdown bouts from Raw? Sure, Donald Trump may have gotten all the attention, but Smackdown clearly stole the show! First match of the night was another Rey/Jericho IC title classic!

Watching their matches feels like this (in a totally not gay way)

So once again, Jericho is going for Rey's mask. Hey, I can understand why he'd want to do that. And I can understand why Rey would want to keep it.


But you'd figure, if the mask is so important maybe he'd, I dunno, tie it i the back. Not just have Velcro chin strap. That makes it very easy to take off. There's a reason Batman doesn't have a chin strap for his cowl. It doesn't help. So at least put on some spirit gum.




And hey, check it out! Another World title match! CM Punk is here to prove he ain't a fluke, as he defends his newly won title in a three way match! Against the last two World champs! And they just gave it away for free on Raw! All to show off how much better Smackdown is! Awesome!

The joke is in the file name

Anyway, this match ruled. Everyone looked strong and really really really wanted to be the champ. Punk looked like a totally credible champion all night (dissing Matt Hardy before the match), but then banged his knee against the steel steps, essentially shattering any ability to walk again! At the very least he's out of the match. So naturally, Jeff Hardy and Edge start brawling one on one! We're going to have a new champion!

Wow! Another Swanton photo! Whoever is the WWE's main photographer could release a book just called "Swanton"

OMG!!! It's going to be Jeff Hardy! Wait! CM Punk just pulled Jeff out and rammed him into the same steel steps!

This pin makes me feel funny. I'm not sure if I like this CM Punk anymore...

He stole that pin! Jeff was going to be the champion again! Argh! I don't like where CM Punk's attitude is going...

Come hate CM Punk all over again tonight on Smackdown! 8/7 c (or whenever on hulu), MyNetwork TV (or hulu).

R U READY TO DOWN SOME SMACK??? Judgment has come

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

What is this? What the hell is this? Smackdown has more matches on a PPV then Raw and ECW combined??? How can this be? I always thought that Friday night was the best kept secret in the WWE Universe, but apparently not anymore. So, since you demanded it, here's a lot of Smackdown PPV action!

To open up the show, we had Mr. Money in the Bank, CM Punk, taking on the Samoan Bulldozer, Umaga!



This should be no contest. Seriously, CM Punk is the defacto #1 contender and Umaga is the fattest fat that ever fattted. Umaga is coming back from injury and is rusty, Punk is at the top of his game, this shouldn't even be on PPV. Plus, add in the fact that this show is in Chicago, Punk's hometown! It's not like WWE would ever embarrass one of their top talents in his hometown.

Errr...umm

Ok, so the match pretty much went like this.

Jake Peavy nixxed that trade, by the way.

Also on the undercard was the culmination of the storied three week feud Shelton Benjamin and John Morrison warred. But Shelton didn't come alone. No sir, he brought his old running buddy, Charlie Haas with him! And the team was a symbol of racial harmony!

Black guy wearing yellow, white guy wearing red. Hmm..seems all races are covered.

I know, can you believe it? Charlie haas gotten himself a PPV payday. Unfortunately, that was about all the good news for The World's Greatest Tag Team, as Shaman of Sexy damn near killed himself doing this corkscrew move. Ordinarily, that would lead the doctor calling the match in favor of Shelton, but this is WWE, so somehow the impact hurt Morrison more. And he won, Lord did he win.

Yea, you're going to have neck surgery one day.

What that you say? You want titles? Smackdown's got those too! Star of the show, Chris Jericho (rhymes!) challenged height challenged Intercontinental champion Rey Mysterio. Rey is a one time Intercontinental champion, which puts him only one reign behind Santino Marella and Val Venis in the title's prestigious history! Still, I suppose he needs to lose the title before he can go on a second reign, so I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt.

Anyway, Rey wore a stupid shirt.


Naturally, this match should be another no contest, as Chris Jericho is smarter, better looking, stronger, and just better all around then Rey Mysterio. I mean, he takes bigger craps then Rey Mysterio, that's how tough he is!

He popped a squat just to prove that fact.

Still, it wouldn't be a Rey Mysterio match if the tenacious underdog didn't somehow pull it out. And although Jericho was mostly successfully at blocking the 619, he forgot that Rey does have some other moves.

This made Randy "The Ram" very happy.

And in the main event, the show closer, Jeff Hardy took on Edge for what must be the millionth time for a title. This time it happened to be the World Heavyweight Title, but whatever. Just know that Jeff was a mess and probably will be taking some time off in the next few months.

"Guess what? I'm weird..I mean a free spirit!"

Anyway, these two added a few wrinkles into their epic, grandiose rivalry. For example, Jeff Hardy put the Sharpshooter onto Edge! Because Edge is Canadian!


And then, they decided to get all exxxtreme on us, and fight in the crowd!

You'd figure the fans would be a little concerned for their saftey..

Still, that was not to be, because our fan of the night decided to hit Jeff in the face with his cast. It's hard to see him, but he's there.

It could have been a hallucination, though.

Regardless, that was all that was needed because Edge went on to successfully defend that title.

Now let me get at dem millions...

Yup, so that happened.

PPV over, let's get ready for the next three week build! Tonight, 8/7c on MyNetwork TV!

R U READY TO DOWN SOME SMACK??? Reserving Judgment

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

This Sunday, our Lord and Savior is returning and he shall judge us. Yes, judgment day is upon us, and we can only hope that we are deemed worthy. Thankfully, there are some simple tests to deduce this. First- do you watch Smackdown? If the answer is "Yes" then you're cool. That should be about it.

So since we're so cool and love Smackdown, let's go over everything to get ready for the big PPV this Sunday. First off, John Morrison (who is now a face) has a feud with Shelton Benjamin. For some reason Shelton is starting crap with The Friday Night Delight. Seriously, it's just "some reason." So since Shelton is a "heel", he's inherently lazy, he found his old tag team partner, and Hall of Awesomeness inductee, Charlie Haas to take on The Guru of Greatness.

"I haas an impression of a good wrestler..."

So actually being on TV seems to haas inspire Charlie, as he used that Seton Hall background of his to wrestle the man with the golden abs.


Unfortunately, Charlie then remember that he is Charlie Haas, and he's much more suited for knocking Lillian Garcia off the ring apron then actually, you know (tm), winning matches. Thus, the usual outcome happened.

Oh stop, Shelton. Like you really expected different?

For the second week in a row, Edge and CM Punk wrestled in a non-title match. And, for the second week in a row, CM Punk sort of kicked ass.

Adrenaline definitely isn't some sort of high

That should be enough to win the match, and enact his dumb plan to cash in the title shot and win a second match to become the champion. Of course, it wasn't to be as Edge just conceded victory and got himself counted out. What a dastardly heel! Still, if that wasn't enough to drive a man to drink, Umaga came out (AGAIN) to attack Punk for no reason whatsoever. Well, at least we'll have the two of them wrestle at Judgement Day. Because that's SO much better then having a title match.

"So much pain..I should start hanging out with Jeff..."

Undertaker's favorite cadaver, Michelle McCool, took on Mr. Fugi's daughter, Gail Kim, in a match. I guess it was for the #1 contendership for the ladies belt, but since we haven't seen Melina at all since she was drafted, I'm going to go ahead and assume that they're fighting over ponies or something. Still, maybe they'll kiss?

Gail Kim, switch places with me and let me turn around.

Seriously, I will kiss this girl toes all the way up to her lips. Then I'd move up to her stomach.

And in our main event, current #1 contender, The Red Hood, took on Chris Jericho. If Jericho wins the main event at Judgment Day becomes a triple threat match. I don't know why, but I wish boxing and UFC adopted this policy. Anyway, Jeff had his fans in full force!

I'm clearly not emotionally immature. Not in the least.

And he even had a kid stand at ringside, rooting him! That man loves his fans!

Suck it, Ray.

Anyway, the power of too much dosage took over the power of screaming kids, because Jeff was pretty much dominated by the paragon of virtue.

"Owwww...he's slightly bending my knees....the horror!"

"Heavens to megatroid!"

Also, Todd Grisham is a little sissy. I think he should change his name to "Leslie Butterscotch." So the combination of Leslie being a wuss and Edge not appreciating Jericho's plan of action sort of led to Chris being an all out rudnik. You know, because everyone should be super conscious of the announce table. That always happens.

Heels facing off?? But who do I boo??

He probably got Honey Nut Cherrios all over the apron.

And, if there's one thing Jeff hates, it's when people disrespect one of his Heroinmaniacs! This was all the ammunition he needed to launch his super comeback!

And this is more effective then two boots to the stomach how?

"Quick, to the Junk Cave!"

So Chris Jericho is out of the main event at Judgment Day! Boo!! Boo! But he'll get his. He challenged that kid from ringside to a match! And it's for...the Intercontinental title?? What???

So that was Smackdown, but will Judgment Day really be all that good. Let's look at the sponsor, Terminator Salvation: The Video Game. A video game based on a movie sequel. Not just any sequel. Part four. And the game has muddy, gray textures and looks like an average shooter. Yup, average all around. Now why would they sponsor a WWE PPV? Because they have similar audiences and it makes sense? NO! That makes too much sense! No, it's far more likely that the mediocre game is sponsoring this PPV because its a mediocre show. However, we all know that that's Raw's fault...

Still, Smackdown actually has more PPV matches on the card? Let's see how that happened. 8/7 c, MyNetwork TV while you still can!

The Granddaddy of them all! Twice as nice

Wrestlemania was last night, so rather then have one "Oh Baby I like it RAW!" updating the entire night we're going to periodically update the blog today, highlighting each match with its own post. We will follow the order of the show.

Mark Henry vs Finlay vs Kane vs CM Punk vs MVP vs Christian vs Shelton Benjamin vs Kofi Kingston in a ladder match where the winner gets a future title shot at their choosing.

For a theme song to accompany this post, please press play and enjoy...



This is one of those ridiculous spot fests that's way too much of a clusterF to report on, but this picture here basically sums up the entire thing.


And of course there is lunacy like this:

Bet you miss that light TNA schedule now, don't you?

Of course it wouldn't be the Money in the Bank ladder match without Shelton Benjamin doing something recklessly stupid and dangerous.

"Great job as always, Shelton. Now we're going to have you job to some developmental rookie who won't pan out."

Obviously, he has been rewarded for his many years of hard work by not winning the match. Anyway, as is par for the course with ladder matches, there is drama where two men vie for the prize at the same time, only for one to get knocked off and that man winning. Like this:

Clearly grabbing the bottom of the case is the most effective way to win.

Yup, for the second year in a row, CM Punk wins the MitB ladder match! Maybe this time he'll cash it in after HHH runs a marathon. Or maybe he'll trade it for a lifetime supply of Pepsi?

Next up: Miss Wrestlemania battle royal.

R U READY TO DOWN SOME SMACK??? Layin' the SmackDown 500 times over

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

Smackdown celebrated its 500th episode last week by not doing anything special. Hardly any retrospectives, just more of that steady, dependable Smackdown action. And by that I mean, tons of Raw guys infiltrating our Friday night Oasis.

First off, Shawn Michaels is preparing for his big Wrestelmania match against the Undertaker. How did he plan to do this pray tell? By taking on the Undertaker's brother Kane! Because obviously taking on the incompetent brother of someone who can never beat his older brother is a valuable learning method.


Anyway, the Heartbreak Kid broke the hurt of the Big Emo by doing his best Machoman impression.

Dig it!

In response to this, the Undertaker took on HBK's old employer (and former Smackdown color man), John "Bradshaw" Layfield. He's also apprently the Intercontinental champion.

He's one IC title reign behind Santino.

Anyway, JBL is a smart man, so he put up a bit more of a fight then Kane. Unfortunatly, he was way too fat.

Too much of that sugary juice he peddles. That's his problem

Yea, so guess who won?

OOOO...insiderish...

Jeff Hardy went back to normal by acting all weird again.

Maybe Big Bossman killed his dog....

In preparation for his big, eXXXtreme rules match at Wrestlemania he decided to take on the hardcore icon himself, The Brian Kendrick (wait, what?)! Of course don't discount Kendrick's black man servant, Ezekial Jackson. And it's no rules! So he could bring a gun or something to the ring!


Yup, so that happened.

Also, one can only assume that the sizable donation to the Montal Vontavious Porter Orphanage for Sick Kids is the main cataylst for MVP's recent winning streak. In fact, he has won so much he even got a US title match against the champ, The Gold Standard, Shelton Benjamin! And he even held his own in the match.

Looks like Smackdown has their own Randy Orton...

And beyond holding his own, he...won!? He won!?



Oh, and HHH beat Vlad Kozlov and Edge inadverdantly speared his wife when Big Show was bragging about his affair. Happy 500th!

Well that sucked. Maybe tonight will be better. Tune in MyNetwork TV at 8/7c!